“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

C H A P T E R  S E V E N T E E N

How ironic. When I think it’s the right time to get rid of my love life

from my mind and continue with my survival of life, that’s when someone’s

love life enters my life which I have to be concerned with. I have a

question. Is God trying to have fun with me by doing this?

       Because I don’t find it entertaining at all.

               To be honest, Shinah didn’t feel like going to work. It’s enough already having a bad day. She could tell she wouldn’t be able to tolerate with people with different personalities at work. Her clients some more. She was afraid she might do something that could evoke people’s anger. She was afraid that she might let her anger out to people who didn’t deserve it.

               But, considering the fact that she owed a big time to her boss, she knew she couldn’t do this. She had skipped a lot during the days when she was in her miserable state after Taecyeon’s death. Her boss had done a lot for her by still accepting her, never replaced her with someone else even though she was given that option.

               As she thought the best way to forget Wooyoung by moving on with her daily lives without having him to affect any of it, she’d decided to go and serve for people. She would try to put a fake smile and act as if nothing had happened, despite how terrible her expression was. She could make up a story about one of her relatives was sick or something else if someone ever asked her what’d happened.

               And she was right. People would always be nosy. She took five minutes to come up with a story when the first person came up and asked her about it. And people believed her. Thanks to her good story telling skill.

               Sighing, she leaned in her office chair, brushing her hand over her face in a way to release her tension and that was when she took a deep breath and proceeded with her work. She had to come up with an article, a real story about a daughter and a mother being reunited after almost three decades being separated. In normal days, she could finish an article within five hours the most but now she wondered why she couldn’t even finish a ing article.

               For God’s sake.

               And not forgetting to mention the fact that she had been working on it for almost three days and yet, whenever she opened her laptop with determination and brain filled with so many words, her fingers refused to work. Tomorrow’s the deadline and if she didn’t get to finish that god damn article, she’d be screwed. Really screwed.

               Frustrated, she flipped off her laptop which result a loud bang sound and leaned in the chair with her eyes closed, biting her lower lips real hard that it almost bled. When she heard someone knocked on her door, she looked up and saw her secretary, Kwon Haneul with a file in her hands. She brought her chin up in the air, as a gesture to let her know what she wanted to know what made her to come.

               “Someone wants to meet you.”

               “Oh, okay, sure,” she answered while putting her mug back where it’s placed.

               The first person crossed over her mind was the woman in her mid-50s who she’d appointed to meet today. She leaned in the chair, recollecting what she’d researched regarding to her case, and that’s when she realized Haneul was still standing by the door frame.

               “What?” she asked.

               “God, I’m so envious of you. He’s hot.”

               Hot? She asked herself. And she mentioned he, and that’s when she realized it wasn’t the woman she had in her mind. When she was about to ask Haneul who the guy was, who she first thought it might be Wooyoung, but then Haneul had already disappeared and it occurred to her, Haneul had seen Wooyoung before. Then, why did she act like it’s her first time meeting him? And why didn’t she mention his name in the first place?

               Bust most of all, why would he come here? Especially after what had encountered between two of them? She was completely sure she had just made herself clear that she wanted him to stay out of her life. She despised him, his presence. Everything about him.

               “Hello.”

               She went still for a while, and she agreed with Haneul. This guy standing before her was surely damn hot. She trailed her eyes from his face down to his toe, examining his features. He had a milk skin, which every woman had always dreamed of. He had two round eyes and they sparkled like stars twinkling in the sky at night. His lip was the colour of bright raspberry, and he was tall, almost the same height as Taecyeon. She had a difficult time whether to look at his skin, his eyes, his mouth or his entire body because every each of them actually stood out, and the only word filled in her mind was perfect. He was indeed perfect. And at the same time, she had no idea what this guy was doing in her office, wanted to meet her personally.

               “Hye Shinah.”

               Her jaw dropped open, and she actually started to creep out. Is he some kind of a creeper? She asked herself.

               “How’d you know my name?” she asked and she saw a smile was formed on his face before he settled in the seat across her, and then he answered,

               “If I don’t, I wouldn’t bother to meet you.”

               And that, she took it as he was just one of his potential clients, like those other people to have an article of themselves being published in newspaper which she had always turned their requests down, because she thought it’s ridiculous. Why would she waste trees just to grant these selfish people’s requests? She coughed and straightened her posture in her chair, and then she looked at him, staring straight into his eyes.

