"...If I can become the moon that illuminates you
I'll search for you, scattering stars across the sky
Even if my body rots

I can become snow to embrace you
I can become flowers to color the image of you in the night sky
As much as I try to touch you
You vanish in my grasp... the "flower of snow"
I screamed over and over into the night sky

To reach you..."

Gackt-  Setsugekka: the end of silence

 

~~~~~

 

Next evening, his steps landed on the solid ground of Korea. He breathed deeply- nothing changed that much. His land, his country, his language, everything was almost the same as back then, 10 years ago, when he was still a young boy.

The last time he was here, he couldn’t feel Korea as he is now. He was rushing, eager to see Ryeowook and was too afraid to meet his wife. His mind was wondering about Ryeowook and his life, didn’t cherish the place Changmin called his homeland.

“Mr. Shim.” Someone greeted Changmin, making the tall man turn around.

“Yes?” He said, holding his suitcase.

“I’m your new secretary, mr Kim Yesung. Good evening sir. I hope our cooperation will go smoothly.” The man sad while bowing. His hair were messy, colored with mixed black and gray. His eyes were sharp, little small and endless black.

“I hope so too, mr. Kim. Sadly my old secretary mr. Kousuka couldn’t go with me, but I know you will do your job excellent like him.” Changmin said with a small smile.

“I hope so too.” Mr. Kim said. He took a suitcase from Changmin, even if the latter insisted to carry it himself, because his new secretary wasn’t that young anymore. But the older man still done what he wanted, making Changmin instantly like him, knowing the man will work hard on task he will be given latter.

They went to the black car that was waiting for Changmin and drove off to his new apartment.

They arranged Changmin’s tomorrow meetings as a new CEO, then left Changmin alone.

As the moment the door shut closed behind them, leaving Changmin alone, the room, where Min was standing, turned suddenly dark. He sighed, looking around the room. Still unpacked boxes were pilled next to the worn out sofa. Even if he was granted by his boss, with high class apartment, the furniture were second hand for now on. Changmin will buy new ones later, after he settle down with his work. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. What greeted him was empty fridge with just one bottle of water, he bought earlier in the airport. Without much choice he took the water out and opened it, while walking to the living room.

He opened a dirty balcony’s door and propped his arm one the door, sipping the water.

“I will have to buy something to eat.” He said to himself, when his stomach made an inhuman noise. He looked at the view outside. The time he landed in Korea it was evening, so now the dark sight of night greeted him. He could barely see stars, as huge, tall building illuminated the city. He could see cars moving on the street. Lights from windows in the building.

He took the last gulp of water, then took the wallet and headed outside, to convenience store. He left the balcony’s door open to bring some air to the stuffy room. He didn’t fear of any robber, like in his previous apartment in Japan. His new apartment was on 15’th floor.

At the store he bought all the things he need: water, junk food, some alcohol to celebrate coming back to Korea and food aka instant food. Changmin don’t know how to cook, he once almost burn the kitchen when he tried, and after this he stopped even trying.

He was walking back with a grocery bad, when he saw an empty playground. The memories of the times, when he and Ryeowook would swing on the swings come back to him and he headed to sit on the one of them. He took a candy from his bag and pop one into his mouth.

“Changminnie you know if you swing hard enough you will reach the sky?” Small chubby Ryeowook said, as he swing higher and higher.

“Don’t be silly, you can’t reach the sky. It’s impossible.” Small Changmin said, shaking his head with disapproval.

“No, look!” Ryeowook shouted exited. His hand extended as if he can reach the sky, grasping it with his hand. And Changmin looked in awe, as Ryeowook’s face brighten, showing radiant, beautiful smile, hand reaching the sky.

“Wow you are right!” Changmin said excitedly and he too, started to swing higher and higher. Soon both of them were reaching their hands to touch the sky.

“We can do everything now Minnie, as long as we are together.” Ryeowook said, reaching for Changmin’s hand, interweaving their hands together, as they head to home.

