Chinen POV

"Yamada, Yuto, Chinen-san, please smile for the camera!"

This could undeniably one of the only smile Yamada showed for the last one month, no doubt he feigned it. I believe Yuto too felt relieved to see him smile at least once.

both of us, even all the other JUMP members and the agency are worried for his health if he continues to live in the shadow of the past...regardless of how we tried to cheer him up or distract him, he could not surpass his guilt.

his radiant smile, his cheerfulness were almost taken away from him. i really missed the old Yamada Ryosuke. The one before me now is just drowning himself with work...all day all night he put himself through rigourous dance and singing practices to numb himself from the pain.

/flashback/

"Yamachan!"

We finally found him, sitting outside Mirai's house, bringing only bad news to Yamada who has fallen into a bottomless pit of desperation.

"Yamachan, respond please, don't scare us!"

He just sat there like a wood block.

"Yamachan, this may not be a good time to tell you this...but i guess that's what you wanna know now..." Yuto tried to stop me.

"I am afraid Yamachan won't be able to take this news" Yuto said worriedly.

" TELL ME, IF IT IS ABOUT MIRAI! DON'T KEEP IT FROM ME! "

I pat Yuto's back to reassure him that Yamada will be fine....at least with us here.

"I understand from sensei that Mirai attempted suicide. She cut her wrist with a blade. She lost a lot of blood. If it wasn't because her mother found her in the bedroom, she would not have made it. The doctor managed to revive her."

"Thank goodness!" i saw a sign of relief on his face. i feel sorry for him cause the worst has yet to come. if the living is in that sort of state Mirai is in now, I wouldn't even know if the word 'reviving' is worth mentioning.

"But..."

"but what?!" he urgently asked.

"Mirai... she is in such trauma and is diagnosed with mental depression..."

Yamada's glimpse of hope dimmed back to darkness.

"she is not speaking....the doctor said that unless she detraumatised herself, and let herself out from the darkness within her, there's a chance she may lose her speech ability"

"I wanna see her! tell me where she is!" he stood up and walked aimlessly around the neighbourhood.

'Yamachan! stop... listen!" Yuto grabbed him

"you won't meet her anymore. She just left the country. We tried to find her whereabouts, but sensei only reveal it to us just now. Her parents knew that you might be the cause of their daughter's mishap, though they don't know what exactly since she apparently didn't talk to anyone about it. They associated the whole thing with you because her diary has a photograph of her with you and her mum said she cried with that in her hands before her suicide attempt. That's why they instructed sensei not to tell any of us. we begged sensei very long, before he gave in. he said he doesn't know exactly which country they went to, but she has resigned from the school... she will not be attending the graduation."

"She kept everything to herself" yamada cried as he said to us.

"why didn't she just tell me...if only she told me, things will be different.....no Yamada Ryosuke, it's all my fault I was such an idiot who did not notice her the whole time. Chinen, even you could tell her feelings...everyone could see it except me! even Daichan" he blamed himself and started hitting himself.

"pull yourself together, YAMACHAN! there's nothing you could do now. only time will show. time can heal all the wounds..."

"i can't do anything for her.... I am just a useless jerk who could only stand by and see her suffer in hell. and here i am, still enjoying the stardom, the fame... I am really good for nothing!"

"DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF, YAMADA RYOSUKE! You brought laughter to millions of fans who idolise you, who love your dramas, who love your songs. you brought joy to JUMP, you are a great confidant, a great buddy to us! don't you forget all these greatness of Yamada Ryosuke. This is just a misunderstanding caused by Mariya....she did it intentionally to deceive the kind soul of yours and Mirai. She caused this whole thing to turn out this way. SO DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING!"

"Chinen~ I really so guilty now... i wanna hug her, i wanna tell her how sorry I am... and how much I actually love her" i gave him the heartiest hug i could give... i hope i could transfer some strength to him... 

Yuto and i both knew that there's really not much we could do for him.... or Mirai.

/end of flashback/

Yamada POV

"Let's welcome Yamada Ryosuke to give a speech on behalf of his class" the hall filled with graduating students applauded and cheered.

"Konnichiwa Minna-san...

I am Yamada Ryosuke.

I believe Horikoshi High has imparted us with great wisdom and maturity these years... It is where we call our second home...a place we learn, we fall, we stand up, we grow.

As we celebrate this day, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my class for everything...

and...

I wanna dedicate my graduation certificate to this one girl who was in all my classes, who unfortunately couldn't join us today, who is the most kind, most cheerful, most fun-loving girl everyone likes to befriend... 

it is this same girl who keeps all the pain to herself so everyone around her can stay happy...who remains faithful to her friends

I wonder how is she doing now, Shida Mirai.

my next line may shock everyone, may definitely appear in the headlines and tabloids...and my fans will be most affected by it... but please allow me to say this.... cause after today, I will not worry my members from JUMP, especially Chinen Yuri and Nakajima Yuto who are always there for me... I will pull myself together and live well, and I hope she will too.

I love Shida Mirai... I always did but I never had the chance to tell her. I don't think I'll ever see her again.

and Mirai-chan... Sorry.

Lastly, if I sum up what is the most important lesson i gather through these years in Horikoshi High, it is this...

What you see with your bare eyes, may not be everything... Your heart can see things much better.

If I have chose to follow my heart, you would have joined us in this happy occasion and I would give my first button to you personally.

all the students and teaching staff stood up and gave a stand ovation as I concluded the speech. This marked the end of my life in Horikoshi High.

I do not know what life has in stall for us from now, but deep down, I hope you can pull through this ordeal and live like the cheerful Shida Mirai when we first interacted in the female toilet. That memory of you remains the most vivid in my mind. and it was when you entered my heart.

................................................................there'll be a SP after this:) wait for it and I hope you have enjoyed this 10 chapters long fic....................................................