I recommend to play the song at the very start of every chapter.

I hope it is up to your expectation

날씨가좋아도기분은전혀좋지않아

nal-ssi-kka jo-a-do gi-bu-neun jeon-hyeo jo-chi a-na 

Even though the weather is nice, I don’t feel good at all

날 놀리는 것 같아 괜히 막 화가

nal nol-li-neun geot ga-ta gwaen-hi mak hwa-ga

Feels like it’s making fun of me, I start to get angry

견디기 힘든 상황에 빠져서 허우적대네 

gyeon-di-gi him-deun sang-hwang-e ppa-jeo-seo heo-u-jeok-ttae-n

Drowning in a difficult situation, I start to thrash

나와 정 반대 세상은 아무렇지도 않게 잘 돌아가잖아 

 e na-wa jeong ban-dae se-sang-eun a-mu-reo-chi-do an-ke jal tto-ra-ga-ja-na neo tto-han jal ssa-ra-ga-deo-ra-go 

But the world is the exact opposite; it spins perfectly fine as if nothing is wrong

Even the stares from the people passing by shows sympathy for me I walked my self out of the CUBE building alone that day. I didn’t care about getting back to the dorm or getting any rest. I haven’t been sleeping for the last two days because of the comeback dance practice, another extra vocal training, and 4minutes’s making appearance in many shows. Oh, I forgot, the ballroom dance lesson for ‘Dancing with The Stars’ program. My whole body was aching and screaming for some rest but I needed this. I needed this walk, and a time for myself, for the new song.

I glanced at the wristwatch and it was 4.30 A.M. I decided to walk myself to the nearest park. It was a bit far but I didn’t mind. I could use the time to think and enjoy myself. It took me 15 minutes to the park. There was still no one there and it felt like a personal place. It was perfect. The morning dews were still dropping to the earth. The wind was blowing slowly into my face; earth’s smell grazes me with its freshness. The birds was chirping happily as it was welcoming the morning with all of its might. The weather was nice. It was so nice and I haven’t been enjoying much of this morning freshness. But I couldn’t smile, though I wanted too.

I shouldn’t have met you.

There was a big weight over me. The tight feeling around my chest started to come as I slowly clench the fabric over it. Would the tears I have been holding these days pour out? Rather than crying, I was feeling nauseous. It was like a feeling that you get after eating bad food. I tried to calm myself by hand fanning myself and slowly breathing. I took seat on the nearest bench and lay my self there. The bench was cold as it touched my cloth wrapped skin. The sudden difference in heat caused me to shivered a bit and put my hoodie jacket closer to me. My mind wandered a bit as I looked around the morning sky. It was rather pale than its supposedly light blue color.

Hyuna focus. The song needs you.

I started to think. What do I know about breakup? What should I write about it? What kind of emotion should I put into it? Hyuna, what do you feel about it?

I slowly took my earphone out off my pocket and putting them into my ears. The instrumental started to play as I press play on my Ipod. A piano made its melody first. I waited for the beat come and slowly tapping my feet on the bench and count it. I was drowned in it. It was instrumentally beautiful. and again,

“What should I write?” Unconsciously I spoke out my thought.

“Write what you feel Hyuna-yah.” A familiar voice answered me.

I jumped out of the bench making me sit straight on it. My eyes were searching for him as my head turn right and left. Is he here? I could feel my heart thumping heart. His voice makes me like this. Come to think again, he wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t he? Pabo me. I hit my self in the head trying to get the imagination out of my head as I lay again on the bench. I stretch the hoddie to cover up my head and pressed replay on my Ipod. The melody started to play again. I started to play games with words in my head. Putting one by one to make a full sentence, changing its places to make another option, and trying to feel what I feel about breakups.

The sky was getting dark and cloudy bit by bit but I didn’t even notice it. I thought it was the perfect weather for me. Breakups were always gloomy and sad. I closed my eyes trying to focus again. My eyebrows were scrunching together as I tried to think. I was getting frustrated because the inspiration won’t come out and the deadline was also killing me. I was stressed inside.

I lied if I said that I didn’t regret taking my chances in this collaboration. I was never this brave and opportunistic. I didn’t even know what has gotten into me when I said that I agree and waning to write a sincere rap about this. Could I even be sincere about this?

“Oppa! Wasseo?” I was excited to see him.

