SP - 1
My last year in Horikoshi High
--- 5 years later ---
Yamada POV
"sogoi Yamachan! your solo album created history!! told you that you should go for it" Daiki giggled.
"yeah! you deserved the awards! you worked so hard for it" Chinen added.
"minna... if you continue to say, I'm gonna blush... anyways, this award , I like to give it to Jump! you guys are my greatest pillar of support!" I giggled as I said.
"as always, Yamada always credits others instead of himself!" Yabu laughed.
"okay guys! I think we need to get back and rest, especially Our dear Yamachan... it has been a long, exciting day! good job everyone" our manager attempted to conclude the post-award celebration.
"it's okay... I'm not really that tired" I don't really wanna go home. there's no one at home and I hate silence... because I will start thinking... thinking of many things.
"go home and rest Yamada Ryosuke-kun" our manager insisted.
"we can meet up again tomorrow!" Chinen and Yuto both shouted. the rest nodded in agreement.
the company's van drove us back... starting from my house
"that lady, she looks oddly familiar..." Chinen said as she stared out of the window.
"heh? who?" I looked out of the window and saw no one. I gave Chinen that look as if he saw something 'dirty'
"stop it yamachan... she walked away" he slapped my back to stop my nonsense and I continued mocking him. he's so funny.
"bye bye Minna. see you tomorrow!" the van stopped near my house, outside a provision shop.
I got myself some fruit juice to rid the alcoholic effects on my body. I never liked alcohol but it's a sign of adulthood so I'm obliged to.
the night is quiet. it never fails to set me emotional. I actually have more to say to my group...
"minna, I am sure you guys have mixed feelings when Johnny decided to release my solo album... you guys may support me, but deep down, I am afraid you guys will start distancing away from me. I don't wanna make it feel like I am graduating from Jump.. this may sound childish and unambitious, but I want jump to continue into our 30s, our 40's and 50's (though I can't really imagine singing ultra music power when we are above 30) but you get my point. we have come so far, we have lost a member and it still pains us even today, I don't want it to end anytime soon. in fact, you guys are like my family, I don't know what I'll do without you guys, especially Chinen!" I thought.
I sighed and looked into the dark starry night.
"yamada Ryosuke-san. it has been a long time"
I was startled by the voice. it came from the dark alley.
I see a shadow closing on me.
omg I was just joking... is it a gh~ost...
I shut my eyes and mumbled "not me not me... I'm sorry if I offended you"
the 'ghost' tapped my shoulders and I jumped.
"yaaaaaaaa!"
but nothing happened. the hands are warm... not a ghost.
I peeped and the person in front of me is the last person I ever expect to see.
"Shi~da-san...." I was shaking at the sight of her.
she aged more than I thought.
"I thought you'll never remember me" she said coldly.
"I wouldn't dare forget you" Mirai's mum stared at me sternly. if she's here, means Mirai is back too???!
"is Mirai..."
"she's doing well."
that's a load of my shoulder. I would pay for anything to hear that she's fine.
I heaved a sigh of relief.
"I figured this should be the time..."
"the time for?"
"I brought her away, partly to seek treatment, and partly to escape from the sadness she experienced here"
"all things should have a proper closure, without which none of you can really grow out of this darkness and into the future... she is smiling, laughing, talking with us, but she still avoids mentioning the past, we all did. the two of you should properly meet and talk before you guys can put a proper stop to this"
"Shida-san~" she's right, so right. I may look like I'm doing much better 5 years ago but I still feel guilty and burdened by this past that the people around me tried to avoid mentioning. we need a proper closure to this.
but whether I can face her... whether I can properly discard the longing love for her ... is another problem altogether. am I prepared for this?
"this is my address. she's home. I trust that you don't hurt her, or I'll not forgive you for all that you did to my daughter."
"I promise Shida-san"
...
*click
"okasan!!! why did you leave me alone at home?! I thought we are dining out together. you know I hate cooking!"
the sweet voice came from the kitchen where a familiar back of a girl is seen. the girl is right by the kitchen sink, cutting vegetables and preparing her dinner.
she can speak... she sounds and feels splendid.. she's back to her cheerful self...
I approached her quietly, afraid to startle her.
somewhere within me, I'm afraid she will use the knife on her hand to stab me, to seek revenge all that I've done to her (including stealing her ity)... but if she really did so, I deserved it.
