Love is something that humans, animals, insects or even planets experience. We first receive love from our parents and family members at birth. We then receive the love from our friends. After we have received the love from our family and friends, then love will slowly become a blur. Why does it become a blur? Why does our vision of it become unbalanced?

That is something that I am yet to find answers to.

My vision of ‘what love is’ began to blur during the winter season of 2000.

My years in primary school were a blast. It was a blast for the majority of the population. Days were spent as glorious and excitement-filled as the day before. We were allowed to play as hard and as much as we could, without a single care of the world around us.  There were not many worries that we had to stress about, unlike now, as an adult who has to worry about paying bills, filling up petrol and remembering to lock the doors on the way out. Though my two biggest worries during those years were one; to run the Student Council smoothly and second; to make that person notice and care just that little more than they showed.

Reminiscing back to those years, I never regretted how I spent them. I had lovely best friends, polite teachers, hilarious classmates and a good reputation. But, everything revolved around anything associated to that person.

That person had first entered my life in the winter of 2000, in Grade 5.

…

It was the first day of the new school year. Another school year. I was not nervous, but I did feel like I had a bigger sense of responsibility because of the fact that we had moved from the lower section of the school, to the upper section with the older students from Grade 6 and 7. It was a pretty significant step, as in Grade 5, we were not considered to be little and young anymore, we were considered to be the ‘middle child’ of the school.

My parents drove me early to school that morning, since it was the first day of school and we had to find my new classroom in the ‘big kids’ section of the school.

“My baby, So Eunnie, take this with you and put it in the pocket of your school bag. It is for good luck from your Appa and I.” said Umma, who handed me a red packet with my favourite (Yes, even to this day) Hello Kitty printed on it.

“Thank you, Umma, Appa! I will keep my Kitty in a safe spot, so no one can steal it!” Back then, receiving red packets was one of the most exciting gift I looked forward to the most. Whether it be for my first day of school, my birthday, Chuseok or Christmas, I always treasured them when they were given to me.

“Don’t lose it again like last year. If you lose it again, I will not give you another one!” warned Appa. He tried to be tough on me when I was young, but he was nowhere near the toughness that Umma had.

“Arasso, Appa. Class is about to start, so let’s go to find my new classroom!” I was very excited yet curious at that time, curious to which teacher I had and if my friends were in the same class as I was.

“Kaja, let’s go together, So Eun-ah.” said Umma, who held my hand as we walked towards the Grade 5 classrooms. Appa followed us, holding my school bag and bag of new books and stationary.

We walked to the two Grade 5 classrooms in the upper section of the school.

I was the first to rush to check the class list outside Room 1.5.

Baek Yoonhae,

Bang Dongguk,

Kim Minsook

Kim Sora,

I searched for my name, and it was not there, as I had realised that Kim Sora’s name was the last of the Kim’s in Room 1.5.

“So Eunnie, is your name on that list?” asked Umma. I shook my head with a bright smile.

I was not disappointed that I was not in that class, as none of my best friends were in it. In fact, I was somewhat relieved.

“I must be in Room 1.6 then! Daebak! That means Ye Eunnie and Jieun will be in the same class with me too! Their names weren’t on the list either!” I screamed with my then high-pitched voice. Whenever I got excited, I think it probably drove my parents mad. They did not mention this to me until I was much older. Parents always spoil and pamper their children when they are young, and start to punish and spill their anger or mid-life crisis issues on them starting from about aged 14 and onwards.

I ran to the Room 1.6, which was directly next to 1.5.

I arrived at the door, and quickly took a glance at the class list.

Kim So Eun,

Lee Jieun,

Park Ye Eun.

I screamed again in over-excitement as I saw my name and my two best friends, Lee Jieun and Park Ye Eun’s names on the list before walking with my parents behind me, into the classroom steadily with a happy grin on my face.

As I entered the classroom, two girls ran up to me and hugged me tightly.

“YAH! SO EUN, YOU ARE FINALLY HERE!” exclaimed the two girls, who had strangled my neck.

