Confessions are something that I had always struggled to understand. I used to believe that they were something that we are forced to do. I used to believe that words did not speak louder than actions. I used to believe that there was no point to making them.

In other words, ‘confessions’ has always been an insecure issue of my 24 years of existence. I am just uncomfortable with all the dimensions associated with them. Am I just a coward who avoids and fears rejection?

That was a maze that I could not see the end to, during the beginning of the summer season of 2001.

On the last day of spring that year, I had received something that I thought I would be ecstatic about. But when I received it, I had felt the exact opposite.

It was the time when my first love had confessed her feelings for me.

Why did I feel so insecure?

What was I thinking?

Call my younger self crazy because he clearly was.

If normal people of any age receives a confession from their lover, they would return the favour and their relationship would then grow into a romantic one.

And what did I do when she confessed to me?

I her hot cheeks and ran my fingers through her hair before…running to my parents.

I had run away from her, with no words spoken. Only touching her features in a very creepy way.

After that day, I had spent the first half of the summer trying to make amends for the way I had famously left the girl hanging, I tried my best to use actions to show her my feelings. Nothing had changed despite my efforts, and I couldn’t understand why until one particular day.

…

It was a morning that we had an assembly – which was a whole school event where awards were presented and a class had to put on a special performance. We all had to take our chairs to an undercover area before school. So, like every other morning I would greet my friends happily. I would greet her happily.

“Good morning Chansung-ah! How are you?”

“Good morning Woo. I am so sleepy. Luckily we have an assembly so I can sleep more.” This guy, he is such a pig. All he does is sleep and eat all day! My friend, Chan, had not been the most energetic kid. It’s surprising that he is an active owner of a gym now.

“Aigoo, when are you not sleepy Chan?”

He just shrugged, while pouting his lips like a fish.

“Oh, Wooyoungie! You’re early today!” Ye Eun said, as she just arrived to class.

“Annyeong, Ye Eunnie! I’m always early!”

“No you’re not! You always come on time. 8:30am sharp.” Interrupted my other friend, Jieun.

I had taken a peak over the two girls’ shoulders, in search for my other chingu. She was not there. Where is she? Is she sick? Those thoughts had filled my mind. I was worried even about the slightest things. Maybe it was because I sincerely cared about her.

“Are you looking for So Eunnie, Wooyoung-ah?” Ye Eun asked. How did she know what I was thinking? Well, she’s not a genius for nothing. Ye Eun was one smart girl who was the only one who understood what I was thinking and what my feelings were without myself actually confessing them to her. I thought that all girls were like Ye Eun, so I assumed that I didn’t have to reveal any of the obvious. It turned out to be an assumption that turned out unfavourably, for me anyway.

“Ani, not really. I just noticed that she isn’t here with you two.” I said calmly.

“Yah, we know you are worried about her!” They teased, while rubbing my chubby cheeks. I just pushed their hands away.

“Aish, stop it! It hurts… So where is she then?” Even when in pain, I still thought about her.

“Aigoo, she’s got a dental appointment, so she is going to be late. She asked us to grab a chair for her.” Jieun said. Oh, she’s just going to be late. Why do I have to care so much?

“Arasso…I’ll bring an extra chair for her then.”

“We didn’t even need to ask…” The two girls bickered. It wasn’t the fact that I was controlled or rather whipped by her. It was the fact that I wanted to do something for her. Something that would show her how much I had cared about her. How much I had liked her.

…

Fifteen minutes had passed since the assembly had started, and there was still no sight of the girl. The empty seat next to me was still empty. I could not help but to have my eyes staring in the direction of the entrance doors of the auditorium.

Ten minutes later, those doors had opened.

She’s here.

Kim So Eun is here.

A smile had crept on my face, as So Eun walked towards where our class had sat. She was looking for her empty seat, and as she walked past Ye Eun and Jieun, she gave them a frown. She probably felt annoyed that they didn’t save a seat for her.

