“Are you sure about this?” eunkwang asked after we had vacated from everyone else. Only hyunsik had followed.

“Yea man, you know Ilhoon… you know how he feels…even if he doesn’t.” hyunsik said with an air of understanding. I nodded slowly.

“I know, and I also know them both better then they know themselves…” I said seriously.

“Then you should know that this might do more harm than good to them?” eunkwang said cocking a brow.

“Peniel…doing this…this might never get them together.” I let out a laugh that shocked both hyunsik and eunkwang. “or is that your plan? Do you really want hye mi-ah?” I looked hyunsik in the eyes for a moment before speaking.

“Yes…I want her all to myself.” I said and stood up from my seated position. They both gawked at me in surprise. I’m sorry guys…you’ll just have to think of me as a horrible person. I walked back out to the living room where everyone was seated in an awkward silence. “Yah…were hye mi-ah?” they all pointed back towards ilhoon’s room.

“She went to talk to him…to see if he was ok.”

I clutched my hands into fists trying to stop their shaking. I thought I had been getting better, being around her recently and being friends with her again…it had been enough to stop me from tail spinning into depression. I had thought it would be enough. But every time someone tried to hug her or touch her I would get the overwhelming sensation that I was about to lose her again and it would result in my making a mess of things with her. I stumbled over to my nightstand and fumbled around for my medicine. Hands were shaking so much and I was feeling dizzy my vision blurring. I couldn’t grab ahold of it without knocking everything else off my nightstand. I popped open the bottle and took the last two out of my container throwing them back without any water. I fell onto my bed clutching my chest as I waited for everything to settle down, but it didn’t happen. Thoughts of her where swirling through my mind, thoughts of her and peniel together holding hands…spending the night. I couldn’t believe my best friend would do this to me… how could I blame him though… he didn’t know how I felt about her…I can’t even admit it to myself. There was a soft knock at the door making me jolt. I quickly tucked the container under my pillow and hopped up. My hands still shaking; my body still whirling.

“c-come in.” I said stumbling over my words. There door clicked open and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach when I saw hye-mi-ahs head pop in slowly. She looked at me with big worried eyes and I felt like I just wanted to cross the room in a split second and pull her into my arms. I refrained knowing I couldn’t do that now…or ever. Sighing I looked away from her suddenly interested in my shoes.

“Ilhoon? Can I come in?” she asked sweetly. Her voice was beautiful and I waited for the moments I could hear her. I used to listen to her music on repeat just so I could imagine she was there with me.

“mmmm.” Was all I could manage to say to her? She slowly stepped into my room closing the door.

“a-are you ok?” she asked reaching up to touch my arm. When I froze all the muscles in my body tensing she dropped it back to her side. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

“I’m fine…why wouldn’t I be?” I said my voice sounding rougher then I would have liked.

“I-I don’t know…I mean you seemed…a little put out…that’s all.” I tucked my hands in my pockets so she couldn’t see them shaking. My heart was racing even faster now, almost at a painful rate, my breathing was shortening.

“I’m fine…like I said.” she looked at me worry all over her face.

“You…are you sure…you look sick Ilhoon…your sweating.” She said reaching out to touch my face. It came away glistening with sweat.

“omo…you have a fever!” she hissed hysterically. I knew what a fever meant, the medicine wasn’t working and my body was overreacting it was in over drive and I could pass out any minute now… but I couldn’t force myself to leave her… worrying over me…it made me feel good. “I need to go get peniel!” then it all crashed around me with those words…of course she would need peniel…he was her boyfriend. She turned to leave and the sudden realization that she would be running to him washed over me, and the thoughts of them all knowing something was wrong with me hit me like a runaway train. Without thinking I grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her back to me. I crushed her body against mine and pressed my lips hard to hers. She froze under my touch. I felt something lift off me then, like a heavy weight had been sitting on me for so long that I had become accustomed to it and the sudden loss of it made my legs shake. Then everything went dark and I felt myself tumbling into it into the darkness with no reserve. It swallowed me up and the last thing I heard was her musical voice calling my name.