Jessica’s POV

It’s been weeks when my suicidal attempt happened, I undergo some several counseling with my mom, and now I’m fine, SM cleared everything from the press, and the issue subside on its own, but unfinished issue and feelings are not yet settle, I’ll still remember what he ask, I can’t let him just like that, what about Kyu oppa? I can’t hurt him like that, he is the one I’m with when I need Donghae most, I still love Donghae but I will teach myself to forget him and teach myself to love Kyu oppa more, because it is the right thing to do, it is for my best, for OUR best. To buried everything in the past, I was in deep thought when Tiffany waved her hands in my face

“H-E-L-L-O!!!” she spelled as she sat beside me while Siwon oppa on my left, I’m between them

“Sica… let’s party!!!” Siwon oppa said to me as he handed me a cup of cold punch

“ah… neh… oppa… maybe later…” I said shyly

It was SMTOWN’s party for our SMTOWN live in NY and for SNSD’s the boys successful launch

“okay… can I borrow Fany first?” he asked my permission and I nodded signaling them to go, they went to the dance floor and of course party all night long, everyone is there, Kangta Sunbaenim, Boa, unnie, Sunday and Dana Unnie, FX, Shinee, SUJU oppas and of course my SNSD sisters

I was looking at them, they are all happy, smiles plastered on their faces, I envy them so much, I got my phone and someone got it from me

“What the….” I mumbled

“Jessie, let’s party…” evil maknae of SUJU told to me

“neh? Maybe later…” I said as I looked away

“Jessie? Is there any problem?” he asked all of a sudden

“nothing, oppa…” I lied, but the truth is I’m not in the mood

“come on, where is the Cali girl, I know? Who know how to have fun?” he said as he pulled me to go to the dance floor

“I don’t want too!!!” I said as I pulled my arms back that make him startled

He was so shocked from what I did, he just lower head and stood their dumbfounded

“oppa, mianhe…” I said as I caress his face and make him look at me in the eyes

He just gives me a puppy face and still without looking at me, I used aegyo for many times, but it was an epic failed

“okay, let’s dance….” I said just to make him happy again

“but I don’t’ want to dance a happy dance anymore….” He said with a pout

“aaaww…. My baby Kyu? What do you want now?” I asked him as I pinched his cheeks

“I want a sweet dance now…” he said as he pulled me in the center of the dance floor, my heart was beating fast, he got my two hands and guided it to his neck, then he placed his hands on my waist,he pulled me closer and he looked at me so passionately and sincere, did I really move on? Or it was just an infatuation?

As the music starts, we slowly sway our bodies into one, then couples and non couples started to go to dance floor too, Kangta oppa with Boa Unnie, Yunho oppa with Sunday Unnie, Changmin oppa with Dana unnie, LeeTeuk oppa with Tae Yeon, Hee Chul oppa with SeoHyun, Sungmin oppa with Sunny, Siwon oppa with Tiffany, Eunhyuk oppa with HyoHyeon, Ryeowook oppa with Soo Young, Yesung oppa with Yuri,Shindong oppa with her long time girlfriend Nari Unnie, Onew with Luna, JunHyung with Krystal, Minho with Victoria Unnie, Key with Amber, TaeMin with Sulli, it was like a prom for everybody, all they feel at that time is nervous but at the same time happy because for some, they are with the person who truly they love secretly, they are all staring in to each other eyes, no words are coming out but there is an understanding, an understanding of  feelings, and it’s love

I rested my head on oppa while we are dancing, from where we are standing I saw Donghae who was looking at me

faking a smile

a smile that telling me that he is pretending, pretending that he was alright, from his painful smile, I felt a pang in my heart, questions bombard my mind, it was telling me that Kyu oppa is better but my heart says Donghae is the best, I can’t help it anymore, tears will start to pour in any second, so I buried my face to Kyu oppa’s chest

While I’m crying, everything that he had done to prove to me that he is very sorry and sincere, flash back to my mind but I just ignore it, I ignored the things that no one can tap, everyday he sends me flowers and food only for me, he broke up with Yoona too, I thought when they broke up and saw Yoona cried in pain will make me happy, but instead, I felt sad for her, why do I blame her, if we all knew that we are just victims of cruelty of love