He was wearing a maroon hoodie and a pair of loose jeans. He looked like he would usual look like but he was different that day. I thought maybe I just missed him too much. It’s almost the end January in the year 2011 and I haven’t met him a lot since the year-end programs that we had to attend together. He looked thinner and exhausted than before. I’m worried.

He gave me an exhausted smile to reply my overly excited voice. He was holding a notebook and an Ipad on his left hands while his other hand was busy glancing at his Iphone. I was curious on why he looked so distracted. I stood up from the chair and walked jumpily towards him. I walked myself behind him and hold his shoulders, trying to make him walk faster and make him sit down on the sofa. He was very limp and weak. I just noticed that he didn’t say a word of hello since he got here. He was different? I tried to thing that maybe he just exhausted. He took a sit on the sofa and put his belongings on the glass table in front of him, everything beside his phone. He was busy with it.

“Oppa? Are you okay? You seem…” I stopped when he looked back into my eyes, “off.”

“Oh? Gwaenchanha Hyuna-yah.” His hand patted my head and lightly my cheeks.

I smiled at him and closed my eyes to feel his warm hand on my cheek. I missed him. I really do, even text messages and phone calls could not cure the feeling of longing him. Suddenly it stopped. I opened my eyes, curious on the reason that stopped him. He was busy and occupied with his Iphone. He was replying to a bunch of text messages. He fingers were busy tapping the screen trying to make the best sentence. He was writing and then deleting it; writing and deleting it over and over again. Inside, I could feel the curiosity building up slowly and I wanted to know who was the person he was texting. I knew that it wasn’t a simple text that he wrote it was more than that. He was never the person who would think that much for a mere usual text message.

I tried to let go of this curiosity. I tried to focus on preparing the gift that I have bought for him. He didn’t seem to notice me getting busy all of the sudden. I didn’t know whether I should be happy by it or not. I bought him a cake to celebrate our anniversary. Even though it’s late, I still wanted to celebrate it in some way. I took the cake out of the box and lit up the candle. The writing says ‘Happy 1-year Anniversary!’; it was simple and nameless as I didn’t want to create any scandal when I order the cake. I took the cake onto my hands and slowly turned myself to face him. He was surprised to see me with a cake on my hands.

“Hyuna-yah, what’s the cake for?”

“I knew that oppa would forget.” I tried to keep a smile, “ Happy one-year anniversary!”

“One-year anniversary?”  He was confused.

Somehow I feel something was hurting inside me and I couldn’t describe it. It was either a worried feeling or just some insecurity. I tried to keep the smile up and lifted up the mood. Maybe it was just nothing, Junhyung oppa is very busy so he forgot about this.

“Nde oppa. It’s for our one-year anniversary!”

He was thinking and the he clapped his hands together, “AH! Mianhe Hyuna-yah, I forgot!” . he threw me an apologetic smile.

“Gwaenchanha,. I already knew you’re going to forget.” I only to be pinched by him.

We blew the candle together and took a seat. I took the knife out and started to cut the cake into a small portion for us to eat together. I was busily taking care of the cake and I took a glance at him. He was, again, busy with his phone. I was about to give him the cake when suddenly the phone rings. Without any hesitation, he received it.

“Oh, Hara-yah. Gwaenchanha?” He took a glance at me while replying to the call.

There was a silence in the room. I tried to ignore the fact that he was again busy with someone other than me. He was listening to the caller seriously and I tried to make myself busy by eating the cake.

“Jincha? Yah, don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right there.” He suddenly stood up while saying that.

I was surprised to see the look on his face; he was so serious and worried. I could see him panicking a bit. It was a look that I could not see often. I turned my head from him.

“Arasso. Jiguem oddiesseo?” His deep voice pierced through my head.

I was trying to play with the cake in front of me with a fork but the game stopped when I heard a banging sound. There’s no need to turn my head around to see what happened, I already knew it from the moment he picked up the phone. The cake didn’t have meaning anymore for me. It was just a reminder on how sad my feelings now. I took the cake into my head and walked myself to the nearest trash bin.  Bye, was the last thing that flashed in my mind before I threw the cake into the trash bin. It was like being slapped in the face. I didn’t realize it until now, until I threw it. I turned myself facing the door. He wasn’t there. Deep in my hear, I was expecting to find him sitting on the sofa while saying “Hyuna-yah, the cake is great! Come here! Eat with me!”; but he was just, not there.

