pyoooo : Hiding
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Title (2/10) :
So far the title has nothing to do with the story. No relevance whatsoever. To add on to that, it's not very unique either.
Description&Foreword (2/10) :
You don't need to capitalize "Alone" in your description. Your description is very vague and not in a good way. Maybe if you had an actual foreword it wouldn't be so bad.
In your foreword you say that your fic will be a typical story. I don't think it's a good thing to only aim for a "typical story". A foreword should be a preview of what your story will be like, you should make a proper one.
Content&Plot (5/20) :
Regarding content, your chapters are rather short. Partly because you're not spacing/organizing it correctly.
For your plot, well, there is no plot whatsoever right now.
In a story there should be five parts :
Introduction > Rising Action > > Falling Action > Conclusion/Resolution.
Characters (6/10) :
I see nothing unique about your characters. In short, they're ordinary. Protagonists should not be just ordinary. There should be some unique factors about them. Because in the end, nobody wants to read a story that are similar to ones they've read before. It's easy for readers to lose interest that way.
Grammer&Spelling (2/10) :
Yeah. You should know yourself how bad the grammar/spelling is in your story therefore I'm not going to fix anything for you here; I'd have to revise practically everything.
I hope English isn't your first language, because if it was, well.. that's a bit awkward. I suggest finding a beta for your story because you obviously don't have the capability to write properly. Bad grammar is a complete turn-off for readers.
Organization/Flow (4/10) :
You're ending the chapters at weird points, so I'll just link you instead of explaining to you. > CLICK <
Regarding flow, I'm not going to say anything because you should fix your English before you get concerned with the flow of the story. The flow has already been broken with your lack of English skills.
Appearance (2/10) :
I'm going to count usage of fonts and your description and foreword as the appearance because you don't have a poster/background.
Use the same font for ALL the chapters. Don't switch from one to another. Also, keep using the same font size.
Enjoyment (5/20) :
Sorry, I didn't enjoy reading your story. Maybe I would if things were worded better, spelt correctly, and spaced it so it was easier to read. I definitely recommend getting a beta and reading actual books instead of fics often to help improve your writing. (:
Total : 28/100
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