I recommend to play the song at the very start of every chapter.

I hope it is up to your expectation

Time passed by like it was nothing. I looked at the window, which was filled with evaporated water on its surfaces. It wasn’t winter but it feels like one. The temperature was as low as it can be and it seems fit with how low I feel now. It has only been two days since I once again feel the warmness of his presence and it felt like a dream.  I was wearing his jacket hoping for it to warm the coldness that I feel in the corners of my hearts.  

I was in the car with nobody talking to me or even care to talk to me. There was only the driver and the exhausted Jintaek oppa. I don’t blame Jintaek oppa for not talking to me because I knew that he worked twice harder than I am to take care all five of us, 4minute. I took my attention to the big glass window beside me. Transparent as it should be, I feel so lonely thinking that no one is going to even care for me right now. Soon the silence got me thinking, about all that has been happening these past few days. All the unexpected meetings, collaboration, and rare chances of me meeting him or even to interact with him personally, were happening in such a short time. I hate this. I really hate this situation. The situation when I am at my weak point, strangled in my own agony and misery, suffocating in open air like a mad person. I really hate it when I looked pitiful.

My eyes got busy as the condensed vapor filled the whole window, blurring the view that was once in front of me. I was getting annoyed, like everything and everyone seems to bug me for no reason and even the weather was trying to play with my emotions. Out of annoyance, my hand tried to clear the blurry view on front of me but when the tips of my fingers touched its surface; I just stopped. I was reminded of him. Again.

“Oppa, where are you taking me?”I felt the hand cupped in front of eyes as I tried so hard not to open my eyes.

“It’s a surprise.” his voice was teasing and playful as he carefully guided my with his hand, ”Yah! Don’t peek!”

“Arasso oppa.” I smiled while picturing his panic face when he thought I was peeking. His voice tells it all.

“Now, open your eyes.”I slowly opened my eyes, slowly and slowly, contradicting with my bursting heartbeat. The light from what seem to be a bright room surprised me a bit. The room was too familiar.

“Oh..” I couldn’t help but to feel kind of disappointed when I looked around only to find that I was in a familiar ordinary place. I turned my back to him who was smiling brightly, ”The practice room? Why?”

“I just wanna see you dance, that’s all.” I watched him walking in such swag towards the music player and started to press play. “CHANGE” started to play. “Since, you’ll be debuting as a solo soon, so I wanted a private showcase from you.”

“Geojimal.”

I walked myself near and sat near the window beside the mattress. I know that I shouldn’t be a brat like this but I couldn’t help but to feel disappointed. He has been teasing about this surprise since about a week ago. I felt embarrassed after remembering all the imagination that I had on what today is going to be like. I felt like a pabo.

“Hyuna-yah, why are you pouting like that?” His sweet voice suddenly was next to me. I didn’t realize that the song has been stopped. I was too occupied on blaming myself for being a pabo to even realize everything that was happening around me.

“Because I had high hopes for the surprise, oppa.” I buried my head into my knees, hugging them tightly around myself. Hoping for it somehow hide my red face out of embarrassment.

Silence took us away for a few minutes. Busy with thinking what to do out of this awkward moment that we are having or so I thought so. I was too afraid to put my head up afraid to see his face. I didn’t know what to do.

“Hyuna-yah.” I almost jumped a bit when I heard his voice calling my name. ‘Hyuna-yah’ it never fail to melt me in such comfortable and warm way.

“Waeyo oppa?” I turned my head only to find him smiling shyly. I was surprised at first but then his finger guided my attention to the condensed vapor on the glass window.

내여자친구가되어줄래?

나랑사귈래?

*will you be my girlfriend?

will you go out with me?

“Yes.” I said as I wrote it over the condensed vapor. Like the way I answered him before.

Yes, that was my answer back then. A simple yes that granted me to happiness that I have never expected before and also pain that I have never felt before.  If I ever knew that I would have to experience the agony of remembering him, I would have never accepted the collaboration at the first place but then again I had already knew from the start but my curiosity of him caught me tangled.

A simple yes that pulled me to a black hole, which never end. A simple word of yes that pulled me to memories of a long and overdue yesterday. I still remember that sound of my only heart thumping like crazy reading those Hangeul like an idiotic person. As a whole sentence, shaking my head a bit in disbelief, reading it part by part, blinking my eyes a couple of time wanting to make sure that it was not a dream, reading it again mouthing the consonants and vowels as my head trying to untangle it in panic. I can still recall how he slightly chuckled over my childish behavior while fixing my ruffled hair.

