Hi! This is aperson, but you can also call me Lucy. Alright, I apologize for the extremely late review. There has just been a lot of regents and exams to study for, and to summarize, the most important three months of my life which would determine if I would end up on the streets or not.

Character Development:

          Regarding the character development, it is pretty cliché. There are two different types of cliché. First, the type that is cheesy and cringe worthy or the second type that is cliché but it fits so well into the story that being cliché can be dismissed. Your characters are very easy to read and you portray them in a rather awkward manner. There isn’t much I can explain because the characters in the story are very cliché and obvious. However that is only the case for the side characters. As for the main character, I am confused how you are portraying her. (Not to give any spoilers to anyone who haven’t read it yet but wishes to) SPOILER ALERT: Just a question: Is Krystal a strong willed character or a damsel in distress? It could be both but if we use some thinking, a regular personality has one face that they show outwards and another face they are inside. Unless Krystal is somehow bipolar I hope this raises some questions and answers in your head.

For this section, I will be giving you a 6.5/10 because your characters are extremely cliché to the point I am cringing. I sincerely apologize if I am hurting your feelings. There just doesn’t seem to be a way to say it nicely.

Grammar:

          Um, how should I say this? In the story, there are just too much fragmented sentences and a very platonic tone in it. This isn’t a great example to use but there were other problems here so we’ll be going with this:

          “Loud cheers were heard and all the light's focused on the superstar of the night. Reporters and News channels swarmed the place turning to get a glimpse of the champion. Meanwhile, Lee Min had his eyes fixed on Krystal. He then caught his father looking at him in the most disapointing way and walking away from the place. His father took out his phone and started talking to someone with a really low voice. Lee Jun felt his heart break when his father ignored him. The medical squad came to the battle ground and carried him away.”

            First, your first and second sentences are complete fragments. Try to find a better way to put it together. It feels like you’re trying too hard. There isn’t any connection or smooth transition between these two phrases. You can try:

            Loud cheers were heard and all the lights focused on the star of the night as reporters warmed the place in hopes of getting a glimpse of the champion.

            I don’t particularly like this sentence, only because there are a lot of unnecessary words such as new channels. First off the bat, news channels is not a person. Second, reporters come from news channels.

Second,” Meanwhile, Lee Min had his eyes fixed Krystal. He then caught his father looking at him in the most disappointing way and walking away from the place. “

            Again, the sentences feel so