Because my name just isn't Suzy- Title

5/10

 

Well, not the most creative title out there, don’t you think? Your title could be better, even with all that inspiration from SHINee’s song and its title… 1000 years. On the other hand, you did earn points with all the connection throughout the story. Obvious connections. Honestly, when I first read this, I linked this to 1000 cranes, which is totally ironic because your story did link to it too. But I digress- in short your story title isn’t very attention attracting, and a touch overrated- not too bad, but not good enough.

 

 

 

My autobiography isn't written like this- Foreword & Description

14/15

 

I really liked your foreword and description. It was short, sweet and hooked me in in one-shot. The whole description labelled your story as a fantasy even without the disclaimer, and frankly, in less formal words- I ate it up like a starved kid just fed food. It offered a lot of promise to the plot with many complexes that bind Key and Papa together.

 

Your description is also pretty simple. There’s literally nothing for me to pin-point at all. I appreciate how you took the effort to embed the video and link inside the foreword itself.

 

Overall, your foreword and description is simple and neat. It served its purpose well. In curiosity, have you ever found your foreword a little choppy to read, but still links perfectly fine? That’s how I found your foreword. Each sentence made perfect sense and paved a good pathway to the next, but I still…I mean, take that I’m picky, but I still found them stilting?

 

 

 

How can I be known as Miss Mary-Sue- Characterization

17/20

 

This has so many layers of characterization, it’s so awesome. While reading your story, I felt that most of the main characters have ‘grown’, like the SHINee messengers. As the story progresses, we get more and more inklings of how close and protective the messengers are of each other and that was very heart-warming. Most characters had some sort of 'change' behind them too, and that just made the story a more compelling read. Certain emotions could be felt from the characters better than others, but one of the better characterization I have seen.

 

Some minor characters had been skimmed over with a brief mention, but overall I’m just glad you mentioned them at any rate as compared to others (like Saki). I would say you crafted your characters, mostly some of the main characters, very well.

 

Taemin is one of my favourite characters. It was so evident as his growth from a mischievous little thing that could almost be labelled a coward, to a person that has a backbone. I would have thought he could, like Jonghyun, play little antics from his mischievous character, but I appreciated his serious moments all the same. Most of all, (I think I said this a million times,) I loved his growth as a character- so realistic and heart-warming.

 

Key is also one of my favourites. You developed his complexes well enough for me to root for him all the way. From pity to happiness, this character pulled at my heartstrings all the way through. I was wary that he would turn out to be another cold city guy that got burned by love from your first words, which in this case did happen, but the way you made it seem not stereotypical. Instead of making it such that his lover broke his heart and so on, it was a story that stemmed from a father’s desire to save his son, and inevitably got played a bad card by the gods. It could have been a more beautiful, sad and fragile story if you had developed the story to its fuller details and linked it better with Papa’s story. In all, a beautiful character.

 

I get the impression that Papa was supposed to be a main character. But as I read on, I found that his character had only one complex- and that was to save his son. His loyalty is endearing, but there were no other connection or link that tied him to any impression of Key. The connection made later became slightly abrupt as a result. Not abrupt enough to be sudden, but the waste- how it could have made the whole story so much more emotional- that was the part that made me balk.

 

Similarly, with the gods—are they supposed to be part of the main characters? They were certainly characters that played an important role in the whole story. You wrote off their characters with power and haughtiness. Some, like Time and Death, had a sub-complex and soft spot, but Fate was certainly annoying. She had, a right to her haughtiness and whims, but I found it so… disturbingly sudden. Why now?! Doesn’t she have some matchmaking to do or something? To me, she is like the classical example of a bad lady with no gains, an almost stereotype.

 

Others, due to their role as minor characters and lack of space, I shan’t say anymore.

