(The following Friday.)

 

 

Walking into first period, I went straight to my seat and sat down, promptly pulling my notes out to study for yet another test.

 

I opened up my notes to the page from yesterday and was greeted by a drawing at the very top of the page. I felt myself blush as I remembered that Peniel was the one who drew the little smiley face.

 

We were taking notes - more like I was, Peniel was just listening - and suddenly Peniel drew a little smiley face on my paper before I closed my journal. I looked up at him and he just smiled then said 'study hard, Sungjae.'

 

My heart started fluttering as I remembered that moment. Things have been going pretty amazing this past week. Ever since last Friday it seems that we've gotten much more closer. He still sits with his friends at lunch but in athletics he switches between playing sports and sitting with Minhyuk and me. Every class we sit with each other and, most of the time, I take notes while he listens but I swear that I sometimes feel him watching me. Yet when I look up to verify my thoughts, he's looking elsewhere or he has his eyes closed.

 

Peniel is one confusing man. Sometimes I think that being his stalker was easier than being his fri- HOLY CRAP!!! I'm his friend!! His actual friend!

 

This realization nearly brought me to tears but I remained calm and kept on mindlessly glancing over my notes, willing my heart to calm down.

 

It seems that after I confessed my love for his music and being his fan that he got closer to me. I guess if I'm more honest about these things, he'll come to me eventually. Maybe all he wants is an honest friend. But then again maybe all he wants is honesty

from people regardless if they are friends or fans.

 

Thinking this, an idea came to me. What if, just what if I confess something about me to him every time we hang out? Would he accept me more? Would he see me as a creeper? Would he fall for me? Nah, that last one isn't likely.

 

My thoughts continued on like this for a few seconds when I suddenly felt my desk shake a little. I snapped my head up and saw a smiling Peniel looking down at me. Smiling. Like a big smile. A beautiful smile. A sincere smile. A gen- 

 

"Hey there. Reviewing for the test?"

 

It took me a second to process what he said but I eventually responded. "Yeah, I need to go over a few things I don't quite understand. You're here early."

 

A look crossed his face for a second but then vanished. A look I can't quite pinpoint.

 

"Yeah," he said cooly while sliding into his seat, "I know. I just didn't feel like being surrounded by too many people in the halls this morning." 

 

Nodding, I pretended like I understood what he meant but we both know that I don't. I looked back down at my notes, pretending like I was really studying when I saw Peniel's hand come towards my paper like yesterday. And just like yesterday he started drawing in the margin to the side of my notes.

 

I smiled to myself as I saw he was drawing more faces, some smiling and some silly, but nonetheless, he was doodling on MY paper.

 

"So, what are you doing tonight?," he nonchalantly asked.

 

"Going to your concert then nothing. Why?," I asked. Butterflies grew in my stomach at the thought of what he might ask next.

 

"Want to hang out after? Like last week? I haven't had many lattes this week and I kinda miss them," he said. He made it sound like it was no big deal but for me, it was just the opposite.

 

I played it cool and nonchalantly responded,"Sure. But I don't think Minhyukkie will be able to come with me to the concert so I'll be coming al-"

 

"That's fine! I mean, that it's just you. You can come backstage before if you want and hang out with us. If you want..."

 

Without hesitation I replied, "Yeah that sounds good. I'd finally get to meet all the members of the band."

 

He smiled thoughtfully and said, "Good."

*      *      *

"He asked me to hang out again," I told Minhyuk. We were sitting in our normal spot in athletics and this was the first time today we were completely alone. Alone to share our thoughts for the day.

 

Minhyuk smiled widely and looked at me. He cocked his head to the side then asked, "What did you say?"

 

"I said sure but that you wouldn't be able to go to the concert with me then he invited me to go backstage before the show and hang out with all of the guys."

 

"Oh it is Friday isn't it?," he said suddenly. I looked over at him and watched as he pulled out his phone from his pocket.

