July

The sound of 'Three Dope Boyz' by Dynamic Duo played loudly in the otherwise quiet grocery store, causing the heads of several disapproving ahjummas to turn in Luna's direction. She felt around in her purse, desperate to find her phone and silence it. Finally getting her hands on it, she answered, though she didn't recognize the number. “Yoboseyo?” she asked in a rushed whisper.

“Oh, my Island Princess sounds busy. Can she spare a minute for an old friend?”

Luna froze as she placed the voice, then a smile spread broadly across her face. “For you, Kwon JiYong, I can spare three.”

“Ah, she remembers me!”

“It's hard to forget you, when I hear your voice every time I turn on the radio,” she could hear his laughter over the line and it made her smile harder. Kwon JiYong has the cutest chuckle.

“Are you busy?”

“At the grocery store, but no worries, I can talk.”

“That's good. Hold on a moment,” There was a stretch of silence, then she could hear him moving around and giving orders to people. She heard a door close in the background before he spoke again. “Alone at last,” he said in a deep and y tone.

“You better be careful. You remember what happened the last time you got all flirty with me.” she warned with a laugh.

“Arraso, I'll behave,” he assured her. He took a deep breath. “Luna, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch.”

“You don't have to apologize, Ji, I understand. It would have been super awkward if we tried to keep in contact. I did try to call you when you got hurt, though, but you changed your number. How are you, by the way?”

“It's pretty well healed. Not perfect, but I can move around. I would have liked to have heard from you. I've missed you.”

“I missed you, too. I'm happy you called. Surprised, but happy.”

“It does my heart good to know I've made you happy,” JiYong said gallantly. Luna scoffed. “Look, I called with a purpose. I am calling to invite you to my “Birthday/thank God this tour is over/album release' party.”

“That sounds like quite the affair. I appreciate the invite, bu—”

“It won't be a big party,” he rushed to add. “It'll be at a restaurant. Friends, family, YG staff only.”

Luna picked up a box of cookies and read the ingredients to give herself time to think. “I don't know, Ji. Things between Bae and I—”

“Are complicated, I know.”

Complicated? That's a nice term for it, she thought. While he was in Seoul, he would come over once or twice a week to eat and hang out, but he didn't stay over. When he was leaving, they would hug, but not kiss. They sent each other random texts, but seldom talked on the phone. They were back to feeling each other out. Luna was letting him in, little by little. It was the chess game again, but on a larger scale. While Luna was fully aware of what YoungBae felt for her and wanted from her, she hadn't confessed a word. By tacit agreement, they had decided to keep . . . whatever was going on between them, just between them. The last thing Luna needed was added pressure. Just because she hadn't freaked out in a while, doesn't mean she wasn't still fully capable.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course you can, honey. I'll text you with the finalized plans closer to the day, okay?”

“Okay.

“Oh, yeah. If you come, I'll have a surprise for you.” he said in a taunting manner.

“Tease.

*****

August

“Hey, tramp! Oh, cool! It doesn't look like a 'Pottery Barn' catalog threw up in here anymore!” Stacy yelled as soon as she walked in the door. Luna looked at her from her spot on the living room and went back to reading her book. “What? That's all I get?!”

“That's all you get for that greeting. What are you doing here?” Luna asked as she closed her book and stood.

“'What are you doing here?', she asks, like she isn't thrilled to see me,” Stacy muttered to herself. She hit Luna lightly on the shoulder before giving her a hug and a loud kiss. “My Riri's album is about to come out, so is JiYong's. And, it's the close of the tour, and it's JiYong's birthday this Sunday. There's an all encompassing shindig goin' down. Don't tell me you don't know about it,” she joked. Stacy then leaned back and looked at Luna closely and stopped smiling. “Did no one invite you to the party? Oh, no. Tell me you already knew, and I'm not the big mouth that mentioned the party to the girl that wasn't invited. That would be in such bad form.”

“I should make you squirm and say I didn't know, but I do. JiYong called me last month and invited me.”

