“Hey noona, it’s good being on the same team,” Joong Ki came to her and handed her a cup of water, “I know maybe you feel uncomfortable about it, but let’s just have fun. It’s been a long time and I really want to enjoy it, you know, being a part of the family.”

“I think I can’t do this Joong Ki-ya. It’s too hard. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s impossible. I mean, how can I act normal? Did you see the look on his face when he read my name on the paper? It was just.. he was bothered by it.”

“Well, let’s just look at it this way. He wasn’t bothered. He just frowned because the writing was hard to read. It happened sometimes. The paper got wet and the ink was—“

“—You don’t need to make up such a funny excuse. It’s not funny when it comes to this. You just don’t know how depressed I feel right now. I don’t know how to deal with this and you’re not helping at all.” 

“Okay then. I won’t bother you if that’s what you think I’m doing.”

Without any other words Joong Ki left. The act surprised Ji Hyo. That was the last thing she ever thought Joong Ki would do. 

Joong Ki walked away from Ji Hyo. Quietly he walked further and further away from the filming location. Everybody was too busy preparing the first mission that no one noticed the young actor escaping to the deeper part of the forest.

His mind was filled with lots of thoughts, leaving only a small space for him to enjoy the beautiful trees lining ahead of him. Being on the same team as Ji Hyo and Joong Kook was like a blessing—if it happened years ago. However, now everything was different. The friendship they once shared had changed.

He understood it was like a hell for Ji Hyo too. Regretting his decision, he told himself he should’ve stayed with her to calm her down. Yah, Song Joong Ki! Get a hold of yourself! Ji Hyo noona is having a hard time right now. You shouldn’t leave her alone like that. It’s basically your job to cheer her up!

His conscience was telling him to turn around and go back to his noona but his legs kept on going forward. He carefully watched his steps as he went deeper to the forest, away from the crowd. From afar he could hear the PD’s telling everyone that the break was going to be over in 10 minutes. Ignoring it, he stares at the sky which was covered by the leaves of the big trees. Slowly he felt the sky was spinning around and changing colors like a kaleidoscope. He blinked his eyes a few times, not feeling comfortable with even the smallest movements he saw. Suddenly he caught everything in a different intensity. Even the almost unheard sound of the crews’ conversations was also getting louder and louder in his ear.

“Oppa!”

He turned to look at the one calling him.

There she was, standing a couple of meters away from him with a bright smile.

“Oppa, don’t go too far. Let’s go back!”

She lifted her hand, asking Joong Ki to hold her little fingers. Hesitantly he took it in the palm of his hand. It was warm and small, reminding him of his childhood. Together they walked almost side by side with Joong Ki slightly followed behind. The girl little by little increased her walking speed. She didn’t seem to be bothered by all the scattered branches covering the way.

“Oppa, come on, walk faster! It’s getting dark!” with her heavenly voice she told Joong Ki to walk beside her since he was already left behind.

“I’m trying. Wait for me!” He said.

He stumbled a couple of times, falling on the ground covered by leaves and branches. The more he tried to run, the more he failed on closing the gap between him and the girl. But he kept trying anyway, not caring how many times he had hurt his legs.

“Oppa, if you don’t run faster you won’t be able to save me. Don’t you know that already?”

Then he realized they were now in the deeper part of the forest, even further from everyone else. Without wasting his time, he stopped running and started to question the girl.

“You wanted to go back, but why do you lead me here?”

The girl turned to look at him and said with a smile,

“You were the one who wanted to go further. Am I right, Joong Ki Oppa?”

…right, Joong Ki Oppa?

Joong Ki Oppa..

Oppa…

…

“Joong Ki-ya!!”

Seeing his dongsaeng collapsed, Ji Hyo ran toward him in full speed. Stumbling over some branches, she quickly got her balance back and called out to him again.

Finally reaching him, she shook his body in case he’d wake up.

“Joong Ki-ya! Yah, Song Joong Ki!!” She kept on calling his name, not knowing what else she could do.

From the man’s forehead she could see sweat running down. His face was pale and his cheeks were warm—almost hot. She had never seen him in such condition. Gently, Ji Hyo brushed his forehead with her hand and placed his head on her lap. Still calling his name, she tried waking him up again by softly shaking his hand.

Earlier, she had followed him into the forest after he had left her alone. She had no idea where Joong Ki might go, especially when there was not much time until the filming started again. She actually thought her dongsaeng had acted strangely since the beginning of that day. At first she decided to ignore it, but then she thought it was very unusual for him to lose patience over her. So when he went into the forest, she had no choice but to follow him.

Now she was glad she made the right choice. If she had decided to ignore Joong Ki’s strange behavior, nobody would ever find him collapsing there.