 

"What's wrong, hyung?," I asked.

 

"It's nothing I just forgot about... Tonight."

 

"What's going on tonight? You never actually told me..."

 

Minhyuk smiled and typed something in his phone then out it back in his pocket. He looked over at me and smirked. "I have a date... With Hyunsik... Tonight."

 

I just about choked on my own spit when he said 'with Hyunsik.' I started coughing like crazy but eventually croaked out, "Hyunsik?! I thought he was just a free drink and one night stand?!"

 

"Oh thanks. You make me sound like a heartless and man. But, I get what you mean."

 

"So what's with this guy?," I asked, eyeing him carefully. He blushed at my words, indicating that there really was something different with this one.

 

"He's... He's different from the others. Something is different with him. He's the one I slept over with last weekend."

 

"That's why you didn't come home? Wow, he really is something then," I said still amazed.

 

"Yeah and before I left his house he asked me out... On a date for tonight."

 

"Well... That's good," I replied unsure of it all.

 

A silence fell between us and settled comfortably. I could tell he was worried about tonight but I could also tell he wanted to ask me something. He's easy to ready when his emotions run wild.

 

"Just ask," I said breaking the silence

 

He sighed then looked at me, "When do you plan on telling him you're gay?"

 

I was thrown off at what he asked but I already knew the answer. "When he asks me. Or if he asks me."

 

"Jae jae, you have to let him know sometime. I know it's not easy since I'm the only one you have ever told but you just can't let him go on in the dark."

 

I let what he said sink in before I spoke again. "Well, truthfully I was thinking about confessing things about myself to him, you know, like letting him get to know me better. He seems to enjoy my honesty."

 

Minhyuk smiled brightly. "Good!! Maybe he likes you."

 

"Ha," I scoffed, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't find me attractive."

 

"Jae jae, you never know. Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do," he said with a hint of something in his voice. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and just smiled all too innocently.

 

"You're hiding something from me. Something important, aren't you?"

 

"Oh Jae jae, you really are nosy sometimes," he said while messing with my hair.

 

"Yah, that's uncomfortable! Stop it!! Hyung!!!," I whined.

 

"Haha no no Jae jae!! I'm just getting started!," he declared.

 

Within seconds he was tickling me, making me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe.

 

"Stop it, Minhyuk!! I can't- ah ha ha ha- I can't bre- ha ha ha ha-"

 

"You can't what Jae jae?," he innocently asked while still attacking me on my sides.

 

"BREATHE!! I can't breathe- ha ha ha ha! Please- ow ow haha- stop!!"

 

He mercilessly continued violating me when suddenly someone coughed really loud. He stopped and looked up at who it was while I closed my eyes and tried to stop my tears from pouring out from laughing so much.

 

"Hey Peniel, what brings you here?," Minhyuk asked sincerely.

 

My heart dropped at the name that was said. I sat back up and wiped my face, praying that I wasn't all red from lack of oxygen and laughing so hard. Thanks Minhyuk, I thought.

 

"You guys made quite a scene. I didn't know Sungjae was a screamer. You're quite vocal," he noted and Minhyuk shot me a suggestive glance. I felt my face turn red at this conclusion and I wanted to die from embarrassment.

 

"You have no idea," Minhyuk said slyly, "he's extremely ticklish. Every touch makes him squeal."

 

"Yah! Not true!! I'm not that vocal..." I protested but it was too late, the damage was done.

 

"If you say so baby," Minhyuk said then winked ertedly at me. At any other moment I would've played on with him but in this moment, with Peniel watching us, I couldn't help but to blush more.

 

Peniel coughed once again then smiled at me nervously. "So Sungjae, I was wondering if you had a ride out to the place tonight."

 

"Oh, right... Uhh..." I said then casually glanced at Minhyuk.

 

"I can take you," Peniel said quickly. I looked up at him and saw a small smile on his face.