It was at that moment when my eyes had met hers. I waved at her, and motioned my hand to tell her that I saved her a spot right next to me. She didn’t wave back; she just kept walking forward with an expressionless face. I was worried again, worried as to why she had that expression again.

Does her teeth hurt from the dentist? Did she not get a sticker from him? That was all the reasons I had thought about. It did not occur to me that she didn’t want to sit next to me. It didn’t occur to me because I knew that she liked me.

I let out my hand, waiting for So Eun to take it, as I led her to her spot. She sat down, while removing my hand from in front of her and placing it back down on my lap.

Why is she like this today?

We sat there in silence and So Eun had put all of her attention to the teachers and student councilors who were presenting. She did not even turn to face me, or even smile at me. I had thought that her actions were very strange, and it frustrated me to death because I couldn’t understand what she was feeling or why she looked so angry.

I slowly grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. I then slowly leaned towards her ear to whisper:

“Are you okay, So Eunnie? Does your teeth hurt from the dentist?”

I felt her hand shake. Trying to shake out of my hold.

“I’m okay… It’s nothing, Wooyoung.” She mumbled, as her hand successfully escaped from mine. I then grabbed her hand again, and held it tightly.

“Are you sure? You look like that something is bothering you….” Did I do something wrong?

“For the last time, I am fine Wooyoung. Can you not hold my hand? It’s uncomfortable and I’m trying to pay attention.” She said firmly, still without looking me in the eye. She doesn’t like it. I’m such a jerk. I had no choice but to let go of her soft hand.

“I—um…I’m sorry.” I said awkwardly, while scratching the back of my neck.

Not long after, a particular announcement from a student councilor had caught my attention.

“So, since it is the last term of the year, students from Grade 6 and 7 will be participating in a social event. There will be an ‘End of Year Social Dance’ held in the last week of school. So, for the next four weeks until the event, the school will be conducting dance lessons for the students. Students will need to find a dance partner, and for those who couldn’t manage to find one, they will be paired up at the first lesson.” Dance? Assa, this is my specialty! But with partners? I never tried that before.

My younger self glanced at So Eun for a while, before she finally looked in my direction. I smiled as brightly as I could at her. She finally smiled, or rather grinned ever so slightly, back at me. Even though it was a small smile, my young heart felt like it was about to explode. Her cold expression had finally disappeared, and I was relieved that So Eun’s usual cheerful self had returned, at least for that brief moment.

For the rest of the assembly, I had sat there with a goofy smile plastered on my face, imagining how I would be dancing with So Eun, who would be wearing a pretty white dress while holding onto me tightly by her own will and our heads would be touching each others. That was what I hoped this social event would turn out.

The assembly had ended after an hour and a half, and we were dismissed to return to our classrooms. We all stood up and I had quickly stacked my chair on top of So Eun’s, so I could carry them both back to class.

“I got it, Wooyoung. I’ll carry it.” She insisted, while trying to take her chair back. I stopped her from doing so, by placing my hand on top of hers. Kim So Eun was the only exception. It had felt natural for me to hold her hands or have skin ship with her. It wasn’t because I was a ert; it was just because we were close friends regardless of our feelings.

“I took the chair for you, so I’ll take it back too. Arasso?” I assured. She just nodded in return.

“Oh, So Eunnie! How was the dentist?” asked Ye Eun, as Jieun put her arm around So Eun.

“Annyeong! Ah it was not big deal.”

“That’s good. Omo, did you hear about the Social Dance?” said Jieun. I had choked on Jieun’s mentioning of the dance. I was undoubtedly excited for the event.

“Yah, are you okay?” Ye Eun asked, while patting me on the back.

“Neh, I just choked a little…”

“Anyway, are you guys excited? Who do you want to take?” questioned Ye Eun. I want to take So Eunnie. And only So Eunnie.

“I don’t know.” So Eunnie responded. She doesn’t look that excited. Maybe she doesn’t like these things. I’m going to make sure she is going to have fun!

“I’m thinking of asking Lee Kikwang…” announced Jieun. Since when did Jieun like Kikwang?

