“Age does not protect us from love.

But love to some extent protects us from age."

C H A P T E R  N I N E T E E N

But then, the more I think, the more curiosity gets me at best.

       Doesn’t everyone deserve a happy ending?

               She was the first one who noticed him. It all started when she was a kid, when she was seven years old to be precise. She was playing in her mom’s garden with her toys scattered around her with a box next to her. As she was content in playing her toys in her own world, she was interrupted when she saw a MPV car went past her house and pulled over in the porch next to her house. She knew the house had been empty for months after the previous couple moved out when the husband got an offer to work in London.

               She saw a woman which she assumed she was the mother and in the same age as her mom went out from the car. She had her eyes fixed on the mother, and when she saw her walked to the back towards the passenger seat, she opened the sliding door, and that was when she had her first time laying her eyes on him. At that time, the only thing that crossed over her mind after she saw him was, he looked exactly like a doll, or even much better than it.

               On the next day, she did the same thing, playing in the garden with the same toys but with a different story. It was about a girl falling in love with her dog, which she thought that it was ridiculous but made it to all senses, as she made up the boy she loved had died and was then born as a dog, and they actually could talk, through hearts. She was too content at enjoying what she liked the most to do, not realizing the fact that two figures were walking towards her direction.

               “Hey sweetheart, what’s your name?”

               She stopped with whatever she was doing at that time and slowly looked up with her toys still in her hands and saw the woman she saw yesterday towering her with a pie in her hands and a smile plastered on her round face. She took a moment to observe her face, and that was when she realized, this woman didn’t look like a Korean at all. Totally didn’t look the same like her mother and her grandma. Her eyes were round, her hair was fully black and her skin was so fair, like the one those models in the skin-whitening commercials had and every woman wanted.

               “Mommy says I can’t talk to stranger.”

               “That’s good,” the woman smiled and then she squatted next to her, and that was when Eunmi realized there was the same boy standing behind her, with his eyebrows furrowed.

               “I’m Mrs. Horvejkul, your new neighbor. I won’t harm you, so you don’t have to worry and you absolutely can call me Aunty,” after she had ended her sentences, she lend out her hand and it took Eunmi for a moment to shake her hand back, as she was convincing herself whether it was the right thing to do or not. Her mom had always told her not to talk to any stranger, no matter how nice his face looked like or what the was, since people always hide behind masks to hide their true colours. But then, she thought this woman was so sincere and kind.

               “How old are you?” the woman asked.

               “Seven.”

               “Ahh, good. You’re the same age as my son,” she offered her a smile and then she turned her head to the other round and grabbed her son’s hand and brought him closer to them. And that’s when they were first introduced to each other.

               “This is my son, Nichkhun. Ohh and, what’s your name?”

               Eunmi had her eyes fixed on his face for a moment and jerked her gaze away from his face as she knew if she didn’t do that, then she’d remain gawking at his face for all day long that could embarrass her. Both of them looked the same, which people could easily tell that they were mother and son by just looking at their faces. It seemed like he had duplicated every feature his mom had, but she thought that his was more appealing.

               “I hope you two can be friends,” the mother said and Eunmi couldn’t help but look down in her laps, not knowing what to say because she really couldn’t picture them being friends.

               “Anyway, where’s your mom? I’d like to meet her.”

               She got up from the ground and smoothed her dress, slowly leading them to her house. When they’re inside, both of the elder women kept on talking and talking which she couldn’t interpret what they were exactly saying. She tapped her foot on the floor, and when she turned her head to her right side, that’s when she realized he had been standing next to her, who she thought he was actually standing next to his mom. She gulped, totally had no idea what to say. Both of them remained in silence for the longest time ever and it almost made her feel like puking and she didn’t even know why.

               She cleared and scratched the back of her neck, hesitating with herself whether she should be taking the chance to start a conversation with him or she should wait until he did it. But then, she knew she couldn’t stand it after being silent for almost ten minutes. She slowly turned her face towards his direction, and saw him looking on the ground with his fingers intertwined behind his back, and that was when she said,

               “Hrm, hye.”

