P A R T   II

W O O Y O U N G ‘ S  M E M O R Y

Do not trust your memory. It is a net full of holes.

The most beautiful prizes slip through it.

—Robertson Davies

"What's meant to be will always find a way."

C H A P T E R  T W E L V E

Now, I know those people who can be trusted, loved and cherished. I thank

God for that.

       Thank you and sorry for everything.

                After what had encountered between she and Wooyoung the other day, they hadn’t spoken to each other for two months. Yes, two months. Even though two basically rings the bell as not a big number, but it actually does when it’s being put together with month. It had been eight weeks, two days, ten hours and forty-five minutes they hadn’t seen nor spoken to each other and it was good enough to make her feel guilty for what she had caused because she could tell it was her fault after all why this was happening. But at the same time, she thought it was the best for both of them to be left alone and just proceed with the task of moving on with their respective lives instead. In her case, it was the moment she took to fix everything that should have been fixed.

                She’s back to work. How she missed out a lot of things going on around the office. About the current issues about , kidnapping, laboring and everything. She felt terrible because she’d missed others’ problems, being selfish as she had been too contented with only hers after Taecyeon’s death. She was really glad her office was kept by her boss, and she couldn’t do anything other than showing her gratitude and apologizing all the time to her boss. She knew if she put herself in her boss’s shoes, she wouldn’t do like what she had done to her employee. Her office was still the same, except there were stack of papers everywhere and she knew right away she needed to stay over after her shift to clean up the messes.

                Even though she couldn’t escape from people whispering and staring at her and felt uncomfortable about that, but she had gotten used to it after going through it for a couple of days. And she had learned the fact that eventually, people would get tired of doing the same thing all over again. Like what had happened to her. She found gradually, people actually had stopped talking about her and switched it into the hot issue in the office when a rumor was spread about two staffs making love in the storage room. Ever since that day, she had never once, heard someone talked about her anymore.

                Her time was more spent with her family know. She knew they must have been feeling hurt seeing how bad her condition was before and she couldn’t help but felt sorry especially to her mom when she had turned down her offer to stay over her apartment and keep her a company last time. She knew she needed her mom’s company, but at the same time, she wanted to be alone to go through the pain, and she’d had to admit it was a dumb mistake she ever made. She should have said yes because she could tell her mom would be able to teach her how to let her heart free earlier than she did on her own. Every weekend, she would travel down to her parent’s house and stayed there, did anything that could fix the things between her and her family like the awkwardness between them. It felt strange to her because she had never felt it before.

                When she’s all alone sitting on the table with her parents, no word came out from their mouths unless she spoke first, as if they’re afraid their words could have such an impact to hurt her feeling. Noticing how scared they were had hurt her more and she knew she couldn’t blame anything other than her selfishness. A sigh escaped from and then she set her eyes on her parents’ faces and said,

                “Mom, Dad, I’m sorry for what I’ve done.”

                “Don’t be sweetie. We all know it’s not your fault.”

                Her mom took her hand and shook it, and it felt ridiculously good to her. It was exactly the one that she had always wanted to soothe her heavy heart. And she felt horrible not being able to discover that earlier. It would have been the other way round if her mother stayed with her.

                “I’ve been selfish and I feel bad about that.”

                “Everyone’s selfish. You shouldn’t feel bad about being one.”

                Later she found her face buried in her mom’s chest, in her scent, the one that she didn’t remember when was the exactly last time it clung to her nostril. But she could tell it’s long ago, and she realized the bond between her and her mom had been shaking recently.

                “I’m very sorry.”

                Once more, she apologized with tears rolling down her cheeks, resembling how truly sorry and sincere she was with her apology.

*     *     *     *

                There she was, standing still with hesitation in front of his apartment, not knowing whether it was the right thing for her to ring the bell and say hi upfront, to fix everything that she had messed up. Her mind was full with so many questions running. Whether she should be doing this or not— whether she looked good or not etcetera. The thought of them not talking and meeting each other made her feel terrified. She knew two months were enough to create an awkward barrier between two of them by now. For the last time, she closed her eyes while taking a deep breath. Once she had opened them and her hand was lifted in the air, she stopped for awhile to do some praying, and finally she pressed it.

                And it was all silence accompanying her.

                She pressed it again and it was still the same. She knew he was home because his working shoes were placed outside. And she knew the best that he only had one pair of working shoes because he hated wasting his money on the same thing but different looking, or material or brand but for the same occasion. He would buy a new one after the old one was worn out. She fished out her cell phone from her hand bag and punched in his number, and it had to be two phone calls until he finally picked it up.

