Chapter 13

I wiped my eyes and turned towards the familiar voice. His voice was the only thing i recognized. His skin was almost the same tint as mine and his hair was.black with a red streak on the side. He was more tone and much more handsome than the last time I saw him. I thought the next time I saw him, I would feel something but no there was nothing but a faint memory.

"Jonghyun" my mouth was open to speak but it wasn't my voice i heard. I looked to my side to see Nana standing beside me. Jonghyun looked up and smiled at her but I could see the resentment in his eyes.

"Hey" I finally managed out. He looked back at me smiling widely. I couldn't understand why.

"How have you been? I've missed you" he said taking a step forward. I didn't know why I felt anger towards him. We hadn't seen each other in years. He didn't know me anymore and I didn't know him either. So how could he miss me?

"Great, going to a new school. Everything is great" i said simply " but i have to go now"

"Why? Didn't you finally come here to see me?" He said surprised his smile faltered a little.

"No" Nana answered for me harsher than i would have liked. I looked over at her harshly and saw that the rest of the group was walking up. Sungjae looked at me sadly.

"MIB" Junghyun said with distaste.

"Changjo" Seol-Chan said with the same tone. The group seem not to know what to do or think. They kept looking between Sungjae, Jonghyun and me with looks of confusion and wonder.

"Lets go back into the room and continue the birthday party" I said trying to hide my emotions.

"You are here for him" Jonghyun said almost frustrated. I saw Sungjae look at him for the first time and anger flash in his eyes. I simply nodded not knowing what to say or do. He waited a moment and then began to speak but what cut off by someone yelling for him. He gave me one last look and then walked away with out another word. I looked to the ground unable to face the group. I didn't want to deal with Sungjae but I didn't want to ruin the party either.

"Lets go" Nana said finally and started to usher the group back to the practice room. I looked up and even began to follow but then there was a loud ring behind me. I saw the elevator doors open and two girls walk out. Without thinking i ran to it and enter just before the doors closed. I saw Sungjae sad face and hand midair as if to stop me. The elevator doors closed on him before he could say anything. I felt my heart break with ever beep of the passing floors. I felt the tears form in my eyes and the anger over took my body. There was so many emotions going on, I didn't know what to do. So when i exited the building, I ran as far and as fast as I could without stopping or looking back.

~~~~~

For a few days, I avoided all of my new friends and even Nana. I had even turned off my phone and had fell back into my old habits. I had visited a bar where my old friends hung out. They welcomed me as if they knew I couldn't stay away. I fought in a few paid fights and earned quite a bit of money in the days I had been gone. I was counting the amount I had won and was walking with one of my good friends I had known for years when i heard him sigh dramatically. I looked up to see what his problem was.

"What are you doing here?" Jeajoong asked looking down at me. He stopped when we reached a corner of the buildings and leaned against the wall.

"What do you mean? This is my home" i said quietly shoving the money into my pocket.

"You know you are like a sister to me and I say this with care but what the are you doing back here?" He said desperately. I looked up at him surprised. He lit a cigarette before continuing on.

"You had stopped this nonsense and I never saw you around and...you know...for a moment I thought you were going to get out of here. Your smart and cunning and beautiful...don't get me wrong I love seeing you but why have you come back to all of this" he said looking at the ground and smoking on his cigarette. He ran a hand through his hair and looked over at me.

"Truthfully?" I asked as i felt tears form in my eyes. "Because I'm familiar with it. It doesn't lie to me, or hurt me or embarrassed me. It is what it is and I'm who I am and I need to realize that won't change" I finished quietly.

"We are always changing" He said looking across the street. I followed his gaze to see an advertisement of Jonghyun and his group. It looked nothing like the boy I saw a few days ago.

"Hes living the dream, isn't he?" Jeajoong said almost teary eye. He loved singing and dancing but was to scared to ever try out.

"Dreams of lies and fakeness" i said sharply.

"And what do you think all of this is? Huh? We lie to.ourselves everyday and we fake being happy...you want to tell me fighting gives you happiness.. look i love you but i wish you would go back to when you were ignoring us and aiming for something more" he finished and then took a long drag off his cigarette. I finally really looked at him.

He was 22 but looked like he was going on 40. The years of stress and turmoil had not been good to him. He was strong and cold what kindness he did have he hid. He didn't want to be here anymore than I truly did. I had to be honest with myself, i had left this place for a reason and that hadn't change. I nodded and turned away from him. I started walking and leaving behind all i knew. I promised myself this would be the last time.

I pulled out my phone and turned it on. I left it in my pocket for a minute knowing and hoping it would be filled with voicemails and text messages. It was; when it finally stopped vibrating I pulled it out. I texted Nana, Se-yi, and Eun-ha. I asked them to meet me at my second favorite place in the world; the park.