"Mirai~"
she turns and looks at me.
"Nande!" she is in such a shock to see me that she drops the glass plate in the sink and it broke into pieces with fragments flying out.
"ahh Itai" and some hit her.
I flustered.
I quickly grabbed her injured hands and washed it over the sink
"Yamada-kun~"
"it'll be okay" I gently rubbed her hands dry and got her to sit down while I looked for the first aid kit.
"yamada-kun"
"found it!"
"I sat beside her and applied medicine and plaster over her wound"
I ran my fingers over her tiny wound only to realise a deep, long, protruding scar over her wrist.
I touched it gently and I could almost feel the pain that she self-inflict at the point.
tears ran down my cheek and it dropped nicely on the scar.
"yamada-kun~" she cupped my face with her hands and wiped my tears...but I feel so ashamed to look into her eyes.
"Look at me Yamada-kun"
I lifted my head with her hands still on my face. she looks like the Shida Mirai before the day we interacted... she is rosy, and full of smiles.
"see, I'm better than okay. so Yamada-kun, don't be like this. if you can't smile in front of me, then we will always live in regrets. I want you to be happy too."
"Mirai~" I was touched by her words. I couldn't express myself properly in front of her, all those words of apology that I said to myself for 5 years -none of it came out of my mouth.
"could you smile for me, and me alone....... for the last time before we formally erase our past"
why is it she could say these words so easily... has she really moved on... am I the only one who is still living in the past?
what does she mean by "the last time"... we are not gonna meet anymore?
these thoughts are flooding through my mind.
I smiled anyway. the best smile I could give her that I could give no other.
"arigatou Yamada Ryosuke. and now we're released from our past so there's no need for you to feel sorry anymore. let this friendship end with a toast from me okay" she smiled.
end?!
"can't we be friends? why must it end?"
"silly~ you are THE Yamada Ryosuke... I'm just a normal average girl. without school, this friendship will be difficult to maintain. we are as good as just strangers. oh wait wait... yamada-kun, can I be your fan? you're really cool on stage."
fan?
why is my heart feeling so painful.
"I take the silence as a yes!" once again she smiled.
"I'll get a drink for you. strawberry juice for our pop star!"
"yamada-kun~"I hugged her from behind and leaned my head on her shoulders. I dunno why I'm acting this way but my heart aches so much when she was about to leave her seat beside me.
tears flowed uncontrollably. I tightened my grip.
"yamada-kun~" her hands pressed on my arms
"Gomenasai! hontoni. and thank you for recovering... it must have hurt alot but I was so insensitive then. I thought I'll never see you again... I wanted to really get to know you, I really wanted to be by your side, to cushion your pain... Mirai, I thought I will never have the chance to say... I have always...lo~"
"nande?!" a tall guy appeared at the door and is staring sternly at us.
"Yuma!" Mirai pulled my arms away and released herself from my embrace.
something tells me she is concerned about what this guy thinks. who is he?
"Yuma... this is Yamada Ryosuke. my mum asked him to visit me"
"ahhh I finally get to see this Yamada Ryosuke who screwed you up."
*gulped
he walked towards me and looked straight down at me.
I stood firm.there's no reason to fear.
"I'm kidding... i can't believe I actually get to see Yamada Ryosuke. I do watch your dramas" his stern face break into smiles.
he stretched out his hand and introduced himself.
"I'm Nakayama Yuma. I always wanted to personally thank you. if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know Mirai... she's really a nice girl, don't you think?"
"Yuma~" she blushed.
". you agree with me right, yamada-kun?"
"yes, she's a sweet girl and i didn't have the chance to....." there's no point in saying those words anymore as it became clear to me the relationship between the two.
I avoided their eyes. the pain in my heart is becoming unbearable. and I feel that I'm nothing but a lightbulb standing between the two lovebirds.
my business here is done. she has moved on, she doesn't need me at all. she has someone else who care for her.
"anyway, I should go now. thanks for everything today Mirai!" I masked my pain and gave her an assuring smile.
"but... let me get you a drink first."
"it's okay... I am a little tired now. i had a long day, so I should get going..."
"bye Shida Mirai"
"bye... Yamada Ryosuke."
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.
"aieru Mirai..." the pain in my heart could hold in no longer. I burst out in tears and cupped my own mouth so the sound of my crying cannot be heard through the door.