                “Hello?”

                And she knew his voice didn’t sound like a woman. She could tell it wasn’t his. It was a woman’s voice and she knew the best who that woman actually was. Who would have it been other than Park Eunmi? Even though she had prepared to be surprised with this, but well, she couldn’t deny how her heart stopped and a lot of thoughts running in her mind.

                “Hye, it’s me, Shinah.”

                And she thought it was stupid of her to inform it was her as Eunmi probably had known that by seeing her name appearing on the screen.

                “Oh hrm, hello Shinah. Wooyoung is— Hrm hye this is Eunmi.”

                I knew. She wished she could have just answered this.

                “Hye, Eunmi. Hrm, are you guys at the office?”

                Please say yes, please please.

                “Hrm, actually, no. We’re at his place.”

                “Ohh,” that was the only word that she could come out with.

               She had no idea what the hell they were doing at his place. They could have been working on their projects. But it could have been a night spent together with so many affections going on between two of them. It could have been anything, but somehow, she had no idea why, the thought of both of them making love on his bed kept on filling her mind.

                “No, don’t get it wrong. We didn’t do anything, it’s just—”

                “I’m here,” she interrupted.

                “Ohh.”

                And then she flipped the phone shut. She stood still in her position, looked down on the ground to grow some admiration looking at her shoes, but she had seen them a numerous times already so there was no admiration filling her at all. When she heard the door clicked open, her eyes stayed at her shoes before she heard Eunmi’s voice.

                “Hrm, come on in.”

                She looked up and stared at her face, and that was when she realized Eunmi’s face was filled with tiresome. She stepped into the apartment and the first thing welcomed her was papers scattered all over the floor and his body lying sprawled on the floor and his snore filled the entire living room.

                “Been working all night?” she asked.

                “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t realize you’re here.”

                “No, it’s okay. I understand,” she stopped and turned her body to the other round to face Eunmi and that’s when she realized she’s in her own clothes, seemed like the clothes she made as pajamas, and she started questioning herself, how long have they done this?

                “I think I should get going.”

                “Shinah.”

                Her track stopped, and she turned her face towards Eunmi’s direction and saw her eyes striking right into her eyes.

                “Yeah?”

                “Errr—” Eunmi scratched her neck in hesitation, and she actually waited for her to blurt out anything she wanted to say to her. But it seemed like it wasn’t going to work at all and she didn’t think it’s a best option for her to stay here. She her heels, and walked towards the door until she heard,

                “Mindcookingbreakfastforus?”

                Her track was stopped not because of what Eunmi said but it was because of she tried to interpret what she had said, which she assumed in just one breathe. It was fast, and she got her message. She let out a small laugh before she set her eyes on Eunmi’s face and then she answered,

                “Would love to.”

                Both of them stood and smiled at each other before Eunmi walked towards Wooyoung to wake him up while Shinah was in the kitchen, trying to get some ideas of what she could cook with the ingredients left in the refrigerator. And when she saw Eunmi trying to wake Wooyoung up with the tired face still plastered on her face, she walked into the living room and said,

                “Just let him be and you can go get some rest too. I’ll wake you two up when I’m done.”

                “No, it’s okay. I can help.”

                “No, please. Just continue with your sleep.”

                And she did like what she was told. She lied on the couch and closed her eyes, let the blank canvas fill her mind until she was completely asleep. Shinah rested her hands on her waist and contemplated the living room, witnessing how messy it was with papers sprawled all over places. She bent and tried to clean them up by stacking them in a neat pile, but she was stopped when she felt his leg brushed over hers, he was shifting while making some noises with his mouth which she assumed he was his mouth and swallowed. She stopped with whatever she was doing at that time, in an awkward position, squatting while having paper works in her hands. She bit her tongue as her own way to prevent herself from moving and making any noises. After she was convinced he’d fallen asleep again, she slowly put the paper works on the floor, slowly and soon her eyes fell on his sleeping face, and suddenly it hit her.

                She had no idea he had freckles. He thought his skin was smooth, like a baby skin, like what she used to make fun of him all the time. Or maybe, it happened recently. It was because of them, not meeting much these lately. And then she found her hand was lifted in the air and slowly reaching for his face. But when her index finger was inches away from his face, she stopped and pulled it back when she had gotten to her senses. She knew it was not good. She chuckled and stared at his face for another time. Again, without her knowledge, her finger was in the air, inches away from his face. She knew she wanted to do it. To graze her finger against his cheek. She always did that and she always remembered how the texture of his skin. But somehow, after seeing the changes she hadn’t gotten the chance to see it happened, she had this kind of feeling urging her to do like what she always did when he’s sleeping back when they’re young just because she didn’t want to lose the memory.

