"This endless white earth continues on into the distance
Already my screaming voice does not reach anyone

In order to hide the pain of this body,
I am embraced by the kindness from the sky"

Gackt- Sekirei

 

~~~~~~

 

 

Monday came so quickly, as if Sunday didn’t exist. Changmin spend the previous day in his bed. Like a person who gave up his life. His limbs moved as he shifted for a bottle of water and painkillers. His head heavy, stomach uneasy as hangover played with his body. He drank too much on Saturday. Drowning his sorrow in alcohol. Strangely, Korea brought back all his memories about Ryeowook. Everything looked as if touched by the latter’s man. Everything looked so familiar, bringing him memories that drown Changmin into deepest of darkness of his sorrow.

But it’s Monday, new day to do his job, gain money and spend then at nothing almost.

“Goodbye Mr. Shim.” Mr. Kim said and bowed in goodbye, then left the office. Changmin looked at documents on the table and arranged them. Then he too, exited the workplace. He took a cab and drove to the mechanics shop. He was little too early, but thought, that maybe his car is done already.

As he entered the place the smell of metal mixed with grease welcome him. Looking around for someone, Changmin saw his car and new tire, instead of old one. It means, they fixed it. With a smile on his face, he went further, looking for a living soul.

“Anyone is here?” He called, but no one answered him. He saw a small hall. ‘Staff only’ hang on the door in the end of the hall. Wonder, if there is someone, Changmin made his step through the hall. The door at the end was slightly ajar. Light escaped from a crack, sweeping the part of the hall with golden yellow of the daylight evening hue.

He was about to knock and enter, but he heard a voice and froze. The voice went through his ears, touching his heart, making him stop breathing for a second. He couldn’t believe it, maybe he was hearing things. He pushed the door, making it hit a wall. Heart pounded quickly in his ribcage, as he slowly looked up. The dirty, dusted floor changed to human’s legs in grey-blue uniform. He breathed out, brave himself and looked up fully, at the face, he wished, yet feared to see. At the same time his eyes landed on the other person’s back. The latter turned around, startled by the sound of the door and Changmin hold his breath. The person before him, was a man he was longed for, dreamed all his life. His heart panged painful, as trying to escape from his body and meet the other’s one; soothing, feeling love that never existed in the other. Before him was the Demon and Angel of his life in one person. The puppet master, that play with Changmin unconsciously. The man whom Changmin gave his heart, without the knowledge of the other.

“Ryeowook.” He breathed, voice as if not his. The sound of the biping sound of the cut call echoed in silent room, as both of them stared at each other. The phone landed on the floor, but didn’t crashed. Ryeowook looked older, but still, Changmin could see the good-look of the other. The puffy cheeks turned hollow. Jaw showed up, more firmly. Dark circled under his eyes, showed Changmin the lack of sleep or something more dreading.

“C-Changmin?” Ryeowook stuttered, voice almost a whisper. And Changmin heard fear, shock, confusion in the other man’s voice. Their eyes locked and he felt like drowning, as if the darkness of Ryeowook’s eyes swallowed him. He wanted to drown inside them, but the sadness, pain and glimpse of fear mixed with shock, made his snap from his longing feelings. Changmin wonder why Ryeowook looked at him with such expression. What happen to him, to his cheerful, happy eyes.

“It’s really you?” Changmin mumbled, coming closer. He reached and touched Ryeowook’s cheek, making the shorter man startle from the contact, then touched the shoulder. He could feel and see Ryeowook lose a lot of weight.

“Ch-Changmin what…how…what are you doing here?” Ryeowook spoke, as their eyes met. He backed away stiffly.

“I should ask you this. You disappeared without a trace. I was looking for you everywhere.” Changmin said, letting go. He saw Ryeowook’s eyes shone as he spoke. Once again the latter’s eyes turned to unreadable book. Ryeowook looked down, making Changmin unseen, the sadness that suddenly showed up in his eyes.

“I had to. Something happen and I had to left everything.” He spoke, with lowered voice, making Changmin frown. He could sense the sorrow surrounded Ryeowook.

“What happen?” He asked, but so lightly, fearing the words. Ryeowook glanced at him and Changmin’s eyes widen. His childhood friend’s eyes shone glossy, as if he tried to surpass the tears to roll. He heard a huff and Ryeowook faced him finally. Any trace of early sorrow, and pain disappeared. His face stern, eyes looked coldly.

“Something that have nothing to do with you. Please leave, I don’t want to talk about it.” Ryeowook passed him, as if all these years of knowing each other were nothing. As Changmin was no one to Ryeowook.

Changmin quickly go to Ryeowook and grabbed his arm, turning him around. His eyes widen when he saw tears in Ryeowook’s eyes again.

“What happen? Tell me.”

“Just go, leave me! I don’t want to see your face! Go away and never come back!” Ryeowook yelled and went to the other room, closing the door behind him. Changmin looked at the wooden door and put his hand on it. The confusion clearly visible on his expression. He didn’t get Ryeowook. What happen to make him act like that? They were best friends, shared every secret. But now, Changmin didn’t know what they were anymore. He was no one to Ryeowook? After all these years. Why?

“I’m sorry.” Changmin whispered, as pain of seeing Ryeowook acting toward him like that throbbed in his heart. He turned around and went to wait for the other mechanic. Luckily the old man was there too, or else, he would have to come back to Ryeowook.

He didn’t know why Ryeowook acted like that. What happen to his always happy best friend? What he had done to make Ryeowook act like that towards him? He felt like crying. He searched for Ryeowook everywhere. Waited for some news, some trace, anything. Yet, when he finally found him, Ryeowook didn’t want to see him. He wanted him to disappear.

Changmin wiped the tears from his eyes, as he drove to his apartment. He went to his apartment and cried his heart out. The feeling of rejection. Ryeowook pushed him away, like he was no one, washed through him. He sobbed onto the pillow, as all their memories comes back; drowning, choking him with his own love. He breathed hard, but his lungs didn’t want to take a lot of air and he shudder from the sorrow. He felt the rope of his own longing and love tighter around his neck and choke him little by little. His tears soaked the pillow, his trembling body moved on the sheets. He waited, searched for so long and what he get was instant push away. He dreamed of the day he will meet Ryeowook, but never something like that. His mind never thought that Ryeowook would change that much. Never thought he would push Changmin away as no one. While he was everything in Changmin’s life.

He was tearing apart by the one he love. The light in his life turned off. The rope on his neck almost chocked him to death.

He didn’t fear of spending the rest of his life alone, without the man of his heart by his side. What he feared the most was being rejected and pushed away, away from the other’s life. As if he was no one.

And today, his fear come true.

They were no one anymore.

He was no one in Ryeowook’s life. As if he was a mere unwanted memory.

Ryeowook was the love of his life, his soulmate, he thought. He was his best friend. Yet all what’s left was learn to breathe again, without him. He don’t know how to move one. How to live without his heart. 

 

 

A/N: Who cried? I hope I showed good Min's feelings?