Author | Co-Author | Title | Story Link | Genre | Reviewer
Cutie-Pie | -Farewell | Dragonborns | Link | Fantasy | Krissy_
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Title: [5/5]
A marvelous title! I've to encourage lots of writers to learn from you because at times they will reveal the plot just only by the wrong selection of title. Example, they tend to name it "WHAT! MY BROTHER JOON IS A DRAGONBORN?!" You got me, right? For your case, it left readers in abstruse and let them wanting to know more. Keep it up, my dear!
Story Layout: [8/10]
I'm not punctilious when it comes to this section because I trust the story quality more than the designs and stuffs. I've to panegyric you for putting the effort to make your story look prepossessing, it makes reader feel very comfortable. The following feedbacks are my personal opinion, you may or may not take it seriously. I personally think that your background really fit in the story title itself, if only you could replace the gray color with something darker. Perhaps you should try black? Because it kind of matches with the red poster, talking about the poster, it's quite eye-catching but you should try replacing the fire with a fading dragon and place the characters more closer? But still, a sterling coup, good job!
Foreword & Description: [8/10]
This section is where it really impressed me. If your intention was to leave readers in a perplexed manner, congratulations! You'd done extremely well, both foreword and description managed to give readers a recondite feel and it did not reveal any plot. But, there are still mistakes that I've no choice but to deduct your marks for this section. Let's see, shall we?
Before Correction: "There are creature in mythalogies as fairies, elf's, werewolves, trolls, vampires, etc...
After Correction: "There are creatures in mythalogies such as fairies, elves, werewolves, trolls, vampires etc"
You've to look out for your grammar and words that you accidentally missed out.
Before Correction: "But what if they weren't only myths? What if they still exist, but we have no clue. They might be our neighbour's, best friends, crushes..."
After Correction: "But what if they weren't the only myths? What if they still exist but we have no clue? They might be our neighbours, best friends or even crushes..."
Before Correction: "But this story is focused on special specie -- Dragonborns"
After Correction: "But this story is focused on a special specie -- Dragonborns"
I've a question here, do you mean species or specie? Because specie means money in the form of coins rather than notes. Feel free to correct me because I've little knowledge of 'fantasy words'. I apologize for this unprofessional review.
Before Correction: "How long has been since he found out he has a brother-"
After Correction: "How long has it been since he found out he has a brother-"
All theses mistakes are a little disappointing but the content is really inviting.
Plot: [18/20]
I've read lots of fantasy stories, they're all about romance, revenge. It's all getting too typical but finally I've found a unique storyline! Keep going, my beloved two authors, I've faith that with more updates, this story will shine!
Characterization: [7/10]
There's nothing wrong with how you describe the stuffs. However, with your high standard of english, you should try a more profound descriptive words.
Originality: [5/5]
Duh, it's a full marks, of course.
Flow: [6/10]
Although I really enjoyed the content but I've to admit that everything escalated a little quickly. Come on, try to add in more flashbacks. Something tells me that you're going to at the later part of the story.
Grammar & Spelling: [17/25]
Be careful of your 'the' and 'a', you missed out several words. Spelling is alright, just a few mistakes that I caught. I'll try my best to highlight it all out for you.
Before Correction: "However, peaceful morning was disturbed with someone's presence."
After Correction: "However, the peaceful morning was disturbed with someone's presence."
Other reviewers will be much more lenient but I just find it weird.
Before Correction: "Pretty girl with dark brown locks and white set of clothing said the next moment she reached him."
After Correction: "A pretty girl with dark brown locks and white set of clothing said as the next moment, she reached him."
Before Correction: "On her beautiful face was shown a hint discomfort."
After Correction: "On her beautiful face was shown a hint of discomfort."
Before correction: "Even through it is Hoya's fault,"
After Correction: "Even though it was Hoya's fault,"
Overall Enjoyment: [3/5]
It was pleasant reading your story in fact it's my honor. Very fantastic job, just some grammatical mistakes that I find it irritating. Keep your updates rolling in, with more writing practices, you can achieve much more.
Bonus points: [2/5]
Hi, cutie-pie and -farewell! Thank you so much for requesting at Crisx-Trix Review Shop, it's entertaining working with you guys. I sincerely hope that my review was not harsh neither has my words hurt any of you, if I do, I apologize for my mistakes. But this is my job as a reviewer, I've to be honest to help everyone improve including myself. Thanks again for giving me this chance to prove myself. If there're any content that I misread thus leading to a wrong review, please share and correct me, I'm more than wiling to hear it and do some reflection on myself. Thank you again! I wish that we'll be able to work together again! If you enjoyed my review, please share this shop with your friends and an upvote is appreciated. Most importantly, please return some feedbacks at the comment box down below. Bye! ^.~
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