a new poster again hehe just because i was bored last time and i want to change the main poster. and i guess it's the right time to unveil to you guys who the main characters actually are? oh well, i'll bet you guys have already expected who is to be expected to make an appearance in the future. ^^

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong.

But sometimes it is letting go.”

C H A P T E R  E L E V E N

I feel like I am a betrayer. Why’s that? I don’t know. My mind and heart

are all ed up. They’ll never listen to actually what I wanted. They

always do what they ing want. I really feel like I don’t have any

reason to live anymore. my life.  everything.

       Somebody, help me please? Please. I’m begging you.

               Even though she’d been telling herself to stop acting such an , but she had no idea why her body didn’t obey like what she brain had instructed. She’d told herself that it’d be the best to walk out from his apartment, and go to her apartment instead or take a walk or do anything that could leave a distance between her and the world, that could leave a long way to go for her to be hated by people (Eunmi and Wooyoung to be frank). And she could tell it’s happening now, even though she didn’t want it to happen.

               She chewed slowly, so slow that it seemed like she was just being careful not to bite her tongue or trying to change the particles of the foods into smaller ones so that it’d leave an easy work to her digestion system. But of course she knew, it’s just her own way to avoid herself from making any eye contact and having a conversation with neither of them.

               “Eunmi, this is really good.”

               “Thank you,” she gave him a smile and continued digging in the meal she had cooked earlier and set her gaze on Shinah who was chewing while staring blankly on the table, hadn’t spoken since the moment when she asked her to wake Wooyoung up from his sleep.

               “Does it suit to your liking?” Eunmi asked her.

               “Yeah,” she bluntly answered, without looking up. That, Eunmi took as Shinah had no interest having her around.

               “Shinah is a great cook too. Wow I have two wonderful cooks in my life,” he spoke with his mouthful, oblivious of the thing going on, and he accidentally spat, which had caused Eunmi to scrunch her face in disgust and feel relieved at the same time knowing the fact that it didn’t have any physical contact with the foods.

               “Take it easy man, you’re spitting.”

               “Hehe, sorry,” he stuck his tongue out in a playful manner and swallowed the food down his throat.

               “So, how long have you known each other?”

               Hearing this question, Shinah couldn’t help but jerking her gaze away from the sausages which she had been looking since the moment her made a contact with the surface of the chair, and locked her eyes with Eunmi’s. Seeing what was happening before her, Eunmi couldn’t help but freeze, asking herself whether she just did a mistake.

               “You never asked Wooyoung?” she asked with her boring face, showing she actually had no interest to ask her this question but she had to.

               “No,” Eunmi answered, sharp, starting to feel annoyed. She wondered where she made the mistakes that could make her feel “Ohh that’s why she’s acting like this.” But as a matter of fact, she couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to come up with an excuse why Shinah had the right to treat her like she’s a trash. She never hated her and she didn’t want to. But somehow, the thought of that was getting harder for her to maintain.

               “Since we’re babies, until now. We always spent our time together but, well, since we’re all grown-ups now and have a lot of things in our hands, we didn’t really have much time to do like we used to back then when we’re younger. Right Shinah?” he elbowed her with his right eyebrow raised and a smile plastered on his face but it changed into a boring one when she answered,

               “I don’t know.”

               And that was it. She couldn’t stand it anymore. It would be okay if she treated only her like a trash, showing no interest at all but when she saw she actually did the same thing to him, it actually had evoked her anger. Albeit she had no idea she was mad because of she treasured him or she’s just furious with her sick behavior. She put her fork down on her plate and stared straight on her face, had her eyes was looking down on the spot where she had looked before.

               “Do you hate it?” she asked boldly.

               “What?” Wooyoung asked with a curious look ghosted over his face.

               Ignoring him, she continued, “Do you hate me being here?”

               “What?! Of course no!” Wooyoung screamed in surprise.

               “I’m not asking you, Wooyoung. I’m asking Shinah,” she stopped and jerked her gaze away from his face and replaced it with the sight of Shinah who was still in the same position and then she continued,

               “I’m asking again, do you hate me being here?”

               And it was silent.

               A sigh escaped from before she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

               “I’m done. I should get going.”

              As soon as she had ended what she wanted to say, she threw the napkin on the table in a harsh manner, leaving both of them alone and walked towards the guest room and grabbed her things in a hurry, wanted to leave the apartment as soon as she could because she somehow, couldn’t stand being suffocated with hatred smothering her.

               Or what she should have called, jealousy.

               She knew that Shinah was jealous even though she shouldn’t have been but of course she would, because she was oblivious of the actual situation going on between her and Wooyoung. They’re nothing, even though she wanted more than that, but what could she do if that’s what they’re destined to be?

               Just friends. Not more than that.

               Then, she found her hand reaching for the door knob of the main door of the apartment, and stepped out of it, feeling the wind brushing over her face and felt a grip on her right hand. She slowly turned her head, and she was right. It was him.

