Hey there Minwook89 :)  xoxoChocie here ^^

Sorry this took so long too complete. Power failures come and go whenever they want... and at the most unexpected times.

I am really, really, realy sorry :(

I hope that this will help.

Story: 럴 La Luna de Diciembre 럴

Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/887446/la-luna-de-diciembre-kara-bigbang2ne1exo-mblaq4minute-sujuandsnsd-shinee00fx-dbskandtvxqandjyj-baptara

Author: Minwook89

Characters: All the members from Super Junior, Shinee, Dbsk, Girk's Generation, f(x), Exo, Red Velvet, Bigb Bang, 2Ne1, Brown Eyed Girls, T-Ara, U-Kiss, Bap, Miss A, 4Minute, Mblaq, Kara+ Rihanna, Aille, Jokwon, Kang Hodong and a load of dragons.

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Plot:

Do far, I love it. like, seriously, love. I've never really something like it before, although the plot is pretty much obscure because, well, you've only just begun. however, judging from what's already there, it seems to be captivating.

7/10

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Character development:

Again, since the story only has one chapter, you're only just starting to delve into the minds of your characters and present it to your readers, so I can't really say much on this aspect. All's well so far, though, so I have high hopes that you'll continue this same standard throughout the story.

A tip when it comes to character development: when it comes to characters and protraying them, it all comes down to showing us through actions that your character is a specific way or has a specific trait versus telling us that she is, for instance, curious. make use of actions and words and thoughts to show your readers, rather than tell them. Make your readers understand your character, make them hate him/her, make them love her, make them get attached, make them wish that the character was real. Show them why this needs to be his or her favourite or most hated character. Most of all, make your readers relate so much to this character that it almost physically pains them (because that's what keeps them around.) Make your charcters human above all else.

8/10

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Grammar:

There were many errors in this regard, especially when it comes to using the using the correct punctuation as well as sentence structure. though, technically, there was nothing wrong with the word order of some of these sentences, they didn't flow well and seemed clumsy.

Another thing is that some sentences are unnecessarily long and winded, carried out with the use