“Yes, I’m here! Jieun-ah, Ye Eun-ah, I missed you two so much!” I replied.

“So Eun honey, let’s go to see Teacher Ko to confirm your attendance first.” said Umma, who pulled me out of my two friends’ tight hold.

“Arasso…I will be back girls!” I said, before following Umma to Teacher Ko’s desk.

“Mrs. Kim, Mr. Kim, Student So Eun it is nice to meet you all.” said Teacher Ko, who shook hands with all three of us. He had appeared as quite the nice and friendly teacher at the time, but I later discovered the insanely strict side of his happy face.

“Annyeonghaesayo, Teacher Ko. I am happy to be in your class!” I greeted, before giving him a 90 degree bow. I was the kid who always respected my superiors. It was the way that I was raised by my parents, who though were not extremely tradition-driven, but still had refined values and ways of parenting.

“I look forward to teaching you, Kim So Eun. I hope that I can teach you many new things this year. It is going to be your best year in primary school!” encouraged Teacher Ko. I believed him, at the time before I realised that all teachers had to tell us good and kind words on the first day, as they wanted to keep all their students on track. That, only lasted about the first six weeks of the year. Poor teachers.

“I hope we can have a fun class!” I said.

“Teacher Ko, please take good care of our So Eun this year. She is a smart girl, but she just needs to be pushed to work harder.” said Appa, who patted my head.

“She is in safe hands with me. You have no need to worry! I promise!” said Teacher Ko.

“We are depending on you. Thank you. We have to leave now for work, goodbye Teacher Ko.” said Umma.

“It is my pleasure and it was a honour to meet the two of you.” answered Teacher Ko. Something that I also did not realise about teachers at that age, was that they will always sweet talk to parents because they were the ones who were paying for their income and were the ones that could make or break their reputation to the school’s superiors.

“So Eun-ah, be good to the kind Teacher Ko this year! Appa and I have to leave for work now. We will pick you up in the afternoon, baby.” said Umma, who held me in her arms.

My parents then left my classroom. I then went back to Jieun and Ye Eun.

“Yah, do you guys like Teacher Ko?”

“Ah, he looks like he is a nice teacher!” answered Jieun.

“He seems like he has a bigger brain than last year’s Teacher Yang!” joked Ye Eun, which made Jieun and I giggle. Over time, we found out that Teacher Ko was actually on par with Teacher Yang in terms of intelligence. I saw Teacher Ko the last week at the petrol station, about 14 years since the last time I saw him at graduation, and he had a much younger woman with a chopstick thin body and implants tugged closely onto his arm. That somehow did not surprise me.

“Haha, I agree. It is probably because he wears glasses and Teacher Yang didn’t. Umma said that people who wore glasses were smarter than those who don’t because they read a lot.” I replied. Yes, I was just that innocent and believed whatever my parents said.

“That is so true! My Appa says that to me too!” said Jieun.

“Aigoo, do you really believe that? Bang Dongguk from 1.5 wears glasses and he told me that he never reads the books during reading time! I peaked at him to check before and he was just sleeping behind the book!” said Ye Eun. Ye Eun had been the brightest one out of our trio, not saying Jieun and I were unintelligent, just that Ye Eunnie was exceptional. She had been awarded the top student each school year.

“Oh really? But wait, Ye Eunnie…why were you talking to Dongguk-ah? And why were you peaking at him during reading time?” asked Jieun curiously.

“Yeah, why Ye Eunnie? But, Jieun, why are you calling him Dongguk-ah? I never knew that you were friends with him… Or do you have a cru—“ I teased, but Jieun cut me off immediately. She had blushed in embarrassment. Jieun was always the shy type of girl who blushes easily when she is embarrassed, and she is still the same girl like she was. She is just slightly more daring now, but that is another riddle to unravel.

“YAH! KIM SO EUN!” screamed my two best friends, who pulled my cheeks with significant strength for ten year olds. I was the jokester, the playmaker but also the least confident member of our trio. Yes, I did not have much confidence in 2000. Though I did slowly believed in myself more after the first day of winter that year, for several reasons.