“Omo, since when did you start liking Lee Kikwang?!” We all exclaimed in shock.

“YAH! I DON’T LIKE HIM! He’s just a friend.” Jieun defended rather cutely.

“But Kikwang is athletic, kind and quite good-looking…” teased So Eun.

“He is rather good-looking, isn’t he?” Poor Jieun, she’s always the one who gets picked on.

“Hah! We caught you!” said Ye Eun, who hi-fived So Eun and I happily, as Jieun’s face turned bright red.

“Aish! You guys are so mean! Let’s go to class already!” said Jieun, who ran away from us. We all laughed our heads off at the cute friend of ours.

…

By the Thursday of that week, which was the day before our first dancing lesson, most of my friends had already found their dates, rather partners for the dance. Lee Kikwang had saved Jieun from potential embarrassment and had asked her as soon as we exposed her little liking towards him. Ye Eun decided to ask Chansung, who obviously had agreed. Ye Eun was the cream of the crop. Even from when she was 11 years old, she still was as pretty as a goddess. Her intelligence was a bonus. Kwon had yet to find his partner, but I knew that secretly inside, he wanted to ask that Miyoung friend of Kim Taeyeon’s.

What was I doing then?

My younger self had assumed so confidently that I would already have a partner without actually asking the person. I thought that all those times where I would bring a chair out for her in the morning, hold onto her hand occasionally and wait with her after school until her oppa came to pick her up would have made her notice my intentions.

But I was so wrong about that assumption. So wrong.

“So Eunnie.” I said, as I grabbed hold of her arm just before she left the door.

“What’s up, Wooyoungie?” She turned around and smiled at me.

“Um, you know, tomorrow…” I said awkwardly.

“What about it?”

“Uh—you know…” I couldn’t blurt out the words that I have wanted to say for months. I was hopeless.

“So Eun-ah! Wait!” A voice came from behind us. It belonged to Yoon Doojoon.

“Oh, Doojoon-ah! You haven’t left yet?” Great. He always liked to interrupt our conversations. What’s wrong with this guy?

“Aniyo, I was waiting to ask you something.” No way, please.

“Hm?”

“Will you be my partner for the social dance?” I just want to punch this guy. My body stiffened at his sudden confession. I stared at So Eun strongly, trying to express to her that I wished that she would reject him. She either ignored my signal or she didn’t want to understand the hidden meaning of it. I never really worked out why. She wasn’t exactly a brainless pabo. She was a smart girl.

“I—uh…” She then turned to look at me, with a confused look. I had to refrain myself from grabbing a hold of her and taking her out of Yoon Doojoon’s sight. But I didn’t have the courage or the selfishness to do that.

“Will you please?” He pleaded with his two hands begging for her answer. He is so desperate. You’re not going to accept him right?

“Okay, I’ll go with you, Doojoon-ah. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.” SHE SAID YES? YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME. I was fuming and if it was possible, steam would have exploded through my ears.

“Assa! See you tomorrow, So Eunnie! I’m so excited!” He said, while wrapping his arms over So Eun’s shoulders.

That should be me.

But it’s too late.

“I am too.”

That threw a dagger in my heart. It had almost torn through it.

…

The next day, was the day that marked our first dancing lesson. I was not in the best of moods at all, for obvious reasons. Seeing my first love literally in the arms of someone else had made me want to firstly, snap the guy’s head off for touching her and secondly, snap off my own for allowing him to do so. Puberty was kicking in at that time, and so was my desire for violence. Oh, and the fact that I was the only kid in our group that was alone had also fuelled my violent thoughts.

We all went into the gymnasium as one big group, with happy smiles all round. Everyone had been quite excited. When I say everyone that included Kim So Eun and that bastard. They were just walking beside each other like they were in their own world, laughing at each other’s jokes and not giving a about anything or anyone around them. Not giving a sh—no care about me. It had pained me to death. I wasn’t just jealous, I was so jealous that my insides were burning my skin.

Then someone had hooked arms with me.

It was Ye Eunnie.

