On my last months at 2nd term of that senior year, when we were preparing to graduate from my elementary school, it was the time when Taemin got a big chance. My school held a competition for the Dancing club. The winner will be accepted to enter SM Seoul High school. It was the High school I always dreamed about, too. I was happy so much when I knew Taemin wanted to learn at SM, too. Every night I prayed God to let us would be in the same High school. I wanted to get more time, I wanted to get more chances to see him everyday. Because If I’d couldn’t be in the same High school with Taemin then how could I get a chance to confess to him.

          Actually, it was no need for praying, I knew he was the best dancer in his team, he was the only one who was deserved to be the winner.

          It seemed be a hard period for him. He quitted every break-time, all he did was practicing. He came to training place everyday in a week. Although it was a heavy rain or hard snow, he still came…

          At that time I had to work really hard, too. Because the exam to enter SM Seoul was really difficult so I had to prepare really carefully.

          I wanted to be a talent actress so I tried my best to learn every field. I had many classes like: piano, ballet, acting and even language classes. Because of that tired schedule sometimes I fell asleep in class, I was really stressful but I wouldn’t stop because it was the way to help me complete my dream and get a chance to be together with Taemin.

          It was sad that I couldn’t watch him frequently like before. I just had some short breaks between some couples of my classes to watch him. Even I didn’t have enough time to sleep but just seeing his face was all I needed. He gave me strength to go through that hard time. Every time I thought I would gave up, he was the reason help me get up and keep trying more.

          Maybe he didn’t know, but he became an important person in my life. Without him, I couldn’t find out the right track to move on.

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          Finally his challenge had came. It was held on a Saturday night at my school’s hall. All pupils came to cheer for them. I came really early to take the seat near the stage most. After waiting 2 hours, at the end I could see Taemin. Comparing to others candidates, it was absolutely that he was the best, no one could beat him in that competition. He wore a black skinny jean and a white T-shirt printed a tiger head. Wow! he looked really different on that day. Even some girls behind me exclaimed his name loudly. they made me felt really jealous…

He had to dance with another partner – ChunHee. I saw him practicing with Taemin. He was such a devil, he didn’t collaborated with Taemin even just a bit, he even made Taemin fall some times. I hoped this time he wouldn’t have any chance to hurt Taemin…

When they gone to haft of their song, they had a complicated move to do together. Then I saw Chunhee pretended to slip and pushed Taemin out of the stage. Maybe Taemin got hurt , he couldn’t stand up, his friends had to help him.

The moment I saw him fell off, my heart was broken into thousand pieces. I couldn’t hold on my breath. I wanted to run to him, to help him but I couldn’t.

All I could do was silently following him to the heath-room. I heard him begging his coach to get back the stage. Every word he spoke had made me hurt more. Maybe to him, this competition was everything of his life. Now I could understood why people said : “ When you love something, you can lose anything to get it”.

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At the end, the coach agreed for him continue dancing. I was worried, his attitude showed that there was something really bad with him. But looking at his burning eyes, I knew no one could stop him right then.

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When the music was played, he starred his solo part. As usual, he looked so serious in every dance-move. I was glad that he was dancing well. I screamed and clapped my hands non- stop. Yeah! Maybe people would think I was a crazy person, who was so excited just because of a normal boy. Hey, he wasn’t a normal boy, he was my “special” boy, who made me feel this life in a better view. And now he was showing his talent to improved that he was the BEST…

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I was so happy, I was so excited, I didn’t know that it was the last time I could see him dancing like that.

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He felt off again when it came to haft of the song. This time, I saw some tears in his eyes, Minho had to take him to the backstage.

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Why? Why everything must happened like that? People said just bad person would be punished but he was a good boy. He did nothing wrong, everything he did just was trying his best to make his dream come true.

Sometimes I thought God wasn’t fair, he gave blesses to some bad guys and took away the dreams of others good ones, just like Taemin ?

Looking there ! That jerk Chunhee was laughing when they gave him the cup. How could have a devil like that exiting in this world ?  he looked like he didn’t even feel sorry for what he did to Taemin. If I could, I wanted to kick that pig a hard hit on that big . I wanted to have him knee down in front of Taemin and apologized for his fault. Yeah, but once again, I couldn’t do anything, just standing there to watch that dirty victory.

Ah, I couldn’t bear anymore, I thought I must do something, must do something …….