“Yes, as long as we never apart.” Changmin answered back, pink colored his cheeks, eyes sparkled, looking at his best friend.

 

‘I would like to reach the sky with you again.’ Changmin thought, as memories of his childhood with Ryeowook flashed in his mind. The sweetest of candy in his mouth, reminded him of the sweet time he spend with the person he loves. He don’t even know why he loves Ryeowook that much, despite the fact the latter don’t love him back, or the fact that he will never be his, or maybe even never meet him again.

He just loves him, no one else. He searched for new love, but no one could compare to Ryeowook. No one. Even after all these years he spend alone, without even trace of Ryeowook in his life.

He sighed heavy, when the gloomy thoughts clouded his mind, that was previously thinking about happy memories. He was debating if he should act immoral and drink in public, the alcohol he bought with himself. He knew that maybe some old woman will pass by and scold him, but he didn’t cared.

Changmin was about to reach for a beer, when he saw a shuffle of legs not that far from him.

Looking around he saw a small boy on a monkey bar. He was looking down, bangs covered his face. Changmin could feel the gloomy aura around the boy. The boy was four or six years old.

He suddenly felt sad and pity towards the boy. It was night, or really late evening, yet the boy was still outside. Where are his parents? Why he is alone?

Before he could think, Changmin stood up and went to the boy. As soon as he propped himself on the monkey bar, the boy looked up at him. And Changmin felt a pang of huge sadness stabbing his heart. The boy’s face looked dully at him, as if life went out from him. His eyes were dark and unmoving, didn’t showing any type of happiness. The boy had black hair and high cheekbones. His skinny hands hold the railing tightly, as he looked at Changmin, don’t showing any signs of fear.

“What are you doing here alone?” Changmin asked, but the boy just blinked at him. “I’m asking you kid, you should answer if the elder is asking about something.” He added, feeling little irritated because of the kid’s rude behavior.

The kid opened his mouth, but didn’t said a word for a minute. His eyes looked at Changmin, studying him, then he answer. “I’m waiting.” Changmin’s brow raised. “At what?” He asked. “At my mom, so we will touch the sky together.” The boy’s eyes glistered with tears and Changmin was instantly alarmed. He quickly pulled the candy from his bag and handed it to the boy, when he saw that the latter was almost starting crying. “Here, I can’t reach the sky with you, but here a candy to cheer you up kid.” He said. The boy wiped his tears is a t-shirt’s sleeve and looked at Changmin questioningly.  “Don’t worry, I didn’t poison it. Just take it, so I can go home.” Min said, and the kid took the candy, with a small thank you. Changmin smiled at him with a nod. “I better go and you too. Your family is waiting for you.” Changmin pushed himself from the bars, as the kid jumped from them. “I will.” The kid said and without much more to say, ran down the street.

“What a pitifully brat.” Changmin said, as he looked at the spot where the kid was a second ago. He tskyed, when he remembered the kid’s eyes before the latter ran; dull, sad, painful. As if his home wasn’t a place he wanted himself to be. The kid reminded him of Ryeowook and himself. They always waited for the night, to reach the sky.

With a huff, Changmin shuffled to his apartment- memory of the kid and the sky reaching reminded in his mind, even after he ate, drank and went to sleep.

An alcohol he gulped didn’t taste nice, as he looked at the starless sky, remembering Ryeowook’s and his memories. The instant noodles he made didn’t taste good, as he remembered the kid from earlier. The dull, sad eyes almost copying his own. It was sad, because the kid had all his life to live, yet he looked as if he gave up already. Just like a certain someone; him.

That night Changmin slept with just pajama pants. Window in his bedroom fully opened, as wind swept inside. That night was stuffy, as summer air made the room warm.

He dreamt of forgotten memories he once had with people that forgot him a lot time ago, and with people that left him without a word.

 

 

A/N: All grammar mistakes errors and other stuff, I’m sorry for them, they just don’t wanted to fix itself and are hiding for me :P

Soooo…who this kid may be? Changmin was drunk and dreamt of himself or the boy was real? If so who he was? A shadow, blurry memory, or someone who will change Changmin’s life?