“If you were here with me now
I know I could definitely say it
But I can't reach up to heaven”

 

Vamps- Piano Duet

 

 

~~~~~~

 

 

The fog outside was strong, making people, walking on the wet streets, unable to see something more that the toes of their shoes. The rain was thin, yet chilly, soaking everything around.

 

But it was outside, while we was inside his apartment,  yet Shim Changmin felt it. His pajama soaked from his sweat, that covered his body. The chill from the opened window, swept his body that was currently fighting with dreams that he likes to call nightmares.

 

He dreamt of sweet smile, fluffy hair, gentle voice, tender touch and about these eyes that looked at him so warmly, yet full of secrets, that Changmin couldn’t read.

 

 

Shim Changmin woke up with a cold sweat. These memories; created by his blurry mind in dreamland, hunted him again.

 

If he could just forget, yet he couldn’t- didn’t want to.

 

He ran a hand over his damp from sweat hair and sighed miserably.

 

“already 10 years…” His voice ghosted over his lips. 10 years ago Shim Changmin, now 28 years old man, had to move out to other country because of his parents. He had to leave people he cherished, people he liked, yet the only regret he had was leaving one person, his best friend, Kim Ryeowook.

 

Kim Ryeowook and Shim Changmin met in the kindergarten, when Ryeowook- 5 years old boy back then- was making a sand castle in the sandbox. That day, Changmin stepped inside the sandbox. With full force, he destroyed the sand hill that Ryeowook called castle, making the chubby Ryeowook sob a little. But the sorrow didn’t last long, because Changmin knelled next to Ryeowook and told him that he will build him a real castle. And so he done it. He build a small thing looked like a sand castle, with four towers and other stuff. That sandbox was the place where they first met in first day of school and this sand castle they built together, made them build not just this, but their new friendship too.

 

And so after that day Changmin and Ryeowook became friends.

 

They friendship grew up together with them. After going to the same kindergarten, they go to the same pre-school and  to the higher steps of their education. They even went to the same high school, but unluckily after they graduated from it, they were unable to go to the same university, even if it was their dream. Changmin’s parents found a new, more paid job in Japan and they didn’t wanted to leave Changmin behind, so the young adult that time had to move with them.

 

Changmin still remember their parting day. His eyes were glossy, as well as Ryeowook’s. His sweaty hands were trembling, as he dreamt to touch Ryeowook for the last time and to finally tell him what he felt for Ryeowook, yet Changmin couldn’t utter these significant words that would turn his life to something beautiful or pitiful.

 

He remembered when he started to feel something more that friendship towards Ryeowook. He was still in the middle school, when his heart started to flutter, when Ryeowook smiled at him warmly. But as his best friend, he didn’t think much about it. He didn’t thought the feelings of longing, protecting, loving Ryeowook were something strange, different than people actually have for their best friend. He thought they were normal, natural things, but he soon realized they weren’t. And even then Changmin didn’t back off, from being near Ryeowook. He was still standing, talking, laughing with Ryeowook, as if his heart didn’t skip a beat, when the latter laughed melodiously. He pretended his cheeks didn’t burn, when Ryeowook was too close to him, or looked at him with these deep warm chocolate eyes of his. He pushed aside all his strange and dark thought he had about Ryeowook. Fighting, with all his might, with himself, so Ryeowook will not find out. Changmin knew, that as soon as Ryeowook found out, that Changmin loved him, he would feel disgusted by him and would stop being his friend. So that’s why even that day, when they parted ways, Changmin didn’t utter the words of love, even if he knew they will probably never meet again. 

 

And this way, Changmin dream of growing old next to Ryeowook, vanished in thin air, because he should say it back then, when they last saw each other, yet he didn’t. And the consequence of it was a five years of longing without seeing each other. Five years of brief short conversations they had with each other, once a month or two. And Changmin’s crushed heart, when Ryeowook told him he is getting married.

 

