I recommend to play the song at the very start of every chapter.

I hope it is up to your expectation

Rain was falling and it was the usual thing to happen these days. I almost crunched my notebook as I feel my fist starting to clench it tightly. I remembered that day, just a few days ago where I wrote the lyrics unconsciously on the window and how I write it down with such care in my notebook. I walked myself inside the CUBE building and found receptionist onnie smiling towards me.

“Annyeong Hyuna dongsaeng! I heard that you’re going to record a new song, right?” I just nodded and smile, “Arasso, just wait in the second recording studio. Mr. Lee will be arriving shortly.”

With that I walked myself towards the elevator. Oddly, someone already pressed the ‘up’ button and there was no one except me in front of it. I waited as the numbers slowly decreased itself to 1. I walked into the cold steel box and pressed the floor’s I’m supposed to be in. Impatiently, I pressed the close button, not wanting to waste any of my time. As the door closed, I realized the lonely feeling that has been accompanying me a lot these days. The individual schedules that I had been attending were never this hard since I always remember that I did this for the sake of our 4minute members back at the dorm. The captivated feeling in the small box shaped intimidated me. I hate this feeling. Hyuna was never this timid. I looked up and saw the door of the elevator closing slowly but then suddenly a hand stopped it from doing what it should be doing, closing..

“I’m sorry.” His deep voice caught my attention as I wait for him to lift his head up.

Do you ever read a comic book with all that exaggerated expression and effects? If this is a comic book where everything can be drawn, such as feelings; then this is it. His eyes met with mine even behind those shades he wears everywhere. That person looked at me in such shocked but calm manner that I couldn’t even read what it is that he’s feeling. You, why are you being like this?

“Ah..” “Annyeonghaseyeo Hyuna-yah.”

That again, they way you called me never change even after you threw me away.

“Junhyung-ssi, annyeonghaseyeo. It has been a while.”

The formality was a way for me to draw a line of what the distance between the both of us should feel like. It was hurting me too much already, having to see his face and that formality was a form of my self-defence. He walked a few steps and found a space to stand beside me. There were no more words shared in that cold silver cubicle. It was just the both of us standing side by side awkwardly. Out of nowhere, I realize a touch on my left hand and I knew it was him. I didn’t know whether he meant it or it was a mere accident. I hate that touch as it was reminding me of the past that we had. How I wish we had nothing in the past.

“TING!”

The sound of the elevator door opening brought me out from my thoughts. I didn't glance at him and just quickly went out that steel box, walking myself towards the recording room. I heard his footsteps at the back of my head. He was walking quite steadily fast and somehow I got the feeling that he wants to catch up with me. I walked even faster so that I reached the recording room first. I went to open it but it seems that it was locked. I cursed so hard in my head because I know it will be awkward if he were to arrive too. I pulled the door handle harshly hoping that it will open sooner but it doesn’t. Before I’m about to broke the door with all the force I have, a hand slide between my hand and the door, pulling it slightly and pushed it open with such minimal force. I was so dumbfounded.

“You first.” He said.

I hide my eyes from his stare and walked into the recording room. There was no one there yet. The room seemed familiar in my eyes. The sofa and the coffee table felt familiar and somewhat trying to make remember of something. I turned myself to see more of the room; the room was a bit dimmed and there’s no one there. I cursed so hard inside my head, wanting to run away from the fact that I, again, would have to spend time together with him inside the same room we had memories together.

I took a few step forward, trying hard to held back the pain that’s suddenly growing in my chest. I stumbled as I tried to find my phone. Distraction, a sudden craving of distraction. I could see him walked pass by me and took a seat on the sofa we used to share together. As I need to sit too, I took the one opposite him, near the mixer on the chair. Time slowly passed by as I grew anxious. We said nothing, just sitting there. He didn’t do anything except staring at the empty coffee table in front of him.

A sudden knock made my heart jump. It was Mr. Lee. His smile was wider that the Han river and yet it was still cold in the room. It used to be so warm here.

“Have you prepared the lyrics?” He asked both of us.

“Nde” We both answered at the same time. I hate it.

“May I see it?”

“Oh wow! This is splendid! Did you work on it together? It matchs perfectly!” He suddenly exclaim. His eyes shine bright of happiness.

“Here here, read it!” He passed the papers to us, switching my paper with his.

I took the paper from Mr. Lee. As word by word passed in front of my eyes, I couldn’t help but to think about our past, about what happened. But there was no regrets, instead there was this delusional thought that maybe he, maybe, still loved me. I was a fool to think that. The next seconds was a change for me. No more thinking that the ‘love’ may still exist, somehow; the sudden hot feeling, burning like rage but subtler than that. I cannot comprehend the situation and what he wrote on the paper. It doesn’t make sense to me. How could he reason me with these words?

You were really too much for me, I almost felt uncomfortable like wearing the clothes that didn’t match me”

He should have never taken the first step. He should have never declared words like ‘love’ if he felt like I was a burden for him. He shouldn’t have written these lyrics because I will know whom he meant it for. It was never for her cause hurtful words were meant for me. I tilt my head up to face him, showing that I’m not afraid if he wanted it to be like this. I looked at him in the eyes.

Neomu Miwoyeo. I hate you.

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