He didn’t even say goodbye

The rain was pouring suddenly out of nowhere, making me snapped back into reality. I wanted to cry my heart out but I just could not do it. I was already soaked when I tried to get myself up from the bench. I didn’t bother to run and find a shelter from all of this madness. Deep inside, I found a bit of happiness in the corner of my heart. The rain was my friend today, it was crying for me who cannot cry. It was hugging me with its coldness

I’m glad that my hair wasn’t light blonde like the last promotion I had. Now, it was raven black and it suits me the best in this situation. People won’t keep noticing me and at some point I would feel like I’m just an ordinary girl walking down the street; the feeling that sometimes I do miss these past years, the feeling of freedom. The rain was pouring down heavily on the streets and on me; turning one beautiful morning into a sudden gloomy one. I didn’t care to take a bus because walking like this was less depressing than taking a bus. The morning was young, but people were getting busy opening up their store even thought it’s raining.

I arrived back at the CUBE building, soaked from head to toe. The building was already filled with busy people. I could feel some eyes staring at me, looking at me with such pity in their eyes. The sympathy they gave me back then, I couldn’t feel it at all. The warmth that I usually feel when I went to this building that I called my second home; I just couldn’t feel it. They were curious on what happened to me. I could see them hesitating whether to approach me or not from the corner of my eyes. The receptionist unnie saw me and quickly grabbed tissue before approaching me. Her worried eyes suddenly appeared in front of my face.

“Hyuna, waegureseyo? Why are you soaked? Aigooo. You have to change, or you’ll be sick, Hyuna-ssi.” She was dabbing the tissues onto my face and clothes, hoping that it’ll dry sooner than it supposed to be.

“Ani, unnie. Nan gwaenchanha. I’ll be going now.” I softly put down her hands and smiled before leaving to the elevator.

She was standing there in confusion but I didn’t have the will to tell her reason. I’m sorry unnie for making you worry like that. I dragged myself to the inside the little cubicle thing and pressed a number randomly. It was cold and silent in that cubicle. The sound of the dripping water from my soaked clothes filled it. I didn’t know what I was thinking or what I’m doing. I just concentrated on my breathing, making sure that I don’t miss every single of it. The ‘ding’ sound from the elevator brought me back into reality and I started to walk out of the cubicle.

I was at the training center floor. I didn’t know why did I press this floor number but maybe it’s my faith that I should get back here and practice. Maybe it would bring memories of him away from my mind. I took steps to the dance room that still had my belongings in it. Opening the door, the cold breeze from the air conditioner blew my body, giving me quite a shiver. There was no one there. The dance crew and dance teacher that I had to practiced with last night where already gone. I dragged myself to the music player and put the CD, a playlist of my dance-routine practice.

“HUH” came out first and I prepared myself to follow the beat. My body just moves automatically. I was programmed to moves myself to it. Dancing was a way for me to runaway from my problems. I was running away from him. I didn’t want to remember the happy times that I have spend with him, and let alone the ones that makes me sad. I just don’t want to remember him. Meeting him was something that I knew I couldn’t get away from. We are in the same company for Christ sake. Now, I just want to dance.

My solo part was coming, the rap part. I was positioning myself as if I was in a line with the other 4minute members. It’s coming. I walked myself to the front while putting some swag into it. I put my head up to see the reflection of me in the mirror but it wasn’t there. He was there in front me, in the mirror. By then, I just remembered that I forgot something so bad. The rap part it was written by him.

“Hyuna-yah, let me write the rap for you.” He gave me a smile while taking the pen and papers with him, “you’ll regret it if you won’t.”

I felt that my legs weakened by the memory of that night; the warmness on my lips and the cappuccino that we shared. I broke down to the floor while holding the wet clothing on the part above my heart. I didn’t know that remembering him would make me like this. A sudden dizzy feeling crowded my head, piercing every centimeters of it. Walking in the rain maybe wasn’t such a good idea. Before I even knew it, everything just seemed so dark.

Junhyung oppa, Julmang pogoshippeoseoyo

2634 words

Hello there. sorry for not updating for so long.  I feel bad for you all. So sorry.  

Please do comment bout this chapter. hehehe

and should I update about Hyuna's past when Junhyung's write the rap for her or about her change era first?

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