               “Oh, okay. So, what can I help you?”

               “Do you want to sit and have a coffee with me?”

               She was silent for a while, trying to convince her whether what she heard just now was real or not. She blinked her eyes for a couple of times and then she went on.

               “You want coffee? Wait, I can make one for you,” after she had ended her sentence, she got up from her seat and she was immediately stopped when she felt his hand grabbing hers. She turned her face around and fixed her eyes on his hand, and then looked at his face, and he was staring at her. parted, to ask him why he did that, but her action was interrupted when he explained,

               “That’s not what I meant.”

               She shied her hand away from his grip and got back to her seat and then she asked,

               “Then, what do you mean?”

               “Can we like, go out and have a nice talk, just the two of us?”

               “Well, yeah, that’s what we are doing,” she answered, almost stuttered. God damn it, she cursed in her mind. That was when she started questioning herself, why was it so hard to act professional in front of a guy who’s looking so amazingly perfect?

               “Well, would you say that again after seeing your colleagues over there?”

               He pointed his index finger to the direction behind him, and that was when she saw her female colleagues standing by the door frame of her office, eavesdropping and gawking at him. Of course they would be doing that and honestly, she couldn’t really blame them. She’d bet she would be doing the same thing if she was in their shoes too. Who would be able to resist this guy’s iness anyway? She coughed awkwardly and slowly set her feet on the floor, and walked towards her colleagues. She then whispered sorry to all of them and closed the door.

               After she’d done with that, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and turned around, went to her place and said sorry to him for the disturbance.

               “Okay, now, it’s only two of us,” she spoke.

               “Good,” he stated with a smile, and she swore, he looked cute and good at the same time. How could a guy be able to look cute, handsome, suave and y at the same time?

               This guy could, indeed.

               “Okay, tell me mister, do I know you?” she asked.

               “No.”

               “Then, what are you doing here?”

               “Because I’d love to get to know you better.”

               “That……that is creepy,” she stopped and actually wanted to smack her head for her stupidity as she knew it was so stupid of her to actually point out someone’s creepiness in front of him. And then she went on, “Sorry, that’s not what I meant, I meant, well I did mean it, but, okay whatever. God I couldn’t believe I actually did this.”

               She then heard the guy chuckled and couldn’t help but coughing awkwardly and then she went on, “If you’re planning to do something bad to me, I just want you to know there’s a camera over there and security is watching is so I warn you it’s not good—”

               “My name is Nichkhun,” he interrupted.

               “Nich what?” she asked, as it was her first time hearing this kind of strange name.

               “Nichkhun. Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul.”

               “That’s—”

               “Not a Korean name. I know. I’m not a Korean myself,” he answered and offered her his expensive smile.

               “What?” she asked even though she clearly heard him. But she really needed to ask again, because she was surprised knowing the fact that he actually wasn’t a Korean. It really shocked her because of his fluency. He talked like a real Korean and after he had mentioned it, that was when she realized that he didn’t look like one at all. Any ordinary Korean wouldn’t have a skin tone like his. Any ordinary Korean wouldn’t have round eyes like his except with the help of plastic surgeries of course.

               “You got me for a second. I thought you’re a Korean. But then, after you mentioned it, then I realized, you don’t look like one at all. So, what’s your nationality?”

               “Thai.”

               “Oh, I see,” she nodded.

               “I’m mixed. Chinese and Thai,” he explained and once more, he offered her his smile.

               “Ohh, I never knew they’d create such good gene,” she stopped and started to question herself whether it was a mistake to mention that or not. But when she saw him chuckle, she gulped and acted like she had never mentioned it.

               “I’ll take that as a compliment then. Thank you.”

               “So, uhm, even though I don’t think I should introduce myself since you already know me, but I think I should, just to be polite with someone who I recently met.”

               She saw him staring at her without blinking, and then he said,

               “You talk fast…and a lot.”

               She let out a small laugh and then she stated, “I know. I’m Lee Shinah.”

               She lend out her hand, he took it and they shook hands with smiles plastered on their faces,

               “I’m Nichkhun.”

               They pulled their hands away and let silence filled her office. She really had run out of things to talk about with him. She had nothing to say now.

