Running into an old friend and dashing away from him hiding behind your grandma’s door struck you with an overwhelming feeling that the universe has shifted around you while you stood frozen where you are.  You couldn’t put a finger on it, but you know something is wrong.  It was as if for a brief moment your heart was shaken and it pounded so hard that all you could hear was the thumping sound in your head.

“Are you back dear?” you grandma called out to you as you leaned on the door trying to catch your breath and along with your sanity from the unexpected run in.

“Yes grandma.” you answered as you took your cap and sweatshirt off.

“Then come in here and have breakfast.” she said making you go to the dining table where she was arranging a full meal for you.

“Grandma, I’ll just have coffee.” you said hugging your grandma’s waist from the back.

“Nonsense.” she said patting your hands on her waist.  “You will eat your breakfast like the good girl that you are.  So sit down.”

“Yes grandma.” you answered with a smile as you took a seat on the chair.  “I’ve missed this just as much as I missed you.” you said as you heard the doorbell ring.  “I’ll get it!”

“What now?” you asked as you open the door to find Junho staring at you.

“Wow!  The years have been good to you.” he said.  “You’re back?”

“No, I’m a figment of your imagination.” you said as you hold the door open.

“No…I meant you…here…now…earlier…I was…and then…I was…you know…but I didn’t…I think…and then you went…so…” Junho tried to say.

“Wow!  I’m sorry that the years weren’t as kind to you.  Your speaking ability has declined to that of a 2-year-old’s level.” you said.

“What?  No.  What I meant to say was I didn’t recognize you a while ago and I think I was kind of rude to you, but I’m glad you’re back.” he said.  “Are you staying for good?”

“No.  Just a vacation.” you said shaking your head.

“For how long?” he asked.

“Not sure.  It’s still quite indefinite.” you answered.  “How about you?  I heard from grandma that you seldom come home nowadays.”

“You asked about me to your grandma?” he asked with a grin teasingly.

“No.” you said shaking your head.  “Grandma just dropped all the info on her own.”

“Ahh.” he said nodding.  “I’ve got some vacation, about a month, so I decided to come home.  Best decision I ever made.”

“Who’s at the door dear?” grandma asked.  “Oh!  Junho come in.” she said motioning to Junho.  “You should’ve asked him to come in.  What’s wrong with you?” your grandma said to you.

“Good morning grandma.” Junho greeted with a smile.

“Do you want to have breakfast with my granddaughter?” grandma asked Junho as she led him in.  “She went for a morning run without eating earlier.”

“Sure.  I kind of miss your cooking grandma.” he said with a big smile.

“Sit here and eat with her.  I have a few things to do.” grandma said as she left going to the kitchen.

“So…” Junho said from across the table looking at you.  “Will your boyfriend be following you here any time soon.”

“No one’s following me anywhere.” you said as you sipped your coffee.

“No one as in you don’t have a boyfriend or no one as in he’s not coming over?” he asked.

“I don’t have one.” you said as you tried to stuff your mouth with the food.

“Don’t tell me you never had one.” he said with a big grin.

“The only close one I had to a boyfriend was…” you said stopping yourself mid-sentence as you looked at Junho.  “S-s-s-some guy you don’t know.”

“Who?” Junho pried.

“Someone.” you said.  “And that alone made me realize after that I don’t need anyone after all.”

“Aren’t you too young to be so jaded?” Junho asked.  “He could have hurt you pretty bad back then, but you can’t base everything on just one experience.  Are you beginning to take a vow of eternal solitude?”

“Rather than that I’d say I’ve just lost faith in the notion of commitment and happily ever after.” you answered as your grandma walks in.  “You heard what happened to my mom and dad right?”

“This is a good view, you two getting along so well.” the old lady said with a smile holding a platter of treats.  “You two used to be so inseparable when you were kids.  I think it was because of the move that you two fell apart?”

“That was a long time ago grandma.” you said.  “And we fell apart way before he moved to Seoul and before I moved to another country.”

“In school at the bleachers in the field in middle school.” Junho said.  “After that…we kind of just…”

“I don’t even remember that.” you said.

“How can I forget?  It was heartbreaking and cathartic at the same time.” Junho said.

“Junho.” you called out to Junho to break his train of thought.  “Where did you leave Ggomaengi?”

“What?” he asked.

“Your cat.  You were carrying her this morning.” you pointed out.

“Oh!  I dropped her and then I went to your door.  She must’ve ran off somewhere.” he said with a worried face.  “Grandma, can I be excused?  I need to find Ggomaengi.” he said as he stood up.  “Come with me?” he asked you.  “She only comes with you.”

“Sure.” you said as you stood up.  “Grandma, I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” grandma said as the two of you rush out of the house.

You and Junho hurriedly walked around the neighborhood looking for his cat, looking both up and down and in between the crevices trying to find the runaway.

“Does she do this often?” you asked as you walked pass the neighborhood playground.

“Do you remember that night?” Junho asked as if he wasn’t able to hear your question.  “In middle school one summer, we sat on the third step of the bleachers at the field after a school festival.  We were so damn quiet then listening to the annoying cicadas crying.  We just sat there and then all of a sudden we caught each other’s eyes and then it was as if we were magnetized, we got closer and closer.  And then…”

“Look!  It’s Ggomaengi!” you said pointing to the cat near the slide stopping Junho from talking.  “Come on.” you said to Junho as you hurried to where the cat is.

“Wait.” Junho said holding you by the wrist and turning you around.  “I need you to hear me out.”

“But your cat.” you said.

“I want you to know that night still haunts me.  I think it’s the biggest regret I have.  I mean, I should’ve kissed you then when I had the chance to.  Every time I’d think of that moment I think of how it could’ve been for us.  And I ask myself if I did kiss you then, would you have kissed me back?  And if you did then we might still be together right now.”

“Past is past.” you said nonchalantly.  “You should’ve known better than to write a script for something that happened years ago.”

“But now that you’re back here and now that we’re back to talking again, I was wondering if…” Junho said.

“No.” you said cutting him off.  “I’m not a fan of relationships or commitments.”

“Because you had your heart broken once?” Junho said.

“Yes.  My heart broke when I was in middle school and was left hanging like an idiot by a boy who I thought was going to kiss me and ask me to be his girlfriend on the bleachers.” you said.  “How should I put it?  Oh yes, I got the brush off as he suddenly stood up and went running home.  And the following day he was avoiding me like I got the virus or something.”

“I got embarrassed.  Really embarrassed that I don’t know how to face you back then.  I was a boy.” he said.

“And I was girl back then and I got hurt.” you said as you turned away to grab his cat.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you back then.  I didn’t know what I was thinking for acting the way I did.  But maybe we could start again, now that we’re not kids anymore.” Junho said.

“Thanks for the offer, but no thanks.  I’d rather be alone than get hurt again.” you said as you handed him his cat.  And in an instant you were out of there leaving Junho alone with his cat and your heart intact.

Maybe you will share your life with somebody, but then again, maybe not.  But the truth is coming back home to this place and seeing Junho again made you realize you’re not as cold and strong-willed as you thought yourself to be.  Maybe you do miss the feeling of being in love and maybe he’s bringing it up into the surface.  But for now, you’re just not ready to entrust your heart to someone.