Frosty fingers, hot fudge sundaes and cozy cuddles. Cold weather screams for warmth, as the sun hides away quicker than during hot times. For those who become too comfortable with the gift of loving heat the occasional glistening snowflake would act to startle them. For those who are deprived of that loving heat, any tinge of warmth would be treasured yet greed may see the end of such warmth.

We may get lost in translation in life. We may lose control of the steering wheel or forget the existence of a handbrake. We may survive every snowstorm we encounter.

But what I have learnt over the years is…

Once you grab a hold of any form of warmth in winter, never let go nor wish for more,

Or else that gift will just slip through your fingers, instantly.

Anniversaries could be hard to come by. As I have matured over the years, such dates are just like any other day and do not hold much significance to a strong relationship. When you were younger, it’s days like these that we treasure the most, perhaps because there was nothing better besides going on a special date that marks the longevity of your little relationship.

I had my fair share of these celebrations, and the first of them was in the winter of 2004.

Lee Junho and my younger self had been together for two months of pure joyfulness. Unfortunately, Junho had a virus during our first month anniversary so we decided to celebrate a month later.

The affectionate boy was an event encyclopedia. He would come up with the most interesting, out-of-the-box and romantic little dates while I was hopeless in comparison. So, he insisted and I pretty much expected that he would organise our anniversary. It takes a lot of dedication to continue to impress a girl, which is something that Junho does best, even till this day.

Junho had ridden his bicycle to my house that morning. He even brought two apple juice boxes just in case if we got thirsty. Once he arrived, I sprinted out of my door dressed in a simple singlet and denim shorts with pink Converse sneakers, only to be welcomed with the boy’s glorious smile.

“Junho-yah! Happy second month anniversary!” I attacked him with a super-excited hug.

“Morning, So Eunnie. Yes, happy anniversary my princess.” Junho said coolly as he rested his head on my shoulder. I then patted his messy hair neatly back into place.

“Thanks, Nuneo. So, what have you got planned for us today?” I asked as I pulled away from Junho to face his glowing face.

“Well, it’s a pretty simple date today. We’re going to enjoy the thing you love the most.” Junho revealed to my delight.

“Hmmm, pigging out and eating yummy food like there’s no tomorrow?” I answered cutely with my mouth wide opened.

“Damn right. Let’s go!” Junho said, as he pulled my arm with his and we bolted our way forward. We ran away blissfully exactly like how excited teenagers would, without a single care in the world.

Junho led the way to a lively street scattered with food stands that carried distinct, aromatic smells. For a rather gloomy afternoon, the streetlights and loud chatter of fellow hungry people brought the location to life. I was determined to taste everything available and share those yummy moments with my dearest.

As the little gentleman that he was, Junho offered to pay for every little snack we ate that day. He would kindly allow my pig-like self to order and bargain with the ahjummas with my aegyo. He enjoyed watching me from the side because whenever I smiled or tried to act cute for a nicer slice or a few more pieces, he would keep his smiley-eyed stare on me. He was among the most attentive people I have met but sadly, I felt that I didn’t give him much in return.

After scowling down a cup of ddukbokki and a few spicy squid skewers, we finally arrived at our favourite food stand – the red bean fishcakes. Drool had fallen from out sticky mouths. We had to eat these babies.

“Junho-yah! This is it! How many should we get?” I asked Junho, while placing my hands on his shoulders excitedly.

Junho pinched my cheeks, causing me to whine.

“You’re probably going to have five on your own, so let’s get eight? I’m getting full, sweetheart.” Junho teased.

“Heh, you know me well. Eight fishcakes please, Ahjumma.”

“Sure, I’ll give you two kids more red bean.” The ahjumma kindly offered.

“Thank you so much!” We exclaimed.

After five minutes, the Ahjumma popped the cakes into a brown paper bag, which Junho grabbed with his two hands. I saw the steam coming out of the bag. I could smell the lovely sponge and red bean. I had reached out to the bag, but Junho gently held onto my hand, stopping me from dominating those fishcakes. I gave him a frown.

“Yah! Why aren’t you letting me eat?” I screamed.

Junho just chuckled at my immaturity.

“It’s because they’re hot, So Eunnie. Let my blow on them first so they can cool down before you eat them. You wouldn’t want to burn your tongue would you?” Junho explained smartly. I gave him a nod and an obedient smile. He was thoughtful.

