“Wanna go grab lunch with me?” Sehun stood on the doorway.

“Yeah, sure. Give me a minute to finish this up.” I saved the document before picking up my purse. “Where do you want to eat?”

“There’s a new Deli place a block away. Want to try that?”

“Sure.”

I still haven’t really talked to Sehun after that embarrassing mini- breakdown I had. I guess now’s the time to explain some things. Of course I felt guilty. He’s probably uncertain of how to act around me because we really didn’t talk about the first date. He probably thinks I’m acting like it never happened.

And to an extent, I guess I did that. I didn’t mean to—I really didn’t. But sometimes, you have to lose some to win some. No matter how guilty I am, it still doesn’t take away from my happiness knowing that Lay and I are okay again.

“Earth to Shiyoung,” he waved a hand in front of my face.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“We’re here.”

Indeed we were. It was a quaint little shop with a welcoming atmosphere. Little coffee tables were strewn on the side; the air was a combination of melted cheese, just-out-of-the-oven bread, and roasted meat. It’s perfect.

“How do you always know where the good places are?”

He shrugged. “I like walking, so I come across lots of tucked-in places by accident.”

I nodded. We ordered separately this time.

“Sehun, about a few nights ago…” How do I go about this topic?

I really need to start being more prepared for confrontation, because seriously, I'm always drawing blanks.

"What about that night?" His face was suddenly an unreadable mask. I haven't seen that in a while. It's a defense mechanism—I realize that now. And I realize that I have to tread carefully in the next few minutes, because for one, I’ll have to continue working in the same office long after the next few minutes are over. But more importantly, I really, genuinely like Sehun. Maybe if circumstances were different, maybe things would have gone differently.

“Thank you. I really enjoyed it.”

His expression softened.

“I’m sorry for acting weird the past few days. Things happened.”

He chuckled nervously. “You gave me plenty of time to think about where exactly I messed up.”

I felt my eyes widen. “No. No. That’s not it at all. You didn’t mess up.”

Simulated conversations in your head rarely go as planned. Sometimes, you forget to say things you’ve wanted to say. But always, you can only make educated guesses as to what the other party has to say. Add to that the tiny factors that make a conversation: body language, tone, the atmosphere, the setting. Everything could easily fall apart. So, for someone who didn’t really plan anything, I have, at best, a slippery footing on this conversation.

“Good.” He sighed in relief. “I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Neither do I, Sehun. As far as relationships go, I’ve always been dumped. I don’t do the dumping. I don’t know how to reject people.

“Is it too early to ask for a second date?” He raised a brow.

Oh, the irony. He wasn’t early. He was late. Just a few steps late. Or maybe he just missed the train altogether. See, it’s so hard to reject him because I don’t even have a rational excuse to. I don’t have the conviction to cleanly reject him, because I don’t even know why I want to. I haven’t even given him a proper chance.

But I don’t want to give him false hope. I don’t want him spending useless hours with me. I don’t want to lead him on when I have this gut feeling that it just won’t work out. It’ll feel too much like what Chanyeol did to me.

He knocked on the table a few times. “You keep spacing out on me, Shiyoung.”

“Sorry, Sehun.” For a lot of things. For more than just spacing out. “I… I just don’t think this could work.”

This is better, though, isn’t it? Nip it at the bud, they say. I’m chalk full of overused phrases these days.

“Is it because I’m moving too fast?” He sat up straighter.

Oh no. So this is what ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ really means.

“No. I just think we’re better off as co-workers and friends.” I felt my heart tear at the thought of hurting him. But we’ve barely even begun. It won’t hurt too much. It’s probably just a passing crush, one that will dissolve after a few weeks.

“Oh.”

I suddenly don’t feel like eating my sandwich anymore. One day or one month, Sehun invested a bit of himself to me. And I feel like crap for doing this to him.

“Well.” He smiled, crescent smile more crescent-shaped than ever. “You know what Robin Hood said? ‘Keep your chin up, someday there will be happiness again.’”

“Sehun.” I wish he didn’t retreat to references in moments like these.

“Nah. I get it. Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

I didn’t want to press him for more. I didn’t know what else to say.

“It’s time to go back now.” He cleaned his side of the table and stood up.

Words went unspoken the whole way back.

--

Not sure if this is my last update. Move-in for college is tomorrow, guys. >_< I'm scared and excited and worried... I don't even know. Argh. Wish me luck as I start a new chapter in the real world. hahaha

I'm sorry that this is short and weird and probably awkward. I'm just not sure how to write this. I don't have enough sensitivity to write this effectively. I probably butchered it to pieces. Yikes.

I won't declare hiatus just quite yet, because I'm reluctant to part with y'all. /cries/

On a separate note, I realized a flaw in my writing. (Well, one of of the many. But I won't mention the rest, because then you'd probably stop reading altogether.) My OC's are always the most fleshed-out, most three-dimensional out of all my characters. They have the most believable personalities. In contrast, I tend to paint my male leads with broader , and in the process render their personalities linear and one-dimensional. I wish I realized this sooner, but now it's too late. Gah. I can't really do anything about it now. But I just thought I'd point it out. Y'all are just too kind to criticize my characterizations. :/

Oh. I've been toying with the idea of marking this as a subscribers only story. I wonder if it'll make much of a difference. I wonder if it robs people of the opportunity to read freely... but I'm going to try it out with this chapter. And if by chance I update again, (which I probably will) I'll see if I'll make this a free-for-all again. Tell me what you think of 'Subscribers Only' stories. :)

(EDIT) Okay, so I removed it from being subscribers only. I feel like it's too snobby, and it forces people to subscribe just to read a story. It feels like I'm extorting subscriptions. haha so, I just removed it. Gah. I'm so fickle. But whatevs. (OMG what if my A/N is longer than the actual chapter?! I talk too much...)