The weather during spring is very pleasant. It is not as freezing cold like it is in winter. Nor was it burning hot like it is in summer. It is just moderately cool. Usually, I am always in a happy mood no matter what the season is, but in spring, I rarely get mad or angry. Maybe it was the influence of the ‘flowering’ season. Maybe it was because I’m just a girl with mild bipolarity.

During spring, I can see many couples going on romantic dates. Sometimes, when I go to have morning tea at the café nearby my office, I see young boyfriends gifting their girlfriends with bouquets of flowers – roses, lilies, sunflowers or tulips – were the usual kinds. I may sound like a creepy onlooker or a borderline stalker, but hey, they were just in line with my sight. It’s not like I enjoy seeing their public display of affection, it’s more like those romantic acts remind me of my past.

The happiness that I saw on couples’ faces during spring, reminds me of the happiness that I briefly had during the spring of 2001.

The spring of 2001 was a busy season, to say the least. It was the time where us 6^th Graders had a lot of homework and assessments. It was a time where I had started to play tennis at the club my Bummie oppa played with Myungsoo oppa. It was a time where Appa had to go overseas, to Japan for work. It was a time where we had a few social events. It was a time where I finally made a decision.

A very important decision.

What lead me into making such a decision? It had all started at a birthday party.

My 11^th birthday party.

…

I never used to have birthday parties before my 11^th birthday. It was partially because my parents were always too busy to organise one for me and I did not have a lot of comfortable friends, other than Ye Eun and Jieun. But then, everything had changed.

By Grade 6, I had become friends with many more people. Many guy friends, surprisingly. My new acquaintances included Kwon, Chansung, Lee Kikwang, and Yoon Doojoon; whom are all friends with my best friend of one year. My best friend of one year is Jang Wooyoung.

Where should I start about Wooyoung-ah?

He was the perfect kid.

Nice, caring, funny and cute…

He was a kid that I was very proud to have as a best friend.

I admired him a lot.

But I was never sure if he admired me as much as I did.

…

“So Eunnie, it is your birthday next week! Do you want to host a party this year?” Umma asked.

“But Appa isn’t here and Umma is always busy with work…”

“Don’t worry, Umma will celebrate with you. Plus, your Bummie oppa will be here. He can also ask your Myungsoo oppa to come along too.” Umma said. Myungsoo oppa, does he have to come? Myungsoo oppa seemed like he was always around during that time. He was always with oppa and I whether it be playing games at our house, playing tennis with us, hanging out with us after school or even sleeping over our house. He was everywhere. He has always treated me very well, amongst my oppa’s friends. It was like I was his little sister. But as time, and years, went past I began to feel uncomfortable around him. I still had not figured out why in 2001.

“Arasso. I’ll call Ye Eun and Jieun’s homes to see if they have any plans.” I said.

“Oh, how about Wooyoungie?” Wooyoungie, of course. How could I possibly forget?

“Neh, I’ll call him too, along with some of my other classmates. Happy?” Hm, who else could I invite?

“Very! I am so excited for your little friends to come over to our house! This is going to be a wonderful 11^th birthday, So Eun-ah!” Umma was much more excited than I was. I just wanted to have a small, simple and enjoyable event, not anything extravagant.

I then took out my contacts book, and went over to my home phone.

I had called Ye Eun and Jieun first, and they happily agreed to coming to the party. They had also said they were going to plan some surprises for me too. I have never been too keen on surprises. I liked spoilers, especially for TV dramas. They would make me even more anticipated for the upcoming episodes.

I then gave Doojoon-ah a call, and he also agreed on coming to my party, saying that he would feel honoured to come or something. He was quite the amusing friend back in those days. I have always liked his energetic nature. He had even offered to call the other guys for me as well. Thankfully, his offer had prevented me from awkwardly calling them myself.

At last, but definitely not the least, it was time to give Wooyoungie a call. Why did I have to call everyone before him? I didn’t know exactly why myself. I guess it was just one of those unconscious things that I did.

“Yoboseyo? This is the Jang Residence.” A woman answered.

“Annyeonghaesayo, I’m a friend of Wooyoung-ssi’s, Kim So Eun. May I please speak to him?” I asked, with my kind tone.