“You know this is your fault.” She stated. It was crazy as to how much this girl understands me, even until this day.

“I know.”

“You know that it should be you, not Doojoon-ah.”

“I know.”

“You know that she likes you.”

“I know.”

“Then why haven’t you done anything since her birthday? Wooyoung-ah, you are the biggest pabo I know.” She said, as she left me to return to Chansung’s side.

Everything she had said to me was right. I was the biggest idiot out of all idiots in the world. I had deserved to be hurting. I had deserved to feel all that jealousy. I had deserved to be alone.

…

“Annyeonghaesayo, students! I will be your dancing instructor for the next four weeks. My name is Kwon Boa, so you guys can call me Miss. Kwon.” The dance instructor greeted. She was quite nice looking and had earned the interest of many male classmates of mine.

“Annyeonghaesayo Miss. Kwon!”

“Okay, since our lessons will be based on couple dances, everyone must have a partner that they will stay with during the lessons and your End of Year Social Dance. So, girls, please sit in a circle first, and the boys will come forward to sit across from their chosen partners!” This is it. I don’t know anyone besides Ye Eun, Jieun and So Eunnie. Whose left?

I walk around the circle, and as I walked past my friends, they each gave me a  ‘sorry-that-you’re-the-one-who’s-left-out’ look. I just smiled at them to signal that I was okay when I was far from it. I walked past Yoon Doojoon and So Eun, who sat across from each other. That bastard had given me an ‘in-your-face’ smirk, and So Eun stared at me with her expressionless face again. She had clearly no intentions of giving me any sympathy for being alone, as she was enjoying Doojoon’s company. Or so I thought.

So there I had no choice but to walk towards Miss. Kwon and join those rejected kids.

“Is there anyone without a partner? This handsome boy here hasn’t found his girl yet.” I have found her, but she isn’t mine. Yet…

“Miss. Kwon! I haven’t got a partner yet!” Aish, it’s her. I rather just dance with Miss. Kwon.

That girl was…Kim Taeyeon, my worst nightmare.

“Arasso, now you have that pretty girl as your partner. Please go and sit with her. Have fun!” We won’t have fun.

“Jang Wooyoung, I knew you would come to me!” How did I get stuck with her? Ye Eunnie was right, I am the biggest pabo out.

“You. I am only with you because there are no girls left. There are no feelings involved. We are just doing this because we have to. Arasso?” I had tried to sound as cold as I could. I hate people leading others on, especially when it came to an arrogant girl like Taeyeon.

“Aigoo, I get it! You don’t have to be so angry! Just because Yoon Doojoon stole your lover girl away from you…” I wanted to hit her. Yes, even my 6^th grader self wanted to hit someone, actually two people. But I didn’t, because I was too much of a nice guy to. I only acted cold, but I was the warmest of all kids.

“YAH! KIM TAEYEON!” I yelled, which made everyone look in our direction. I just made myself and that girl embarrassed. Her face had darkened. She probably was scared from the way I raised my voice. I had almost felt guilty for doing so. Almost.

“Jang Wooyoung! Is there anything wrong?” asked Miss. Kwon.

“Aniyo, we have nothing wrong here, Miss. Kwon.” Answered Taeyeon. The way she stood in my place had made me soften a little.

“Kim Taeyeon, I’m sorry for yelling at you.” I really have a habit of feeling bad after treating girls wrongly, even if they deserved it. It never has made them stronger as a person because of my gentlemanly antics.

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry too. Let’s just get along for these four weeks and the dance…Is that okay, Wooyoung-ah?” Is she just trying to be nice? Did she forget that she is not allowed to call me Wooyoung-ah?

“I—well…”

“I know that you hate me. So, I just don’t want to make this any harder for you.” Surprisingly, Kim Taeyeon can be rather considerate on the rare occasion. I might have softened my dislike for her, but I still could not forget those y things she has done to my friends.

“I don’t hate you. Let’s just dance and cooperate. Follow my lead, arasso?” I said, while placing her arms on my shoulders, before placing mine on her waist, as instructed by the instructor. Kim Taeyeon jumped in surprise by my actions. I have to admit, it was cute, to the smallest degree possible.