He seemed surprised when he read the answer but I knew he wanted to act cool. He wanted to hide his happiness inside him but I could the smile he pretends not to have. I didn’t dare to look at him straight in the eyes; I could only looked at him through the corners of my eyes. He was looking straight at me in such a surprised manner. I tried to make myself comfortable in this awkward situation as I held my knees closer to my chest. The sound of the two of us breathing filled the entire room. After a few seconds, he decided to get up and didn’t say anything afterwards. I hesitantly pull my chin up from my knees and slowly look back but before I even get the chance to see where he was, I felt an arm snaking around waist and I yelped. I closed my eyes because of the sudden rushed feeling and the next thing I knew I was a meter away from the floor. I looked to my side and found him grinning happily, a grin he rarely shows to anyone. The silence took away our words. I couldn’t do aything but to stare at him. His grin grew wider as he watched my expression stoned.

“Oppa!” I cried as I get consciousness back. His pouted his lips and looked at me with sad expression.

“Waeyo Hyuna-yah?”

“Put me down… please” I took my words carefully. I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

He replied me a small smile before saying anything. “Ani. Am not going to hear you,” he said while looking away from me. I am shocked. He was being so cute, like a…. 

“Oppa! Jebal.” I whined and wiggled my legs that were being wrapped up around his arm. He looked back at me and gave me a shy grin.

“And why should I do that?” I could even describe the feeling when I looked at him straight in the eyes. I was blushing madly realizing the softness and cuteness that was there in his beautiful dark brown orbs.

“It’s embarrassing.” I answered him while looking down. If there’s any more seconds that I should spent watching those orbs, I felt that my heart could burst out any second.

“On one condition.” I could felt he arms pulling me tighter into his embrace.

“What is it oppa?” I tried to put my head up but still avoiding looking at his eyes.

“Jigeum.” He looked up to the ceiling avoiding my stare ”Just hold me tight.”

“But..”

“Jebaaal...” I didn’t try to argue with him and just put my arms around his neck; then suddenly….

“WAAAAAAAAAAAA! Nomu haengbokhae!!! HYUNA IS MY GIRL! YEOJA CHINGU ISSEOYO!!!!” He was running around the room with me around his arms in bridal-style. I could help but to widen my eyes in shock. He was smiling brightly as happiness burst out in every word he yelled out.

“I CAN DIE PEACEFULLY NOOOOOW!!!!! YAH! THIS IS THE BEST OF MY LIFE!!!!” He twirled around with his big smile plastered all over his face.  I held myself tighter to him as he twirled and twirled again. I was smiling because of his dorky act. It was a side I never knew of him. He took me on another run around the room while yelling his heart out.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I’M THE HAPPIEST GUY ON EARTH!!!”

After a while, he put me on the floor gently and he lay down next to me. I decided to follow him and we were both panting hardly on the cold wooden floor. I stared at him for a while before lying down beside him. This Yong Jun Hyung just did the least I have expected of him since I knew him. He was crazy just a few seconds. He was being cute. Cute. Sooooo cute like a….. I can’t believe I’m saying this.

“Hyuna-yah.” He grabbed my hand and interwined pur fingers together. I looked to my left to face him. A big smile was plastered all over his face. He was happy and I could see that. I felt happy that I could be a part of his happiness.

“Waeyo oppa?” I put a hint of aegyo into my tone causing him to smile even more.

“I'm really happy.” He said. He turned his head to face. I could feel the rush of heat coming into my cheeks. Even without a mirror, I could see the redness of it with the corners of my eyes. He grabbed my hand even tighter and pulled me closer to him.

“I...” I wanted to say that I'm happy too but it seemed that my shyness caught the words in my throat. I think he noticed that. Before I could say anything, he was in front of me. He held his weight with both of his hand, keeping some space between our body. I squeaked at the sudden movement. I could feel my heart thumping so hard as if it wants to brust out. He gave me a cheeky smile, proud to give me that feeling.

“Kumaoyo Hyuna-yah.” He kissed my forehead.

I was the happiest girl on earth.

The room was cold like now. The vapor was there like now. I was lying beside the mattress just like I am right now.  The transparent glass we there in front me with the condensed vapor accompanying its presence. He was lying right next to me but he wasn’t now. The dance room was empty with only me inside it; just me and no one else. The ceiling was plain white just like it used to be, nothing change from that room. It was the same room I use since I was a trainee in CUBE. The contrasting white walls and brown wooden floor; a full size mirror plastered all over one side of the wall; the music player there; everything was the same and nothing change. It’s just that the people change and the time may look the same but the time still goes by.