Then suddenly a evil thought appeared in my mind. I went behind to hall, I opened the door of electric-room. Fortunately for me, the security man went out so I could do my dark plan. I turned off all the hall’s lights, if God didn’t do the right thing then let me do it, at least then now that dirty victory wasn’t completed.

I ran away from the electric-room, I know people would come in soon. Then I saw a familiar sigh of someone ……..Taemin……

He hid his friends and came back home alone. Looking he was walking in pain and hurt, I cried. I wanted to come a long with him, to comfort him, to help him fade away his pain. I had so many things I wanted to do with him, but in the end I couldn’t do even just one thing. I was walking behind him secretly, I was used to be so scared of darkness but at that time I wasn’t. but back then everything I was caring about was just Taemin, even if a gosh had appeared in front of him I wouldn’t had screamed, I would even kick it out of my way because I didn’t wanted to let Taemin alone. I walked behind him a long way until he stood in front of his house’s gate.

I just turned back when I saw him disappeared behind that gate.

I hoped tomorrow he would get better, because I knew he was a strong boy, he wouldn’t let this life knock him down.

But sometimes strong wasn’t enough …

Till that day, he was absent frequently from school. I heard his injure was really hard, he had to need a surgery for curing his pain feet.

Every night I prayed for him, I prayed and hoped that everything would be alright but maybe God couldn’t hear all I said.

The days after that stupid competition even were more terrible.

He quitted his club and he changed so much. I knew he didn’t used to smile but after everything happened, he didn’t smile anymore. When he was at class, he just sat at his table, Onew was the only one he talked to beside our teachers . He looked more thinner and his eyes seemed always be empty. Some guys said that he lost his ability for dancing.

I recognized when you lost something you loved most, even strongest person couldn’t move on.

Seeing him in that hard situation was the hurtest thing I’d ever had to stand. I wished I could heal his scars in his heart, I wanted to be a friend with him to don’t let him alone anymore. But I was just a weak person, I was afraid of failing. Maybe I was just a stranger to him after all. Who was I really to him ? who was I to have the permit to share his sorrow. I was nobody in his life. Sometimes I thought maybe It was just like that weird habit of mine- watching movies to get experiences. And I was watching Taemin’s movie, I was a cold-heart viewer…

At that time I tried so hard to complete my dream, I took part in many audition contests and I failed so many times. Sometimes I thought I was too much confident about myself, I was just prideful. Sometimes I even cried alone in the restroom when I knew one of my member in acting club passed the audition. So many times I wanted to give up. If I was as good as my mom said, why they always answered to me that: “Sulli, we’re sorry but you didn’t pass. You don’t have enough ability for the character we are looking for”.

I put my soul in every time I acted a role, but all I got was nothing. But I didn’t show off to anyone that I was sad, living with a fake mask maybe was easier for me. You know what? Do you know why I still kept going on?

Just because of him…

At least I still could continue acting, could keep doing what I loved. Whatever I was suffered was nothing comparing to what happened to Taemin.

How could I give up when I was still so much more lucky than him?

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I just still couldn’t explain why he was usually angry when some classmates joking around him. Sometimes he even screamed to them, shouted at them to stop them.

Maybe I didn’t know everything about Taemin. Maybe he had to be standing something really hurt but I couldn’t understand.

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When my teacher asked me: “How do you think about life, Sulli? If it always bring to you hurt, then will you still want to live your life?”. And I answered :”I think life’s beautiful. If it let us down then someday it’ll help them stand up, too. Just because people couldn’t be patiently enough to wait so they missed the chance to save their own lives”.

Yes, I wanted to talk those words to Taemin so many times. I didn’t want to see him give up everything like that, even I knew he didn’t really care what I was saying, but at least I could speak out what I had to keep inside for a long time.

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It seemed time was the best medicine to cure his hurt. Taemin had got better than before, I didn’t know who helped him, it must be someone he was really close to. I was really thankful of them, just so sad that I couldn’t be one of them.

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Sometimes God gave me a surprised gift but I didn’t know how to take it…

It was on a history class. I really liked that subject. My teacher wanted to let pupils be in small groups. It was the first time I’d been in the same team with Taemin.

-         “Now Team 3” – my teacher said – “Get your seats, please! Who wanted to sit next to Taemin? Please raise your hand?”

No one raised their hands. I looked back to Taemin, he was just like usual, he seemed even didn’t care what was happening. I wondered what  he was doing at that time ?