“Ah—okay Wooyoung-ah.” She was rather flustered; it was probably because of her obsession with me. If she was obedient and did not mention anything related to my love life, I had no issues with her.

After about an hour, the lesson had finished. It was interesting to learn new couple dances that I haven’t learnt before. Kim Taeyeon was quick to pick up all the dance steps. I think she said that she has learnt dance briefly before. I honestly didn’t pay attention to what she said. However, that first lesson wasn’t as bad as I first thought. But did I have fun with her? Not at all.

“Aigoo, poor you Wooyoung-ah. You got stuck with Taeyeon.” Kikwang said, as he and Jieun walked towards me.

“Tell me about it. You two looked like you had fun…” I teased, which made the partners blush.

“We sure did!” said Jieun confidently, while giving her partner a friendly nudge. It was the first time that I’ve seen Kikwang feeling flustered by a girl, other than that one time in Grade 5.

“Wooyoungie, are you alive? Did she throw herself onto you?” asked a worried Ye Eun. Ye Eun had also cared about me a lot, as a friend of course.

“Nah, I told her that we were only doing this because we have to. I think I scared her though.” I shrugged.

“Wooyoungie,” Oh so she’s talking to me now?

“Wooyoung-ah, did you um, have fun with Taeyeon?” No I didn’t., so why are you even asking? I would not have fun with any girl other than you.

“Oh, with Tae? We had so much fun. She is not only much more pretty than I first thought, but she is also an awesome dancer! Damn, she is so hot!” I was a jerk when I had said that. I was never the one to make her jealous. She was the one who made me jealous. But did I feel bad for lying to her? Not so much, I had thought that it was time to make her feel something I feel everyday. Even though she had confessed to me.

“Tae huh? Well good for you then. I had plenty of fun with Joon-ah too.” So this is the game she’s playing now. I had not realised that I was the one who started this game. We were very stubborn back then, always insisting that one is more correct than the other. It wasn’t healthy.

“Good, then! It’s home time, and I need to go home on time. I won’t be waiting with you today. Sorry, So Eunnie.” I then walked away from my friends, thinking that I had achieved so much in playing that stupid game. I still had not realised how much of a bastard I was by acting like that. But, I was hurt from her ignoring me before. Was I too selfish? I was, but aren’t we all?

…

A month after that day was the day of our End of Year Social Dance. Throughout the four weeks, the lessons had gone by quite smoothly. I had even become on friendly terms with Kim Taeyeon. I guess she just didn’t bug me as much, and she didn’t mention anything about her. Nothing really changed, except for the fact that I had stopped waiting with So Eun after school, stopped taking her chair out in the morning and stopped holding hands with her whenever I wanted.

Why had I stopped?

It was because of Yoon Doojoon.

He had started to do everything that I had done a month ago.

It’s not like I stopped talking to So Eun. We still did, but I guess we had drifted because of Yoon Doojoon staying by her side.

After the dance on the last day of summer that year, I had hoped to return to where things were in the first place, or even further. I had believed that Yoon Doojoon will only be glued onto So Eun for that period of time, and that I would eventually make her mine again. Though, she was never really my property, but I thought that I was more than ready to ensure she was.

I truly believed that everything would be better after that dance night.

On that night, I had gone over to Kwon’s house, where our partners, Miyoung and Taeyeon would be meeting us. I had gone out shopping with my nuna a day beforehand to buy something nice to wear. There was an actual semi-formal dress code, so I had to scrub up decently, even if I wasn’t partnered up with her. So I had worn a simple navy, long sleeve shirt with tight fitted black pants and a pair of sleek, black shoes.

Umma had dropped me off and I walked into Kwon’s house.

“Oh, Woo! You’re here!”

“I sure am. Looks like someone put a little effort for tonight.” I teased, as Kwon had worn a purple shirt with a black bow tie. He had always been a fashion genius.

