I stood outside the school gate not sure if I was ready to go in, more like I wasn't sure if I was ready to face Seol-chan. I wasn't sure how either one of us were going to react to each other. I started slowly in the school yard heading towards the main building. Students.walked past chatting completely unaware of me. It was a nice change to the previous few days were my presence wasn't always welcomed. Seol-chan familiar van pulled in shortly after I started walking. I slowed my pace down to a mere crawl and watched him get out of the van. He threw his bookbag over his shoulder and looked towards me. I picked up my pace and went to him. He watched me expressionless.

"hey" I said awkwardly.

" hey" he said back. "look, I should've told you but.."

"I understand" I said quickly. I could tell he wasn't used to apologizing and I did understand. He was his group member and probably his friend. He didn't want to jeopardize that. He nodded quietly and I started towards the school again. He followed me quietly as we entered and headed for our classroom.

"hey, wait." He said quietly before we reached the door "I told myself I wouldn't ask but I have too. Are you ever going to speak to him again?" He was careful of his words as students walked by. I waited till they passed.

"yes but I don't know when. Maybe today, maybe next were" I said and then turned quickly into class. Nana was late of course so I sat down and turned to Se-yi to strike up a conversation. I didn't want to give Seol-chan the opportunity to bring up Sungjae again. However, he didn't try. The entire group seem to be trying hard not to bring Sungjae up. Even though I could tell it was forced, I was.happy with them trying.

Once the day ended though I wanted to be alone. I separated from them at the school and started walking. I didn't want to go home but I didn't know where I wanted to be. I found myself in a crowded mall. I was lost in my thoughts and I was glad to have the noise distract me. That was until I passed a music store and saw M.I.B posters all over the window. I looked at them for a bit. Sungjae looked handsome in clothes I would never imagine seeing him in. After a while, I couldn't handle it anymore and left. I didn't pay attention to where I was going and before I knew it, I was at the bookstore.

I stared at the front door wondering if Sungjae just might be inside. The sky was beginning to get dark and cloudy. It was to late for him to be here I finally convinced myself. I opened the door just as a swift breeze came down the street. It was quiet as I walked up the steps. I felt my heart race as I reached the last step. I slowly looked down and my heart dropped a bit. Sungjas spot was empty. I don't know why I was so disappointed but I slumped down in my window seat. I realized just how much I had wanted him to be here as I was the clouds move in faster.

I looked back to his empty spot thinking of him. Why did my heart hurt so much? Did I really believe it was over before it really started? Why was I so upset he didn't tell me he wasn't an idol?? I felt so childish but I couldn't help how upset I was. I closed my eyes and then I saw jonghyun. He had changed so much and was such a liar on T.V. Was the idea of Sungjae being like that the reason I felt so angry towards him? I had met Sungjae after he debut, his changing was already over. I felt a tear rolled down my face. "Why couldn't I meet a normal,nice, caring boy?" I thought out loud.

" I am kind. I am nice and I do care about you" I heard Sungjae voice come from the door. I jumped answering turned to see him staring at me leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest. I quickly wiped the tear away.

"hey" I said clearing my throat. A thousand butterflies erupted in my stomach.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I'm not going to be sorry for being an idol. I'm the same guy you went on the date with...just a little more popular" he said taking a step forward and skipping the greetings. I looked up at him. He was dressed as he always was, it was just now I noticed the name brands. I wanted him to be the same guy there was just something stopping me from believing it.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why did you tell Seol-chan not to tell me?" I asked almost desperately after a moment.

because I was worried everything would change. I loved the fact you liked me for me and not for my idol self...I was going to tell you Saturday but well...you came to the practice room" he said finally taking his normal spot on the floor. I had a small thought that he was to good to be on the floor. I saw his eyes moving over my exposed body with the bruises clearly showing. I looked away from and out the window. I saw the sky turning black as the sun faded in the horizon and the dark clouds moved in. I knew it was going to rain soon but wasn't sure how long I had.

I wanted to be mad at him but I couldn't; seeing him again made me just want to jump in his arms again. I wrapped my arms around my legs instead. We were silent for a while just listening to each other breath. I finally got the courage to look at him and saw he was staring at his hands.It was getting late and I knew he probably had a schedule to get too.

"We should go before..." I spoke but lightening struck the cords out side the window and sent sparks flying. The lights immediately went out and the rain started slamming against the window.

"get away from the window" Sungjae said grabbing my hand. I let him pull me down and wrapped his arms around me. I like storms about as much as I liked being stabbed. I could tolerate them but I was usually curled up in my bed. I grabbed Sungjae's shirt and pulled him closer to me as the thunder crashed in the sky. When my eyes finally adjusted to the dark, lightening would strike and light up the entire room.

"it will be okay" he whispered in my ear.

"no it won't" I mumbled back. I looked up at his handsome face. I could see the idol now. His skin was flawless and he eyes perfectly shaped; he didn't fit with me and never would. "You're an idol, we can't be together. You have to date a princess or some other idol. Not me a bruised up gangster girl." Tears fell down my face at the realization of it as I spoke. I wasn't good enough for him and never would be; not in this society where image is everything. My image would ruin his and I couldn't allow for that to happen.

I untangled myself from him and stood up. I stopped in the door way to look at him one more time. The flash of light showed me the tears streaming down his face as he stared across the room blankly. He didn't look at me or try to stop me as I hoped he would. I walked out into the street too heavy hearted to care about the storm. Nothing could hurt me anymore as the realization I just had. The dark street and rain covered my tears as they fell from my face. However with each step the rain soften until it completely stopped. The street lights ,one by one, came back on. Besides the ground and my eyes being wet,the world went back to normal.