“Aish, I’m joking! Ouch, that hurts! Stop!” I screamed, before Teacher Ko’s bell gained my attention.

“Students, please gather and sit in the centre of the classroom. I will count to 5, and the last student has to run a lap of the oval at lunchtime!” We of course started to panic, as the frosty Korean winter had begun and it was about -8°C outside. I had hooked onto Jieun and Ye Eun’s arms before sprinting with them to the centre of the classroom, taking the spots in the third row. We had always sat in the third row of the classroom, as it was not too close to the front where the intimidating teacher had sat and it was not in the back row either, because we were not the so-called ‘bad kids’ of the class.

“1…2…3…4…5! Who is last?” exclaimed Teacher Ko.

We were already sat in our spots, so none of us were going to be that poor kid who had to run a lap of the icy and slippery grass oval.

“That kid over there, come to the front please.” Teacher Ko pointed at the boy and used his finger to direct him to come to the front of the classroom. Ko’s real personality had been exposed after that shot of arrogance, but as students in Grade 5, we just thought he was a ‘big, mean teacher’.

Jieun, Ye Eun and I looked in the direction that Ko had pointed to. There stood a boy, with short dark brown hair, who we did not recognise or realise his existence. Both were very likely, since there were so many students in our grade so it was hard to know everyone’s names.

“Me?” mumbled the boy, while looking strangely at Teacher Ko.

“Yes, you. Please come up to the front,” ordered Teacher Ko bluntly.

Jieun nudged me softly, and she started to whisper in my ear.

“Yah, who is he?”

“I don’t know. I have never seen him before.”

Ye Eun began to whisper into my other ear.

“He is the new kid. I heard he was the smartest kid in his old school.”

“Oh chincha? He doesn’t look like it. He doesn’t even wear glasses.” I replied, as I took a small glance at him standing in front of the class. The boy looked pretty normal to me, at the second glance. The fact that he didn’t wear glasses, made me determine that he was probably not a genius. Umma’s words were obviously still driven in my head at the time.

“Yah, how many times—“ Ye Eun was then cut off by Jieun who nudged her in the ribs.

“Guys, be quiet! Teacher Ko and the new boy are staring at us whispering. Or else, we have to run a lap of the oval at the least!” Jieun was the most innocent out of us all, as she always had obeyed her orders. We immediately shifted our attention to the front.

“Thank you, fellow students. Now…”

“Wait! I mean excuse me, Teacher Ko!” interrupted a fellow classmate of ours, who Ye Eun revealed that the classmate was Kim Taeyeon, the girl who was last year’s class representative. How did Ye Eun know this? She was her secretary in Grade 4.

I let out a quiet, “Oh” in return.

“Yes, Taeyeon.”

“Well…don’t you think it is not fair that our new chingu has to face punishment on his first day?” Who was our, no her, chingu? I thought to myself with a weird feeling at the time. I later learned that that feeling was something called ‘envy’ and it was a feeling that my classmates, especially Ye Eunnie, and I had felt about Taeyeon throughout those years.

“Who said I was going to punish him?” said Teacher Ko. He was quite the prick, back in the day. He still probably is, judging from when I saw him last week. Looks like people do not change all that much in life.

“Then…what?” wondered Taeyeon. Why was she defending the cute new boy anyway?  That was what I asked myself on that day. It was the first time I had described a person of the opposite ‘cute’ other than the Silver Ranger from the Power Rangers. The funny thing was, that the word had slipped out of my young, raw mind so unconsciously like it was not a big deal. If I had said that a loud, then my two buddies would have bombarded me with stupid questions.

“I was just going to introduce him to the class. I was never going to making the young man here run a lap of the oval. I am not that mean, Taeyeon-ah.” said Teacher Ko. The way he called Kim Taeyeon, Taeyeon-ah appeared strange to us girls. We had exchanged curious looks with each other, and then back at Ko then at Taeyeon, whose cheeks turned red. Little did we know, until 14 years later, Ko was definitely not ‘Mr. Simple’.

