~ Realizing

                                              Himchan's POV

                        I don't know what to do. Lu Han's words keeps on replaying in my mind. "You've changed."

Is it true? Have I changed? Can you blame me? No. No one can blame me from changing. My sister died and I did nothing to stop it from happening. Nicole used to say that I'm the best 'brother'. No one says that now anymore. Well, aside from the fact that Suho is her favorite brother, she still said that I was the best. But, Nicole is wrong. I was not the best, because I let her die. I was not the best because I was not useful. I was nothing.

                        I took a walk. I needed to breathe some fresh air. It's been awhile since I got out from my room. I don't know if fate is playing a trick on me. I passed by a music store and they were playing a song by 2ne1. "I am the best!" Teenagers started to sing and dance. Seriously?

                        I didn't noticed that I was now at the playground where me, Suho, and Nicole used to play. I miss how we play 'It' and Nicole was always the 'it' because she was chubbier. I miss how Suho hyung always scolded me whenever I teased Nicole for being chubbier. I miss how we survived even though we grew up without any help from our parents.

How did we survive anyways? We had an auntie and she guided us until Suho hyung reached the right age.

                         When Suho hyung reached the age of 18, he took the responsibilty out of my Aunt's hands. For me, 18 is still not the right age but for Suho, it''s the right age. Suho hyung helped, guided, cared and loved us as we grew up. I owe my hyung a lot, but where am I now? I'm wasting my time doing nothing. I'm wasting my time for not moving forward from what happened from the past. Lu Han is right, I can't live forever at the past. I should live in the present to make my future the best. I may not be the best yesterday, but I will do my best to be the best tomorrow.

                          Lu Han was right after all. I knew my sister very well. She doesn't want to see me being sad. She doesn't want me to cry. She doesn't want me to be like this. She'd had me go out and piss everyone off. She would have wanted me to irritate everyone. She would want me to tease every kid that needs to be teased. Most especially, Nicole would want the old me back.

                      I realized that I can't leave Suho hyung hanging by himself. He couldn't lose two siblings. He needed me like how I needed him when we were still kids. I lost Nicole but I can't afford to lose another sibling of mine. Suho hyung is getting married and I should support him. I may not be the perfect little brother to him but at least I was still here. My presence was enough for him.

                      Never give up. Always find a reason to keep trying. A grieving heart was the worst. It's like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but it hurt everytime you breathe. No one can tell how much I'm hurt, but for sure, there someone out there that was experiencing the worst heartbreak he could ever have. And that was Lu Han. I'm proud of that little kid, I know he's hurt but he kept on smiling. How can he even do that? Now that kid was what I call the best.

                    I couldn't waste my life. As I breathe right now, another person will take their last breath. So, I will stop complaining, and learn to live my life with what I've got. We have so many needs in our life, but at the end of the day, all we need is to be needed. Have the courage to make the change, the strenght to see you through it, and the faith that everything will turn out for the best.

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"Sometimes you have no choice but to move on and start fresh"

I'm feeling sad because i'm receiving less comments from all of you. Am i doing the right thing on writing this fanfic? Because if i don't, I will stop this >< Just tell me !!