Mirai POV
"Mirai! Daijoubu" Yuma held me before I collapse on the floor.
"Yuma-kun! I thought I am more than prepared for this day... I thought I could end this with little effort, but when I finally face him after 5 years, I realised I can't... it hurts, my heart hurts so bad when he teared in front of me... when he asked me why can't we continue to be friends, I was so tempted to say yes we can..."
"this 5 years, I tried so hard to forget about him... he appears everywhere!!! on tv, on radio, on magazines, on billboards! it's so difficult to really erase him from my mind!"
"then why do you wanna force yourself to forget him? I can tell that he likes you too"
"it all started wrong. since it's wrong from the start, there's no way we can erase all of that and start over. what's wrong is wrong. we are not meant to be. even if we tried, we will just be hurt at the end. I am here to end this, not to drag this on. he can find better girls. moreover, he doesn't love me, he pities me."
"Mirai..." Yuma pulled me into his embrace.
"what about the secret... he has the right to know"
"he'll never know. I'm not gonna let myself , the past or the secret ruin Yamada Ryosuke's stardom..."
"and you are gonna suffer this by yourself?"
"he's too important to alot of people to be hurt or fall... I'll be okay myself... and I'm not alone right?"
"right" he smiled and wiped the tears off my face.
"so lets celebrate the successful closure to a tiring love chapter of the 20 year old Shida Mirai and Yamada Ryosuke"
he walked towards the kitchen.
"Mirai, you take a rest... Your dinner will be ready in no time"
I smiled.
"Yamada-kun... Gomenasai..."
Yamada POV
I sat on the swing in the playground near Mirai's neighborhood to calm down and fully comprehend the whole night's event.
it really ended.
Mirai is with Yuma.
I should be happy that she's more than okay... she looks like she's happier even before I knew her.
maybe she made the right choice to terminate all relationship with me... I was her source of UNhappiness... without my presence, she will feel much cheerful like how she is now.
"ojisan Daijoubu?" a young little girl stood in front of me and asked.
"heh?"
"ojisan, you're crying."
I wiped my tears away.
"I'm okay. thank you" I lowered my head to meet her eye level and smiled to her.
she's really cute.
"what's your name?"
"Kumiko"
"Konnichiwa Kumiko"
"ojisan?"
"my name is Ryosuke. anyway, I'm not that old... you can just call me nii-chan"
"nii-chan!"
"that's better." I patted her head.
"why are you here alone, Kumiko?"
"my grandmother is buying some stuff, she told me to wait here"
"I see."
"Niichan~"
"nande?"
"my mom cries a lot too... sometimes when she's watching tv, she cries, when she sleeps, she cries.... so whenever she cries, I give her a big hug and a kiss"
I giggled.
"Niichan, don't cry!" she did as she said. she hugged me and kissed my cheek.
"thank you Kumiko! I feel so much better thanks to you" I pulled her closer to me.
"I hope you can cheer your mom up too."
"where's your dad then?"
"my dad is really busy so I have never seen him before. my mom said he is a great man....and" she pulled me closer so she can whisper to my ears.
"my mom said my dad is very handsome."
I burst out laughing. this girl really cheered me up.
"Niichan, you are really handsome too! I see you everywhere... just now I saw you on the magazine cover"
"ah... Kumiko, don't tell anyone about meeting niichan okay?"
"Niichan, you are popular"
"yes, so keep it a secret for me okay?"
"I will!"
"promise" we pinky promised and I realised I haven't done that for a long time. the last time was with my younger sis.
"my mom likes you too... I saw her watching your tv shows"
"really?! then do you like Niichan?"
"yes! Niichan is a nice person"
"arigatou." we both smiled.
"niichan, I have to go, my grandmother is calling me"
"where? I don't see anyone."
"she is at the provision shop opposite"
"I'll bring you opposite then"
"it's okay Niichan! she's just there. I'm very independent you know"
I laughed again. she really does sound very independent and matured for her age. physically, she looks like she's four.
"Kumiko, arigatou ! " I held her tiny face and kissed her forehead and gave her a hug.
"ohyasumi kakkoi Niichan!"
I giggled and waved bye to her.
this girl really distracted me from the sadness... her cheerfulness is extremely contagious; my mood feels so much lighter now.
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