                She waited and remained her eyes on the same position, and then she saw his face ascended and stopped at the right angle until their eyes met. She gasped, not knowing what to do when she felt her face was burning because of his glare. It seemed like his glare was some kind of a blazing laser. That was how she exactly felt at that time. It remained for a couple of seconds before he jerked his gaze away from her face and looked straight ahead.

               “You don’t talk much, do you?” she asked but the only thing she heard was nothing but the sound of both of their mothers’ voices coming from the kitchen.

               A sigh escaped from and she felt defeated and embarrassed at the same time. She had no idea what else to say. Her mind’s already blank, empty of ways that she could initiate to actually have a proper conversation with him. Maybe she should put aside of the thought of them actually being friends, like what his mother had hoped for— like what she really wanted at that time. She crossed her tiny arms across her chest, harmonizing with the rhythm of her chest, rising and falling. She even bothered to listen to the soft sound of her heartbeat, trying to buy some time.

               “The name is Nichkhun.”

               At first, she thought it was just her imagination and actually hated herself for being so desperate. But then, when she found out that it was indeed real, her face jolted upwards and turned towards his direction, but fortunately her face was natural, didn’t show how she exactly felt by hearing those words coming out from his mouth.

               Soft. That’s how his voice sounded like.

               She gulped, taken aback of his action, didn’t even realize she hadn’t blinked her eyes. Not even once.

               “The age is seven,” he looked at her with nothing displayed on his face, as if he was forced to say this to her. “My favourite food is lasagna, while the drink is just plain water. I like acting.”

               And then both of them remained looking at each other, no word came out from their mouths. Then, she heard him coughing and just like that, she felt those crystal eyes burning her face, and that’s when his voice hit her.

               “Are they informative enough to be your friend?”

               It took two blinks until the end of twitched, which later ended up being a big grin, and it took her surprise when she saw he was smiling too.

               He looked— good. Really good.

               “Well, they’re just basics. I’ve got enough time to get to know more about you my dear Nichkhun.”

               He chuckled and then he stared at her. “Let’s go outside?”

               And that was how they ended up spending their childhood together. And she had no idea which one of them, who had actually made the first move. But she guessed it was her, always, the demanding and impatient one. It was easy to be with him. It was always comfortable being with and she didn’t have to worry at all. And most of the time, she’d spill all of her problems to him, as to her, she thought that he was a good listener. He just nodded and didn’t say a word, like what she actually wanted from people instead of being cut off and given a lot of unnecessary advices.

               But then, it all changed, like their relationship had turned to one hundred and eighty degrees, with no possibility of turning to the other round which could get them back to the old times, when they’d always been one.

               Having him sitting on the couch in her parents’ living room across her, she felt like her heart was swelling, almost exploded, and she had no idea how to prevent it from happening. It hurt her— being so close to him that she knew with a small number of footsteps, she could reach him, and cling to him— like what she had always wanted to do in order to get rid of the heaviness she had been carrying around for a long time already. But then, she knew the time had changed, and he was never the same and there was in no way for her to do that.

               When they were told by both of their old folks that they’re going to be left alone as they had some errands to run, which she knew it’s just their plan to leave them alone, nothing crossed over her mind. It was empty. Nothing. Instead of figuring out of what she should be doing to make him feel please, her mind didn’t work and it was empty, with nothing in it. She ran her fingers through her hair and a sigh escaped from and she felt defeated and uneasy. Even though she had always avoided from looking at his face ever since the first time she acknowledged of his presence under the same roof as her, she could feel those eyes shooting right through her porcelain skin, and it made her sweat under her armpits.

               And that was it. Sitting in the same position with numb due to the incapability of putting words to have a nice talk with him for minutes, she stood up and her heels towards the staircase. She knew nothing could ease her down, but she really could use a cold shower— to get rid of the hotness.

               “Park Eunmi.”

               She stopped her track and had her back facing him. She had no idea what he actually had which had caused her to bit the bottom of her lips and clench her hands into fists, in anger. That voice, which she still remembered how soft and childlike it used to be when he was a kid, had turned into a deep and sultry one after he’d hit the puberty— the one she didn’t have a chance to have it linger in her mind ever since they both were separated with their different teenager lives.