               “So, uhm, about my invitation earlier, having a coffee with me, what do you say?”

               “Ohhh, about that, I’m sorry. I’ve a lot of errands to run and it’d be hard for me to go out now. But if you want one, I can make you one.”

               “No, it’s okay. I just want to talk and get to know you better.”

               “Oh, and about that, I really want to know why you’re here, meeting me.”

               He looked at her, and then he answered, “Like I said, I’d like to get to know you better.”

               “But, why? I don’t even know you. I mean, we don’t even know each other.”

               “Ahh yeah. I forgot one thing. I actually came here because I want you to know me,” he answered, but she knew it wasn’t the kind of answer she wanted to hear.

               “I seriously don’t get what you—”

               “Eunmi’s my fiancée.”

               And then she was silent, dropped open due to his interruption. It took her a moment to convince herself what she heard was right, not her imagination, like what she thought.

               “What?!” she exclaimed.

               “Well, we’re engaged.”

               She went still, totally had no idea what to say and react to what he had mentioned. After she had taken a couple of deep breaths and gotten back to her senses, she cleared and straightened her posture, her eyes widened.

               “So, you mean, you’re— wait,” she stopped and suddenly remembered something. “Did you accompany her to her boss’s anniversary the other time?” she asked.

               “Yeah. I was so thrilled to meet you because Eunmi said she wanted to introduce us to each other and she told me about you a lot. So, I assumed, you both are close.”

               Are we? She asked herself.

               “Well, you could say that,” she answered in a slow tone, which almost sounded like a whisper.

               “I’d like to know you better since, hey, you’re Eunmi’s best friend, right, so, I’ll bet we’ll be meeting a lot in the future and I’m very sure I don’t want us to be awkward to each other,” he explained while leaning in the chair.

               “That’s so nice of you.”

               He smiled at her, and she did the same thing to her. And then she relaxed herself and leaned in her chair, and then she asked,

               “But, mind if I ask, when’d you guys get engaged?”

               “Last two days,” he answered.

               “Wow. And, how’d you propose to her?”

               He looked at her, but this time, there’s no hint of smile at all on his face and she wondered whether she had made a mistake by asking him that question. Then, she saw him raising his hand and taking a glance at his watch. He then had his eyes fixed on her face once again.

               “I think you should ask Eunmi about that,” after he had ended his statement, he got up from his seat and then he said, “I think I should get going.”

               She got up from her seat and waited.

               “So, uhm, till next time,” they shook hands and then he said, “Bye.”

               “Bye.”

               He spun around and she had her eyes fixed on the back of his body until he turned the door knob and went out from her office. A sigh escaped from , not sure whether it’s because of relief or shock she had encountered just now.

*     *     *     *

               Shinah couldn’t stop thinking about the news about Eunmi’s engagement with that Nichkun guy. Why was it so sudden and why wasn’t she aware of this? Why hadn’t she sensed that Eunmi’s actually seeing a guy other than Wooyoung? She knew the best source to get information about the news other than Eunmi was Wooyoung but how could she actually ask him that? Hell, she wouldn’t do that albeit she’s threatened to be killed if she didn’t do it. No one could ever understand how mad she was with him. How disappointed she was. 

               As she thought the only way to get the answer was getting the answer directly from Eunmi herself, that was why, on the weekends, after she had finished doing the chores and cleaned every bit of flaws she could spot in her house, she went out and went straight to Eunmi’s house. When she was standing in front of it, she was mesmerized for a while and questioned herself, whether Eunmi really lived alone, or she had her family living together with her because the house looked ridiculously big for a person to live all on her own. And she did remember Wooyoung stating that, she did live alone. She swallowed hard, praying she didn’t get the wrong house, and punched the intercom.

               “Hello.”

               “Oh, Shinah, come on in.”

               Then there was a click sound, and she assumed the door had been unlocked. She slowly stepped forward and by the time she was standing in front of a big door which was beautifully carved and three times taller than her, which she assumed it was the main door of the house, that was when it was swung open, and she was welcomed by Eunmi in a bathrobe.

               “Hye,” she greeted.

               “Hye.”