                When it was so close to having a physical contact, that’s when she jumped in surprise and ended up having her heart beating fast when a bird suddenly knocked over the window.

                “Poor little thing,” she chuckled and waited until the bird recovered back and flew away, and that’s when she stood and tied her hair into a ponytail and started cooking with her mind free.

*     *     *     *

                When his eyes were widely opened with his face scrunching with the sudden attack of the sunray right into his eyes, he contemplated his apartment when he suddenly smelled something— which smelled exactly like foods.

                “Damn good,” he muttered under his breath because he was hungry anyway and having someone preparing breakfast for him would be the greatest thing ever for today. He couldn’t exactly trace back when they finally slept after working their of just to get their works done by this week. It’s such a pain in the .

                He got up from the sitting position and walked towards the kitchen with his eyes still closed, and he couldn’t help but standing still without moving an inch when he saw what was standing before him. It was a figure. And he could tell it was a lady. He turned his body to the other round and much to his surprise, Eunmi was still sleeping soundly on the couch and he seriously had no idea who the hell it was in his kitchen. It couldn’t be his mom, because that person looked totally different from his mom. His mom was wider, while that person was slightly smaller.

                “Are you a ghost?”

                When he finally saw her face after she turned her body to the other round to face him, he couldn’t help but brushing his eyes using his hand and blinked his eyes for a couple of times, just to convince himself whether what he was seeing was real or not.

                “Well, I can be one if you want me to,” she answered while smiling.

                “Wait, it’s day. Ghost only appears at night.”

                “Right, you just made yourself sound stupid.”

                And he knew it wasn’t a ghost cooking in his kitchen. It was none other than Lee Shinah, whom he didn’t remember when the last time he met her.

                “What are you doing here?”

                “Making you a breakfast?” she lifted the pan and showed it to him before she turned her body to the other round and faced the stove, and stirred the content in the frying pan.

                “Seriously Shinah, what are you doing here?”

                A sigh escaped from and that’s when she turned off the stove and turned around, facing him with her both hands behind her back.

                “Well, two months is long Wooyoung. Even though I’ve no idea whether you’re holding a grudge against me or not wanting to see me, but I’ve got to admit the fact that I missed you and here I am, in your house, in my best friend’s house, if we still are.”

                “Of course we are!” he exclaimed and then he continued, “It’s been two months? Wow. I didn’t realize that. Time sure flies fast.”

                She smiled and then she said, “Well, you’re too contented being happy with Eunmi.”

                “Did I just hear Shinah saying my name?”

                Both of them laid their eyes on Eunmi— who was standing a few steps behind Wooyoung with her both hands crosses against her chest, with her right eyebrow raised in curiosity.

                “Well, yeah, she’s just saying why you stink so much.”

                And then he found himself dealing with a pain on his head.

                “Owww,” he whined in pain and looked up at Eunmi who was having a mad look on her face.

                “Oww, you just hurt my feeling.”

                He rolled his eyes in annoyance and stuck his tongue out to her, and she did the same thing to him except she had given him another punch on the head.

                “Oww! Eunmi!”

                “Huh. Serve you right.”

                Shinah couldn’t help but letting out a laugh seeing how childish they were.

                “Easy guys, don’t make me nag like your mom. And now, both of you, go and brush your teeth and then we can have out breakfast together.”

                Both of them stared at her with “what the hell” look and then it hit her.

                “, I just nagged like a mom, didn’t I?”

                And then for the first time, three of them laughed together.

                After they had taken their breakfast, the girls were doing the dishes while Wooyoung was cleaning up the mess in the living room with his mouth kept on complaining all the time, not feeling satisfied with the decision made by the girls. Shinah was the one who did the scrubbing and brushing with detergent while Eunmi was the one who did the washing. It would be so much faster and easier if it’s done like this. Both of them stood next to each other by the kitchen sink, careful from letting their shoulders brush next to each other because they were afraid it might cause the other party to feel uncomfortable.

                After a long hesitation, that’s when Eunmi coughed and finally had her attempt to start a conversation with Shinah,

                “Hrm, so…”

                “This is awkward.”

                “Yeah.”

                Both of them stared at each other and laughed.

                “About the other day,” Shinah stopped and looked at Eunmi and then she said, “I was such a total . I’m sorry. I hope you don’t hate me.”