               “Eunmi, wait.”

               She shook her head and yanked her hand away from her grip, not a harsh one but a bold one that could actually free her hand from her grip and resumed with her tracks. She felt it again, and couldn’t help but close her eyes and bit her lips, having no option other than standing still with her back facing him.

               “Eunmi, please, you don’t have to go.”

               A sigh escaped from before she turned her body to the other round to face him and that’s when she answered,

               “No, it’s okay. I should’ve left before you two woke up in the first place.”

               He raised his hand and brushed it over her face and then he said, “I’m very sorry,” he looked up and stared at her face and then he continued, “I’ve no idea why she suddenly acted like that.”

               “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

               “You’re mad,” he said firmly and had his eyes glued on her face.

               “No, I’m not mad.”

               “Really?” he asked and then he said, “You’re lying.”

               “No, seriously. I’m not mad at all and don’t you know why she’s acting like that?”

               “Why?” he asked with his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity, eager to know what was about to come out from Eunmi’s mouth.

               “Duh, you mandoo,” and then she flicked his forehead.

               He whined in pain and asked, “What do you mean by that?”

               “She’s jealous, you mandoo.”

               “Duh, stop kidding around.”

               Once more, she flicked his forehead and said, “I’m not like you, so, I’m not kidding around here and I’m a woman, I can tell that.”

               He scratched his neck and his eyebrows still knotted, and then he said, “There’s no way she’s jealous of you.”

               “Well, don’t you know?” she asked with a mischievous smile on her face.

               “What?”

               “I’m cute like Tinkerbell, remember?”

               “Haha,” he let out a small laugh and bid his goodbye to her when she’d announced it was about time for her to get going and him to get inside to keep Shinah a company before something wrong might be happening to her. And that, had made him worried albeit at the same time he couldn’t afford to deny the fact that he was actually happy knowing she’s actually just making her jealousy visible, not having any veil to hide it from being realized by others which happened to be Eunmi.

               He did get the idea of her acted all weird and harsh towards Eunmi, but the thought of her being jealous had never encountered his mind. Probably he was just being humble. Having that thought which could be defined as a self-praising had caused him to laugh alone, a woman which happened to be his neighbour in her mid-fifty thought he was crazy.

               Right after he stepped into his apartment and closed the door behind him, he heard her voice hit his eardrum with a question sounded like this, “She’s gone?”

               “Yeah, happy now?” he answered while having a poker face, as he was trying to joke around though. To make her suspend and all and then ask her about her jealousy but never did he know she took it serious.

               “No,” she answered.

               “Why'd you act like that?” he asked and then slouched on the couch with his both hands in his pockets.

               “Like what?” she stopped and stared at him from where she was sitting, and then she continued, “Like a ?”

               That was bold enough to make him sit straight and focused his eyes on her face with a serious look ghosted over his face.

               “I never said that.”

               “You don’t have to, I knew it.”

               As soon as he had fully interpreted her words, one by one, he stood on the ground, steady with full of surprises. He didn’t believe what was happening before him. He took a few of steps forward towards her and then he firmly asked,

               “What the hell is wrong with you?”

               “Everything’s wrong to me,” she answered without looking up, even avoiding from looking at his body.

               A sigh escaped from his mouth and he brushed his hand over his face in frustration, not having any idea what he should be doing and why she’s acting like this in the first place. He thought she’s all okay and had moved on with her life and now he got the answer. The answer’s no. When he had opened his eyes back and realized the tense hadn’t reduced, he squatted and had his face looking up at her who was staring at somewhere else which he assumed it’s the window.

               “Look, I don’t want to argue. And I want you to know that I’m all here when you need me.”

               “I don’t need you.”

               He bit his lip hard, felt defeated. “Look, I’m just trying to help.”

               “She’s the one who started it.”

               And he knew who she meant. He kept his eyes on her face, and realized how bad her eye bags were and set his feet firmly on the floor.

               “What did she do?” he asked.

               “Getting a sympathy and acted nice, all that.”

               “Shinah!”

               That was it. That was enough, he thought. How could she, the person who he’d spent his childhood together, the person who he knew very well seemed to be like a stranger right now? He had no idea what had gotten into her. He had no idea what she had turned into. But he could tell it wasn’t Lee Shinah who he treasured and loved. This was just someone else, a stranger with her heart being blackened and caged, possessing Shinah’s body.

               “What the hell is wrong with you?! I don’t get it!”

               And that was when he realized she was looking at him. When he was about to say sorry, he was interrupted with her saying,

               “I want Taec. Can you get him back?”

               And just like that, he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. At that time, nothing crossed over his mind other than wanting to brush the tear away using the pad of his thumb but at the same time, he was afraid. He was terrified the action might cause her to jerk away, that could leave a scar on his heart. He released a sigh, and then he answered,

               “Seriously Shinah, get over it. I loved him too, his parents loved him. Suffice it to say, everyone loved him and it’s such a great loss losing him but he’ll always be a part of our lives. And I do know the fact that you loved him too, but you’ve got to accept the fact that he’s gone, Shinah. He’s gone.”

