…Even his name was so beautiful : LEE TAEMIN

Yes, it was him, the cute boy with a funny haircut.

At that day when I accidentally saw him practicing at school-yard with his team, he gained all of my attention.

If before, to me he just was a normal boy then now it was totally different. I could feel his deep passion in dancing. When he danced, he gave all his heart into every move. I’d never seen his smile before but now I could. He always smiled when he finished a difficult exam. It was the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. I swear u can melt away if u see it.

From that moment, every Thursday afternoon, I came there and peeked at him. I knew he had another practice-day on Fridays. If not because of my acting class I had came to watch him. At least, every week I could see him, he was such a hard working trainee, he never missed any practice-days. It was the different side of him that nobody could realize. I knew his appearance wasn’t manly because he had a skinny legs and a slight voice. But if anyone who could see the way he danced, they would change their opinions about him immediately. I could feel the strength through every move he made. To me a strong boy no need to have a huge body or manly voice, a truly boy is the one who don’t scared of challenges, who dares to live in the way he want, don’t afraid of what everybody will think. Taemin was just like that. Even people said he was a nut, a loser but I never saw he be down. Instead, he always did anything he liked. I wanted to live like him, I wanted to get rid of my princess image. I didn’t want people call me “hot girl”. I wanted to wear hip hop style, to cut a short hair or even become a tomboy. I  wanted to be a mean girl, who can talk anything and don’t be afraid of others’ thoughts. But they were just my crazy dreams. Because of my single mother, who tried her best to give me everything, I couldn’t do what I wanted. After my dad passed away when I’m 2 year old, her dream was making me become a perfect girl. She always told me be careful with every words I speak. When I was chosen to be leader of that acting club, my mom was happy so much. So I couldn’t do what I wanted.

          Being a “princess” wasn’t really hard but sometimes it was hurt, too…

          Every time I saw Taemin, I envied him so much. Even he got just few friends, but they were truly friends. Not like me, I have many friends in my school but the ones I could trust were just Luna and Krystal.

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          I really scared if one day Taemin knew that I peeked at him because he didn’t really like me. After that day I made him be shamed before whole school, every time we had a chance to face to each other, the mood was always uncomfortable. He didn’t say anything and I really scared when people being silent and just starring like him. So if I saw him near by me I always run away. Who know what will happed? If I made him hurt one more time maybe he would hate me more.

          Because of that thought, I tried really hard to hide from him. When watching him, I just dare to see him when he wasn’t looking at my side. If he turned to my side, I would pretend like looking at some other places. The times I had to pretend, they were worst things I’d ever done. Around me, there was no place to hide so the only way was heading to the karate class’s windows. It was really annoy when I had to see those boys screaming or even fighting like wild animals. I really hated karate, just didn’t know why did so many girls like them so much? But at least Taemin didn’t know what I doing, if he knew, he wouldn’t let me do it, I knew he hated girls so much.

          When I had to look at those stupid windows I tried my best to see Taemin’s shadow from the windows’ glass.

          Although it was unclear but at least I still knew what he was doing. Sometimes I peeked at him in class, too. But it was really hard because I knew some boys in class cared about me and always watched out me. If they knew I had something with Taemin, I couldn’t image what would they do to Taemin T.T

I’m really jealous with my friends : Luna & Krystal. They were few girls Taemin ever talked to. I saw he smiled one time when Luna told him a funny story. And I saw Krystal joked with him one time ,too. So sad that he never talked to me. Was I really rude ? I guessed because of that nickname “Hot Girl”, it made him thought I wasn’t a nice girl. It wasn’t a big surprise for me, I was called “Fake doll” a long time by so many people. I thought maybe he misunderstood me because of some rumors I was always given by those ones. Is it true that when u’re pretty it’s the same meaning u’re bad ????????

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One time when I was turning my head to the windows’ side, Minho walked out of that room (he was member of that Karate club).OMG he was Taemin’s best friend , if he recognized what I was doing then he would let Taemin know.

When he said “Hi” my heart was like stop right away. I couldn’t know what should to do. When I’m nervous, I always act really weird, I can’t look strange into other’s eyes. Minho must think I was a crazy girl at that time when I kept looking at ground T.T but he didn’t ask me anything more, he just smiled and went away, lucky for me.

However on other day, when I was watching Taemin through window’s glass. Taemin came to my place. Maybe he wanted to meet Minho. The nearer he come the more nervous I felt. I prayed: “Please, Please don’t let him go to this side”, but at the end he was right behind my back : “Hi Sulli ! What are you doing here ?”. when I heard his voice my mind was blank, my heart was like jumped out of my chest and my mouth was locked.

