It was a strange feeling.

Jaejoong was standing in an all-white room. There was no furniture, no door, no window. He didn't know how he got to this place, but he wasn't concerned at all. Actually, his mind was pleasantly calm and... empty.

He lowered his glance and eyed the loose white linen pants and shirt he was wearing. He couldn't remember owning these clothes... Jaejoong couldn't remember owning anything...

His feet were barefooted, he felt plain cold wooden floor under his feet.

„Jaejoong, listen to your heartbeat. Realize its rhythm. You're calm and relaxed, aren't you?“

Where did this voice come from?
Jaejoong turned his head and looked at the ceiling, focussing the edges and slowly turning himself around his own axis. All he could see were the bright white walls and the fawn laminate under his feet. But there'd been a voice...

„Jaejoong, do you see the door on your left-hand side?“

When he finished his turnaround, Jaejoong frowned. In the corner of his left eye, right in the middle of the wall, appeared an artless oak door. This was strange, it wasn't there seconds ago...

„Jaejoong? Do you hear me?“

Again this voice. Jaejoong knew its tone, but he couldn't assign it to any person he knew. To be honest, he wasn't sure if he knew anyone at all.

„I see it...“, he mumbled quietly, frowning again. Why was he talking to a disembodied voice?!

„Try to open it, Jaejoong.“

With hesitant steps, Jaejoong got up to the door. He knitted his eyebrows when he eyed the grained wooden door. It disturbed the perfection of his room. He didn't like it...

Jaejoong laid his hand on the iron doorknob, but he wasn't able to open it. He frowned, rattling at the door.

„It's locked!“, he complained and teared again at the door.

„Do you know what could be behind it?“

Slowly, the voice started to annoy Jaejoong.

„How am I supposed to know?“, he asked angered and looked at the door, before he slowly slipped his glance around the door's frame. He looked back into the room, observed the whole floor and all four walls, but he couldn't find a key anywhere.

„Think about it, Jaejoong.“

„I don't know“, he said again and sat down next to the door. He placed his arms onto his bent knees and leaned his head against the wall in his back. He wondered why the strange voice didn't concern him.

„Have you tried, Jaejoong?“

This statement made Jaejoong cease. „No...“, he admitted silently and eyed the opposite wall.

He didn't know where he was, so how is he supposed to know what is behind this door? He had never been here before...

A displeasing feeling slowly started to creep over him.

„Maybe it's something dangerous...“, he muttered into the room's silence, waiting for the unknown voice to appear again.

„Dangerous?“

„Yes...“ Jaejoong closed his eyes for a second, slowly shaking his head. „No, not dangerous...“, he revised and outstretched his legs again. „Rather something forbidding...“

He turned his head and looked at the wooden door again. Suddenly, he wished to get the calm and hollow feeling back that he had when he found himself in this room. The door alarmed him.

„I want to leave!“, Jaejoong suddenly exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He stared at the door.

„Jaejoong, you need to calm down. There's nothing that can harm you.“

The voice was quiet and mollifying.

„I want to leave! Now!“, Jaejoong yelled again and moved backwards until he felt the cold white wall in his back. His hands slid across the plain surface, looking for some hold. His legs started to shake. He panted heavily.

„Jaejoong, calm down. You're safe.“

„I'M NOT!“ Jaejoong screamed. His shrill voice resound with the walls. The volume doubled, he pressed his hands against his ears. His legs gave in.

He tightly shut his eyes while he slid to the ground, curling up like a baby in it's mother's body. „LET ME OUT!“

„Jaejoong...“

He shivered. „LET ME OUT!“

„Jaejoong, open your eyes.“

He found himself in his therapist's room again.

Jaejoong still laid on the large black couch, curled up and shivering. His whole body was tensed up and hurt. Mr. Lee sat next to him on a chair and eyed him with a concerned face.

Jaejoong felt a soft warm hand slowly caressing his hair. When he looked up, he saw a worried Junsu sitting next to him.