Even he hated me, even he would mad at me but I couldn’t miss this chance. So I raised my hand…

- “Oh, Sulli, alright. You’ll sit next to Taemin. Now, everybody open your books please. We’ll start at pape 30. Today, we’ll learn about….”

I grabbed my book and turned my head to him again. He still didn’t respond to what was happening, he even didn’t look up or maybe because it was me so he didn’t care anymore.

Yes, I knew he hated me but it couldn’t made me give up. I had to slowly let him know my existence. I didn’t want to be nobody to him anymore….

The more I came near to him, the more I felt confused. I opened my history book but I couldn’t focus on anything. Then I remembered my diary, when I was nervous, writing on it helped me fell better. I opened the page I still didn’t finish yet from the night before. It was full of my thoughts about Taemin. And then now it was still full of those thoughts , I wrote:

“ I am sitting next to TAEMIN

OMG it’s TAEMIN

My precious diary, can you believe that   

It’s TAEMIN, TAEMIN TAEMIN TAEMIN TAEMIN TAEMIN...”

I knew writing his name couldn’t help me get close to him so I shifted my head to his side, I tried to find out a chance to talk to him.

But Taemin was listening to music through his mp3. How could I talk to him ? I knew he didn’t like people interrupt him when he was listening to music. So I didn’t say anything, I just tapped his shoulders slightly: “ Taemin, can I borrow one earphone. I like music, too.”  I wished I could speak out those simple words. But at the end, all I could do was starring at his mp3 with a strange wide eyes. He must think I was a idiot T.T

He took out an earphone to me. Was it a dream ? I thought he would had mad at me when I was doing that. But he didn’t. Maybe I was wrong. Hating didn’t exit in his mind. If it did, then he must hit that jerk Chunhee at that stupid competition. He was just like an angel owning a pure soul, even people made him hurt he would never hate on them. I was so happy when he let me listen to music with him. I was so touching when finally I could have a conversation with him even though it was just a silent conversation.

Now I knew one more thing from him that his favorite music was really similar to mine. There were many songs I liked in his mp3. There was “ Nobody’s perfect” by Jessy J, there were “ Written in the sky”, “  My Immortal”….

Every time I heard one song I loved, I always nodded my head following the beat. Music never failed to beat me. Living in music was the best moments I loved most.

I wished that class- hours would never end, so I could sit next to him forever. I didn’t want anything else, I simply wanted just like that: sharing the same mp3 with him. It was the most amazing magic I’d ever got. When the bell rang we still didn’t say anything, I had to stand up and give back his earphone. I bowed… I wanted to say “thank you” but Taemin seemed didn’t really want to talk to me. All that hours when we were sharing the same mp3, he even didn’t look at me just one time. I guessed he felt uncomfortable.

Responding to my bow, He didn’t say a word, he just looked at me 1 sec and turned his head to the other side.

Yeah, how could I be so stupid like that? How could I think that simple action could make us closer ? Everything was never simple like I thought….

I thought it was my last chance but once again I was wrong, I didn’t expect that I

got a better one after that….

On the last day of that term, to say goodbye to our school, my class held a farewell party. It was the last meeting for everyone could be together before entering high school.

I passed the exam and I was accepted to learn at SM Seoul. My mom cried when she knew it. Yeah, finally I could made her dream come true. But was it really my dream.

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I prepared a memory notebook, I wanted to keep in touch with all classmates so I planed to collect their addresses.

Actually the only one I wanted to collected the most was just one BOY.

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Everyone seemed happy when I asked them to write on my notebook but he still sit there and didn’t really care. I was so scared, I couldn’t find out any way to approach him. What should I do?

When I was being busy with some friends I saw he was walking out of classroom.

No way, he would come back home then my plan wouldn’t work out. I left my friends and hurry to follow him.

-         “Taemin!” – I said – “Uhm…. I … I want to ask you something?”

-         “What ?” – he must be surprised and wondered what I wanted.

-         “Can you write some lines for me” – I took out my notebook toward him- “I had everybody’s sign, you was the only one who didn’t…”

-         “Ah…” - he scream tiny, I guessed I made him so confused, I shouldn’t be rude like that.

-         “If ….if you don’t want… it’s ok…”-Although I said that but I prayed he wouldn’t deny my request.

-         “oh, no. I will… let me take it.” He nodded his head.

Wow, he was such a good boy. I didn’t think he would accept so easily like that.

I smiled and thank to him. OMG finally I could have something which could be called “memory” with him.