“Ooooh, a personal invite from G-Dragon himself. You are a very special lady, indeed,” Stacy said loudly as she walked into the kitchen. She immediately started scoping the contents of the fridge. She made a face, unimpressed by what she saw. “Well, when are your appointments?”

“What appointments?” Luna sat at the bar and looked through the stack of mail that had been growing by the day.

“You know, to get your hair, and nails, and facial, and stuff done. Mine are tomorrow morning, so I'll look fresh for my baby. What about you?” Stacy crouched down and looked through the drawers at the bottom, still unimpressed by the selection.

Luna ripped a piece of junk mail into small pieces and prepared for the explosion. “And I haven't set any appointments.”

Stacy stood slowly, closed the door sharply and turned to face Luna. “And why not, may I ask?”

“I'm not going.”

“Bull, you're not going!”

“Stacy—”

“No, I don't want to hear it. There is a party happening tomorrow night and you will be in attendance!”

“I've thought about it, Stacy. It will be all kinds of awkward and I don't want to deal with it. I'm not going!”

*****

“You know I hate you, right?” Luna grumbled from the chair next to Stacy as they got their hair washed. It took all night, but after three bottles of wine, a lot of nagging, blatant bribery, and plenty of threats, Luna signed a promissory note stating that she would accompany Stacy to her personal care appointments. It didn't take much work to convince Luna that getting her hair done didn't necessarily mean she had to attend the party. She could get dolled up and go out on her own. Yeah, right.

“That's what your lips say, but your eyes say 'I love you and I am so glad you are my best friend, you y ',” Stacy sipped on her champagne and moaned in delight while a girl massaged her scalp. “Come on, admit it. This feels good. It's been a long time since we've had a girls day.”

Now that Stacy mentioned it, Luna realized she was right. After Stacy left in January, Luna had spent most of her time either with SeungHo or alone. She had been to Tokyo twice to see Stacy, but Stacy hadn't been back to Seoul since Luna had the ulcer. They saw less of each other these days due to Luna's work load and Stacy's free time being taken up by SeungRi. That made her sad.

Luna reached her hand out and grasped Stacy's. “You're right, I do miss this. And I miss you, too.”

Stacy blushed a little. She squeezed Luna's hand and smiled. “Don't you go getting all sweet on me. I'm still mad at you for trying to bail on me tonight.”

“Stace Face,” she whined. “Put yourself in my shoes. If you and Ri broke up, would you still want to attend functions and see him?”

“Yes. And I would do it looking irresistibly y, so that he could wallow in his stupidity over letting me go.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were shallow,” Luna dodged just fast enough to avoid the swat aimed her way. “And it isn't so much about seeing him, it's everyone else seeing us. 'Oh, are they back together?' We'll be the elephants in the room. I don't want to take away from Ji and Ri's night.”

“That's really sweet of you, but you really overestimate your level of importance,” This time, it was Stacy's turn to dodge. “Okay, yes, some people will be waiting for sparks to fly, but give them nothing. It's been eight months! You guys survived in your house together for two days and both of you are alive. He helped you out, I'm sure you thanked him, boom. That was the end of it.”

“Yeah, things are a little more complicated than that, now. I didn't tell you everything,” Luna turned to a passing salon assistant and caught her attention. “Excuse me, can you bring four more champagnes? Yeah, like two for her and two for me. We're gonna need those. And fast. Thanks.”

*****

“Soooooo . . . you two had a breakthrough moment, and may, or may not, be getting back together. And you are telling me this . . . now. Great. That's just great.”

“I didn't want to say anything until I knew, one way or another, what was happening with us,” Luna explained as they sat under the dryers.

“Soooooo . . . since your telling me, you have decided?”

“Aaaaaare you going to keep talking to me like I'm slow?” Luna sighed and sipped her champagne. “I don't know, Stacy. It's complicated. It's even more complicated now, than it was when we first started dating.”