               And then they did the cheeks kiss and went inside. She could smell a strong smell of alcohol coming from Eunmi. Had she been drinking? But why? She’d decided to tamp down whatever she was feeling and once she’s inside her house, she was stunned and took a moment to contemplate the interior of the house. She couldn’t help but let her jaw drop open fancying every single thing in the house. The chandelier was so big that she could tell must cost a fortune. She spun around and saw the kitchen which was situated a foot away from the living room, and it was big enough for ten people to fit in and cook together. Her first impression, the whole entire house and furniture might have cost approximately her hundred year salary. And that made her wonder, what’s Eumi’s actual profession even though she’d already known she shared the same profession with Wooyoung. Well, she guessed, she was born in a wealthy family then.

               “Here,” Eunmi offered her a cup of black coffee and both of them slouched on the couch, and took a sip of the coffee. And the coffee itself even tasted good. She eyed Eunmi, who was wearing a bathrobe and she wondered whether she wasn’t wearing anything under it.

               “You just took your bath?” she asked.

               Eunmi turned her face towards her direction with her eyebrow raised, and then she looked down, and she got what Shinah meant.

               “Hrm, actually, no, I just, I don’t know, I suddenly felt like wearing this.”

               And that was when Shinah coughed and had the coffee went up and ended up being splattered out from and left a stain on the marble floor. She was surprised by the sight of Eunmi revealing her body enveloped with y lingerie, the one that is usually used for the first night of marriage.

               “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

               “It’s okay. I can clean it later,” Eunmi said with her natural face and sealed the bathrobe before she slouched back on the couch.

               “But, seriously, what the hell?”

               “I know,” Eunmi replied while scoffing and then she went on, “I just, you know, wanted to practice just to get used to it.”

               “Ohh, about your marriage?” Shinah asked.

               “Yeah, Wooyoung told you that?”

               She frowned when his name was mentioned but she tried to act like nothing happened between both of them because she was sure Eunmi had no idea about the real situation.

               “I actually knew it from Nichkhun.”

               “What?! He met you?!”

               “Yes, but no, don’t worry, we didn’t do anything though. We just, talked. Yeah, that’s all, we just talked. Nothing happened,” she explained while scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

               “It’s not about that. It’s just…..where’d you guys meet?”

               “He actually came to my office,” Shinah answered and slowly took the mug from Eunmi, afraid she might break it in anger.

               “That guy is sick! I swear!” she retorted in anger and seeing that made Shinah clueless to actually react. She didn’t know what she was supposed to and not to do. She slowly cleared and brushed her bangs to the back.

               “But, hey, you never told me you have a boyfriend.”

               Eunmi slowly turned her face towards her direction and when she met her eyes, she remained staring at them and then she answered, “Because he isn’t mine.” A sigh escaped from , then she went on, “Our parents want us to get married, you know, it’s like a planned marriage.”

               Shinah nodded, trying to understand how Eunmi’s feeling, and then she asked, “You knew him before?”

               “Yeah, a long time ago, since I was a kid. We were so close back then.”

               “I see,” Shinah answered while nodded and took a sip of the coffee.

               “But, there’s something which only two of us and his brother knew, but then, now, after this, it’ll include you too.”

               Not knowing what might have escaped from Eunmi’s mouth, she slowly cleared and could feel her heart pounded heart, which she had no idea why it happened, and then she asked,

               “And…..what’s that?”

               “We were married.”

               Her eyes bulged out, and she felt like the time was stopped. She was married?! They were married? They were— she had a hot, y, cute and good looking husband? What the hell?!

               “What?!” she screamed in surprise.

               Eunmi looked at her lap and then she answered, “We were married,” repeated and then stopped to look up at Shinah who was still having a shock face ghosted over her face with her eyes bulging out, and then she continued,

               “But then, we’re divorced.”

- - - - - -

i haven't posted in ages and i am super sorry about that. i thought, no one would actually bother to read and stay faithful

albeit i haven't updated in dinasour years. sorry. i've written up until chapter 29, but, obviously, there are too many things

to be written until i can finally end this story and oh god, i wonder when i'll be able to do that. but let's just see. i can pretty

much assure you that i'll keep updating until chapter 29, the latest chapter i've written and that's like.....many many months

ago. i feel like a horrible person but i've kind of expected that because i've never had the opportunity to finish any story of

mine. -___- anyway, it's good to be back and see you guys again. have a nice day everyone.