“Ah, not really. You dressed up too! And it’s not even for your girl! It’s for that Kim Taeyeon. Bleh.” Just because I don’t like Taeyeon that much, doesn’t mean I’m going to dress up like a hobo. I still had some form of courtesy, despite all the flaws that Taeyeon had. This was a social dance.

“Aish, Kwon! Don’t drown me into my misery.”

Ding, dong. Ding, dong.

“Omo, they’re here!” said Kwon, as he ran to his front gate to greet them. I just followed him slowly.

“Annyeong, Wooyoung-ah!” They both greeted.

“Annyeong.” I replied coolly.

“Are you excited?” asked Miyoung, who looked nice in a fluffy pink dress.

“Ah, I guess so….” I said, as I made small eye contact with Taeyeon, who was wearing a black, one shoulder dress. I have to admit, she looked rather good that night. I had found myself softening up to the girl over those four weeks. I was satisfied with being normal acquaintances with her, if she doesn’t do or say anything that would hurt Kim So Eun again. If she ever does, then I would have cut all ties from her.

“You look nice, Wooyoung-ah.” Taeyeon contemplated, which I let out the slightest smile in return.

“I agree! Blue is your colour!” said Miyoung.

“Thanks. You two look nice too.” I said sincerely.

“How about me, Miyoung-ah? Do I look bad?” asked Kwon, who was getting jealous.

“Aigoo, you look the best!” said Miyoung as she hooked her arm into his.

“Kids, are you ready yet?” said Kwon’s Appa.

“Neh!”

We then made our way to the venue, a city hall near the school.

…

“Have fun kids! Dance your hearts out!” Kwon’s Appa bidded us goodbye, and we left his car.

Kwon had gestured his arm out for Miyoung to slot her arm through. Taeyeon then looked at me, with her eyes pleading for me to do the same. I could not help but to recall all the times where I had hooked arms with So Eun, like how Kwon and Miyoung did. That time at her birthday party in particular. I had missed those times.

So, I blinked at Taeyeon twice, before slowly gesturing my arm too. She immediately hooked her arm with mine, without any hesitation. We then made our way inside the hall.

We had checked our names off the list, before spotting our group of friends in one corner. So, we went towards their direction.

As we walked towards them, I saw the backs of Yoon Doojoon, who was dressed in a shiny silver shirt, and her, who wore a short, dark purple dress. I had swallowed my saliva before reaching them.

“Are you okay, Wooyoung-ah?” whispered Taeyeon.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” I said nicely. I had not wanted to spoil the night for her. It was the biggest event of the year, so I didn’t want to act like a jerk for a change.

“Oh, you guys are here! Omo, you two couples look so stunning together!” stated Jieun, as she and Kikwang noticed us. Then all the other couples turned their heads.

There she was, looking in my direction and looking as beautiful as ever. Whenever I saw her outside from school, she was always wearing pretty dresses. Purple is a colour that suited her, but I thought that the length of her dress was too short. I then noticed her arm was hooked with Yoon Doojoon’s. I had frowned at the sight of their affection, despite my own arm was hooked onto Kim Taeyeon’s. I made a big fuss over something very little. Well, I always did whenever it came to Kim So Eun.

However, So Eun slipped her arm out of Yoon Doojoon’s when she caught my stare. She had looked nervous.

“Everyone looks so good tonight! We are going to have so much fun!” said Kwon, before we heard the MC’s voice coming from the speakers.

“Hello and welcome students to the End of Year Social Dance! Please line up together with your partners over at the banner so we can have a lap of honour!”

Ye Eun and Chansung were the first to line up, followed by Taeyeon and I. These two girls were always in competition with each other, so it was funny that the vice-president was in front of the president herself. Taeyeon didn’t seem bothered by it though. She still had that bright and happy smile plastered on her face. Her feelings didn’t really occur to me at that time, but I always sensed that she probably had a small crush on me. I didn’t know if I liked it or not, as I just found her annoying most of the time. She was okay that night though.