Junho finally took a fishcake out of the bag. He blew on it a few times, trying hard not to spit. He then moved the fish like an airplane towards my mouth. I opened my mouth and took a huge bite of the fish’s head.

“Good girl. Now, give me a bite!” Junho laughed as he cruelly took the rest of the fish out my mouth, only for him to eat. I pouted and reached for the bag.

“Are you thirsty?” I asked Junho.

“Yeah, I am. Does bubble tea sound good?” He asked while nibbling on another fishcake.

“You read my mind. Let’s go! The sago is calling for us.” I said as I wrapped my free hand around his waist. We then skipped to our favourite bubble tea shop.

Once we arrived, I suddenly felt my phone vibrate from my bag.

“Oh? Wonder who is calling me at this time of the day.” I said, as Junho shrugged.

I took out my phone, only to see a surprising caller ID.

“Umm, Junho-ah…I got to take this call. Could you please order me a lychee iced tea with double sago? Thanks babe.” I said, as I gave him a brief kiss on his cheek before walking out of the store to answer the call.

“Hey, Wooyoungie. How are you?” I said a bit nervously. It had been a while since I spoken to my best friend.

“So Eunnie! I’m good! How about you? Gee, I’ve missed hearing your voice.” Wooyoung answered sweetly.

“I’ve never been better. Me too, Wooyoungie. Have you made new friends?” I asked.

“Hah, of course I have. So, there is this girl in my dance class, Yuri…she is pretty and has all the moves but she doesn’t talk much. She barely gives me a smile.” Wooyoung said shyly.

It was great news to hear – the boy meeting new friends, especially a girl. He had that reserved side to him where he’d be a tough shell to crack before you can see his true colours. I was happy for him in approaching a perhaps, equally shy person.

“Aw, my Wooyoung is growing up! She’ll fall for you hard if you try harder to talk to her.” I joked.

“Yah, you too! What about that dude you told me about last time?”

“I…gave the guy an answer.” I confessed.

I heard a sigh that came from Wooyoung’s line.

“You did? You mean Kikwang’s cousin?” Wooyoung questioned with curiosity.

“Yeah, I accepted his confession. We are together now, but I’m honestly—“ I began, before he interrupted.

“Don’t be scared. You need to believe in yourself, as much as he believes in you. Don’t push him away. Things have changed… just trust him. I’m speaking from experience.”

Wooyoung hit the fact right on the head. Even as a young teenager, he learned how to deal with life a whole lot better than I did. But when he mentioned his experiences, my tender heart exerted out a shot of pain.

“Wooyoung, I didn’t me—“

He never minded cutting my words short. He still does it.

“It’s been almost 3 years and we’re great as we are now.” Wooyoung said truthfully.

“I miss you Wooyoungie. Let’s catch up for a movie some time soon.” I replied, as had taken a glance at Junho, who was waiting patiently around the corner.

“You sure your little boyfriend won’t get jealous?” Wooyoung snapped.

“Are you sure that Yuri girl won’t kill you when you’re not looking?”

“Aigoo, our So Eunnie has gotten so much more sense after getting a boy. Yah, she won’t coz she doesn’t even talk to me.” Wooyoung said with disappointment.

“Work harder! You’re not trying nearly enough in your chasing. I know from experience.” I joked, freely.

“Yah! I am not like that anymore! I am a MAN, do you hear me?” Wooyoung defended like a child avoiding punishment.

“Yeah, yeah, okay you’re the manliest guy out. Anyway, I’m heading off…” I checked my watch, and figured I already used up too much time for the call. I felt that Junho was bored and perhaps jealous out of his mind at the time.

“To make out with your precious Junho?” We’re not like that…I thought to myself with a goofy smirk.

“Yes, totally! You would love to see that, huh?” I bickered as Wooyoung chucked.

“O-okay, no thanks. Talk to you later! Call me more often, kid! Bye, enjoy your date!”

“Of course! Go ask Yuri for her number, you chicken.”

“Aish, I’m so jelly. Bye, So Eunnie!”

“Bye, Wooyoungie!”

After the ten minute phone call, I rushed my way back to Junho and wrapped my arms around him for a back hug.

“Sorry, Junho-ah. I took way too long. You poor thing must’ve been bored. Let’s go have your favourite red bean ice!” I said as cutely as possible. Junho responded with his hands tightly grasped with mine.

