I am walking on eggshells. Such a cliché phrase, that is, isn’t it? But I guess it literally feels that way. I feel like I’m receiving flack for doing something wrong. But the problem is, I’m not quite sure what that is. One day, Lay and I are doing fine, and then the next, we’re not.

So why am I walking on eggshells? I’m not the one who threw away our friendship in the closest dumpster. If anything, I should be mad. I should be very mad. Yes, I’ve been oblivious to his… what do I even call it? Advances? That sounds wrong, somehow. Whatever. The point is, I’ve been oblivious. But instead of blowing up on me like that, he should’ve just confessed. He should have told me in a way that I would understand. I’m not a mind-reader, you know.

So, I guess I’m mad.

Ha. Wow. I can’t believe I had to rationalize that just to get mad at him. I’m really hitting a new low.

But with Lay, it’s hard to be mad. He’s never been irrational before. He’s never been mad at me like this. He’s always been the considerate one in the relationship. He’s the reliable one in the relationship. How could I even be mad at him? How could I, when all I could feel is guilt for being insensitive, for driving him against the wall?

See, this is the first time I’ve provoked him this much.

It’s the first time that he isn’t talking to me. And I just don’t know how to deal. But what makes this even more confusing is the fact that suddenly, my whole perception of him has changed. How long has it been since he started thinking of me differently? How long have I been blind?

Should I apologize? Should I be mad? Should I confront him?

If I’m going to approach him, I’ll need a game plan. I’ll need a strategy. But I was coming up empty.

All I know is that I can’t stand another day not talking to him. I had to talk to him.

I grabbed my car keys and headed out. This needed fixing. I ignored my erratically beating heart, my sweaty palms, my urge to turn the other way. Instead, I rang the bell. And at that moment, I couldn’t be gladder that he didn’t have a peephole. He’d have to open up.

I heard the locks click open, and there he was.

I forgot what I needed to say. Or maybe I never knew what I wanted to say in the first place.

We stood there, for ten seconds, for ten minutes, for ten eternities, a doorway between us, a division, a barrier.

“I’m sorry.”

I don’t know who said it first.

I don’t know who bridged the distance.

I don’t know how his strong arms were suddenly wrapped around me, how his scent was suddenly surrounding me, how I somehow had my head buried on his chest.

But I knew that it felt right. I knew hot and cold relief was running through me. I knew we were going to be okay.

I wrapped my arms around his waist a little tighter. “I’m sorry.” Maybe he said it first, so I wanted him to know that I’m sorry too. But even if he didn’t say it first, I wanted him to hear it again.

“I think you deserve an explanation,” he slowly pulled away. “It’s something I said at the heat of the moment. I don’t ever want to stop being your best friend.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to, either.

“But,” he bit his lower lip nervously. “I wanted to tell you something.”

I felt my stomach lurch from the nervous tension.

“I don’t expect anything. I already have the Cookies and Cream ready, actually.”

I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of me. Lay confused the order of the things he needed to say when he was nervous. “Why don’t you start from the beginning? And while we’re at it, why don’t you let me into your house?”

“Oh, right.” He stepped away from the door and let me in.

I guess Yeollie ruined the surprise. I already knew what he wanted to say, anyway, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.

I waited for Lay to give me permission to sit this time. I didn’t want to be too comfortable. He sensed my hesitation.

“I told you, I didn’t really mean what I said. Be comfy.” He held me by the shoulders and pushed me towards the sofa. He sat himself down on the recliner, only to stand up again. “Want anything? Water? Juice?”

“Water.”

He quickly handed me a water bottle before repositioning himself back on the recliner. He bit his lips again. “There’s really no other way to go about this, so, um, I’ll just get straight to the point, I think.”

I gripped my bottle a little tighter. Already knowing didn’t make the process easier. It’s akin to knowing your loved one is dying. You come to terms with the fact, but it doesn’t make the mourning any less painful when he dies. Okay, maybe that’s too severe an example, but you get the idea.

“I—I like you, Kim Shiyoung. I like you a lot. More than a best friend should. I like you in a way a man likes a woman.”

My heart started drumming against my chest.

He laughed nervously. “That’s it. Um. Yeah. I don’t really have anything else to say.”

I guess he was a math major for a reason. He needs more lessons on eloquence and winning over women. But now’s not the time to point that out. I’m not doing so well, either. Truth is, this running dialogue in my head? Yeah, that’s about as eloquent as I go at the moment. How do I even respond to this expected, yet still somehow unexpected, confession? Unromantic on its own, Lay’s concise confession hits just the right spot, because like everything else about him, it isn’t sugar-coated. It’s presented the way it actually is. And for his sincerity, for his honesty, the confession is perfect.

“So I guess it’s time to take out the Cookies and Cream? I have Netflix,” he started walking towards the refrigerator. “You can pick the movie.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Lay just soldiers on, doesn’t he? I let him, though, because I don’t know what to say yet. For all the sass and smart-mouthing I usually possess, I guess I’m in pretty bad shape. I didn’t think this far ahead.

He came back into the living room and set two ice cream bowls down on the ottoman, reaching for the remote control.

“Lay-lay.”

“Hm?” He browsed through the Romantic Comedy section like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“How long have we known each other?”

I didn’t let him answer.

“Long enough to see through your A-class acting.” I patted the spot next to me. “You don’t have to pretend around me.”

“You just rejected me. I think I deserve to preserve the last bits of my dignity.” His eyes were still focused on the TV screen, but he sat down beside me.

“Who said I did?” I raised an eyebrow. “You made up your own ending.”

He stayed quiet.

“I’d like us to remain best friends.”

His eyes flickered in pain and disappointment. My heart squeezed.

“I’d like us to keep our relationship this way until I figure stuff out. Is that okay with you?”

A muted glimmer of hope colored his expression. He nodded his head slightly.

“But I’d still like my Cookies and Cream and my romantic comedy flick.” I took the two bowls and handed one to him.

“Okay.” My favorite dimple appeared.

And as we watched Runaway Bride for the millionth time, I found myself sitting closer to him, setting my head on his shoulder. I found him setting his on top of mine.

And I found myself smiling in contentment. Because just like everything else about Lay, this felt just right.

--

Double update, yo. Haha I know there was so much drama build-up in the past couple of chapters that the resolution probably fell flat and disappointed. But I felt that this was the best way to resolve the problem--I wanted it to be low-key and characteristic of SY and Lay's relationship. So here you go. :D

I've been thinking this over for the past couple of days: Is there an optimal time to post updates here at AFF? Because sometimes, I post updates and I get a number of new subscribers. But then other times, I don't get any. Well, it could be because people are just not interested, I know. Hahaha (forever obsessed with new readers. OMG, to new readers, I probably sound creepy huh? Sorry. You'll get used to me, just like my older readers eventually did... lol) Tell me the trade secrets to more subscribers!!

Or you could just tell me where you're from and what time you usually check for AFF updates. Haha that's a more reasonable question to ask my readers. haha so yeah. Tell me where you're from! I love having conversations about this.

But speaking of readers, if you've just recently joined me, or if you were already on board for a while but just haven't commented at all, make your existence known by commenting below. A simple dot will do the trick. (Can't say my feelings won't get slightly hurt by the apathy, but hey, it's better than nothing.)

As always, have a great day! ^_^