Then Kyu oppa made me face him, he cup my face and wiped my tears, then he touched my chin and pulled my face closer to him, then seconds later I can feel his lips opposite to mine

Donghae’s POV

I wanted to dance and talked to her but Kyu is already there, not giving me chance, Sica looked at me and I just give her a fake smile, a smile telling that I’ll be alright, I just watched them from a far but Kyu kissed Sica all of a sudden, it breaks my heart, I just closed my and endure the pain all alone

“oppa… can we dance…” Yoona asked me politely

“hhmmm….” I thought for awhile

“Don’t worry oppa, it will just a friendly dance… look no one was available to dance me, I looked like a wall flower…” she said with a slightly sad tone

When I saw the sadness in her doe like eyes, I give offer my hand to her and give her an encouraging smile

“kajja…” I said as I grabbed her in the dance floor

She put her arms around my neck and I placed my hands on her waist and we slowly sway, she is not looking at me

“is there something wrong?” I asked her

“ani, nothing…oppa… I’m just thinking something” she answered still not looking at me

“Yoona….” I called her, she slightly held her head up but look away again

“I wanted to say sorry for everything I have done…. Everything I done to you that made you hurt, sorry for taking your love for granted, you know I tried to love you…” I said with regret but she cut me off

“but you still love unnie…” she continue, and I just nodded

“oppa, I’m okay… it hurts me lot but I will overcome this, maybe not today but maybe later… don’t blame yourself, oppa. We just love the wrong persons…” she said as tears beaming from her eyes

“sorry…. “ I mumbled as I hugged her, I pity her so much

“oppa…let’s be friend okay…” Yoona finalized everything between the two of us

“neh… dongdsaeng-ah…” I said as I still hug her to give her comfort

//

After that conversation everything between Yoona and I are completely settle but She and Sica; not progressing, we dance in a happy jive, party like there is no tomorrow, we set aside our problems and enjoy the night, I excused myself from the group and my feet lead in the hotel’s garden, I was walking around when I saw a familiar figure sitting at the edge of the fountain, she is in a deep thought

I slowly approached her while I was taking off my coat, because I saw her brushed her arms a few times, she is the ice princess but she still human, who had limits especially winter is about to come

Jessica’s POV

I excused myself from Kyu oppa, I said I wanted some fresh air, but my main purpose is to be alone and think, when I’m in the arms of Kyu oppa I felt safe like no one can harm me but when I remember the times when I’m with Donghae oppa. Happiness filled my life, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I want all of us to be happy, I don’t want to hurt Kyu oppa for staying at my side like forever but I will still hurt him in the end because whatever I do, my heart belongs to someone else, and even I deny it many times, even I stop myself and even if I make myself believe that I don’t love him, in the end I lose with my own heart, no one can stop and dictates heart once it finds its other half

I’m cluless now, I’m doomed, I need a sign from God, should I let Kyu oppa enter my heart or made Donghae oppa stay forever but when I saw him and Yoona hugged,i was kind of taken a back from my feelings to him, I saw my Yoona cried in pain when Donghae oppa broke up with her, she was in total mess at that time

Flashback:

I was busy reading a book in the living room, when the door opened revealing Yoona with Puffy eyes, I was surprised when she come to me

“Unnie… you win… you win…!!!” she shouted to me so I stood up

“what? What are you saying?” I shouted back to her causing the other members to check us

“Donghae oppa, broke up with me? Are you happy now… seeing me in pain…” she shouted in pain while I just stay silent

“unnie, God knows how much I regretted everything that I done to harm you , God knows I didn’t do it intentionally… but still I was punished… is it wrong to love someone who matters everything to you?…” she finally burst

I just stay silent without looking at her

“you still didn’t say anything until now, huh, unnie? God, why are you so cold-hearted, I hate you!!!” she said before she run to her room crying leaving us all silent

“mianhe, Yoona… I mumbled silently while bowing my head

“Sica… it’s okay… everything between Yoona and you will be solve; have faith, everything will be in a perfect timing…” TaeNy consoled me

Yuri and Seohyun knocked on Yoona’s room but they failed

“maybe she needs time… a broken heart needs to heal by its own…let’s all rest, araso…” TaeYeon said to us  before she kissed as one by one