Behind us, were So Eun and Yoon Doojoon. I took a look behind me, and smiled at the two. They smiled back, though I noticed So Eun’s cheeks turning pink. If you look at me like that, how can I not steal you away from him? My younger self thought.

Shortly after, the music was playing, and the dance had officially begun.

…

After dancing the Waltz, Tango, Hip Hop and Tap couple dances, it was time for the ‘Circle Jive’, the last dance of the night and the one I had been looking forward to the most.

With a whole stream of Backstreet Boys’ songs like ‘I Want It That Way’, ‘I Need You Tonight’ and ‘Back To Your Heart’ , the dance started with our original partners. Then we moved clockwise to the next partner.

So I obviously started with Taeyeon.

“Wooyoung-ah…” She called.

“Neh, Tae?”

“Thank you for making the last four weeks memorable.” She thanked, while bowing her head slightly.

“It’s okay. I should thank you too. I’m sorry if I’m always cold to you.” I did feel a bit guilty for being rude.

“I—I think I deserve it sometimes…”

“Yeah, you do.” We both laughed at each other. That moment felt nice, and it probably won’t happen again. But I did feel like we were almost borderline friends.

“So, will we still be friends after tonight?” She asked, in hope.

I nodded in return, after hesitating a little.

“Neh, chingu.” I said, before moving on to my next partner.

“Thanks again, chingu.” She thanked, as she gave me a big smile. It did feel nice in the end, to call her a friend because I didn’t know how long it would last. Kim Taeyeon was still that Taeyeon who was the occasional .

“Oh Wooyoungie!” Ye Eun, it’s you!

“Annyeong, Ye Eunnie!” I said, as we matched our hands together. It was nice to dance with her. After all, we are close friends.

“So, how was your night? You don’t seem like you want to kill Taeyeon, so that’s good…” She noted, with a cheeky smile.

“It was surprisingly better than I expected. It was one of Tae’s better days and we even became friends. Don’t know how long for though, you know how she is.” I said comfortably.

“Oh chincha? You actually made friends with her. Wow.”

“Aigoo, I was just being nice. You look like you had lots of fun with Chansungie!” I cooed, which even made her blush. Yes, Park Ye Eun, the perfectionist, was capable of blushing too.

“Yah! Maybe…heh.” She said, as I pinched her red cheeks.

She slapped me in return.

“They hurt…stop.”

“Arasso, Ye Eunnie.”

“So, aren’t you curious about So Eunnie’s night?” She asked, as I flinched at the mention of her name.

“Well, she obviously had fun. I’m not going to monitor her all night long. It’s a social, not a stalker fest.”

“Are you sure? From the way I saw it, she didn’t look like she had as much fun as you did!” No way, she liked Doojoon’s company…right? Even when she liked me. Did she still like me? I don’t think so, after what I did…

“Why would you say that? You don’t have to make me feel better, Ye Eun-ah.” I said in disbelief.

“She kept on sending deadly stares at you and Taeyeon, pabo-yah.” She did what?

“Chincha? She still cares? My So Eunnie…” I used to be quite forgetful with the fact that So Eun wasn’t mine back then.

“Of course! She likes you! So, do something by the end of the night, chingu-ah. Please, I beg you!” explained Ye Eun, which had given my younger self a wake-up call.

“Okay! I’ll do something! I will make her officially mine!” I said, while pumping my fist in the air.

“Good luck, Wooyoungie. Don’t make her cry again!” She cried because of me?

“She what? She cried? When did she cry and what did I do?” I asked worriedly.

“Aish, I don’t know. Have a nice end to the night, Woo!” she said, as she rotated to the next partner.

After another three or four rotations, the end was nearing. I looked around, after my last change of partner and as my eyes fluttered back in the direction in front of me…

Kim So Eun was right in front of me.

I had even jumped in surprise.

“Oh, So Eunnie! You gave me a shock!” I said, while hitting my chest.

“Did I? Sorry.” She said bluntly. Okay, she didn’t seem happy.

“Erm…How was your night?” I asked.

“Wonderful, yours?” Stop lying to me, So Eunnie.

