A girl was standing on the side of the street, staring at the night traffic of Seoul. It's another busy day in this big city. Couples were walking holding hands with bright expression on their face, a man in a suit was walking while talking on his phone, several young girls were dressed up ready to go to their usual hang out place.

Life's moving so fast. Too fast for her to catch up.

She saw a little girl crying in front of a store, with her mother besides her trying to stop her from crying. 'Good for you little girl, cry as long as you can, because you won't be able to when you grow up later'. She sighed and walked towards the little girl and her hopeless mother, pulling out a lollipop candy that was in her bag.

"Here little girl, don't cry..", she smiled at the girl who was now looking up at her with round innocent eyes. The little girl stopped crying and reached the lollipop with a smile on her face, "Kamsahamnida unnie~" . The little girl's mother also thanked her for stopping her daughter from making a scene. They bowed to each other and she started walking again.

Today's walk home felt different from many nights before. Today was the day she finally decided that nothing would be better for her, that her life has always been and will always be a meaningless one. Many people were walking past her but she feels so invisible and lonely. She's alone for most of the time in her life and she finally decided that she's always will be. 

It was kind of refreshing for her to not hoping for anything anymore, but that's just makes her feels numb.

She turned to a smaller road that led to her apartment in which she's been living for the last five years. She left her family's house after realizing for the first time that her mother won't come home after she abandoned her at the age of 11. She was forced to grow up and face the world a lot sooner than she's supposed to be. 

Her parents divorced after her father decided that he's going to build a 'perfect' family with another woman. Her mother took it bad and blamed everything to her 'worthless' daughter. As young as she was, she didn't understand every single bit of what happened. 

All that she knew was her father left, his mother left, and she was all alone.

She spent the nights and days crying and calling for her mother but she never came back. She never knew what made her survived those years of living alone in that big house, because apart from her cousin's family and some neighbours taking care of her from time to time she got no one on her side. Her mother sent money for her through her cousin's family for the first three years, but nothing after that. She sold almost everything in the house except those that she really needed. She left as soon as she's old enough to rent an apartment on her own and moved to the apartment she lives in now.

She was just another twenty something girl trying to live in the big city with no family or friends to come to when life's being too overwhelming for her alone. She used to think that maybe, just maybe, if she lived long enough she will found a better life or at least feeling better about life. 

Now, she wasn't sure anymore. 

She felt no anger or sad about the world, she's just tired. She spent her days with empty eyes and empty soul, just walking through the motion like a zombie.

She's just tired and wanted everything to end.

She made a left turn and walked into an alley where the lights were much more brighter. This alley had many store on its right and left side, and she loved it. She shopped in the convenience store on the right corner whenever she ran out of beers or cigarettes. On the left side of the road, there was this store that sells candies and chocolates which she frequents. 

She didn't even like candy or chocolate that much but she found herself walking in and out this store often. Perhaps something about it represented a happy childhood and she felt warm inside everytime she grabs a candy or chocolate. No matter what, childhood was the only happy memory she has. Well, half of her childhood.

She walked past an electronic store with big televisions placed inside the window display, the largest one in the display was and broadcasting a music program. She remembered buying her first television in this store and she still using it in her room right now. The owner of the store saw her from inside the store and waved his hand. He was in a middle of explaining how to use a vacuum cleaner to a customer. She waved back and gave him a smile. 

She was ready to continue walking home when her eyes caught a familiar image on the television. She looked at it and found herself watching a stage performance of a male idol group. Oh how strange for her to see it in front of her eyes again, especially today. 

They're another part of her life, or at least they used to be.

"MBLAQ..." She smiled bitterly. She remembered those times, times when she could easily cure her loneliness by merely being a fangirl. Times when she would follow their news and go to almost every events MBLAQ were in. Times when listening to their songs would instantly make her feels better and less lonely. She missed those times. She didn't understand what happened to make everything changed and why nothing could make her feel better anymore. 

She closed her heart from the world, that's why. She no longer could feel anything, she had become numb and she knew it herself.

MBLAQ used to be a source of motivation for her to continue doing her best. She watched how they grew musicaly and personality wise, their struggles to achieve their dreams inspired her. Everytime she had a bad day she would think about MBLAQ, watch their shows or just turn the music loud enough and dance with it, then everything would be okay again. But that was years ago, back when she could still.... feel.

The performance was over, the members greeted their fans and said that they will be having a concert in two days and hoping that people will come. After one last look to her former idols, she continued walking and reached her apartment fifteen minutes later. 

She opened the door and walked in, welcomed by her silent and dark apartment room. She sighed, knowing that tonight was no different than any other night, she would be alone and be forgotten by the whole world. 

"What else to expect, Shin Aira." she whispered to herself and walked toward her kitchen.

She made a cup of coffee and opened the door to her small veranda. She sat on the floor and rest her head on the glass door, lit her cigarette and stare at the dark night sky. She knows what she wants, she wants to leave everything and go toward the sky. Would there be anything waiting for her up there? Would there be an afterlife? Does heaven and hell even exists? If they are exist, I would go to hell for sure right? 

She asked so many questions, but she wasn't waiting for any answer. Whatever the answer will be, this life she's living right now was going to end.

She laughed to herself as she herself thinking how could she be so calm and refreshed about dying. She's now contemplating over what to do before it and her mind was back on her road home earlier. 

She's bitter, she knew it. 

She knew that if she didn't force her mind to think about something, anything, she would breakdown and might jump from her veranda this very moment. 'It would be a gross death,' she thought. 

'Wait, they're holding a concert right? Should I go?' She thought, reminded about those times when they were her source of strength. She decided that she would come to the concert, as her last token of gratitude for them. She's going to give them her support, which she didn't do anymore for the last two years, at the last times of her life.

"Just one last time.."