In front of her, lay Joong Ki with his eyes and lips closed tightly. His eyelids fluttered, making him look even more vulnerable. This man, she didn’t know how much he had suffered. He never showed her his pain. Instead, he always acted strong in front of her. Basically he made everything seems easier and lighter. Nobody knew exactly how he managed to endure all those hard things all this time. But the thing that hurts the most is the fact that he only showed his fragile side when he was already broken.

I’m the worst. I never cared about him. It ! This ! He has to suffer so much pain that it affects his body. He was literally in pain all this time and all I really cared about is my stupid relationship with that stupid Jong Kook oppa.

“Joong Ki-ya, mianhe…. Jeongmal, mianhe. Please wake up…”

She gave his forehead a gentle kiss and rested her cheek on his hair. Absorbing all the silence she could  get, she hugged her dongsaeng tightly as if she’d never want to let go.

Then, a very tiny voice, almost like a whisper, called her.

“Noona…. is that you?” Joong Ki moved his lips slowly without opening his eyes. His entire body felt so heavy, he hardly could talk.

“Yes, it’s me Joong Ki-yah.”

“Good.” His said with all his might, although his voice was actually fading into nothing.

Hearing his response, she couldn’t help but bursting into tears. She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to comfort him and herself.

“Jeongmal mianhe Joong Ki-ya. I should’ve noticed earlier.”

Joong Ki couldn’t answer her although he really wanted to yell at her. Yah, noona, it’s not your fault! I’m like this because of myself. I’m like this because I’m not strong enough to endure it all. Quietly lying on the ground, he felt safe in his noona’s embrace. Noona, I’m sorry I’m not strong enough as a man. I couldn’t even protect you.

After staying in that position for awhile, Ji Hyo start to worry more about Joong Ki’s condition. He didn’t get any better. His sweat started to wet his own shirt.

“Joong Ki-ya, I’m going to call for help. Please wait here.” She wiped her tears and gently lifted Joong Ki’s head from her lap, laying it down on the ground.

Almost unnoticeable, he opened his eyes with a huge effort. He murmured words Ji Hyo couldn’t catch.

“Noona…”

Ji Hyo leaned closer, trying to catch what he was saying.

“I’m okay noona. There’s no need… to….”

Beating faster than before, Ji Hyo’s heart seemed like it was going to pop out. Lying before her, Joong Ki lost consciousness. Without any further thinking, she stood up and ran to look for help. Every step she took felt so heavy now that she was afraid something worse might happen to Joong Ki while she was away. Counting her own steps, she kept in mind that everything was going to be alright. Twenty… twenty one… twenty two…. The forest looked bigger and borderless, as if she couldn’t get out of there fast. Twenty three… twenty four… Running fast, she didn’t watch her step carefully and stumbled upon a big trunk. Falling knee first, she supported the weight of her body with both hands. Without realizing that she hurt her palms and knees, she tried to stand up. Losing her balance right after she stood, she fell for the second time. Joong Ki-ya… Joong Ki-ya… she called his name as she collected all the courage she had. Standing on both feet, she continued counting. The twenty sixth step she took, the hardest of them all, gave her the strength keep on running. Slowly, although it seemed quite opaque, she saw light in front of her. As she reached the light, voices from the filming location could be heard.  Out of breath, she slowed down.

Escaping the wood, she was welcomed by all Running Man crews who wear concern looks on their faces. They were all throwing questions on her but none reached her ears. Although her body felt numb, she could feel someone wiped the sweat on her face. It was Kwang Soo she supposed, since he was the most caring of them all. But it didn’t matter anyway. Not knowing why, she kept quiet and walk to a single direction. It felt like in movies; everything was in slow motion and in mute.

“Ji Hyo-ya”

That was the only sound she heard among all those other loud voices calling her name.

He was the only one she saw among all those other people surrounding her.

“Jong Kook Oppa!” Wrapping her arms around his neck, she quietly burst into tears.

Staring at the ceiling, Joong Ki tried to figure out what happened before. He remembered things in small pieces, not knowing anything about the big picture. He wasn’t even sure which were dreams and which were real. Seeing the ceiling span around, he closed his eyes again, feeling even dizzier than before. The more he tried to remember, the more he felt like his head was going to explode.

Hearing a cracking sound of the door, he tried hard to open his eyes. Relieved, he saw Kwang Soo walking toward him. The same age friend seemed so worried though, making Joong Ki felt bad for being sick.

“Mianhe Kwang Soo. We’re supposed to have fun today.”

“Yah, how could you apologize at time like this? I was so damn afraid you’re going to die, chingu!” It seemed like this time he wasn’t overdoing it. His expression showed his fear.

“How’s everybody else?” Joong Ki said smilingly, trying to lighten up the mood.

“They’re doing the mission now. I already lost the game so I sneaked here.” Kwang Soo sat on a chair next to the bed Joong Ki was lying on.