“Oh, neh. Won’t be a moment, So Eun-ssi.” I was then put on hold for a minute.

“Yoboseyo?” He answered, with his usual low tone.

“Annyeong, Wooyoung-ie! It’s So Eun here…” I said, rather nervously.

“I know. What’s up, So Eunnie?” I always liked it when you call me So Eunnie, my younger self thought.

“Ah, well, the thing is…my birthday is next week, so I’ll be having a small birthday party…I just wanted to invite you. It wouldn’t be fun without you!” Aish, why did I have to say it like that? Am I a pabo? I had often overthought about things when I was younger. I still do, to some extent. It was one of my major habits, which drove myself insane at times. But that’s another riddle to cover another time.

“I wouldn’t miss it. It is my So Eunnie’s party after all. Who’s going?” My So Eunnie?! I didn’t belong to him, at least not yet. Not even that…That was my reaction to Woo’s words. Little did I know, there were many layers to his words that I had yet discovered at the time.

“You, Ye Eunnie, Jieun, Doojoon-ah, Kwon, Chansung, Kikwang, my oppa and…” I had taken a deep breath before the last name. I knew that Woo didn’t like that person all that much. It was obvious to me, even as an almost 11-year-old.

“…Myungsoo oppa.”

“Oh, is that so? Well we are going to have so much fun aren’t we?” He said, with a sense of sarcasm.

“Wooyoung-ah, Myungsoo oppa isn’t that bad. Once you get to know him, he is actually very nice.” It was true, Myungsoo oppa might be the mysterious type but he has never been the type that would harm. I had tried my best to convince him. I could easily notice whenever Woo was annoyed. Through his tone of voice, I could read him like a book.

“You. Do you like that guy?” He said, very seriously. Did I like Myungsoo oppa? Yes, but it isn’t the same, Wooyoung-ah. He meant those words for real. There was no avoiding it. He demanded an answer from me, even if it was too much to ask of a young, confused girl.

“I—I, um…” I hesitated.

“You do…don’t you?” He mumbled. No, I cannot make him misunderstand!

“I DO NOT LIKE HIM IN THAT WAY, WOOYOUNG-AH! HE IS DIFFERENT FROM…” I exclaimed loudly.

“From?”

“From…aish, nothing. If you don’t want to come because he is there, I’ll just tell him not to come then!” I defended.

“I’ll come. I’m your best friend right? Don’t worry. I have a surprise, so be prepared, chingu-ah.” Another surprise? What is wrong with him today? He sounds so cold yet normal too. I’m going crazy.

“Arasso. Bye, Wooyoungie…” I said quietly.

“Bye, So Eunnie. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” He said, before I hung up our call.

I sat there with my thinking about of our conversation. I had thought about all the words we had exchanged. I had thought about why he had called me his So Eunnie. Why he had sounded so cold while he talked to me. Why he had asked me whether I liked Myungsoo oppa…

As I said, I have a habit of overanalysing things. Especially, when it came to a blurring thing called love. This habit has not done me any good favours over the years, and surely that spring was not an exception.

…

The following school week had concluded. It was Saturday, the day of my 11^th birthday party. Umma had woken up early to prepare for my big day. She went out to buy groceries, pick up the cake from my favourite bakery and also buy the decorations she wanted. She was clearly much more excited than I was. I appreciated her efforts, but I was just looking forward to spend time with my friends. That was probably because I didn’t like celebrating events or my parents were always too busy to. So, that morning I was left at home with Kim Bum oppa.

I walked out of my room and made my way to the bathroom to wash up.

“Oh, So Eunnie, you’re awake! Happy birthday, my cute sleepy head!” What was he doing here so early? I checked my Hello Kitty watch, and it was already 10am. Oh…it was later than I thought…

“Thank you, Myungsoo oppa!” I said, as he pulled me in his arms and lifted me off the ground. I tried to escape his playful act by kicking my way out. But I had given up quickly, and just rested my head on his shoulder. I was never a morning person, so I just gave up. It had felt rather comfortable in his arms anyway, it always did.