“Anyway, class. Now that we have settled down, allow me to introduce your new classmate to you kids.”

I took a closer glance at our new classmate. I realised that he was quite a catch. He was tall and had big feet. Yes, my ten-year-old self did notice people’s foot size. I shamelessly still do. He had a pair of small eyes on a face that was relatively small. He was a cute boy, not ridiculously handsome like Song Seung Hun or Won Bin, but cute like a small chicken.

Jieun and Ye Eun both waved their fingers in front of my eyes. I had removed them from blocking my view and attention to the front, like a diligent student. Though, now that I look back, I think I just did not want my view of the new boy to be ruined.

“His name is Jang Wooyoung.”

“Jang Wooyoung….annyeong!” The class whispered while staring at him like a bunch of hawks, before bowing to him as a greeting. The class was intrigued, maybe even intimidated by this Wooyoung student. Whether it be the rumour of him being a child genius, his fairly cute looks, his classy aura or his big feet, the class was not evidently giddy and excited, except for Taeyeon.

“Annyeonghaesayo, I’m Jang Wooyoung.” Greeted the new cute classmate.

“Okay, Wooyoung, you may sit back in your spot.”

“Yes, Teacher Ko.” He then looked around the classroom for a place to sit. He sat himself in some spot behind our row.

“Now kids, I have written a random seating plan—“ said Teacher Ko, who was immediately interrupted by the deep sighs and whining from the students, including myself.

“Come on, this is for the best. At least you can sit with a different seating partner!” said Teacher Ko, who tried to make his seating plan sound way more exciting than it actually was. I had hated it, so did Ye Eun and Jieun. We all gave each other very sad and disappointed looks. We were meant to be inseparable, but we were about to be separated.

All of the students went to Teacher Ko’s whiteboard to check where they were placed to sit and with whom.

Ye Eun, Jieun and I walked hand in hand to the whiteboard, and we looked for our names.

“Aigoo, I knew it was impossible.” Sighed Jieun.

“I know right, I have to sit next to Taeyeon.” I replied. It was not like I disliked her back then, she was one of the nicest girls in our grade but she was intimidating. I didn’t understand why, as the only reason why I didn’t like the fact I had to sit next to her in Grade 5, was because she was always ahead of Ye Eunnie.

“Well, at least you didn’t get picked to sit to the new boy.” Ye Eunnie got to sit next to Wooyoung, luck—I mean poor her. That was what I thought before. Back then, being the new student meant that they had to meet strangers of course, and the classmates had to awkwardly talk to them too. Why were we awkward?

Well, 5^th graders weren’t exactly confident social butterflies.

“Aigoo, Ye Eunnie. You like meeting new friends right?” said Jieun, in encouragement.

“But he is seems like he is too cool and smart for school…” complained Ye Eun. I felt for her, because Wooyoung seemed very intimidating despite his cute looks.

“Yah, maybe he is actually really nice and sweet because of how cute his looks are…” I said, while my small cheeks began to blush. I obviously did not think before I said things when a was younger. I regretted my words shortly after.

“DID YOU JUST CALL WOOYOUNG CU--?” My friends screamed, before I shut their mouths as I saw two people walking towards us.

It was Teacher Ko...and Wooyoung.

“What is Wooyoungie, Kim So Eun?” teased Teacher Ko, as my younger self tried to avoid his set of eyes.

“Ah…the….um…our new chingu?” I said, with Taeyeon’s embarrassing words. I was too shy to say anything logical or not socially awkward in grade 5.

“Chingu?” exclaimed Jieun and Ye Eun, as Teacher Ko just laughed but that Wooyoung student did not react at that moment, keeping his cool gaze.

“Arasso. Well, Wooyoung, let me introduce to your new seating partner, Park Ye Eun.” Said Teacher Ko, who pushed him next to Ye Eun which made her move closer towards me.

“Annyeong, Ye Eun-ssi.” He called her Ye Eun-ssi, he must be a good mannered kid. I muttered.