               She’d always loved hearing the same voice which hadn’t changed at all calling out her name when they were younger as it could make her legs turn to jelly, but this time, she hated it— because the impact was still the same. Her legs felt so weak that she almost collapsed on her knees, her chest felt so heavy having butterflies filling it— she couldn’t bear all of these any longer. By the time she lifted her chin, he was standing before her, towering her with his big and tall body.

               “You’ve never changed.”

               Avoiding his eyes, she kept her eyes on the counter table situated next to her and she then clenched her jaw tight when she felt her tears were forming.

               There was a chuckle and then she heard, “Didn’t you miss me?”

               She held her tears and swallowed hard in a way to force the tears down to the origin, and that was when her eyes met his— those dark eyes— those possessing dark eyes.

               “I was expecting a hug, if you wanted to know.”

               And that was it. She couldn’t bear this anymore. It was too much. She jerked her gaze away from him in so many of hatred and anger, and she could tell that she was actually rolling her eyes at him, and her heels— not wanting to go further with this bull of his. She could hear the thud of her heels echoing throughout the big hall of the mansion, that could emphasize how empty the mansion was and they both were alone. She was so furious, and it wasn’t a help at all when she felt his hand grabbing hers from behind.

               “Park Eunmi, you hate me that much?”

               And just like that, she broke into tears.

               “I don’t know what to do but what I knew is that we’re getting married in a matter of two months and there’s in no way am I going to be wedded to someone who— wait, are you—” he spun her around and was taken aback.

               “Eunmi— I—”

               She could feel his hand trying to pull her body towards his chest, the spot which she had always loved having her face buried in, but there’s in no way she’s going to fall for that anymore. Even though she knew how good the pleasure was, but then, she knew, she couldn’t let it happen this time. She shied her hand away from his, and without attempting to brush her tears over her face which she could tell they’d silvered all of her face which had caused a big humiliation to her.

               “Eunmi—”

               “Please, just, leave me alone.”

               She went upstairs and locked the door behind her, and then she wept until she had no energy to actually cry more, and felt disgusted with herself, when she actually had hoped he would stop her and challenge her stubbornness by pulling her into an embrace, which she had always longed for, which she knew the best that was what she wanted the most.  She had never felt so stupid.

               How could she have that kind of wish? How could she actually want that from him after all of the things he had done? After he had scarred her heart? She had just proved how weak and ridiculous she was. And the hatred she had for him never faded. Not even this time. She detested his capability to make her love for him to remain, until now after all of the efforts she had wasted to get rid of it.

               “I hate you,” she said in between of her sobs— not to anyone else but herself.

*     *     *     *

               A month after that incident, they’re united again even though she’d tried her best to avoid from seeing him, but she knew she couldn’t do that frequently due to the fact that they’re going to get hitched soon. The thought of that actually did terrify her. She couldn’t imagine both of them in formal attire and promise in front of God and people that they’d never leave each other and take care of each other till death tear them apart.

               And most of all, she couldn’t imagine the thought of them living under the same roof— eternally.

               This time, she had no idea of what she should’ve felt, when she was informed both of them were going to have a wedding photo-shoot together. Right. Freaking wedding photo-shoot. She’d never wanted to do this but she knew very well what both of their parents wanted. Sometimes, she wished, she wasn’t born in her family. Being a daughter to a very successful man that had given them a big number of money was never easy. Her parents had always expected her to be perfect, even though she wasn’t— and she knew she had to do what they wanted, just to make them happy and as a gratitude for the life they’d given to her.

               She took a glance of herself with her face damped with a light make-up and her hair pinned in a bun with a crown of flowers securely placed on top of her head. A sigh escaped from because there was never once did she ever imagine herself in this situation. 

               Of course, it had always been her dream to be his wife, but not this way. It’s way too hurtful to her. What’s the point of getting hitched when there’s no love from him?

               After the make-up artist had done a couple of touch-ups, she got up from the seat and smoothed down the dress her mother had picked, of course, not suit to her style at all but her mother’s— and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes seeing the five different styles and lengths of wedding dresses hung in the closet. She wondered how long it’s going to take to finally end.

