It’s usual.

I just shake my head slow and put my headset on with volume up while I put my hood on and get out of my room. They are who still fighting on the dining table see me walk through them and I pretend to not hear them yelling at me yet I’m walking past through. I don’t care.

Eunhyuk and me are sitting side by side under the tree after I came around fifteen minutes ago. But none of us say a word except the greeting. I can see him eyed me secretly.

“Why are you so quite?” He finally dared to ask.

I turn my head to him, and believe it or not, my problems disappear slowly but sure. 

I fake a smile even though he can’t see it, “Nothing.”

Dead silence comes between us once again before he dare to ask, “Are they fighting again?” He turns his whole body facing me and his eyebrows all going down. That’s the first time I see him look so worry.

I don’t dare to look at him anymore so I just look down on my fingers on my lap and play with it like a dork, “Mmmm, what do you think?”

We both know my parents. I already told him about that so many times and I think Eunhyuk is mature enough to understand that my parents just fighting very often. Even though sometimes I don’t really know what the reason was. 

“It’s alright. I thought you get used with it.”

I chuckle bitterly and scoff, “Just because I get used with it doesn’t mean I like it. I don’t understand why they always have topics to argue.”

Eunhyuk sighs. Suddenly he shifts on his seat and sit closer to me. “They’re adults, Donghae.” He speaks very softly that calm my heart little by little. He rarely speaks this soft and caring. He is Eunhyuk.

“They must have their own problem that sometimes we can’t understand.” Eunhyuk put his hand on my shoulder in hesitant. I can feel a tingling sensation when he squeezes it.

“Do you think we’re child? We’re adults too.” I protest soon he finishes his sentence.

“No, we are teenagers. Sometimes we just think about ourselves and why we would unhappy. We don’t realize that people around us might be fight something for us too” He shrugs while tilt his head. Then he is back to his earlier position; leaning on the tree with his back.

I stare at him in awe.

Well, it turns out to be good I decided to come here. I just need one advice or maybe I just need him. Everything feels better when I’m with him. Only a single talk from him could even change my entire mood. Yeah I should talk to him more often.

Before I realize, I chuckle lightly, “Since when you become very wise like this, huh?” I laugh.

“Shut up” He says but chuckle too. That’s beautiful; the voice.

Soon my eyebrows frowned. I realize there is something different with him ever since I got here today. Even he was the first that greeted me when I came.

“You look happy”

And look good of course.

“Am I that obvious?” He says and chuckle lightly once again. That was another time the blood in my body feels like stop flowing for a while when he smiles like that.

“What happened?” I ask him with smile. Totally forget about the problems that keeps bothering me earlier.

He bit his lips while smiling with one of the corner of his lips lifted up, and I don’t know why I can’t stop staring at those pink lips. Before I get to smile again and looking at him in curiousity.

“What is it?” I grow impatient. He asks me whether I’m ready or not and I just nod stupidly because we both know he can’t even see it. But after these almost 9 months, I know he can’t feel it.

He sighs deep. That’s the first time I see him glowing; like a diamond. He is really different with Eunhyuk I’ve known for these 9 months. Yes he is glowing since God knows when, but now he is more glowing. He looks very happy. He can’t hide his little smile.

He looks gor..

“I got a cornea donour from US and I’ll have a surgery in a few months!!!”

And that’s it.

My heart stops. My jaw dropped. My eyes got widened in a second.

“WHAT? Are you kidding me? Is that true? Really?” That’s the only words I can give to him since it feels like my heart almost burst out in happiness and my mind completely blank or maybe too filled with a rainbow.

“I’m being serious” He answers and I almost scream with my mouth wide open.

For a moment we just laugh hard in hysterical by ourselves like a stupid. I shake his body saying the words ‘Really’ multiple times because I just can’t believe this, maybe same feeling as his when he knew this for the first time. I’m very very happy for him.

“OH GOD! I can’t believe it, it means you’ll be able to see again soon, right?!” My hands are still remains on his shoulders.

“I hope so, Donghae” He tilts his head and shrugs.

“Oh God! Congratulation!!” I squeal for the last time and without everyone realize I hug him very tight. For the freaking first time. We both freeze for a while. I quickly pull the hug away and stare at him with a big smile. I can see tears on the corner of his eyes. That’s when I feel my vision got blurry too.

“I really am happy for you” Finally we get to be calm. I totally forget all my problems already because this news is really brightened my day in a flash.

“Thank you” He replies with sparkling eyes.

“This is very great news” I finally quit shaking his body when we finally tired squealing like a teenage girls out there. I sigh deep and smiles while looking at him for a last time before we’re back to our position; sitting with our back against the tree.  

“I know” He smiles at me with a form of his laughter while he suddenly tuck out something from his pocket and press a button on it. He chuckles when I get very confused.

I know that thing.

My eyebrows furrowed, “Wait, you just recorded that?”

“Yes I did! I just wanted to record your respond when you hear this great news. And your respond is not bad.” He laughs at me and keeps his recorder on his pocket again.

