Valentine’s day is overrated. It is just a day for girls to get spoiled by their boyfriend, fiancée, husband or toy. For bachelors, it could be a lonely 24 hours unless you are a young schoolboy or player who desires to ‘get lucky’ through gifting roses or teddy bears like candy to every moving female. I’ve never been fond of days like this. I’ve always believed that it was a little pointless. I mean, if a couple has been together for a while, the need to impress isn’t as important.

But I do understand what it is like to be someone’s admirer.

You’d notice things that others would not have a clue about. You’d try to act cool in front of the girl that you’re crushing on, but it never works to your benefit. You’d sneak glances of her, like it is the most natural thing you could do. You’d try to suss out her feelings before confessing to her. You’d wait for god knows how long just for her.

So I waited for a one girl many years ago.

It was when I was in the 9^th grade.

On February 13^th that year, my family had invited my extended family over to our house for dinner. We held family gatherings monthly, which became yearly as we grew older and busier. These gatherings were only fun for the first two hours. After the meal, all the kids would’ve started to feel sleepy and would be just waiting for the adults to finish their bickering and gossiping. But we were all used to it.

That night, Kikwang and I went to my room to play Super Mario Bros on our Nintendo after dessert. We had gotten much closer as cousins, friends even by that time. We had seen each other often at school and football practice. We began to talk on the phone too. It was nice to hang with the friendly guy, and we still catch up once in a while now.

Our gaming session had been running like normal, without much talk taking place because we are really competitive. That was until he started to mention his plans for the following day.

“So, I’m thinking of buying her flowers and a big, white teddy bear and then taking her out to the amusement park after school. Ah, we’ll be sitting on the top seat of the Ferris wheel and I’ll ask the dude to stop the ride for one minute and then—“ Kikwang blurted like a robot. I can’t stand this guy.

“Kikwang, bro. Please stop! I’m trying to concentrate on the game not about whatever stupid romantic event you’re planning.” I exclaimed in clear annoyance of my cousin.

“Yah, the date is going to be perfect! It’s going to take Jieunnie’s breath away!” Kikwang shook off my annoyed complaining.

My younger self took one moment to imagine how perfect Kikwang’s date would actually be. He thought to himself about how immature it was, how silly it was yet how fun and sweet it would be…if it was spent with a lover.

Little did I know, I was surprisingly envious of Kikwang and Jieun. They were the perfect couple, the couple that everyone had admired in high school. Sure, they had issues but once they reconciled, it was like pulling each other’s ears was impossible to happen. Listening to the guy had ignited my imagination, my courage and my determination. That was, to not be lonely on Valentine’s Day.

Back then, I was indeed single, girlfriendless, a bachelor. Even though I often had a few girls confess to me, none of them were my type. Sure, some were ridiculously hot, while others were really cute but I never once saw them as women or anything more than mere classmates.

Why was I like that when guys would’ve died to be in my position?

At that time, in all honesty…my heart had already set itself for one petite, graceful, intelligent and kind-hearted girl.

Anyone would have called me crazy back then, since the girl and I were just comfortable friends who chatted to each other once every two days. I was certainly not satisfied with just being a chingu because she had many more male chingus in her life already. Before her, I had never been so close to any girl before. That is why I had addressed her formally in the beginning. She was completely different to the girls who’d confess to me twenty times. I wanted to let her know how special she was to me and how I desired to be more than a regular chingu. And I wanted to do so on the most romantically cliché day of the year.

On the morning of mighty Valentine’s Day that year, I had taken the bus instead of getting driven to school. I wanted to buy some flowers for the girl, since Kikwang said girls would fall for you if you gifted them with flowers. I had scoffed real hard when he told me that, yet the silly me followed my ‘experienced’ cousin’s words. Due to me sleeping in for too long, I had to rush. So I settled for a small bunch of six yellow tulips, with the recommendation of the store’s ahjumma.

As soon as I had arrived at school, I subtly sprinted to the lockers, aiming to secretly place the bouquet of flowers in the girl’s locker before she arrived. But unfortunately I was stopped by a girl other than her.

The curly-haired girl standing in front of me was one of the popular s classmates who I despised. She was holding a large box shaped like a love heart. Chocolates, brilliant…. and they were just the first of many that day. One 14 year-old kid can only eat so much.

“Junho, please take my chocolates! I stayed up all night long just to personally hand-make them for you! Are you free—“ She blabbed along, until I took the box out of her hands.

“Thank you. I’ll eat them well. I’m not free and even if I was, I’m sorry I wouldn’t go out with you. Happy Valentine’s Day.” I tried to reject the girl as direct and nicely as I could. I surely didn’t want this girl to keep on bugging me for the whole day just to go out on a date with her. Her royally short skirt is also a huge turn-off.

I didn’t bother to smile back at the girl as I just ran to my locker to shove the flowers and the chocolate inside because the bell was about to ring in a flash. I had to postpone it…gifting my tulips and all. I guess I had no other option but to give them to her in person.

Walking my way to my first class, which was English, I saw her. Kim So Eun.