“So Eunnie, are you still mad at me?”

She removed her stare and looked at the ground.

“So, you had fun with your Tae didn’t you?” She had avoided my question. She was feeling sensitive, but I still needed to work things out with her. I couldn’t hold it in for any longer.

“Kim So Eun, she is not my Tae. We had fun and we are just friends. Stop avoiding my question now. Why are you so mad?” I said in frustration, as I softly lifted her chin from my shoulder.

“I’m mad? Yeah, Wooyoung-ah, maybe I am mad. But what can I do about it?” She said, like she had exploded all her anger onto me.

“If you can’t, I will.” I said, as I pulled her out of the circle just as the song ended and ran outside to the grass patch.

“Yah, where are you taking me? Wooyoung! It’s hasn’t even finished yet!” I tightened my grip on her wrist.

“The song ended already. We need to talk. Talk about us. Talk about why we’re so mad.” I said directly, as I had kept my gaze onto her.

“Okay fine! Let’s talk, but can you let go of my wrist? It hurts!” She cried, as I drop my hand off of her wrist and held her hand gently. She did not let go of it this time, nor did she intertwined her fingers either. She just allowed me to hold it. It was a start, meaning that she will listen to my words.

“Are you mad at me for not being beside you for the last month?” I asked.

She had shaken her head. No.

“Are you mad at me because of me being partners with Tae?”

She shook her head again.

“Are you mad…because I haven’t responded…?” That was the daring question I had been thinking to ask for a while. And I had finally garnered up the courage to do so.

She hesitated before nodding, just like I had predicted.

“Do you know why I haven’t?”

“Because you don’t like me back.” She finally spoke. Spoke of words that were the opposite of my feelings.

“No, it’s not like that because the thing is,”

“I just…like you too much.”

Yes, I had finally did it. I finally made a confession that I had been planning since the spring of Grade 5. It had been one year since I fell for Kim So Eun. I had felt like the whole planet was off my shoulders. I was so ecstatic that I finally said those words. I had even started to think about what would happen next, what our relationship would be like, how our first date would be like…but those thoughts disappeared way too quickly for my liking.

“You. You…like me too much? Is that what you are saying?” She said, angrily. Why was she like this?

“I do! I have never liked anyone more than you in my life So Eunnie. Chincha. I fell for you on my first day here.” I said, as I took her other hand and squeezed them tightly together with mine.

“I—I just…don’t believe you.” Those words shot a dagger in my heart. It wasn’t the first time that So Eun’s words had thrown those fireballs that speared through my flesh.

“Why? Haven’t you noticed that I’ve liked you all along? How much time I spend with you? How many times I waited after school with you? How many times I had hugged you? It’s only been you, Kim So Eun.” I pleaded. Her eyes avoided mine.

“Wooyoung-ah, you can’t do this. One moment you like me and want to be with me and another moment you are running away with Taeyeon and would ignore me. It’s not fair.” Oh, she thinks I’m unfair? She has so many boys around her. Doojoon, that Myungsoo guy, Kikwang…

“Okay, I’m sorry. But please, So Eunnie. I like you and I want you to be my girlfriend so badly. You like me too. So why are you still mad?” Tears had started to form from her eyes. I used my fingers to wipe them away. So Eun stayed as still as a rock. She wasn’t even shivering or blushing. She still had that emotionless face.

“I’m mad, because you had hurt me. I’m mad that you rejected me and ignored me. I’m mad because I was stupid enough to go to this stupid event with Doojoon. I’m mad because,”

“Because what?”

“I’m stupid enough let myself fall out of love with you.”

A lot of things happened during that summer. It was a summer filled with mixed emotions. I made some terrible decisions that did not make my life any easier. I had almost made it out of the confusing ‘confessions’ maze, but I fell inside the danger hole at the end. I did not pull through. I was still stuck. I had thought that when people confess to their loved one, happy times would definitely be ahead. But after that season, I learnt that timing is everything and when using meaningful words and actions could not convince that special person, hope of anything would disappear quickly. Too quickly for me to even notice.