 

 

 

Overratedness cannot be closer- Plot & Originality

8/10 & 10/10

 

I have to say this story was good. I marvel at the story’s well planned out connections and complexes. Did it take a lot of planning to write this story? Most characters were brought in for a purpose well thought out as the story progresses. Minor twists and new character introductions were also brought in well with appropriate description. The setup was believable and everything melded to hook me in perfectly. The story went where it should have been, no trailing away what so ever. However, as I read on, I found it lacking in emotions that could have been pulled in. Detailing at the right places were lacking and emotions were muted all the way through. An example is when Taemin handed the whisper to Papa, his emotions could have been described better to convey his guilt. During sad moments, where the setup and plot should have been enough to pull tears and make heartbreaks, yours managed only a muted feeling. When it progressed on to witty moments, the impact was not great enough to achieve what you wanted. Some emotions made it through the block, of course, but overall detailing and emotions were still greatly missed. From panic to sadness, defiance, anger to happiness, the impact you delivered is not enough to leave a mark. This was something I sorely missed throughout the story. My imagination itself is not enough to spark up a fantasy land that you are telling, and that disappointed me. (As I will say again in the details section) Sometimes things tend to get a little confusing here and there, which you should probably clear up, like why time stopped on SHINee’s watch, and so on. You had a good plot and good setup, but you failed to deliver a spark that could have made your story an even more compelling read. 

 

I first read the story without looking at the trailer. The comments for it, as you can see, are above, without the influence of the trailer. I fell for your story clean, polished connections and turns, even though I missed the imagery sadly. I loved your plot simple touching (even though the emotions weren’t that feeling), none of the falling in love fluffiness in a magical world, but a beautiful story of love in its purest terms. Later, I watched the trailer, and I instantly understood the poster, and I realized exactly why you aptly put the trailer in your description. The bus- the watch- everything- came from the trailer. I thought your story was purely, your imagination, and I thought you were a pure genius for crafting such a story from zero. Now, after watching the trailer, I think you’re a pure genius for even making such a story come true. This story on its own is original with or without the trailer. It would be hard for one to recreate this story from another without losing some of it’s beauty. In AFF, this is already one of the more original you can get. And yes, I still love the story of love in its purest terms.

 

 

 

Because English is oh, the hardest to score- English Use

9/10

 

Mistakes can be found, but I honestly don’t care to elaborate on this.

 

 

 

Define the colour scheme honey- Design/Appearance

10/10

 

I’m starting to wonder why I even have this section in the rubrics. Anyway, everything is perfectly fine. At first I was wondering about your poster but after I read your story and watched the trailer, everything made perfect sense. I like this poster- it’s one of the most classical, original and beautiful I have ever seen.

 

 

 

Do not disturb the sleeping beauty- Entertainment Value

10/10

 

Honestly, I enjoyed your story. Despite it not being the most emotional, most exciting story, I still loved reading it. I had shelved your review back after reading the story, and when I finally found time to review it, I had to re-read it to discover faint details I have forgotten or missed. I found myself still perfectly hooked on to the story, so plus points? XD

 

 

 

This is not just blue- Details

2/5

 

I would say that you certainly have details, just not enough. I really wanted to properly imagine the world you were drawing, but what remained in my mind was a disappointing blank. Oh, I was terribly sad about that, you know. It’s not often such a story gets crafted, and I’m unable to picture it in my mind. From the bus to the dragons, even the circus, I drew a blank that certainly spoilt my mood the rest of the day.

 

 

 

A.O.B. 

 

Well. This review took a long time. Spanned over many days too, so if some of the comments I make are a little confusing, or contradictive, please ask about it. This is probably one of the most conflicting reviews for me though. I am not a professional in reviewing, so there were a lot of internal conflicts. I felt that your story was really, really good- too hard for me to pick out the blind spots. This caused me a hard time in deciding which points to say throughout the review. In the end, your biggest blind spot ended up to be emotions. Sometimes I want to say about how I felt the flow wasn’t the best, or stuff like that, but the mistake wasn’t big enough to be pinpointed. 

 

And my favourite phrase... He was family. And family protect one another. 

 

I can't remember it word for word but it's something like this right? :P

 

 

 

Total: 85/100

Recommended for Featuring.