Changmin remembers his reaction. Ryeowook’s words pierced threw him like daggers. His hand on the phone trembled. The phone, with Ryeowook’s voice calling him, slipped from his hand and landed with a crash on the floor. He could hear Ryeowook’s faintly voice, as he kneeled on the floor, hand on his lips, muffling his sobs, while the other one hold tightly the shirt on his chest- his pained heart. He almost couldn’t breathe, couldn’t being alive.

 

He didn’t show up at the wedding, even if Ryeowook begged him. He lied, telling the other that he can’t cancel a meeting in his job and fly to him. While the truth was, he couldn’t see him, being happy with the other person, who wasn’t him. He was lucking Ryeowook all the best, yet he couldn’t be able to see the latter’s happiness. But Changmin braved himself after few years. He was still in love with Ryeowook, despite the years and the fact, that Ryeowook was someone’s else.

 

After a few years he finally met with Ryeowook. He almost tear up, almost hugged the latter, kissed him, when he saw Ryeowook finally after all these years. His heart was beating fast, hands sweating, mind blurry. He still loved Ryeowook, even if he knew, he will never get him.

 

Changmin never thought of steeling Ryeowook away. He knew after seeing Ryeowook happy, shining eyes, as he was talking about his wife, that the latter is the happiest man alive. While he, Changmin, was dying inside day by day.

 

And when Changmin finally met Ryeowook’s wife, he knew why Ryeowook was happy. Choa- Ryeowook’s wife was young, cheerful, really nice and warm woman. He still remember as he entered their apartment, her bright sunny smile:

 

“You must be Changmin.” She said back then, patting his arm with enthusiast. “Ryeowook told me a lot about you, his best ever friend.” She smiled brightly. Her smile radiated around Changmin, making him feel welcome and happy to be there. Her round belly showed Changmin that she was around four month pregnant and even if he felt sadness about this fact, he was happy, because Ryeowook always dreamed about a family. He quickly congratulated Choa and Ryeowook and sat in the living room. Despite the bitterness of unrequited love, he felt for Ryeowook, he chatted with the married couple with enthusiast. They were lovely, matching each other perfectly and Changmin couldn’t even image the bad, that would happen to them.

 

He remembered, when Ryeowook went to prepare a farewell tea for Changmin, because it was getting late and Min still had to catch a fly back. Choa approached him with unreadable expression on her face. She puts her palm on Changmin’s arm and looked at the man straight in the eyes, muttering words Changmin didn’t understand back then: “Ryeowook cherish you a lot Changmin, so much you would never know. I hope you will support him in the future, because he will need it a lot soon. Take care of him Changmin.” Choa said these words with so much pain and sadness in her voice and eyes, that made Changmin confused yet alarmed, but he was unable to ask, when Ryeowook came back with a smile on his face and new tea.

 

After that visit, Changmin didn’t heard from Ryeowook any news. As if Ryeowook disappeared from his life. Changmin tried to contact Ryeowook, but was unable to, because the number and their address changed. He searched everywhere, but no one could answer him, making Changmin give up, yet still searching, still hoping to find Ryeowook one day.

 

And to this day, after so many years, Changmin still remembered it and still wondered what happen to Ryeowook and his family.

 

It was more than five years, yet less than ten, when he first saw Choa. He wondered how Ryeowook’s child looks like. Are they happy somewhere?

 

 

With thought full of Ryeowook and his family, Changmin stood up and took a shower. Today he will fly to Korea after many years spend in Japan. His boss gave him a position as their firm’s ceo, in their new brand firm in Korea.

 

“10 years. Will I be able to see you?” Changmin whispered, as water ran down his body.

 

He will come back to place full of sweet memories that ended painfully. Will he be able to find Ryeowook? Will he be able to forget about his love for the latter? Or maybe, find a new one?

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thank you for so many subscribers. I can’t believe it! Thank you very much sweethearts.

 

I hope you will leave some comments here, because I’m lonely and greedy and this is not the otp I normally write and I’m scared you will not like it, so please?

 

And I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes or anything. English is not my first language, so I’m not A+ student in it and I can’t see my mistakes that good, because I’m dyslectic, but I hope you will bear with it and don’t leave me ok? *.*

 

See you soon ^^