                “No, don’t be. I’m cool with that and I totally don’t hate you. How could I hate you when you’re all sweetheart?”

                “But still—”

                “It’s okay. I understand. And I just want you to know that there’s nothing going on between me and Wooyoung other than just being a partner for work. That’s all. Not more than that.”

                “Why are you telling me this?”

                “Because….because I don’t want you to misunderstand,” Eunmi explained.

                “Do I look like I've misunderstood the situation going on between you and Wooyoung?”

                She looked at Eunmi and waited for her answer, but after a minute, there was still no answer coming out from . Well, she did misunderstand their relationship and she had no idea whether it looked so obvious or not, even though she’d convinced herself she’d been good at hiding it. Probably it was all revealed on the other day. Truth to be told, even she had no idea what had gotten into her that day. She felt so stupid and miserable. How could she do that? That just proved how selfish she was— only considered her own feelings and put aside others’.

                “I actually don’t know,” Eunmi finally answered. And then she said, “I can’t read your mind.”

                Who could anyway? Shinah asked herself. Even she sometimes couldn’t understand herself, so how would it be possible for others to read her mind? It was complicated.

                “Anyway, thanks for the explanation. Albeit I don’t really need it.”

                “But still, it doesn’t really mean you actually didn’t want you to know. I bet deep inside of you somewhere, you must be having the temptation to know the truth, right?”

                She was defeated. She knew she had had to admit it even though she didn’t want to. She released a sigh before she finally said,

                “Fine, I was just curious.”

                “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry. Like what I said, we’re just friends.”

                “I’m not worried, seriously.”

                “Okay, I don’t know how you feel about him and I’m not trying to be nosy or what but I just want to make things smoother for you two,” Eunmi explained.

                “What do you mean?” Shinah asked while passing the metal utensils to her.

                “He cares about you. A lot.”

                “Ha-ha,” she laughed sarcastically and said, “Very funny, Eunmi.”

                “No, really. I’m not lying.”

                “What are you guys talking about?” Wooyoung suddenly appeared out of nowhere, barging into their conversation with his head jerked forward, and he ridiculously looked like a turtle to both of the girls.

                “Nothing,” both of them answered and giggled together when they found out they’d answered with the same answer.

                “Liars.”

                “Well, we’re just talking about this one immature guy who loves acting cute and dumb just to be the centre of attention,” Eunmi said and gave a high five to Shinah.

                “Wow, why does he sound very similar to the awesome Jang Wooyoung?”

                Both of the girls looked at each other and mischievous smirks were formed on their faces and in just in count of one, two and three, they splashed soap mixed with water to Wooyoung who didn’t see it coming.

*     *     *     *

               After she had done interviewing a woman in her middle-age regarding to his son’s murder that’s going to be published on tomorrow’s slot, the one which she’s always assigned to write with the current issues, she stretched her hand in the air while yawning, and after she’s done with that, she leaned in her office chair with her both arms crossed against her chest. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed, trying to remember when was the last time she felt so exhausted like this— so tired and not having any energy left to finish her work. When she was so close to having her short nap, she was interrupted when she heard her phone ringing. A sigh escaped from before she reached for her cell phone and picked it up and looked at the name of the caller, it said Eunmi.

               “Hye.”

               “Hye, what are you doing?” Eunmi asked on the other line.

               “Well, I was trying to take a nap.”

               “Oh God, I’m so sorry for disturbing.”

               “Ahh no,” she chuckled and then she continued, “You actually have saved me because if I sleep for real, then I’ll be so dead.”

               “Well, I’m really glad to know that I’m your savior.”

               “Haha yeah. So, what’s up?” she asked while leaning against her desk. And then she heard Eunmi coughed on the other line before she finally answered her earlier question.

               “Oh, I actually want to ask you whether you want to have a lunch with me after this?”

               “Oh, of course. I’d love to.”

               “When’s your lunch break?”

               She took a glance of the clock which was hung on the wall, and then she answered, “About another 30 minutes.”

               “Good, me too. So, hrm where'd you want to go? Any favourite?”

               “Oh, actually, I don’t mind. I’m okay with anything,” she answered while running her fingers through her hair.”

               “How about Crab Shack? I’m actually craving for seafood these days.”

               “Yeah, sure, that’d be awesome.”

               “You know how to get there?” Eunmi asked.

               “Yeah, have been there before.”

               “Okay, Crab Shack then. See you.”

               “You too, and thanks for inviting.”