               Every bride should have done all of the wedding preparations but not in her case. It was all in her mother and his mother’s hands. They’re all excited and Eunmi couldn’t blame them. It’s their first time seeing their child getting hitched though, as both their elder brothers said that they wanted to enjoy their ‘youth’.

               As she stepped out from the dressing room, she saw him standing in front of her with his back facing him. The awkwardness was still hanging between two of them, especially after what had encountered between two of them a month ago. She did have a few phone calls and messages from him but she had no guts to actually pick his calls and reply his texts back. She was too coward and afraid that her words might have spilled of what she truly felt about him. The secret which she’d kept to herself for a very long time already. So instead of thinking about him for every single day, she kept herself busy by demanding more projects. 

               “Ahh, here’s the bride.”

               After one of the staffs said that, he turned his body to the other round and their eyes met, even though she’d intended to avoid his eyes by looking at the wall behind him but she knew she couldn’t do that. What’s the use of that? Later, she’d be hugging him, linking her arm with his or even worse kissing him. She bet the requirement of their eyes to meet was high. She nibbled her bottom lip in awkwardness, and clutched her dress tightly.

               “You look pretty,” he said in a slow tone which almost sounded like a whisper and offered his arm.

               “Thank you and you too.”

               She took his arm and both of them slowly walked forward, hand in hand and couldn’t help but to notice the admiration of people looking and whispering to each other as they thought they made a great couple.

               Yeah, right.

               A great couple. She had never considered them as a couple— and it totally felt weird when people actually admired them as one.

               Their photographer, Kang Seungwon lumbered in, bringing the smell of onion rings with him. He was established as one of the pro photographers in South Korea and yet, Eunmi never liked how he worked. He seemed— very unprofessional, and what she meant was the way he worked and his attitude but she couldn’t deny how mesmerizing his works were.

               “Eunmi, you look so gorgeous,” then they kissed on the cheeks and he shook his hand with Nickhun, “And of course, you, young man, you too. You look very handsome.” He studied the room while holding his DSLR camera and then gestured toward the balcony. “Let’s start out there.”

               A few minutes later, they were posing by the railing with the sun sinking and their arms intertwined around each other’s waists. Seungwon took some close-ups of the bride and groom laughing over some stupid jokes made by the staffs to achieve a sincere laughter from two of them, and then Seungwon suggested Nichkhun to pick her up.

               Just like what she didn’t want…..Nichkhun dangling her thirty stories above the ground.

               Her filmy white skirt swirled around them as he swept her into his arms. With a deep breath, she dug her fingers in his bicep. He gazed down at her, his face all lovey-dovey. And that’s when she realized how lucky she was actually to have him as his fiancée even though there was never a sincere proposal—how handsome he was, the kind of man every woman had always dreamed of getting married to. She slipped her palm inside his jacket and lovey-doveyed him right back, just to avoid any negative assumption from the staffs. She wondered what it would be like not to fake emotions she wasn’t even close to feeling.

               Would it feel…..priceless?

               Seungwon shifted position. “How about a kiss?”

               Yeah right. God!

               She was stunned and had her eyes bulged out, bit her lips— not knowing what to do even though she’d already expected this to come. But she wasn’t prepared for this. How was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to make her heart stop beating way too fast as she knew he might be feeling it. That would cost a big humiliation to her.

               “Exactly what I had in mind.” Nickhun’s voice was normal but she could detect his playfulness.

               She manufactured a silky smile. If he wanted her to act, she’d be glad to join.

               “I was hoping you’d ask.”

               He dipped his head, and just like that, she was back to the past— the day when he kissed her on their first wedding day.

               But this time it was different. It was hard, when it’s supposed to be soft, like it used to be. When they drew back, she held her breath and it happened again, she avoided his eyes.

               When the first session had ended, she returned back to the dressing room and couldn’t help but touch her lips, not aware of his presence. He was leaning against the door frame with his hands stuffed in his pockets with the ends of his mouth twitching upwards as he was glad to know that he wasn’t the only one who was affected by the kiss.