 

"O-okay. I'll give you my address next period."

 

"Cool. Or you can text me your address. Do you have a cell?"

 

My head was spinning and before I knew it, I was nodding and Peniel was sliding his phone into my hands, willing me to put my number in. I numbly typed in my number then handed him back his phone.

 

"Cool. I'll text you then just send me your info, okay?"

 

I nodded and with that he walked off.

 

Minhyuk patted me on the back then out his arms around my shoulders. "It seems like my baby brother is growing up, it's all so sudden too!! Just be safe if you have ."

 

I shot a look to him and said, "Yah, it's not like that!"

 

He laughed and before anything else could be said the bell rang, signaling that our time together was over.

*      *      *

Everything went by in a blur. All I really remember was going home and getting dressed at my own house - instead of Minhyuk's - then somehow slinking my way out of my house without my parents asking too many questions. I can't remember what all happened on the ride to here with Peniel but I think we had a conversation or two about the plans and how school was and what we did up until this point.

 

Now here we are, sitting backstage with all the band members and a few fans that got lucky in a drawing to come back stage too. It was at the same music lounge but it seemed even more crowded - if that's even possible - than last week. We had to come in through the back because of how many people were here.

 

There were a lot of girls backstage with us and I didn't really mind but the few that were Peniel's fans were all over him and that kind of got on my nerves.

 

"Hey there," a voice called, pulling me out of my daze. A girl sat down next to me and smiled.

 

Not wanting to be rude I smiled back and said, "Hey."

 

"I'm Krystal. What's your name?"

 

"I'm Sungjae."

 

"So Sungjae, tell me, what is a handsome guy like you doing sitting here all by yourself? Are you with the band? Or a fan?"

 

I realize she's flirting but honestly, it . "Well I don't know a lot of the people here so I'm just sitting here. No I'm not with the band but I'm friends with the singer and he invited me back here."

 

"Ah, I see," she purred then moved closer to me, "so are you here with anyone besides Peniel? A Girlfriend? Sister? Friends? Alone?"

 

I smiled politely but I wanted nothing more than to push her away. "Nope just Peniel."

 

"Aw what a shame. Someone as handsome as you shouldn't be alone... But then again, someone as beautiful as me shouldn't be alone either."

 

Well someone thinks highly of themselves now don't they?

 

"Maybe, but I'm not looking for a relationship," with women... Or you.

 

"Who said anything about a relationship, honey?"

 

I looked over at her and saw a lusty look in her eyes. Ew, just... No.

 

"No thanks." I said calmly.

 

"You say that now but you know I'm undeniable," she stated. This really doesn't get it.

 

"Trust me," I said while getting up, "it will always be a no." I said then walked off towards the back door and let myself step out.

 

The cool air felt nice against my warm skin. It was pretty stuffy inside and everything just seemed a bit claustrophobic for me.

 

I let out a puff of air then, out of nowhere, felt a hand pat my shoulder.

 

"Krystal is a bit pushy, but she's not that bad," Peniel said politely. It crushed me a little because it seemed like he wanted me to be with her.

 

"She's not exactly my type," I said then looked up at the night sky.

 

"She wasn't my type either but she's not that bad..." Peniel trailed off. He removed his hand from my shoulder and joined me at looking up.

 

I felt a pain in my heart when he said that. Yeah, I know he's straight and I didn't expect him to be a but hearing it aloud just hurt so much more than it should.

 

"I know her advances are strong but you have to admit she is pre-"

 

"Peniel, I don't want her or any girl for that matter," I snapped. I automatically regretted not thinking that all the way through.

 

"What?," he whispered. His eyes were wide and he gaped a little at me.

 

I took a deep breath in before I continued. "Yeah..."

 

Silence followed and screamed in my ears. I didn't enjoy it but Minhyuk was right, I couldn't exactly keep it hidden for too long from him. Finally I found my courage to finish my sentence.

 

"I'm gay."