“Oh no! I’m so, so sorry!” I quickly took a bunch of napkins and started wiping his face.

He swatted my hands away and cleaned himself up. “Dude. That’s gross.”

“I’m really sorry,” I bit my lip. “But you shouldn’t spew nonsense like that.”

“I wasn’t though.” He touched his cheeks with his fingers tentatively. “Ugh. Now I’m all sticky.”

“Where did you even get the idea? Lay and I have been best friends since forever. You must be misunderstanding something.”

“You think only girls have intuition? Us guys have it too.”

“I don’t trust that.”

“Choose to believe it, or not.”

“How do you know?” I felt my insides churn and twist.

“From the way he looks at you. Best friends don’t look at people like that.”

“He doesn’t look at me like that.” Or does he? Darn Chanyeol for screwing with my mind.

“Yeah, he does. I actually almost didn’t ask you out because of Lay.”

“Huh?”

“You’re always together. I thought there was something going on.”

“But that doesn’t prove anything. We’re best friends. That’s what we do—we hang out.”

“I think you need to open your eyes wider, Shiyoung. Lay takes care of you, and only you. He has friends in the office too, but don’t you see? He treats you different.”

Does he?

Chanyeol heaved a sigh. “Look. I don’t think it was my place to even tell you this. He should be the one telling you how he feels. But think about it, okay?” He scooped up a forkful of eggs and shoved it into his mouth.

-

So, we finally arrived at work.

“Where have you been?” Jiwon almost screamed. “I’ve been calling you non-stop for the last four hours.”

“Can’t a girl have fun once in a while?” I gave her a mirthless laugh.

“No, not when she’s going to be backlogged with overdue work.” She handed me a stack of paperwork.

This is what I need. I need to get my mind off of what Chanyeol said. I need to drown out the voices inside my head that keep saying senseless things. I need to be rid of the drama. I took the stack from her hands and went straight to my office.

“Hey.” Sehun called out.

“Hey.” I set my things down and got to work. No distractions. Nothing else mattered. It’s me and this stack of work against the whole wide world. If I stop, if I even think, I’ll combust. I’ll burn from over-thinking.

“Are you okay?” He tried.

“Fine.” No distractions.

In the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t be treating Sehun this way. He might think he did something wrong. But there’s way too much on my mind. And I don’t want to think. I don’t want to process. I just want to keep moving. I just want to go through the motions. There’s plenty of time to think later.

The sad thing is, my brain doesn’t have a switch. It runs on its own. It doesn’t stop. And I find myself helplessly swimming through jumbled memories, trying to find cues and signs. And I know it’s useless, because I’m probably coloring it with this newfound knowledge, this hypersensitive perception that I never wanted in the first place. I am lost. I lost. But I look inside my mind’s eye anyway. Because what else is there to do?

“A tiny dragon. To keep your heart safe.”

“It’s called going out of his way to be with you.”

“If you treat a girl half as well as you treat me—well, except for the snide Harry Potter remarks—if you do, then she’d be a lucky girl.”

I said that. Didn’t I say that? Why didn’t I notice? Why wasn’t I listening to my own words?

Why did it feel like I knew it all along?

And just like an avalanche, uncontrollable, unstoppable, puzzles clicked together.

“I’m waiting for someone to realize all the things you’ve told me—to fully realize it.”

Well, here I am, Lay, drowning in self-deprecation for not realizing it earlier. It’s great, really. I’m so smart. So, very smart.

“I’ve been giving her signals for a while now,” he looked at the ceiling, hands resting behind his neck.

I want to cry.

“If it doesn’t work out, you could come over and we can finish a tub of cookies and cream together watching sappy romantic comedies.”

I want to punch myself.

“Timing’s pretty funny, isn’t it?”

I want bury myself in layers of blankets and go through hibernation. Or maybe live in a cave. Or maybe just jump off a cliff.

I did none of those things. I trained my attention back to work. Words swam around my eyes. Sentences danced around in loopy, incomprehensible strings. But I pretended it made sense. I pretended.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be best friends anymore.”

“Hey.” A handkerchief was extended towards me. I didn’t even realize I was crying.

“What’s wrong?” His eyebrows were scrunched together into lines of worry.

“Nothing.” I quickly wiped my face with my hands, leaving his handkerchief hanging. Instead of putting it away, though, he touched my cheek and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb.

“I’m always here to talk to, okay? I’m not just a kid who shares the office with you.” He patted my cheek softly before pulling away.

I merely nodded, suddenly noticing a figure outside the office. Lay. He quickly turned and slunk towards his office. I felt my chest tighten. How did everything turn out this way? How do I even begin to fix the mess that is our tattered friendship?

--

Hello, my dear friends! I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'm as lost as SY right now lolol so it's short. I promise to work it out by tonight or tomorrow, so keep watching out for that.

Meanwhile, check this out. I had a conversation with pestiilence a few days ago, and she suggested I make one-shots to show y'all a closer look at what the boys see when they talk and interact with Shiyoung. In the end, I'm too stingy to do that. I like giving my readers something to chew on and to decipher when they read. hahaha so no one-shots for them. Instead, I made a one-shot of Shiyoung when she was still in high school. It's nebulous, but it sheds a bit of light to how she was back in the day. Maybe you could insert how Lay fits into it. ;) It's called 4:23, so I hope you check it out. NOT mandatory reading, obviously. You won't lose much if you skip. But I'd love it if you read it. :)