               “I never stopped loving him.”

               “Neither did I.”

               And then he felt an impact being applied to his whole body when he stumbled on the floor as she’d abruptly pushed him using her hands and stood on the ground, with tears streaming down her tears, vigorously.

                “Liar! You’re all happy and normal, like nothing happened like you didn’t lose anything!!”

                And he found himself, boiling in anger. He had reached his limit. He settled his feet firm on the floor and stood in front of him, towering her with a mad look ghosted over his face.

               “Oh, so you want me to cry the hell out of me for every single day like you did?”

               Hearing that left her speechless. She couldn’t believe she actually heard those words from his mouth. Even though she could have taken them as nothing, meaningless words like she always did when she’s mad, but this time, she wasn’t able to do that. She felt like a knife had plunged right into her chest, the best explanation to emphasize how hurt she was at that time.

               “I hate you!”

               “You’re ego and stubborn, Shinah. Seriously. You need to learn how to lose those.”

               “I hate you!!”

               They were her final words before she turned her body to the other round and slammed the door shut, hard, as if it could release her anger but it actually didn’t. She had her back leaned against the door, and slid down against it, until she ended up sitting on the floor with her knees brought towards her chest, her face buried in the space left between her knees and chest, weeping.

               “What should I do?” she asked, so slow that it almost sounded like a whisper.

               “Ok Taecyeon, what should I do?”

*     *     *     *

               Two weeks after the incident and not exchanging any words with Wooyoung nor meeting him, she felt horrible. She should’ve apologized. She did know that but somehow, she wasn’t sure whether it’s her ego or she’s too afraid to do so.

               She tied her hair into a big bun and walked out from her room because she’d planned it was about time for her to do some cleaning to the apartment as it really looked like it’s abandoned for a long time already. Dust’s everywhere and she hated it. She was never a fan of dust because it would always make her scratching her skin until her skin turn red. When she opened her mailbox and saw a square box wrapped with a chocolate plain wrapper, she shook it and she heard noises. She could tell there must be something inside it. Due to her curiosity, she shut the mailbox and ascended the staircase in a quick manner and set the box altogether with the other letters on the floor, and she stared at it.

               Maybe, she should open it last. Save the best for the last, like what people always said. She tore open the other letters which were just a bunch of letters giving her warning about the unpaid bills. She tossed them away and had the box in her hands. She had no idea why but her heart suddenly pounded hard, as if something unexpected was about to come that could change her life. Or it was just her exaggerating about this matter?

               She carefully tore open the box, and saw a CD and a small note stuck on the CD case.

“We hope you like it and we hope it’s okay with you watching this.”

- Peek Studio –

               She could feel curiosity rushed over her entire body. They were the ones who were supposed to be in charge taking pictures on their wedding ceremony. And she had no idea what they meant by giving her this CD because if she wasn’t’ mistaken, she and he had never assigned them to do anything related to CD other than DSLR cameras. She carefully inserted the disk into the DVD player and leaned her back against the couch, and pressed the play button after a sigh escaped from .

               Gasp.

               She brought her hand to , when she saw him in the video, alive, breathing and staring right into her eyes, and showing her his smile which always looked amazing on him. Seeing him, she realized how bad she wanted to bury her face in his neck. She wanted to fall into his embrace again, the warmth of it and all, it was good and she missed it. She was afraid, really afraid that she might forget how they felt like.

               “This video, is dedicated to my wife, Lee Shinah, I mean, Ok Shinah. Hehe. Well, today, you’ve become a part of Ok, and there’s nothing I can say other than thank you so much for always bringing me good memories and second, for accepting my proposal. There’s nothing else I want to wish other than building a marriage with you, have our own kids. This, was actually a surprise. Hee, both me and the crew did this without your knowledge because, well like what I’d mentioned it’s a surprise and I always love seeing your surprise face. With your jaw drop open and eyes bulging out,” the screen of the TV was filled with the face of him mimicking her expression and it’s good enough to make her let out a small laugh while still having her tears streaming down her face.

               “It’s nothing special. Just my first present on our wedding day. Eh no, correction. My second present because the first one was the kiss when we’re pronounced as husband and wife even though, hurm, even though we’ve actually had countless kisses already. Haha. Oh god, I bet I’ve just talked like an ahjumma. So here you go, just a montage of our memories together. I love you and forever will.”

               And then his voice was replaced with a song, Illusion by Nat King Cole, the song which they had always waltzed to and pictures of her and him filled the screen, until a blank screen filled the screen. She reached for the remote control and rewind,

               “I love you and forever will.”

               She rolled the CD again, with the same line filling both her ear and the entire living room again and again, until she suddenly felt light, like a bird flying without facing any circumstances.

               “Thank you darling. Thank you so much.” She whispered with her cheeks silvered with tears and at the same time she got his message.

               It’s about time to let him go.