“Aigoo, looks like my dongsaeng is still a sleepy head on her birthday!” I let go of Myungsoo oppa’s hold on me, before turning my attention to Kim Bum oppa.

“Good morning, oppa!” I said, as I ran into my brother’s arms.

“Happy birthday, So Eun-ah! You’re a grandma now!” He teased. I then poked him hard in his stomach in return.

“Yah! How dare you poke your oppa like that? Just because it’s your birthday, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you have your way!” He said, while I start to step away from his arms, preparing to make a run from his monster attack.

“Myungsoo-ah, let’s grab a hold of this rascal!”

“Neh, hyung!”

And that resulted in my younger self, running at the speed of light, away from the two playful oppa’s of mine. My escape didn’t last long and the result was being held hostage of the two older kids and being tickled to death.

After a short rest, I went back into my room to do my own preparations for the party.

That was before I heard a knock on the door.

“So Eunnie. It’s oppa.” My Bummie oppa’s voice.

“Neh, oppa?” I said, as he entered my room, holding a box in his hands. I saw that Myungsoo oppa was standing behind him, with a box in his hand also. My smile had sparkled at the sight of the two boxes. Only at the boxes, not him.

“Oh, Myungsoo oppa…you’re here too?”

“Before your friends come, we just wanted to give you our presents first. This is from me, dongsaeng!” said Bummie oppa, as he placed his present in my hands.

“Thank you, oppa! Saranghaeyo!” I said, while standing up to give him a hug. My eyes then shifted to Myungsoo oppa, who had stood there with a bright smile.

“So Eunnie, this is for you. Happy birthday!” He said sincerely, as I slowly wrapped my arms around him for a quick hug. He patted my head like how he always did.

“Thank you, Myungsoo oppa! You’re the best!” I said happily, which made another smile crept on his face. I liked it whenever he smiled at me. To say he was good-looking is an understatement. I have always admired that oppa’s looks, like any other girl, including my two best friends would. It was unavoidable, no matter how hard I tried.

“No worries. Only for my favourite dongsaeng.”

“Arasso, we’ll leave you alone so you can open them. It is something you can wear later. I hope you like it So Eun-ah!” said Bummie oppa, as he dragged Myungsoo oppa out of my room. Myungsoo oppa waved at me, with his dashing smile. I could not help but to blush at his action.

Omo, they treat me so well! I’m so happy that I have two oppas like them. Even Myungsoo oppa bought me something…

I had opened Kim Bum oppa’s first of course. The box had a card that read:

To my beloved sister,

So Eunnie.

Love always,

Your Bummie oppa ^.^

He had gifted me a gorgeous baby pink frilly dress. It had been the most beautiful dress I had. I still have it kept inside the box until this day. One day, I would let my future daughter wear it for her uncle to see. That’s if I have children.

(Kim Bum oppa's gift, in pink)

I then open Myungsoo oppa’s gift. His card had read:

To my cute So Eunnie,

Happy Birthday!

<3

Your Myungsoo oppa ㅋㅋㅋ

Tsk, I am not his toy! And I’m not cute either! I thought to myself.

Myungsoo oppa had gifted me a pair of shiny silver ballet flats. They were the first pair of such shoes I had been given. My eyes had glowed in happiness. I really loved those shoes, and I would wear them almost everyday other than on a school day after my birthday. Even when they were getting too tight, I still wore them. Was it because they were pretty? Or was it because Myungsoo oppa had gifted me them? I had always believed the former.

(Myungsoo oppa's gift)

So, I ended up changing out of my Hello Kitty pajamas and wore my new dress while carrying my shoes in my hands. I then heard the front door of my house open, meaning that Umma had arrived back home, so I ran my way to her.

“Umma! Look what Bummie oppa and Myungsoo oppa bought me!” I said, while twirling around happily to show her. The two oppas had turned their heads from the couch and watched me.

“Wah, my daughter is all grown up now! She is one pretty young lady now!” She said, while my hair.

“Umma…” I said shyly, with a large grin.

“Aigoo, aren’t your friends coming soon? Come and help me finish off the preparations. You too, boys!”

“Neh!”

We all then helped Umma to finish decorating, cooking and doing other small errands.