               “My pleasure.”

               With a smile plastered on her face, she flipped her phone shut and then she found herself laughing and she didn’t even know why. She used to have this kind of impression of Eunmi that she once thought Eunmi wasn’t suitable to be friend with and never did she know, it’d be wrong. And because of that incident, she’d promised not to let first impression lead your opinions about someone. Well, the first impression you have of someone might not be so good, but it didn’t mean that person is bad. Probably, she’s acting like a when she’s moody, and there’s nothing you could do with that if you’re destined to have that person to act like that way on the first day you met. She could say this because it’d happened to her. Well, she couldn’t really say Eunmi actually acted like a when they first met. She’s all nice, but Shinah didn’t find it appealing. Or maybe, she was just not a fan of the idea of how frequent she’d be spending her time with Wooyoung. She’s envious of her, of course. Probably that’s the reason why she didn’t really like her at first, but now, it had changed.

               Who would have ever thought, Eunmi who she first thought a typical woman who’d be bossing around and asking people to do everything just to please her, was actually a nice girl who would do anything to make people happy instead of making herself happy first? That’s what she did. And Shinah liked that, and envy at the same time because she knew she wouldn’t be able to do the same thing. Probably, that’s the main reason why Wooyoung was comfortable with her even though she could tell there’s a huge difference between her and Eunmi. She remembered how bad he’d complained to her about Eunmi for being so bossy and asked him to do this and that, and it’d actually grown into her and made her hate her too. If she didn’t get a chance to know her better, she’d bet she’d still hate her now.

               She shook her head in a way to stop thinking about it. What’s the point of tracing back the unwanted pasts? Past is past. The important thing to do is, to deal with your life now, to get prepared to have a better future.

               When the lunch break had come, she quickly reached for her coat which was draped over the office chair and wrapped it around her body and slung her hand bag over her shoulder, walked out from the office. Her track was stopped when she got a message from Eunmi and it said,

“Table 12, I’ve reserved it. ^^”

               She couldn’t help but smile reading the message, probably because of the emoticon. She was never a fan of typing emoticon when she’s texting, but somehow, she actually liked seeing those in those messages people sent to her. She held her cell phone in her hands along the way to the Crab Shack, just in case Eunmi called her so it’d be easier for her to pick it up right away instead of rummaging through her hand bag because no one knows how long she’d take to actually fish her cell phone out from her hand bag. There were too many things in it, and she always forgot to toss whatever unwanted things in the trash can. Maybe after this, she said to herself, as always.

               When she had arrived to the restaurant and went straight towards the table 12, she sat on the chair and placed her hand bag on the chair next to her, that’s when she realized she’s five minutes early. She contemplated the busy restaurant with waiters walking around with orders and trays with food on it, toddlers whining and showing their tantrums, workers working while talking about their works— in a way to make herself busy from minding the time ticking away.

               “Hrm miss, I’m so sorry to tell you but—”

               When she suddenly heard a voice coming from her back, she turned her face towards the direction and found Wooyoung with his mouth opened, and his eyes blinked for a couple of states. What is going on? She asked herself.

               “What are you doing here?” they both asked at the same time.

               “I asked you first,” he claimed and then he took a seat across her.

               “Well, Eunmi asked me out for a lunch.”

               “Me too,” he answered while staring at her face.

               “Okay, so, I think…..” she stopped to think and scratched her neck and then she continued, “I think she’s asking two of us out? Why isn’t she coming with you? And how come she never mentioned you’re coming too?”

               “I have no idea.”

               And then silence enveloped both of them, nothing came from their mouths and instead, they minded their own business by contemplating the scene of the restaurant. And then suddenly they’re taken aback when they got a message, at the same time, and they knew who’d sent it even though they hadn’t checked it yet.

“Have fun! ^^”

               “From Eunmi?” he asked.”

               “Yeah.”

               “This Eunmi..” he sighed while shaking his head, and actually had the end of his mouth twitched. How come he never knew about this? How come he never saw this coming?

               “Haha, have never thought she actually planned this,” she stated while having a small laugh. She found it funny and unexpected because the thought of Eunmi planning this thing out never crossed over her mind when she asked her out for a lunch.

               “Well, it’s kinda good though because I can’t recall the last time we sat like this and ate together.”

               “Yeah, right. I’m starving. Should we order now?”

               “Yeah, sure.”

               And then later, they found themselves sharing each others’ stories about what had encountered in their lives for the past two months, not realizing their action was actually trying to fill in the empty spaces without each others’ presence in their memories.