I turned back and face to him. It was the 1^st time he greeted to me, I was really happy but it made me freaked out ,too. At the end, all I could do was starring at him like a fool and run away. Ah …….. why was I so weak like that ? if I could say “Hi” back, everything must be better but what I supported to say to explain why I was standing there ? so running away was the best solution for me at that time ,right ?

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Time passed very fast through the 1^st term in that senior year, my heart was suffered so many times, it was all because of HIM. Until now I still remember every motion of mine back then. Could I call it “my first love” ? I wasn’t sure but when I had free time, beside thinking about movies, I usually thought about him. I always wondered what was he doing now ? was he dancing ? then did he fall off ? did he get hurt ? Krystal said one time when I ask her how to know when we had a crush on someone : “ It’s when you always care about him. You’ll be sad when he’s sad, you’ll happy when he’s happy and you’ll  hurt when he gets hurt”.

So it was what “LOVE” look like ?OMG it made me confused more.

You will ask why didn’t I confess to him ? why didn’t I take the move first when he still hadn’t a girlfriend yet ? (it was what I thought, if he already had a crush on someone at that time then I couldn’t let myself believe it. so just think that he didn’t have any girl ^^)

It’s just because I was afraid of losing. If I had told him everything, would he accept me ? or he would run far away from me more than before ? He didn’t have any good memories when he was near by my side. All were fear, mad or even angry. I couldn’t make him smile, I always brought bad memories to him. So I decided to be silent. Silently watching him from far away (actually it was really hard to don’t let him know. It was like I had to play “seek and hide” with him but I was the only one who knew the game’s rule LOL ). Silently be happy when he completed a hard exam. It was so peaceful when following his steps. When my life seemed become fake, he was he only one who could show me the true reason to go on.

I hoped although he wasn’t close to me or didn’t want to talk to me but at least he still saw me like a classmate.

But I was wrong, maybe he hated me so much.

In a literature class, we had a lesson about the connection between flowers and human. When my teacher asked Taemin, he said that Rose was the kind of flower loved most by human. Ah !!! so his favorite flower was Rose ?

Then my teacher wanted him to described Krystal & Onew by using flowers. He was such a good boy, he used many beautiful words to describe them with pretty flowers, too. He must like them so much. I really envied to Krystal, I prayed that my teacher will chose me next.

Maybe God knew what I wished so he let me be the next person Taemin will describe. I was really happy at the moment my teacher said my name. I guessed he wouldn’t choice  rose for me but he would choice other meaningful flower just like Krystal, too.

Yes, he didn’t chose “Rose” but not a nice flower, either. He said I looked like a sunflower because my face’s shape was round like that flower when I smiled.

            I knew I wasn’t a skinny girl, my legs were really big and I was tall like a boy. But I thought I was just a little chubby, now I knew that Taemin thought I was a huge girl. A big-bone girl. Was I too ugly like that in his eyes ? I even couldn’t move an inch, just sit there like a stone. It was really hurt when hearing the one I liked saying that he didn’t see me pretty in any ways. Then the teacher asked me : “how do you think Sulli ? do you like sunflower ?”

“I hated sunflower” I blurted out that stupid sentence. I wish I could take it back. Though , I didn’t look at him but I knew he must be really angry. I shouldn’t be rude like that. He actually just said my face is “round” and it wasn’t really bad. Just because everyone kept laughing so they made me really nervous. You know when I’m nervous, I can’t control myself….

Was it true in some books said that first love is really pure ? no , I didn’t think so. To me, it was so complicated and difficult. It let me down so many times but why didn’t I stop ? I myself even didn’t know why ….

I guessed in his eyes , I was the most hateful girl he ever knew.

Using wrong words made me get wrong responsible ….

Until that time, I was more distance from Taemin. I lived my own life and so did he. We didn’t have even just one eye-contact…

But I still didn’t give up because I knew someday God will send me a miracle – a last chance ………..

Hi everyone ^^ 8 subscribers ^^ wow maybe to others it was a small number but it was too much for me ^^ it was the 1^st time in my life I could have someone reading what I wrote. Thank you all ^^ I’m really happy because I knew my fic wasn’t good enough ^^ yeah like u see this chapter let u now a big secret between Taemin & Sulli ^^ when I began writing this fic I wanted to name it “Misunderstanding” but I changed to “sunflower” to make this fic more interesting ^^ now u already knew just because they misunderstood so they couldn’t be together. From now u should remember everything happened to Taemin because they will happen to Sulli too but in different ways ^^(hahaha I can’t tell u more u will find out later) so If u wanna know how this love story end then please wait ^^