Stacy waved for another round of drinks and moved the dryer out of the way. She threw her hands in the air and asked, “Why is it always so hard with you two? You love him, he loves you. Easy. “Moonbeam, I have done my best to not run interference in your relationship anymore. Ri and I have stayed out of all this on purpose, but both of you are miserable. You were making each other miserable when you were together, then you were miserable being apart. I don't know if you can, or should, let him come back. I don't know what he has to prove to you, or if he can prove anything to you, to make you think him worth the trouble again. But I do know that you love him, despite your best efforts. It's him. It's always been him. SeungHo was a great guy. Hell, I would have dated Seungho, but you couldn't. Your heart wasn't in it, because your heart still belongs to Bae.”

Luna took her hood off, also, and turned to face her friend. “If you thought it was hard then, it's even harder now. I'm afraid, that he will hurt me, again. There. I've said it. It was one thing, before, when the fear of him hurting me was unfounded. It was abstract. But it's not, 'he could hurt me' or 'he might hurt me' anymore, it's 'he has hurt me.' That isn't something I can just ignore.”

“That, I can agree with. There is nothing wrong with being cautious. For what it's worth—and not that I'm speaking in his defense—these months haven't been easy for him either,” Stacy nodded her thanks to the girl that bought their drinks and rubbed her face tiredly. “What I'm hearing is, 'I can't trust him, we're done'. Right?”

“Trusting him isn't the problem. It's trusting me. I don't want to be the girl, that's with the guy out of habit. I don't want to do the breakup/makeup thing on a yearly basis. I don't want . . .” Luna trailed off.

“How about we look at this from another angle. What do you want?”

Luna fiddled with the stem of her flute and let the question sink in. What do I want? The answer rose to the surface like the bubbles in her glass. It came out of involuntarily. “Him.”

“Okay. This will probably seem like a stupid question, but, hey, this is you we're talking about here. Have you told him that?” Stacy asked. Luna looked down and suddenly found her jeans very interesting. “I guess that answers my question. You know, I'm really going to need you to work on your communication skills.”

“Bite it, Face,” she snapped with a laugh. “And why aren't you arguing with me? I remember some of the things you promised to do to him, if you got in a dark room.”

Stacy shrugged and signaled for another round. “What I think, is irrelevant. What's important, is your happiness. Do you see yourself being happy without him?”

Luna didn't answer. She drank her champagne and pulled the hood of the dryer down to cover her eyes so she wouldn't have to see Stacy's smug grin.

*****

They parted ways after the nail salon so that Stacy could go change, and make an entrance with SeungRi. After spending some time dressing and undressing, and saying she was going, then talking herself out of it, Luna settled on a pair of dressy, dark jeans, a white button up and yellow accessories. Her driving to the restaurant was a personal triumph.

Luna stood outside of GoRaeBul in GangNam, trying to find the courage to walk in. She made the trip to the door, then back to her car, no less than six times. “You can do this. Just walk in, say 'hello' to everyone. Eat, dance a little, go home. You can be out of there by nine. You can do this, Luna,” she told herself as she paced. “Hell. No I can't. I'm going ho—”

“You can give up on the pep talk. I know you're here and I'll tell everyone as soon as I walk in,” Luna recognized the deep voice behind her and hung her head guiltily. SeungHyun stepped on the of his cigarette and put his hand on her shoulder. He pushed her from behind to get her to the front door. “You don't want to disappoint the birthday boy, do you?”

“I'll buy you five new suits if you pretend like you never saw me,” Luna proposed. SeungHyun sent a killer smile her way with a deep chuckle. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders for a brief hug, then he dropped his hand to the small of her back and pushed her in the room. Luna stumbled, but caught herself in time. “Not cool, man. Not cool.” she hissed at him.

“I'll get you a drink. What would you like?” he offered.

“Something with vodka in it. I have a feeling I'll need it,” she responded. While he was gone, she took the time to look around the restaurant. True to JiYong's word, it was a small affair. There were counter-height tables strategically placed, all of them full of hors d'oeuvres. There were minimal decorations and the atmosphere was casual. She could see into another room where large, round tab