She was wearing her hair up in a ponytail accompanied by a red bowtie. It looked like she was embracing a day like this. All girls did so, some unconsciously and some just too obviously. A smile immediately grew on my face as we made eye contact. It was at that moment, when my younger self’s heart had begun to beat. The longer we stared at each other, the faster it beat. She looked happy to see me, which made me feel like the luckiest boy in the world. I walked closer towards her inside the classroom, thinking about asking her to meet me after school for a ‘study’ session like the previous time. It was a one-off thing where she would tutor me English, as I would tutor her Math. However, my luck wasn’t going in my favour for the second time that morning.

Just as I was about to reach her desk, that Yoon Doojoon guy zipped his way to place his on the chair next to hers. My smile dropped, as my face darkened at the awful sight. Witnessing a warm hug between them, I had excused myself out of the classroom for an emergency toilet break, which was actually an emergency ‘cool-the-fire’ break.

Lunchtime was my next opportunity. It was hectic and busy. I had noticed more crazy girls chasing after boys, begging them to accept their ‘hand-made’ chocolates or to become their boyfriend. Some boys had even dared to give out roses to every girl in the cafeteria. It’s like they had so much pocket money to do something stupid like that. Oh wait, I was one of them. But the difference was that I only bought flowers for one girl.

Together with my friends, and her friends, we sat together on the same table. It was a regular thing to eat together when Yoseob, Luhan, Kikwang and I didn’t have practice. I wanted to sit next to her, to hopefully speak to her and ask her out on a possible date after school. I wanted to so badly. However that Doojoon bastard had to sit in the spot next to her. That was the second time that day that I had lost to him. I was infuriated with him and myself. Why does he always have to be in the way? In the end, I had to sit in a spot on the furthest away from her. Doojoon tried to talk to her as he was continuously trying to flirt with my girl. He had nerves to ignore the daggers I sent him with my small eyes. Since everyone on the table were ‘Valentines’ or couples like Kikwang and Jieun; who were too busy feeding each other like babies to talk; I felt even more awkward and silent. By the time lunch was over we just a very timid and awkward ‘Hi’ throughout the hour break and that was all. The loneliness and jealousy was ripping through my younger self, and I had no idea how to stop it.

Then after school was my last chance. We had music class together, so as soon as the class had finished, I literally sprinted to my locker to grab the bouquet, which was slowly dying, just to run to the car park where she would wait for her Oppa to pick her up. Panicking, shaking and sweating like an idiot I spotted her at the entrance…but with yet another boy. Sorry make that two boys. One was Myungsoo sunbae, who was kinder than I thought after that embarrassing, ‘fainting’ experience from the year before. But the other wasn’t someone I knew. He looked familiar, like I have seen him somewhere but he is still a stranger, a stranger who was embracing her. Why on Earth does she have so many guys around her? My angered self thought. For a middle school student, Kim So Eun was definitely a very hard girl to get a hold off, without any guys with her.

She walked with the two boys towards the right direction. So, the silly boy in me followed them. I could not believe that I actually had the guts to stalk a girl like that. But I did it for a good reason. Trying my best not to get noticed, or else everything will come crashing down along with any hope, the trio stopped in front of the nearby ice-cream shop that our school’s kids always went to.

I hid behind a tall tree as I watched the three enter the shop. Roughly around two minutes later, I finally garnered up the courage to walk out of my stalking spot and head inside. Until, an arm tugged onto mine. I jumped in shock like I had a heart attack, and when I looked at the person; I think I did have one. It was the curly-haired girl from this morning.

“Junho, what are you doing? Why were you hiding behind a tree?” She asked curiously, as I tried to avoid eye contact. Maintain your composure, Junho! I mentally scolded myself.

“I-um-well…nothing. Hey, you. What a coincidence!” I faked a laugh.

She smiled at me widely. I felt so bad for this. I had already rejected her rather bluntly earlier and she is still willing to talk to me. It is like she really wanted to get to know me rather than just hooking up.

“It sure is. So, um, d-do you want to eat ice-cream together?” She offered me shyly. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. Maybe she’s just one of those semi-innocent girls who are (kind of) pretty, meaning that they are forced to conform to the popular crowd. I needed to look normal and discrete anyway, so I decided to agree to her offer. I guess the least I could do is to treat her nicer and become friends with her.

“Sure, why not.” I said, while opening the door for her like a gentleman.

As soon as we stepped inside, I spotted where So Eun and those boys were sitting. I immediately gestured the curly-haired girl to sit on the table towards the very end, a spot that hopefully they can’t notice us or me peaking at them. Yes, I was indeed the craziest and creepiest boy to ever be born in the world - well on that day at the least.

After quietly ordering a mint-chocolate sundae for the curly-haired girl, and a vanilla banana split for myself, I return to the table.

“Thanks for ordering, Junho. How much was it? Let me pay you back.” The curly-haired girl said. She had surprised me again. I had the impression that a girl like her would be the type to force the guy to pay for everything. I guess I was completely wrong. This girl was rather nice, sweet even.

“Aigoo, it’s okay. It is the least I can do…um…” I didn’t even know her name and she had already confessed, with chocolates and was even willing to accompany me after my rejection. I really am a bastard.