My mood from being sleepy changed drastically into being very excited. I didn’t like surprises, but I still felt somewhat special on my birthday.

…

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SO EUN-AH!” screamed Ye Eun and Jieun, as soon as they walked through my front door. We shared a group hug together.

“Thanks, girls!”

We then let go of our hug, as they walked through to the backyard.

“So Eun-ah! Happy Birthday!” greeted Doojoon, Kwon, Kikwang and Chansung. They all put their arms around my shoulders for a brief hug each, before following behind my two best friends.

Then, he came through the door.

Wooyoung had arrived…

With his hands holding a bouquet of pink tulips.

I looked him into his moon-shaped, smiley eyes and gave him my biggest smile.

“Wooyoung-ah…you’re here!” I greeted, and he smiled sweetly in return.

“Happy birthday So Eunnie. I didn’t know what to get for your present, so I just bought flowers…These are for you!” He said, while his cheeks began to blush. He handed the aromatic flowers to me. I used one hand to hold them, and the other to give the guy a hug.

(Wooyoung's pink tulips)

“Thank you so much, Wooyoungie. These are the best present ever! Nobody has given me flowers before. You’re the best!” I said, as Wooyoung put his arms around me and held me tightly in his embrace. I was not surprised at the fact that Woo had hugged me, because it’s something that he did quite often, but I was surprised to feel something beating very hard, that wasn’t coming from myself.

I had felt…Wooyoung’s rapid heartbeat.

We broke off the hug awkwardly, and avoided each other’s eyes.

“We should, um, head to the garden. Everyone’s already here right?” He said.

“Yeah, kaja!” I said, while unconsciously hooking my free arm with his right. I felt his arm tensing up in response, but I tried not to react in anyway. Stay calm, this means nothing to him…It’s normal to do this because we are best friends. It is the same as how I do it with the girls, right?

We walked quickly to the garden, without any words spoken; yet with our arms still attached to one another.

“Omo, Wooyoung-ah you’re here!”

“Way to go Woo!”

“Aigoo, you two chingus…”

All of our friends had bickered at the fact that Wooyoung had arrived. The fact that I was carrying the flowers he had bought for me. The fact that our arms were hooked together…

It was getting awkward between us, so I tried to slip my arm out of his. But Wooyoung, to my surprise had tightened our hold. His eyes at the time were not set on mine. They were set at Bummie oppa and…Myungsoo oppa’s direction.

“Oh, Wooyoungie! Aren’t you a smart boy! You even bought my sister flowers! Looks like the person beside me has to pick up his game!” said Bummie oppa, while nudging the person next to him. He is just kidding right? Wooyoung doesn’t like this…at all.

“Neh, thank you, hyung.” Ah, he is not scared. That’s good.

“Aigoo, isn’t this Wooyoung kid just too sweet, So Eunnie?” teased Myungsoo oppa. This is not going to be good…

“Ooh, ooh ~” My friends and oppa cooed together. I was getting embarrassed, while Wooyoung’s face had remained so stiff.

“Ah, okay guys. Let’s get the party started! Myungsoo-ah, can you put those lovely flowers into the vase over there?” Umma said, saving Wooyoung and I from further embarrassment.

“Arasso, Mrs. Kim.” He then walked beside me to take my flowers out of my hand. He leant close up towards my ear.

“So Eunnie, you like my shoes better than this boy’s flowers right?” He whispered.

“Oppa!” I yelled, as I punched him in the stomach, which made him quickly walk away from me.

My 11^th birthday party was much more interesting than I had expected it to be.

…

The rest of my party that year was spent playing football, ‘Truth or Dare’ and UNO cards like how usual early adolescent parties would be like. For lunch, Umma had prepared a traditional barbeque outside, with Samgyeopsal, Korean A-grade beef, Japchae, Kimbap, seaweed soup and her famous home-made kimchi. All my guests had praised Umma’s cooking, which made her very happy. Umma has always loved cooking for people, and she felt very cheerful when those people enjoyed eating her food.