“Yah, you should go back now!” Surprised, Joong Ki lifted her head from his pillow only to find the headache came again. He frowned in pain and gently lay back again. Caringly Kwang Soo patted his pillow, trying to make his friend comfortable.

“Don’t worry about that. He wouldn’t mind if I go here. I thought maybe you’re lonely so I came.”

“Kwang Soo-ya, you’re really the best!” Joong Ki said laughingly as he watched Kwang Soo embarrassedly denied that.

“Ji Hyo noona was scared to hell back then. She couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t imagine what her makeup artist did to cover her swollen face.” The tall guy changed the topic. He was the type of person who didn’t like to be praised, even by his own best friend. Despite being annoying on screen, he was actually humble and comforting.

“Jeongmal? So it wasn’t a dream?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But she’s the one who found you in the forest. When both of you didn’t show up when the filming time was about to begin, we started to worry. Then suddenly noona came out of the forest looking like hell. She was so pale, almost like a ghost—”

“—So it really wasn’t a dream…”

Joong Ki flashed back to the moment Ji Hyo hugged him tightly. Even now it felt so heavenly that he couldn’t control his smile. Being with her made his pain felt so sweet. He wouldn’t mind dying in her arms like that. It would be a pleasure.

However, his daydream was killed by Kwang Soo’s loud voice.

“Yes, thank God it wasn’t a dream!”

Overacting Kwang Soo raised his hands on the air, performing some kind of a praising ritual. At that time, the door was opened again and came in Eun Hye. Hiding their confusion, the same aged friends quickly greeted her. Being polite despite his condition, Joong Ki tried to sit down on the bed. She quickly told him to lie on the bed again since he looked so unwell.

“Have you gotten better, Joong Ki-ya?”

“Ah, yes—so much better than before.”

“He’s definitely lying, noona. He couldn’t even lift up his head.” Kwang Soo jumped in the conversation.

“Yes I could tell, Kwang Soo. PD-nim said you can go home, Joong Ki-ya. It’s okay if you want to leave. He told me to tell you that.”

“But Noona, I don’t want to—“

“—Oh, and he told me to tell you to go back.” She said casually to Kwang Soo who groaned in disagreement. He obeyed, though. Leaving with such disappointment, he waved at Joong Ki and gestured that he’d find a way to sneak out again. Closing the door behind him, now there were only Eun Hye and Joong Ki in the small room.

“Noona, I don’t want to go home.” Almost pleading he said to her, although he knew she could change nothing. She could only answer back with a sympathetic smile.

“Can you at least tell PD-nim that I’m healthy enough to play?”

“He’d be here soon, you could tell him that yourself. The game’s almost over, so they’ll probably have a break in 10 minutes. I’m already lost, so.... Yeah, I’m here. ” She sat on the seat Kwang Soo had sat before.

Joong Ki stared vacantly at the ceiling, not knowing how to fill in the silence.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come here.” She said softly, almost unheard.

“Yeah, they’re probably looking for you now Noona.”

“No, not here—I mean here.” She stared at the walls. Inhaling deeply, she continued, “I shouldn’t have come to do the program. I don’t belong in Running Man, even only as a guess I don’t think I belong here.”

“What makes you think so? We always try our best to make people feel like they’re a part of the family. Did something happen, noona? Did Jong Kook hyung treat you unfairly?”

Joong Ki jumped to the point. There was no need to hide the fact that he knew she liked Kim Jong Kook since he once saw them kissing on the elevator. Eun Hye was aware of the fact too, so she did nothing to deny her feelings for the older man.

Being with Joong Ki, she didn’t know why, was natural. She could say anything she wanted as if they were old friends, perhaps because both of them shared similar situation. Eun Hye didn’t have any idea though about the thing going on between Joong Ki and Ji Hyo. All she could tell was that he hid some kind of pain to himself, and that was enough for her to know that they were on the same boat.

“Jong Kook oppa’s very good to me.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“He’s too good that it hurts me.”

There was a tinge of sadness in Joong Ki’s heart. Eun Hye’s words stabbed through him in a way he couldn’t express.

“He’s too good that it makes him too cruel.” She stopped to take a deep breath. “Keeping your hope high just to drop it down, isn’t it the cruelest thing someone could ever do to you?”

Biting his lips, Joong Ki felt his head spinning around again.

“Jong Kook oppa and Ji Hyo unnie; if it’s them, I don’t think I have a chance.” Eun Hye said as she looked down.

Staring at Eun Hye’s small fingers resting beside him on the bed, Joong Ki thought to himself.

If it’s Ji Hyo noona and Jong Kook hyung, do I have a chance?

A/N: How's the story? Tell me what's on your mind through the comments, okay? 

By the way, do you like the new cover image??

p.s. forgive me for any mistakes i made, I'm having a hard time trying to write in english again after such a long break ^^