“My respond is the best.” I say proudly and it tickles me when I see Eunhyuk is smiling because of me once again. I stare at him for a while before I say, “Let’s celebrate”

He lightened up so bright like a little kid, “Let’s go to the beach, I want to scream out loud since yesterday” He suggest. Well, that’s not really a bad idea.

“Let me pick my motorcycle at home, okay?” I say while I stand up, can’t wait to go on another trip with Eunhyuk.

“I’ll be right here”

***

As soon as I reach home, the noise coming out again until neighborhood. God, aren’t they ashamed? We can hear they fighting even if we’re outside. I don’t know when will they stop being such a little child and stop acting like this.

I try to ignore them and just walk towards the door to quickly find my key before they realize, but something bothered me.

"Can we stop this? Maybe we just should living apart. I can't let Donghae keeps moving school. It affects his grades and social life." My mother says.

My movements stopped.

“God, no…”

I can’t walk anymore as I hear my father says, "Do you think I have a choice? I can't leave you guys alone. I will not able to work peacefully."

"Be professional. It's work. And we're gonna be okay!"

This is surely not what I thought, come on.

I can’t stop assuming what is happening and what are they always fighting about but I can sense something not good in here. Something that always happened in lately years and I don’t really like it.

"I don't want to live apart from you guys!" My father screams waking me up from my thoughts. I walk slowly towards the dining room and finally see them on the kitchen pointing at each other. It hurts me even if I get used with it somehow.

"You're such an egoist!" My mother push his shoulders so hard so she can walk towards the frigde to do something I don’t care.

"Goddammit, it is for you too!!"

"But look at your child too! He is lonely! He rarely has a friend. It is all because we keep moving around."

Now I know what this is about. It bothered me a lot and I really think it is not something good. It will probably something that I will hate.

"He has no problem with that, we can see that. He is sociable. He will easily find a new friend, no problem where the location." He says it so easily makes my eyebrows furrowed as soon as I hear it. He says it just like he knows all my feeling inside when the reality is he doesn’t know anything.

"Please understand me...” My father takes her hand and hold it tight while he looks into her sparkling eyes. Sparkling eyes, she’s crying. I tightened my grip onto my key that I just brought from the front table. “I don't want to live without you guys. I can't stand to think bad things might happen to you and Donghae. Please stay with me, don't be apart from me. We agree to leave a few months later after his final exam. Tell Donghae about this."

Wait, what?

My eyes widen in second and everything just go naturally before I know it, “W-what is this?” I say unconsciously and let them know my presence. My mother is the one who looks very shock to see me.

“Donghae..” She turns her head towards me as I walk to get closer. 

“What did you guys just said?” I ask them impatiently without expression. They look at each other for a while debating in their mind whether they should tell me now or not. Then he comes up bravely like a saint.

“We’re moving out of here.”

My heart thumps very hard. “What? No.” I try to be cool. Maybe will not so fast like I imagine.

“Yes, after your final exam, we will be moving out of here” He strictly says like his daily style.

My mother look at me with those pitiful eyes that I don’t like it because she used to be a teasing one. I just tightened my grip because suddenly I feel anger crept into my mind. 

“Why? I like this place. I like being here I don’t want to go everywhere anymore.” I dare to stare at him intensely.

My father sigh and walk closer towards me but I step back with reflex which makes him looks upset, “We have to, son.” He says with low eyebrows.

This is not going to happen. I don’t think I’m egoist right now because I like it here. I will not just leave something that I like here. I will not leaving this place.

“Then I’ll stay.” I say.

“No way” He shakes his head slowly.

But I raise my voice up, “No…I’ll stay!”

“NO WAY!” He yells loud enough to make me flinch and see him with eyes wide open, “What’s the matter with you? You had never got any problem when we’re moving here and there before” Once again he makes me so frustrated because he acts like he always knows my heart deep inside when he clearly just doesn’t know anything.

“You don’t understand!” I yell in anger. I walk closer to him and point my index finger to my chest in front of his face, “I’m your only son. You are busy. I don’t have friend. You don’t understand how that feels when I don’t really have someone to be close with!!”

“We will stay on the next place longer. Maybe a few years and you can find a close friend there.” He says casually like he always does. I don’t know why I really want to throw up to see that right now because he always says something like it’s so easy to do.

“No, I don’t trust you”

I turn my heels and walk away from them after giving him a last single death glare once again.

“Donghae!” He calls me again, makes my ears feels like it’s bloody.

I quickly turn around again and face him, “Listen, I don’t want to move!”

“Shut up and try to understand me!” He says as he walk near me again and killing me with those fire eyes right in front of my face, “I’m doing this for our family, for you. You won’t understand, so just obey this time.”

I chuckle bitterly and look away.

“Guess we don’t ever understand each other then.” That will be the last sentence he will hear from me today. I’m sure of it.

I slowly turn around and walk casually towards the front door even though my heart is totally not in calm remembering I hold my key so tight all the time until I can feel my hand starts aching.

***

I can’t stop thinking about it.

Am I being a little bit too harsh on him?
Am I being an egoist?
Am I being such a jerk?