“Hmph, you never talk to me on the phone for that long. Unfair! So, when am I going to meet the mighty Jang Wooyoung?!” Junho asked with a tint of frustration.

“Aigoo, eating red bean ice is way more exciting than meeting that jashik. Come on!” I said before I dragged the jealous boy towards the dessert café.

It was a happy and delicious ending to our anniversary date. Sure, it was interrupted by Wooyoung’s call, but we’d enjoy ourselves to the upmost bliss any young kids could have. It was a date that I could never forget.

…

As our classmates had become more aware of Junho’s relationship with me, it garnered some attention. We did not indulge it since all had mattered was our own personal feelings. Some people gave us death stares. Others, who we never had spoken to before, would randomly walk up to us and ask weird questions. Junho was considered to be popular back then, so whatever he did, people cared. I guess there were quirks to being a high school couple. One of them included invitations to weekend parties. The first party invite we received was from Junho’s then best friend (they eventually drifted due to distance, albeit still close).

We were walking to class after lunch concluded. But just outside our classroom, a blonde haired, deer looking boy stopped our tracks.

“Yo, Lu!” Junho greeted his friend with a brotherly fist pump and hug.

“Junho-yah! I finally found you!” his friend, who I recognised as Luhan said.

The two friends pulled away from each other. Luhan directed his gazed toward me. I stared blankly at him.

“Oh, So Eun is it? Junho hasn’t formerly introduced us yet. I’m Luhan.” Luhan greeted.

“Nice to finally meet you, Luhan! Let’s be friends!” I said and gave the boy a high-five. I felt the dagger eyes Junho shot at his mate. I just chuckled. This boy is definitely made out of jelly.

“Okay, Lu! What were you looking for me for?” Junho asked.

Luhan abruptly pulled out two silver envelopes out of his blazer and handed them to us.

“It’s my birthday on Saturday! So I want you guys to come!”

Birthday party? With Luhan and all of Junho’s friends?

My younger self had not met many of her boyfriend’s friends yet and she was undoubtedly nervous. She wondered if they knew of her, what their first impressions were like, if they thought she matched well with Junho.

“Call! How can we miss our big Lulu’s party! Right So Eun?” Junho replied and gave me a little nudge.

“Uh-yeah of course, thank you for the invitation Luhan. I am looking forward to it!” I politely answered.

“Yay! The party will be at my house, so swing by at around 5pm. There will be musical chairs, balloons, cake and confetti!” Luhan revealed like a girl going to her first slumber party.

“Awesome, let’s get to class kids!” Junho pulled Luhan and I as we skipped to class together.

I, as the girlfriend of the popular Lee Junho, was just about to step into his personal territory for the first time. Two months and things moved on very quickly from then on.

…

Saturday night. D-day.

Luhan was a boy who loved to glamour himself up. I wasn’t sure if it was because his sisters had influenced him to scrub up neatly like a model during his teenage years or if he just wanted to attract more girls. Nowadays, Luhan doesn’t need to even look extra dashing, he just walks out the door with roughly brushed hair and flip-flops and girls will leach onto him. Once a pretty boy, always a pretty boy. So before the party, Junho and I decided to gift him a male grooming set to perfect his already luscious smoky blonde hair.

We arrived at the Lu residence right bang on time. From the front door, there wasn’t much noise coming from inside except for some intense breathing sounds. Looks like some of the kids who got there early were blowing balloons.

“Omo, our favourite couple are here! Gee, So Eunnie you look so pretty in pink!” The birthday boy opened the door and greeted us in glee.

“Happy birthday Luhan!” We both captured Luhan and brought him into our arms.

“Yah, Lu! I know So Eunnie is pretty but you might even look prettier tonight! Must be because you’re getting older.” Junho teased while he touched the wax on Luhan’s spiked-up bangs. I giggled with a thumbs up.

Luhan was more beautiful than many people of both male and female gender. I must admit, he always made me feel pressured to look that tiny bit better when I’m with him; even till this day.

“Tell me what I don’t know Nuneo-yah. Okay, let’s get you two lovebirds inside! Not many people are here yet but we still got plenty of un-blown balloons!” Luhan said and guided us inside his bright looking home.

