Spring is the season of love, or so they say. With moderate, pleasant temperatures, the refreshing air and blossoming wildlife, I have always liked the spring. Not even my heavy case of hay fever could stop me from embracing my favourite season of the year. I’m a fussy perfectionist like that. Another reason why I love the spring is because I could play outdoor sports like football and play some guitar out in the open. It is just fun. However, the spring of 2003 wasn’t as simple as I had anticipated. It wasn’t just the wildlife that had flourished. A little feeling called curiosity began to flourish in my usual 13 year-old life.

During that time of my adolescent years, I had survived two months of my first year in high school and it didn’t really bother me much. It was fun, but it wasn’t burdening as I’ve always been rather laid back and just digested everything that came at me. I used to be a reserved and slightly cold student, who was hard to approach unless they were my friends.

Was I considered as popular?

Did I receive many confessions in the first week?

Yes, but did I want all the attention?

I thought I didn’t at the time, but I came to realise that yeah, every kid wanted to be liked; so I wasn’t that different from them.

I mainly hanged out with my primary school friends whom I moved onto high school with. Yoseob, Luhan and Jonghyun were apart of my tight clique. They still remained as my good friends till this day. I did talk to other guys like this athletic guy called Yoon Doojoon, since he was close with Yoseob. My cousin, Lee Kikwang also went to my school but we weren’t very close because we didn’t see each other much. Initially, despite those few guys were my good friends, they didn’t know all of my secrets and I guess we were just buddies who hang out together. It wasn’t until the latter years of high school where I had opened up a lot more. But the only friend that I told close to everything about is Lu Han. I consider Luhan as my best friend, despite him being Chinese. I trusted him the most and when or if I get married, I would definitely have him as my best man.

In Grade 8 and throughout high school, I was observant, so I did recognise most of my classmates’ faces. Yes, even the ladies. Some were annoying, some were shy and academically gifted, some were sporty and some were just plain normal. Though, one of the normal girls ones had caught my attention on my first day.

The girl was busily to talking to Yoon Doojoon, since they were former classmates. She seemed like she was very close or best friends with Lee Jieun and was normal acquaintances with the other girl with the last name of Hwang. She looked modest and I honestly wasn’t flattered by her beauty at first sight. It would be creepy if I looked at her for too long on the first day. I didn’t even know her full name, but I knew that she had the family name of ‘Kim’. So I addressed her as ‘Kim Student’.

One day, Teacher Nam had called out the students to do a favour for him. It was to send the absentee list to the main office. Nam was a peculiar teacher, as he suggested having two students to complete his favour. He called it a ‘bonding-because-we-are-too-shy-to-meet-new-people’ strategy.

“Now, kids. Whose turn is it today? Let me look at the list.” Teacher Nam said.

“Hm, how about Yang Yoseob?” Teacher Nam suggested. Yoseob-ah went yesterday, pabo.

“But Teacher Nam! I already did it yesterday!” Yoseob, my close chingu and seating partner said.

“Oh yes, that’s right. How about Lee Junho?” I knew it; Teacher Nam’s brain could only extend that far.

“Neh, Teacher Nam. I haven’t done it yet.” I answered.

“Okay, that’s good. Now who should go with Junho?” Teacher Nam asked the class, before I see a whole group of girls screaming like ‘pick me’ or something. I was thankful, but the pain in my ears just made me annoyed and bothered by them.

“Shh, quiet down girls! How about Kim So Eun? You were almost the only one not screaming to be our popular Junho’s companion.” Kim So Eun? Who was she? Could it be…that Kim Student? She has a pretty name. I can’t believe it, am I finally going to get to talk to her? Kim Student, embarrassed girl on the first day, Yoon Doojoon’s primary school friend, Lee Jieun’s best friend: Kim So Eun. Maybe luck was by my side that day after all.

“Neh, Teacher Nam…” Kim So Eun said, as she rose from her seat in the fourth desk in third row to take the list from Nam.

I also rose from my seat, and headed outside the classroom. Should I wait for her? Why am I suddenly smiling like a kid? Those questions had wandered in my mind. I didn’t care that I was losing my cool, since I was secretly (not yet openly) surprised and delighted to be meeting the girl for the first time after two months of observing her.

I could hear footsteps coming from behind me so I had waited for her at the door. I turned around to face her, as she gave me a shy smile. I smiled back, not after admiring her view up close. She had smiley eyes like I did, she wore her light brown hair in soft waves but with her bangs plated together with a pink hairclip. She was about eight centimeters shorter than me. She was prettier than I first thought. My younger self blinked twice before letting words finally spilling out of my mouth.

“Annyeonghaesayo, So Eun-ssi.” I said in the friendliest way I could, without being too scary.

“Annyeonghaesayo, Lee Junho-ssi.” So Eun greeted, while giving me a slight bow and another sweet, shy smile. That smile is beautiful. From the first time that I saw Kim So Eun giving me that smile of hers, I have never gotten over how beautiful it was, even after so many years from knowing the girl.

“So Eun-ssi, after you.” I said, while opening the door for her. I didn’t know that I had it in me, especially at that age. But I did it even when I never really cared to do so for other girls before that day.

“Ah yeah, thank you Junho-ssi.” So Eun thanked. We then made our way to the main office, completing Teacher Nam’s favour. After that encounter, I finally understood why he wanted us to ‘bond’ with the classmates we were unfamiliar with. If our names weren’t called out, I probably wouldn’t have dared to talk to Kim So Eun until much later, if at all.

From that day onwards, Kim So Eun had filled my head, my time and thoughts as she blossomed into my life. I was curious about every aspect of her. I was borderline obsessed with her, without anyone (except for Luhan, who was always suspicious) or myself knowing. I started to stare at her from afar, but I was never game enough to get closer to her.

On the odd occasion, I would talk to her after a test and whatnot, since it was the consensus that classmates would discuss about assessments so it wasn’t like I was stalking her. She still addressed me formally as Junho-ssi. We weren’t close, so I thought it was okay, but it did bother me to an extent. Did she not want to be my friend? I used to ask myself that question quite often. But when I noticed that she was awfully close to Yoon Doojoon and other classmates, despite knowing that they went to the same primary school, I was jealous. They had all eaten lunch in a group and Yoon Doojoon would always sit next to her. It might be absurd, but when I said I was observant, I really was and I would’ve noticed all the little things. Such as the bright smile she gave him.

Kim So Eun’s close relationship with a guy didn’t stop with Yoon Doojoon, much to my uneasiness. During that spring, I noticed that she would wait in the same parking lot as I did after school. On most days, she would wait for some sunbae and they would always go home together in some other guy’s car, which I hoped to be just an oppa who’s related to her.

My younger self had thought that maybe the girl wasn’t so simple and normal after all. Maybe she was like all the other girls who were all over me and had asked me out. Maybe I saw differently. At that time, I hadn’t realised how wrong I actually was.

A lot of things triggered my teenage self’s curiosity during that spring. I found myself becoming increasingly curious so I became more observant. I was attentive. But it made me realise that no matter how popular I was, or the classmates thought I was, it didn’t mean that it was going to be a free ticket to all the best rides in the theme park. I still had to battle with myself, and others, to claim what I wanted. I already knew it was hard, and if I didn’t start to do something about my curiosity, then I could lose everything before even giving my best shot. But the worst thing is, I was already afraid and discouraged from the beginning.