End of Flashback

I was in my deep thought when I felt a coat was place on me, I startled when I saw Donghae oppa sat beside me

“sorry… did I scared you?” he asked while looking from a far

I just stay silent while looking at him

“oh, sorry… I disturb you… I think I got to go…” he said while he stood up and will start to walk away

“oppa….” I said as I grabbed his wrist, he turned around and looked at me

Our eyes met and not looking away, our eyes was like talking, saying things that are mouth couldn’t say, then he sat beside me again

“I saw you and Kyu kissed, did I lose already in your heart?” he started the conversation

“yeah, he kissed me but I made him stop…” I said in a low voice, even without looking at him, I can feel he was surprised from what I said

Then silence occurred between the two of us

“well, I guess you and Yoona are back?” I said in a pretending happy tone while eyeing him

He chuckled for a bit

“I and Yoona, no, you got it all wrong, we’re just friends, just friends, we settled everything today, when you saw me hug her It’s just a goodbye hug of a friend and I’m just comforting her…” I explained everything to her

….

….

….

“wae? Are you jealous?” he joked

“mwo? Ani…” I said while pouting

We both laughed from our own silliness, I missed this feeling, the feeling that you sat beside your love one and having a good time

….

….

….

Then again the awkward atmosphere wrapped between the two of us

“oppa…. What happened to us?”I asked him as tears wet my cheeks

“we play our fate in a wrong way, ending  us to hurt each other…” I said as I looked at her

“oppa… how wish everything  bad that happened to us is just a dream, a dream that can be buried and forget…” I said as I hug myself for comfort

“Sica….but this is reality, not all things are good but we can change the it if we think carefully and follow are heart…” he said as he slowly approached me and wrapped his arms around me

I cried my heart out to him, I didn’t notice that I unconsciously hugged him back

we both cried in each other arms, we both long for this time, to be with each other again

Then we broke the hug, he was slowly leaning against me, I closed my eyes and ready to feel his lips brushed to mine under the moonlight

Then I felt someone pulled me that made me unbalanced and almost fell from the ground,

when I saw who was it,

it was Kyu oppa with anger in his eyes, he punch Donghae oppa that made him landed inside the fountain, he is now soaking wet, Kyu oppa dive in the fountain and punched him nonstop

“Kyu oppa stop…. You are hurting him!!!” I shouted causing Siwon oppa and tiffany and Ryeowook oppa who was around for a walk noticed the commotion happened, my two oppas run to us while Tiffany went inside to call for help

Donghae oppa was weak already and still punch endlessly by Kyu oppa

“stop it… please…” I said as I pleaded to Kyu oppa, HeeChul oppa went to me and comfort me

 as everybody went to the fountain, Suju oppas stop Kyu and dragged him outside the fountain

he went to me and got me from Hee Chul oppa

“wait you are hurting her…” Hee Chul oppa warned him

“leave us alone!!!” he shouted dragging me to the parking lot

//

At the parking lot

They arrived at Kyu’s car, Kyu pushed Jessica and held her tighter, he got insane, he tried to kiss Jessica everywhere, he almost unstrapped the zipper of her dress from the back

“oppa… stop…” Jessica said as she pushed the slightly drunk KyuHyun with all her might

I slapped Kyu oppa very hard that made him back to his senses

“what are you thinking, oppa? Are you insane…” I shouted to him angrily

“sorry…jessie…. I’m sorry…” he said as he was about to go near me but I signal him to stop, and more tears come from my eyes

We stay silent for a while

“sorry…” he burst out before his knees gone weak

I just look at him while crying

“I was just afraid to lose you…” he confessed

I knelt down to his level and wiped his tears, I made him look at me, I saw how much he loves me and needs me

“oppa… mianhe…” I said as I hugged him to comfort him

“you are my life , Jessie…” he said as he hugged me back, I felt guilty from what I have done

I became more undecided who will I choose

Donghae’s POV

When I saw Kyu dragging her from nowhere, I tried my best to stood up and followed them, eventhought i feel weak and in so much pain, when I came there I saw them kneeling down hugging each other

“sica… did you choose him already?” I said to myself while watching them from a far

“did I already lose you forever?”

TBC....

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