“You took quite long.” Eunhyuk stands up as soon as he hears a sound of my vehicle go near him under the tree. I don’t bother to turn off the engine because I know we will directly go. “What happened? Something bad happened at home again?” He asks me just to make my heart dropped again.

“Just something usual happened. Hop on, and hold on to me because I will ride very fast”

I can see he stunned not moving. His bright face earlier has changed into some usual flat expression face.

Then suddenly he asks, “Where is my helmet?”

!! I forget.

“Just hop on.” I sigh in frustration because I know it won’t be easy.

“No, until you give me my helmet.. and wait, do you even wear yours?” He put his hand on my head, I’m melting for a second when it feels like he caressing my hair slowly. “No, we don’t go anywhere until we both wear helmet.”

“Damn. The beach is close!”

“I don’t care!” He yells in annoyance. “I’m not going, Donghae! You know me” Right, I know this will happen but come on, at the time like this? Can he stop adding my misery?

“Goddammit, just hop on and stop arguing with me!!” I yell louder than him, louder than I ever expected.

I really don’t mean to yell but he is frustrating. His face remains freezed and I know he’s frightened inside but he always be that poker face.

I sigh for the last time, “Please, just hop on and get the out of here” and it finally makes him hop on behind me just without a single word comes out again.

The ride went so quite. I’m busy with my mind about my departure after my final exam, about me being so ungrateful child who was yelling at my father, and about me being such a jerk towards clueless Eunhyuk who is sitting beside me right now since we arrived at the beach ten minutes ago.

I scared him to death. Donghae, you are stupid. ing stupid.

“You know.. We should go here for celebrate. I’m sorry for yelled at you earlier.” I turn to face him as my eyes squinted because the wind blows it.

“You almost know everything about me, Donghae. When will you want to open up to me?”

“That’s nothing.” I play with the white sand under my skin. Not knowing when the last time the sand becomes so soft like this, even softer than his complicated mind right now.

“Well, that’s something for me” Eunhyuk says that makes me stop everything that I’m doing.

I let him down in this very good day. I don’t know why I can be this heartless boy who turned his brightest face earlier. So I slap his head lightly and playfully to lightened up the mood a little bit. 

“Today is all about you. Stop being stubborn, I’m alright”

Eunhyuk flinch for a moment cutely and that makes me laugh. Then suddenly he starts to speak, more like whiny, “I know you’re not, so stop pretending. It’s okay to feel not alright, I’m here! I’m not alright to see you like this~”

My heart beats rapidly so suddenly and smile crept into my face. He sounds cute. Really.

“Say again” I stare at him with a smile on my face. Eunhyuk’s face who sit beside me is really close and shine with the reflection of the orange sunset in front of us.

“I won’t” He seems can’t believe about what he just said and especially with that whiny tone. How funny.

“No. Say again” I say and nudge his arm with mine but he remains shakes his head with his flat expression. “Say again and I will feel better” I nudge his arm once again as I get my face closer to him.

But then Eunhyuk takes bunch of sands on his hand and throw it to my chest, “This will make you feel better” it almost went into my freaking mouth! What a jerk!

My eyes wide opened as I protest, “Damn, Eunhyuk!!” but he’s just laughing at me like a maniac. I’m glad I have brought that bright smile back.

***

How can this happen??

I lay on my bed after I spend my entire night outside the house; on the park to be exact. I just don’t want to face my parents today after the incident this evening. My mind curled up, it’s crashing just like the internet connection which been accessed by too many people.

My mind suddenly goes back to this evening when I spend my day with Eunhyuk at the beach. We just had fun as if there is nothing wrong before we got in there. I just had fun as if I don’t have anything bothering my mind all this day long. Well, I always had fun when I’m with him. But now something comes into my mind when I remember what we were talking about when we were walking at the beach.

“You’ll be there, right?”

I slow down my walk and turn my face at him, confused, “Huh?”

Eunhyuk is crossing his hands in front of his chest calmly, with that black sweater, he looks good.

“You’ll be there when I have the surgery.”

Seriously, there is nothing that I really want right now except the thing he just said. I’m being honest. But I don’t know if that could happen or not remember the news that I just heard at home before we got here.

“Umm..” I nod.

“It must feel so good, don’t you think? To finally back to normal person again, do whatever I want again, and not afraid of what people think when they look at me.”

I watch my feet taking steps as I look down and scan all of his words said. I just don’t know why it sounds so painful now. The worries start coming through my mind because of the fact that I will leave someday no matter what.

Eunhyuk suddenly stops his movement. I stop too and surprised a bit when he suddenly turns his whole body towards me, “Say you promise, you will be there when I’m able to see again. You will be one of a person that I will see after my surgery has done.”

I stared at him for a while. He’s right in front of me. He looks so good today, maybe because of his happiness. I really want to keep seeing this face, and more accurately I really want to see his face when he sees my face for the first time. So I just reply him with the bravest words before I know it,

“I’ll be there. I promise.”

Yes. It’s not like we will never see each other again even if I have to leave the town.