After our meal, it was time to gather for the birthday cake. We all sat together in the living room, with smiley faces as we waited for Umma to bring out the cake. Despite having Ye Eun and Jieun sitting next to me, I had a slight sad feeling. That was because Appa wasn’t here to celebrate with us, and we were having a great time while he was busy working overseas.

“What’s wrong, So Eun-ah?” Jieun asked, which had gained all the guests’ attention.

“Oh aniya, it’s just my Appa isn’t here, that’s all. Thank you everyone for spending my birthday with me! It’s the first time for me having such a big party like this!” I said, in attempt to cheer myself up.

“Aigoo, thank you for inviting us, So Eun-ah!”

I laughed in response.

“Happy birthday to you…” Eh? Isn’t that Myungsoo oppa’s voice? The oppa in question had walked alongside Umma, while playing his guitar and singing. I had gasped in shock, and so did everyone else. Whether it was because of the delicious cake or oppa’s guitar playing, they were all impressed. Except for Wooyoung, who was sitting on the couch above me, as I was sitting on the carpet. He placed his hands on my shoulders and caressed them softly.

I glanced up at him, and gave him a small smile just to lighten his mood. I did not understand why he was acting like that back then, until a while after, when he began to use that tensed expression frequently. It was a little thing called jealousy. It was cute when he acted like that.

“Oh wow! This is daebak!” I said, as everyone had started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ with Myungsoo oppa.

“Happy birthday So Eunnie,”

“Happy birthday to you!”

“Happy birthday, my So Eunnie!” said Myungsoo oppa, who placed an arm over me for a friendly hug, before my attention flickered to the cake that was in front of me.

(So Eun's Birthday Cake)

“Umma! Strawberries!” I said loudly, at the sight of the lovely strawberries on the cake.

“Of course I know that you love strawberries! Now let’s make a wish!”

I had closed my eyes tightly, and started to think about what I should wish for.

I wish for Umma, Appa and Kim Bum oppa to stay healthy.

I wish for me and all my friends here to stay happy and friends forever.

I wish for things to work out with him.

Those were the simple wishes I had made on that day, and the first two were guaranteed to come true. However for the last wish, I had no clue or hope as to whether that would come true. That is, at least not until the end of my party.

…

Most of my guests had left, including Ye Eun and Jieun, after we finished watching a Power Rangers movie, because it wouldn’t be a perfect day without having a glimpse of my handsome Silver Ranger. Only two people were left. One was Myungsoo oppa who wasn’t really considered to by my guest, as he was my oppa’s chingu not mine. The other was, Jang Wooyoung, whose parents were running late to pick him up. I had waited with him outside my front door.

“Wooyoung-ah, if your parents can’t make it, Umma said that you could just stay here overnight…” I offered. It was Umma’s decision, not mine. True fact, as I knew that he would feel uncomfortable staying over at my house. Not because I was there, but because of other people.

“Ani, it’s okay. They are on their way. Thank you, anyway, So Eunnie.” He said, while patting my head.

“Arasso…Well, Wooyoung-ah I have something to say before you go….” I said, while fiddling with my fingers. It was time… I was gathering all my courage at that moment.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Thank you for coming to my party, Wooyoungie. And for the flowers too…”

“Yah, is that all? You didn’t have to warn me beforehand.” No it wasn’t all.

“Aniyo…just one more thing.” I mumbled.

Wooyoung nodded slowly in response.

“I—think that I am starting to,”

He gave me one stern and strong stare, which did not help my nerves to calm down.

“Like you, Jang Wooyoung.”

That spring day had marked the first time in my life that I have confessed to any one. Jang Wooyoung was the first. I didn’t know why I had said those few words to him that day, or rather how I had managed to do so. Maybe it was because of the endless supply of happiness I had experienced and received from all my loved ones. Maybe it was because of Bummie oppa and Myungsoo oppa’s gifts that made me happy since the morning. Maybe it was because of seeing my friends’ cheerful smiles. Maybe it was because of Myungsoo oppa’s surprise guitar playing. Maybe it was because of his pink tulips. But I did it, and I had no regrets. I had garnered the courage from somewhere deep inside of my younger self and acted upon my problematic thoughts bravely, like how the Silver Ranger would do it. That burst of courage was just the beginning.