Junho suddenly stopped us on our track and turned me to face him. He placed his big hands on my warm cheeks and looked me in the eye with his cute eyesmile.

“So Eunnie, loosen up a bit. My friends already adore you so don’t worry. Plus, I won’t abandon you. You’ll probably find Jieun trying to cling off Kikwang and ditch me first. It’ll be fun, okay?” Junho comforted as he gave me a small peck on the lips. Junho always knew how to calm my nerves down and make me feel truly treasured. That innate ability to sense my anxious moments and give me energy with small gestures is something that only Junho had.

“Thanks Junho. Let’s go blow some balloons for the deer.” I said as I placed my palm under his for him to lead us to join the other kids.

“Yah, Lee Junho! Come on over and give your best friend some help!” Yoseob, who I was not close with, screamed.

“Yoseob-ah hold your horses. I need to introduce you to my girlfriend first.” Junho said as he wrapped his left arm around my waist.

“I know So Eun! How can I not? So Eun-ah let’s get closer, as you know, I am Junho’s best bud Yoseob.” Yosoeb stretched his hand out for a handshake, which I gladly accepted.

“Okay, Yoseob-ah! Let’s be best buds too!” I joked which made Junho let out a fake cough.

“So Eun-ah, do you want to go over to the decorations table and grab a few balloons? I need to show Yang Yoseob here who’s girl you are.” Junho gave Yosoeb a cheeky headlock as I left the two boys for some bonding time.

I went over to back of the room in search for balloons but there weren’t any left. As I turned around, a tall and pale figure clashed into my head as we both cried in pain.

How can people not look where they’re walking? I was really annoyed at the clumsy person.

“I am so sorry! I didn’t notice you’d turn back so quickly. My bad. Is you’re head okay?” The boy, who looked a bit dizzy himself, tried to touch my red forehead, which I swiftly ignored.

“It’s fine. You’re a clumsy one aren’t you?” I said as I looked up and saw his apologetic, moon-eyed face. Maybe I am a bit too harsh on him.

“A bit. We haven’t met before right? I am Oh Sehun from first year, class A-3. I’m Luhan’s friend.” Oh Sehun…nope, no idea.

“Hi, Sehun. My name is Kim So Eun from third year. I’m Luhan’s friend’s um…girlfriend. Nice to meet you.” I said a bit awkwardly.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re Junho hyung’s girlfriend…” Sehun answered bluntly.

“Yeah…so you’ve got more balloons for me?” I tried to break the tense feeling between us with a genuine smile.

“Sorry, I do. I wanted to give them to you…So Eun, um can I call you nuna?” Nuna? It makes me feel like I am 25. The way Sehun called me nuna had made me feel a bit old but his shy and cute way of showing his manners won me over. This kid was genuinely a sweet one even if he bumped into my young head.

“Sure, Sehunnie, you can call me nuna. I’m older than you by only two years though. So I’m not like a granny!” I said as I patted him on the head.

“Hah, whatever makes you happy So Eun nuna! Let’s go back, Junho hyung might want to kill me if I hog you for any longer.” He was right. Junho probably would almost ruin the young boy’s chance of fatherhood.

As we walked back to the living room, we see most of the guests have arrived and I can’t even spot Junho. Sehun quickly ran to Luhan, leaving me left wandering.

Then, suddenly I feel a sharp poke in my back.

“Kim So Eun! There you are! I was looking for you everywhere and here you are hanging out with some cute dude!” It was my best friend, the always jumpy Jieun.

“Jieunnie! I was looking for balloons and I accidentally bumped head with that kid, Sehunnie. Luhan’s little wingman.” I explained.

“Sehunnie is he now? Woah, So Eun you sure get them flocking towards you. Let’s go take get our seats first.” Jieun teased as we walked to the dining room.

Jieun and I picked a row of four empty seats and waited for Junho and Kikwang to join us. Just as the boys came over, Sehun sat down on the single empty chair next to me.

“Sehun-ah, it’s been a while!” Junho greeted the younger boy.

“Hyung!” Sehun jumped off his seat and hugged Junho tightly. They seemed closer than I thought.

“Congrats to becoming a couple with So Eun nuna! I just met her earlier and she’s awesome like you.” Sehun said.

“Yah, remember she is hyung’s girl not yours!” Jealous Junho at his best. Sehun was raw and harmless and he still served some jelly.