I stared at the watch that is on around my wrist; It was 7 am in the morning. I asked Jintaek oppa to leave me here at CUBE for me to catch up with the training I have left behind these few days. It became a bit of an argument as he wanted me to rest more due to my long overdue sickness not that I had since before 4minute. Well, my powerful aegyo bought me my advantages and I reasoned him that I don’t want to be lacking. I found myself walking towards the window and not the music player. I wanted to practice my ‘Bubble Pop’ dance but something bothers me as if my body doesn’t connect with my mind. Surprisingly, my index finger made its first interaction with the condensed vapor on the window. It was writing on it own, I couldn’t even express what I’m feeling. My mind wanders into a deep blank state where all I could see was his face, his smile, his grin, his smirk, and his hands intertwined with mine.

“BAM!”

A sudden voice caught my attention; It was the sound of the door opening and hurriedly close. I was surprised and stood up directly while turning my head quickly to see the intruder of my privacy was. There was no one, not even a single strand of hair was there. I didn't want to check the door, laziness overcome me.

BZZZZ!

 I took my phone to check on the sudden message. It was Olleh provider. The little part of my part was wishing that it would be at least someone rather than a computer generated text. I sighed and put the phone back into my pocket. 'Let's just practice' I said to myself. I looked up, only to found words, sencentes, a paragraph that were written upon my unconsciousness of what is now and what was my memories on the glass window. My pupils were trying to focus on each words, my brain was pushing itself to its hardest to understand what I have written, and to its conclusion it was my lyric. I took a step forward closer to the glass. My fingers were  touching the words carefully for it not to be erased.

"Because I was so pathetic in my past days when I didn’t even have the strength to hold on to you"

And yes, I was and I am still pathetic. Still wondering when did we fell out of love while he had the joy of his life with another person. If only I have the strength to even grab your hands or to hold the tip of jacket. If only I didn't love you too much, I wouldn't have to pretend that if you're happy then I would be happy too. I am such a fool. I took a notebook and a pen in my bag and wrote the lyrics on the white paper. I felt nothing as I wrote it, there's no urge to cry. I felt like a broken robot when I carefully write every shape of the hangul writing until I closed the notebook and put it back to my bag.

Before I even knew it, I was already standing in front of the mirror with the 'Bubble Pop' playing at its fullest. It was a bubbly happy song with summery feeling, and so I put my smile plastered all over my face.  I dance and dance with my heels on until I lost count on how many. I was thirsty and sore but I didn't even want to stop.

TOK!

A knocking sound was at the door. I stopped out of annoyance and walked towards the door after I stop the music. No one was there when I opened the door. I let out a sigh and slowly close the door. I stopped when I saw a bottle of water with a white towel on top of it. I squat down to pick it up but to my suprise, I cried when I picked it up. I just cried. Tears overflowing nonstop. I just cried. Imagining of whom, who had put those things in front of the door. I cried; hoping that it would be him out all of the people.

Satang cheoreom. Like a candy.

You were so sweet. Our relationship was the sweet indulgence that melted deep into our skins. But like a candy it was, the aftertaste was never as good as it should have been. Constant craving for more; the bitter uncomfortable aftertaste feeling; the agony of fighting the urge to have more; we are humans up untill now and yes, we will never be more than the never satisfied animals.  

Someone was watching her crying. That someone wanted to comfort her but that someone was never one of her close someone. That someone was the one who accidently opened te door and saw her writing on the glass. That someone was the one who purposedly put towel and a bottle of water after watching her practice nonstop. That someone saw her clenching her teeth tight holding a plastered smile she tried to have all the time. That someone realize the pain that she was hiding inside; behind those high quality performance there was always bruises, cut and pain so unbearable but still could not be seen. She wouldn't allowed anyone to see her pain, a habit of her since that someone knew her; from a far.  

Platonic.

2919 words

about the sentence will you go out with said by Junhyung, it is the common way of saying will you be my GF in Korea based on my researches. So to potray Junhyung coolnes, he wrote the second sentence.

Sorry for the late update, been busy with school and that I need to overlook the whole storyline again. 

Thank you for reading, commenting, and subscribing.

Btw, need more comment and esp critique to go on hehehe ANYWAYYYSS, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD END IT SOON OR SHOULD I DRAG IT MORE (meaning more memories to be remimded etc.)?