“Annyeong…Wooyoung-ah, aniyo, Wooyoung-ssi.” said a nervous Ye Eun.

“It’s alright, you can call me Wooyoung-ah. And I’ll call you Ye Eun-ah, seating partner.” said Wooyoung, giving a slight smile. This was the first smile that we saw from him on that day. When he smiled, I was shocked to as how sweet and genuine his smile was, even though it was for a slight second. But he had only smiled to Ye Eun…and not to anyone else.

“Arasso…Wooyoung-ah!” said Ye Eun brightly, as her nerves went away as she began to feel more comfortable with him. Ye Eun was the most confident between us three, mostly because she had always been respected by our classmates.

“Okay, kids. Please go to your seats. We have lots of stuff to do today!” said Teacher Ko, who talked to us as if we were babies. We were ten-year-olds, not one-year-olds, so we didn’t like his tone of voice.

We all went to our desks, which were directly behind each other. At least we were close by.

“Oh it’s you.” The girl snickered as I sat down next to her at our desk.

“Ah yeah, Taeyeon-ah annyeong!” I said, quite nicely. I was nice to everyone and so was Taeyeon, even to me, before that moment. After her rude address, my impression of her began to worsen.

“Hmph, who told you that you can call me Taeyeon-ah? Just be quiet!” What was wrong with this girl? Did I have something on my face? I did not know why she was acting like that before, but I later found out exactly why she did.

“Arasso…”

“Well, this is going to be a long day.”

…

With five minutes to go, the first day of Grade 5 was over. I was pretty tired as were all the other kids. Coming back to school after a six-week holiday break was never easy during my schooling years.

Like every other regular day in my previous years in primary school, the day ended with the students stacking our plastic chairs in rows. All the kids had ran to the back corner with their chairs quickly, and that day I was unfortunate to arrive there last, meaning I would be the last person to leave the classroom. I sighed at the line that was in front of me.

“Bye So Eun-ah, see you tomorrow!” My friends greeted, as they left the classroom.

“Bye guys! See you!”

“Bye Taeyeon-ah!” I forget about her directions before…and she was not even looking at me when I bidded goodbye to her. She was such a that day.

After ten seconds, Taeyeon finally looked at me. Who was she looking at anyway? I was the last one left in the class.

“You. Do. Not. Call. Me. TAEYEON-AH! Arasso?” Before that day, she had never raised her voice in front of me or anyone, and I had no clue as to why she did.

“Okay fine then!”

“Man, what was wrong with her today?” I hissed, before I felt something hit my leg.

“Oh mianhaeyo, I thought you were….walking forward… chingu.” That was not Teacher Ko’s voice. It was that cute boy’s voice.

“Chingu?”

“Yeah, didn’t you say that we were friends?” asked the boy, as I remembered my comment from before. I had called him my chingu. Stupid Taeyeon’s fault.

“Ah yeah….annyeong um…”

“Jang Wooyoung.” He said, as he walked in front of me and had stacked my chair for me along with his. I was surprised by his action. I had started to blush.

“Uh thanks…Wooyoung-ssi.”

“Call me Wooyoung-ah…Kim S-s—“ Wooyoung-ah. He asked me to call me that. It wasn’t just Ye Eunnie that was allowed to. He is much nicer than I thought, at least nicer than that Taeyeon.

“So Eun. Kim So Eun.”

“I know your name, So Eunnie.” He called me So Eunnie, on the first day that we met. He winked at me after that too. He was a strange classmate.

“Ah you can’t….”

“Yes I can. Okay, So Eunnie I have to go home now. Annyeong, chingu-ah!” said Wooyoung, as he ran up towards me and wrapped his arms around me quickly before storming out the door.

Did he just? Hug me? No one hugs me like that except for my Appa and….oppa.

After that first day of winter, I started to feel something new for the first time of my life. The weather was horrible and it was as cold as a freezer, but after my encounter with the cute new boy, the weather had seemed hot and burning in sunshine. The winter of 2000 was one that I never would forget.