Luhan appeared at the head of the table and clapped loudly to capture our attention. Junho quickly sat down my right side and held onto my hand tightly like I was his most prized possession. Junho definitely didn’t want to share with Sehun. It wasn’t like Sehun was trying to flirt with my younger self. He just was a cute child that I wanted to be friends with. Junho trusted me but never the innocent guys around us.

“First off, thank you all for coming to celebrate my birthday! You’re all here because you’re my special people so I hope we have a great time with this food and party until the sun rises! Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

After munching on our yummy wontons, Jieun and I popped out for a toilet break.

“Hey Jieun, Junho’s a bit sensitive today. I don’t know why he feels jealous when I’m talking to Sehunnie.” I asked for advice.

“So Eun, do you have any idea of how much Lee Junho likes you? How much you mean to him? He treats you like you’re his world. Plus, Sehun is a bit clingy and he’s rather charming. Junho just wants to protect you.” Jieun analysed like a investigator.

“True, I know and I love him for that. But Sehun is just adorable like a little puppy. I want to look after him like a good nuna.” I admitted. Even though it was the first time I met the boy, he gave off a lost feeling. He needed to be guided in a direction that’s good for him. A direction for him to make his dreams come true. I wanted to help him.

“Alright, well I’m just giving you advice. Help Sehunnie all you want, but you need to make Junho feel like you care for him the most.” Jieun said honestly, as we left the bathroom.

Dinner flew by as the roast duck; steamed crayfish and birthday noodles were long gone in the space of 15 minutes. We all headed outside to the beautiful outdoor patio where Luhan decorated with fairy lights to cut the cake. Junho and Yoseob helped Mrs Lu to bring out the four-layer lava cake that made us all salivate in anticipation. Chocolate is every kid’s greatest treat.

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to Luhan!

Happy birthday to you!

The boys line dup to give Luhan a row of fifteen punches as he blew the candles.

Eating the delicious cake together with Jieun and Kikwang while Junho was off partying with Luhan and his other friends, we enjoyed the atmosphere. Luhan’s house was really nice and his family was very kind.

Junho came back to my side after a bout of crazy dancing with the boys.

“So Eun-ah, you had fun tonight right? But it looks like you’re pretty tired. Shall we head off?” Junho said as he gave me a hug.

“It was great fun! All your friends welcomed me really nicely. Yeah, let’s go say bye to Luhan.” By that time, Jieun and Kikwang already left. I was exhausted by then too.

“Luhan, thanks again for having us! Happy birthday!” I said as I tried to give the boy a friendly hug before Junho stepped in.

“Bro, happy birthday but my girl ain’t your present.” Junho joked.

“Yah, I get it. She is all yours. I’m glad you guys enjoyed yourselves. I’ll use that hair kit well! Be safe and good night!” Luhan greeted us goodbye as we made our way out.

Kim Bum oppa’s car was already outside waiting for us. We jumped in quickly.

“Hi oppa!”

“Hello, hyung-nim. Thank you for taking me home!” Junho said.

“Had a good time I see kids? No worries brother-in-law.” Kim Bum oppa said like we were married for ten years. Gee, we were only two months in.

“Hey So Eun.” Junho suddenly whispered.

“What’s up?”

“What do you think about Sehun? He likes you.” He asked abruptly. I had predicted it was coming though.

“He seems nice and a bit lost like a dongsaeng I never had. How can the kid know if he likes me or not? You’re just as silly Lee Junho.” I explained as I sneaked in a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Yah Kim So Eun! What are you doing in front of your oppa! Do you want me to kick him out?” Kim Bum oppa joked like he was actually furious. Nothing was furious at the time except his fast car.

“Sorry oppa!”

“Sorry hyung-nim, she won’t do it again!”

I didn’t see Sehun that much for a while after that. Sometimes I would see him with Luhan at the bubble tea shop, but he’d give me the cold shoulder. Junho said he was having trouble at home or something so he was not as cheerful at first. All I had hoped was for him to let him me give him for moral support but I was sure Luhan did exactly that. I thought, maybe he didn’t need me to be an older sister figure at that time. But I was ready and willing if he ever came to approach me with his problems.

The first season with Junho was pure bliss.

Back then, I hoped that we would last for many seasons after that winter, or even forever. But the word ‘forever’ is completely overwhelming and surreal to be used so freely.