„You're safe, Jaejoong“, he mumbled with a weak smile and continued Jaejoong's hair.

Jaejoong tried to stretch his hurting muscles and grimaced with pain, when he slowly sat up on the couch. He was confused, his heartbeat droned loudly in his ears and caused him headache. He looked down on his shivering hands and noticed a thin film of sweat all over his thin arms. His face felt hot.

„What happened...?“

Mr. Lee put his notebook aside and looked into Jaejoong's eyes.

„You'd been in trance“, he explained with calm voice and placed his hand on Jaejoong's knee. „We've tried to break the barrier that keeps your mind from remembering your past, you remember?“

Jaejoong raised his glance and nodded slightly. „It's behind this door, right?“, he asked nearly toneless and remembered the frightening feeling he got in the white room.

„Can you tell me where you'd been?“, Mr. Lee asked and leaned back on his chair again.

Jaejoong frowned a little. „You told me where I was supposed to be, didn't you?“, he asked irritaded and eyed his therapist.

„No, I just gave you some... impulses“, Mr Lee replied with a smile and took his notebook again.

„The place where we find ourselves in trance is very personal and unique. I, as your therapist, can just manipulate you're place a little, so that we can try to solve the problem you have.“

Jaejoong shook his head and burried his face in his hands. He took a deep breath, trying to order his thoughts.

„The place I'd been was... white“, he finally mumbled and lowered his hands again. His glance went to the carpet. „It was very sober... There'd only been white empty walls and a wooden floor... And when you mentioned the door, it appeared next to me...“ Jaejoong sighted and tried to remember some other details. His head hurt unbearable.

„Oh, and I wore all white clothes...“, he added quietly and looked at Mr. Lee.

His therapist nodded in agreement. „I was quite sure that your place would look roughly like this.“ He took a slight note on his pad. „White is the color of innocence“, he started to explain and grabbed a glass of water from the coffee table, handing it to Jaejoong. „In trance, white is a symbole for our childhood. We assumed before that the reason for your fear is located in your childhood, you remember? This was a quite confident proof for our theory.“

Jaejoong nodded again, taking a little sip of water. „So we gained nothing new, right?“, he mumbled disappointed and put the glass back onto the table.

Mr. Lee chuckled slightly. „It was your first session, Jaejoong.“, he said encouraging and stood up. „Don't be too impatient with yourself. You can be proud.“ Mr. Lee turned around and looked at Junsu, who was still sitting next to Jaejoong. „You better bring Jaejoong to his room now. I think we all need some rest, right?“, he asked with another smile and went up to his desk.

Still having shaking knees, Jaejoong stood up and leaned a little on Junsu while they slowly walked down the hall. Through his headache, he couldn't think straight.

„Jaejoong!“

He lifted up his glance and noticed Yunho, the male-nurse, who was standing in the clinic's foyer. He smiled softly and went up to Jaejoong and Junsu.

„Don't you have the night shift?“, Jaejoong asked a little bemused when the tall man reached them, putting his hands into his pockets to hide his shivering fingers.

Yunho shrugged his shoulders, still having a gentle smile on his lips. „I wanted to know how your therapy worked“, he replied and a worried expression ran over his face. „Are you okay?“

Jaejoong couldn't help but to smile slightly. „More or less...“, he mumbled and looked at Junsu who was still standing next to him, ready to catch him if his legs give in again. „I guess I'll make the last meters alone, thanks...“, Jaejoong mumbled and slowly walked with Yunho down the hall.

„Do you want to have some rest alone?“, Yunho asked understandingly and eyed Jaejoong, but the smaller man slightly shook his head.

„I feel a little... disoriented...“, he admitted silently and looked at the floor in front of him, before he raised his glance to Yunho's eyes. „Could you stay a little...? My parents aren't around and Heechul is probably with Siwon, so...“

A soft smile appeared on Yunho's lips as he raised his hand and softly ruffled Jaejoong's dark hair. „Of course I can“, he replied and opened the door to Jaejoong's room.