“Jinah. Im Jinah. You can call me by Nana, my nickname though.” Jinah, Nana…that’s one cute name. This Nana girl was really just your average schoolgirl who just wanted to fit in. I should have respected her more before acting so rudely.

“Nana. Today was the first time I met you right? I’m sorry I couldn’t accept your confession earlier. I well…have someone I like already.” I said sincerely, trying to respect the girl as much as I could.

“Yes, it was but I’m actually in most of your classes. I understand…and I know that she’s the reason you are here stalking her with me.” Nana said. Was she really? I haven’t noticed her before…and how did she know? Am I that obvious? I was obvious and oblivious that day but unfortunately I didn’t believe that I was. Ego issues.

“H-how?” I blurted.

“You like Kim So Eun. I’ve seen you hanging around her a lot these days…” Nana revealed. I was getting embarrassed to the extent that I wanted to run away.

“Is it that obvious?” I joked, while trying to hide my reddening ears.

“Pretty much. It looks like she’s leaving now. Since she’s hugging that boy from another school. You should go to her, Junho…” Nana said while pointing at So Eun who was standing up from her seat.

“Omo, okay! I’ll be heading off first. You’re a really kind girl, Nana. Thank you, and I hope we can be friends. This one is for you!” I quickly said, as I clumsily took out a tulip from the bunch of 6 that were meant to be for So Eun and handed it to Nana.

And that was all I could do at that time. A lovely girl like Nana deserved a Valentine who was much better than myself. I had hoped for her to spend the rest of the day happily, if possible.

Just as I see the dude leaving So Eun outside, I dodged several chairs and made my way out to see her. Finally, this was the moment that I had been anxiously waiting for the entire day. The one, golden moment with Kim So Eun.

“So Eun-ssi!” I yelled as I tried to scare her from behind.

“Omo! What the hell?!” So Eun screamed in my face.

“Sorry for scaring you! It is me, Junho!” I apologised quickly. So Eun finally looked up to my eyes. I could see the sparkle in her brown, smiley eyes. They were enchanting.

“J-junho? Woah, you almost gave me a heart attack!” So Eun hit her chest dramatically, which made me laugh.

“Haha, I got you! I, um…wanted to give you these earlier…. but-I-didn’t-g-get-the-chance-so…yeah. H-happy Valentine’s Day, So Eun-ssi.” My nerves were out of control, but I manage to do it. The flowers weren’t as mint and fresh but they were alive. Only just. I handed them to So Eun, while giving her my best smile.

“Oh, wow! Thank you so much! I thought you were giving these to the girl you were sitting with before…” She saw me…dammit.

“I-uh…they are for you...I didn’t know what flowers you like so I just chose the prettiest one…” I muttered.

“I love them, Junho. Thanks, again!” So Eun thanked before throwing her arms over me for a hug. I stood frozen for a millisecond before placing one hand lightly on her waist. I felt like mountains have shrugged off my shoulders.

“No worries….Hey, So Eun-ssi…listen…” I hesitated a little, but I decided that this was it. It was do or die; now or never. The time had come, and I can’t run away from it.

“What’s up?”

“I have something to say.” I gulped, as did So Eun, unexpectedly.

“To be honest, I am glad that I met and became friends with a girl like you,” I began.

“Junho….” So Eun whispered my name shyly.

“But seeing you with all those guys today, no everyday, makes me so nervous, anxious and annoyed that I could die. I wanted to be like them because they seem so close to you.”

“The truth is, I kind of stalked you here with that nice-looking, curly-haired girl, who isn’t my girlfriend, by the way! I did it because I wanted to give you these flowers because I have been waiting for the entire day but I couldn’t do it. Doojoon was always in the way and hurting my pride…”

So Eun had remained shell-shocked in her spot. She still maintained her innocent gaze on my eyes. She was sinking in each and every word that my younger self had uttered. I was truly thankful to her for hearing me out and not looking at me like I am a psychotic boy.

“Okay, enough of talking crap. I’ll cut to the chase….”

“I like you,”

“I have liked you for a while now. And I hope you like me too.”

I had finally confessed to Kim So Eun. I did it, after god knows how long of waiting for the right moment. And at that time, all I did was stare into those watery eyes of Kim So Eun’s for her answer. But she just stood there with a blank expression. She didn’t smile, nor did she even move. Her eyes were fixated on mine with the feeling of immense confusion. Just as I was about to say something to break the ice, I hear another voice piercing through my ears. So Eun had immediately turned around with her back facing me.

“Let’s go, So Eunnie.” It was Myungsoo sunbae.

“Ah, yeah, oppa. Let’s go home,”

“G-goodbye, Junho.” So Eun said, as she left me standing at the door of the ice-cream shop…under the arm of Myungsoo sunbae.

Life was almost fulfilled for me back then. It was the first time that I felt so close to being complete. Yet, I was still so far from that. I had confessed to the girl of my dreams, yet she didn’t respond with an answer. She left me hanging with another guy. Again. I was so close, yet so far. I had waited for a year, and I even bought flowers. From that Valentine’s Day onwards, the waiting game looked like it wasn't going to end anytime soon.