SHOP: N/A

REVIEWER: N/A

(lol - I said I wouldn't credit them until I get a re-do. This was AGES ago. I don't think it will happen.)

Title / Poster

To me the title, 1000 years sounds like one of those soapy Disney show where the prince goes and rescue the beauty who has been sleeping for 100 years. It's not that its boring, it's just not eye catching or unique. Also what really bugged me was the extra things next to it. Unless you're writing this story in Japanese or for them, I think it's pretty unnecessary. I personally think you can come up with a more unique title where readers won't have already guessed half of the story just by the title. Anyway, what I actually liked was your poster. It was simple yet unique without heaps of colours or extra bits coming off. It kind of gave me an angst feeling, which made me interested about the story. 

Description / Foreword

I absolutely loved, loved, loved the description. I was already like 'What was Key's past?' and 'Why don't the gods approve?!' I was so into it...until the last line. I was so confused that I had to read it about 5 times and still be wondering about the quote "I need to tell you something; how I want to be with you, be with you'' and I wrote that out of memory. Is this from a tragic song or am I facing a love story ahead? Or maybe it's from the father's point of view to the son. Or Key and the father are actually a couple but they can't be together since the gods don't approve of homouality in the land of 1000 years. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY WITH THAT CHEESY QUOTE OF YOURS! Moving on..

THIS IS A FANTASY ADVENTURE FIC :D... *credits to the song*...
*credits to the poster people.*....HE END. 

What?! Where's the introduction to the characters? Do these messengers have powers? What type of powers do each of them have? What do they look like? What are their personality? WHAT KIND OF MESSENGERS CALL THEMSELVES SHINee?!! Okay maybe I exaggerated the last sentence, but really. Why did you leave out so much information? You could have at least put a nice, fantasy looking picture of each member and their name. I was really disappointed when there was hardly anything in the foreword. Hopefully you could make some changes.

Story

Chapter 1, reading the first 2 sentences and already my eyebrows were together. Taemin watched Time run backwards on his pocket watch. Is Time someone or something that it needs a capital? You could have said: Taemin watched as time ran backwards on his/the pocket watch. These few things can make a big difference in your sentence. Also, when you're talking in third person or in case using past tense, keep it that way. Don't use both past and present type of words in a sentence, for example- Jimmy was tired as he run to the gate. It just doesn't sound right and irks people when they're reading the story. Also use your commas and full stops correctly because when I read a story and I notice something like that, I automatically make a note to myself 'this person has grammar issues" Which I'll go in to later or have I already said too much? Overall, I like your story and where it's going and I will definitely read it again after you make a few changes and maybe even subscribe :)

Grammar *Argh, the part where I get a tiny bit fussy yet try to be nice*

• Why do you finish a sentence so quickly? Why do you think there is such thing as comma.

• Starting sentences with And when you can just erase that or use something more creative.

Those are the main ones since you have no problem with using creative words and speech marks.

Usually people say 'Don't start a sentence with a but' I disagree. I actually can't stand it when people start with an andwhile but I can sometimes understand. The reason I think starting a sentence with an and is utterly stupid is because there are such things called conjunctions, semi-colons and again COMMAS. Since my grammar instincts kicked in when I was writing the story section, I don't have much to say except I love your story and how its different from what I expected from the title. Oh wait, I got one more thing to say. Just because you're writing a chapter title does not mean you forget about capitalizing your title.

For example: The start of the journey = The Start of the Journey or Start of the Journey. 

There is actually quite a difference, it makes you and your story look more professional.

Writing Style / Pace / Characters

I am actually really impressed with you writing style putting the grammar and the way-too-short-for-a-sentence aside. But I get confused every now and then when on the first paragraph you said something about a crystal whisper or something. I would have liked more details and I thought that Key was the main guy, but the first time I heard of him was at the last paragraph of Chapter 1 :/ Why is Taemin the first one to be introduced when he wasn't even talked about in the description? Shouldn't you AT LEAST make Key and Taemin interact since Key was the main talk of the description? I'm going to let you self-reflect on that. 

Plot / Overall Enjoyment

Your plot is interesting and something fresh-- at least for me. I'm one of those people who don't usually consider reading fantasy, but yours really gave me second thoughts. You still have some things to fix but after that, I think your story going to be 100 times better!

Suggestions:

• You should try changing the font for your description and I think the italics was really unneeded. 

• Hopefully you can come up with a better title that's eye-catching and something unique.

• I'm not sure what you mean by drama in your tag bit.

• Does this story have any romance, angst, comedy,  or mystery? Then you should tag that.

Anyway, good luck with your story and hope I helped :)

My response:

I have received my review for my story, ‘1000years’, and I am writing to ask for clarification. This is not a ‘bash’ of the review per se – I know the rules, and besides, it is just good manners to respect other people’s opinions (especially if it was sought after). There were a few issues I had with the product provided to me.

My first and major issue is a question of the number of chapters of my story was actually read by the reviewer? Half of the comments made were heavily focused on the foreword; the other half was on chapter 1. I suspect that only one chapter was seen by the reviewer because the questions asked about character and plot points are explained as clear as day in chapter 2. Furthermore, the questioning of the genre tag should not have been asked – the genre becomes self-evident as the story progresses. My question therefore is: how much of my story was really evaluated?

I understand that the entire story may not have been evaluated – even I would be hesitant to review a 10+ chapter story. However, respect to the story and author should have been given by attempting to read a portion of the story and honestly admitting that only up to chapter ‘x’ was read. I am ok with that. I am not ok if it was only a single chapter out of 20. That comes across as being rude and disrespectful to the honest request for a fair feedback.

My second issue is the discussion of my errors without the provision of examples from my text. I do not know what the reviewer meant by the misuse of ‘commas and full stops’, or which sentences she thought were too ‘short’. Without at least one demonstration from my text, how will I specifically know what she saw, what to look out for in my future writings, and how to improve?

Thirdly, there also appears to be no flexibility by the reviewer in the use of creative writing techniques (such as delayed character introductions for various effects and impacts) or the use of the foreword. The inclusion of a character profile is a personal decision and is not necessarily the norm of fan fiction or story-telling in general. It also has no relevance to the story content if the characters are adequately described and developed within text. I felt the emphasis on it was unwarranted in the review. Yes, it is her opinion and preference, but that is not going to help me improve as a story-teller. This is not constructive criticism.

Finally, I would like to say that I do not believe that I have strong ‘grammar issues’, as she suggests I do. I also do not believe that I have perfect grammar. Yet, the constructions of my sentences – short or long – are often deliberate to make certain emphases of the story action or of the characters. The issue of the use of ‘and’ and ‘but’ in the beginning of sentences is a contentious issue – but it is certainly allowed in English literature. Their misuse, however, is not viewed kindly.

http://grammar.about.com/od/yourwriting/tp/phonyrules.htm

Similarly, how to ‘correctly’ capitalise a title is a matter of style convention and one style is not directly linked to ‘professionalism’.

http://grammar.about.com/od/grammarfaq/f/capitalstitle.htm

I am asking for another review of my story, pass chapter 1. I am ok if it is only up to chapter five (that would be 25% of my story). I am making this request because I do not believe that what I have received here is a true reflection, nor is it a fair review of my work. Therefore I refuse to credit it in my story as it stands like this.

I look forward to hearing a reasonable response.

Sincerely,

072013