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Sometimes having too many friends was trouble. When I thoguht I would had have time be with him but some classmates was really annoy. They wanted me write on their books, too. Fine! Because I asked them first so now I must did it back for them, too. Why were there so many books like that. After I finished that last one it was  when I recognized Taemin left...

I ran to the table where he left my notebook behind. He wrote just some simple sentences for me, but they were more worth than those stupid words of all idiot boys wrote in my notebook.

“ Hi, Sulli. My lovely classmate.

Keep trying! Someday you’ll become the best actress.”

It was the first time he had used “lovely” to me. It wasn’t “ugly”.  It was the most beautiful word I wanted to hear from him for a long time.

Then I saw a pen, it was written a sentence on it: “ To my precious Taemin”. It must be his pen. It must be very important to him.

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I ran out of the room, tried to find him in the crew. I wanted to give back the pen he forgot….

Then I saw him on the school yard, I shouted :

“ Taemin! Taemin! Taemin!”.

I just called his name 3 times. Then I stopped. Maybe you will think I’m selfish but I suddenly didn’t want to give back the pen. I ran away to hide from him, I ran as fast as I could because I knew he would come back to find his lost pen.

I knew I did wrong, I’m sorry Taemin! But this pen was the only way help me get another chance to meet you again.

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At present I was in my senior year of high school. It’s been 3 years from that day I’d picked his forgotten pen. 3 years, I was living in my dream, trying so hard to find out even just a small role in some normal CFs. but becoming a famous teenage actor wasn’t a easy thing. My high school had ton of girls who were prettier, better, even more talent than me. Even I tried my best but I  was still no one in the entertainment business. Now, I was sitting there, in a flower shop. It was the place I got my part-time job. This job wasn’t really hard. I could come to work whenever I had free time. My boss, the shopkeeper was a kind woman. If I couldn’t come in time because of some photo-shoot events, she was never mad at me. She even always said that she watched all my roles and I was a good actress. I was really lucky when I had a chance to know her.

3 years, it was a hard time for me to learn the way to forget Taemin. I told myself that it was such a stupid thing when I still remembered that boy such a long  time like that. Maybe he must forgot who I am. But every time I saw  that pen kept on my desk’s drawer, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t close to his best friends and he seemed not have contact with many people. So it was really hard to find out his information. I even didn’t have his phone number, all I got was just his address written on my notebook.

Every year, on his birthdays, I usually sent him some post-cards. But I couldn’t dare to write anything on them. I chose some cute postcards about: doll, babies and flowers. Hoping when he got my post cards he would know that he had someone who was always missing him so much….

Hardly when my mom let me come back the town to visit some friends, I came to his mother’s shop- it was his house, too. But I’d never get just one opportunity to see him, I just wonder how was he doing? Was he taller? I hoped so because he wasn’t as tall as me when we were in elementary school. If he was taller than me just 1 cm, it would be perfect.

With a couple, the girl shouldn’t taller than the boy, right? Recently I gained some weights so I thought I was a little bit huge. Hoping till the day I find out Taemins phone number, I will lost enough weight so we will look match to each other. Of course I have to go on a diet from now.

Yeah, I knew you’ll say I was a crazy one who was dreaming about nonsense things. But who know what will happen in the future, right?

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The trouble here was that crazy jerk. I was confessed by some idiots. They couldn’t be as good as a haft of Taemin. Sometimes by somehow they knew my number and they gave rude messengers or even called to joke me. But I couldn’t believe what that person did. He must be one of those idiots but he was the worst. From the first year of my high school till now, on my birthdays he always called to this flower shop. I was really angry, if he wanted to meet me at least he should say something but he didn’t say anything. How could he dare to call to my workplace. Bothering me with my cell-phone wasn’t enough for those idiots?

Even today was my last day I worked at the shop and it wasn’t my birthday at all. But that jerk still kept annoy me by calling to the shop. Fine! Because he was rude first so I will show him how scared I am…

“ Don’t bother me any more, ok? Get your life! Goodbye!”- I shout at the phone.

Yeah, I tough a lesson for that numb, he should learn that wasn’t easy to making fun by joking me.

What’s happening to boys nowadays ?

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Suddenly the phone rang again. It must be some customers, I hurry picked up the phone:

- “Hello, Nami shop hearing!”

I dropped the phone when I heard a familiar voice:

- “Oh, hi! Is … is this Sulli?”.

I'm sorry for this boring chap. don't know how to continue this fic T-T