“The first reaction to truth is hatred.”

C H A P T E R  F O U R T E E N

If I’m given a chance to confront God and ask Him a question, there’ll be one

I’ll be asking Him without a hesitation.

       “Why me?”

               After she had finished taking her dinner, she did the dishes slowly, trying to absorb the coldness of the water through her skin. It felt ridiculously good to her at that moment and then it suddenly hit her that she hadn’t felt this for quite a long time already as she was always out, not having a time to cook on her own. And it explained well too, how unfamiliar she felt with her apartment. She always spent her time at her office and sometimes went outstation to do some researches for her works. And she knew weekend’s the only time for her to fix the things that were needed to be fixed.

               She turned off the tap water after she had finished doing the dishes and dried her hands with the kitchen towel and tossed it off into the dustbin, and stretched her hand in the air, while walking slowly towards her bedroom. Once she’s in it, she lied in her bed and had her both hands slouched on top of her stomach, and thought of Taecyeon. She wondered what he’d been doing in heaven.

               Was he….happy? Did he have any new friends?

               Did he have someone….who’s meant to be with him up there?

               “I miss you,” she whispered.

               She couldn’t deny it though, the fact that even though he’d left her for almost half a year now, but she still couldn’t stop missing him, tracing every minute they’d spent together, feeling how good the texture of his lips brushing over hers and remembering every single word he used to say to her that could make her legs go jelly. When she’s too contented at living up his place in her mind, she was awakened by the sound of her phone ringing.

               And it was Wooyoung. She didn’t know why but it’d become a long habit of her to form a smile whenever she saw his name on the caller ID. Like she always did, she smiled and answered his call, and she had no idea where to find words that could form a sentence or two when he suddenly asked her to be his date for the upcoming anniversary of his boss’s marriage.

               Wow, she thought. She had never expected him to actually call her and ask her to be his date.

               “So, what do you think?” he asked on the end of the other line.

               She thought for awhile and then she asked, “Why didn’t you ask Eunmi?”

               She could hear a sigh escaped from his mouth, and she had no idea whether it’s a frustration or annoyance. “If I could, I wouldn’t bother to disturb you right now.”

               So, he’d already asked her. That made her….a second choice?

               “What do you mean?” she asked and ran her fingers through her hair.

               “She’s already got her date.”

               Her fingers stopped and stuck in her hair, she was trying to convince herself whether what she heard was right or not. Eunmi’d got a date? A boyfriend? How come she didn’t know about this? And, well, truth to be told, she had never thought or pictured of Eunmi being with a guy and actually made a couple. She couldn’t picture other guy being with her other than Wooyoung even though…even though she didn’t really want them to end up together. Okay whatever. That made her feel miserable and a . She tamped down whatever she was thinking.

               “She’s dating someone? How come I know nothing about this?”

               “Because she isn’t,” he answered. “He’s just a son of her parents’ best friends’ I know, weird, I mean, my sentence’s weird not their relationship, nothing’s weird with that,” he stopped and let his words absorbed for awhile and then moved on, “And, well, it turned out that her parents actually had asked him if it’s okay to be her date on her behalf even though she didn’t want to.”

               “Ohhh, sounds like they like him, as an in law though.”

               “They surely do. They even keep on trying to hook them up, and not only them, but his parents also,” he explained.

               “And Eunmi’s okay with that?”

               “Well, you could say that if you want to, after you’re the one she’d been complaining to for all day long and pmsing for like, every single day ever since the day they met.”

               She nodded, and she didn’t even know why she did that because he couldn’t even see her.

               “Have you ever met him?”she asked.

               “Yeah, once, when he actually came over to our office with her and his parents, just to see how she’s doing.”

               “Woww. I think I could smell wedding cake.”

               “Yeah, right,” he answered. “So, what’s your answer?”

               “Actually, I do want to say yes but, I don’t know what to wear and I can tell I have no dress at all in my closet except a sundress, if I could wear it.”

               “Ugh, you’re really good at this. Fine, I’ll buy you one.”

               And that made her smile because of his kindness and willingness to buy her one, and she’ll be having a dress, a beautiful dress in her closet soon. She grinned and said thanks to him, and then went to sleep with a smile plastered on her face and it remained there for all night long.

*     *     *     *

               “Wooyoung, I’m nervous.”

               He looked down at her who was tugging at the sleeve of his tuxedo, and remained his gaze on her, seeing how simple she was at that time, but looking amazing and she actually sparkled, even though he knew it’s exaggerating way too much to emphasize how she looked for the night. She’s sporting her short hair with a corsage pinned on the side of her head, on top of her right ear and it looked amazing on her, and a simple dress enveloped her body, revealing her back which totally had arose his lust, hence the hair stood on his neck when he felt his fingers hummed next to her skin when he wrapped his hand around her waist to lead her towards the main entrance of the villa, and a matching platform heels. Her makeup was simple, and he actually had offered her whether she wanted to have a makeup done by a professional one, he could pay that for her. But she said no as she’d insisted she didn’t want to waste any money of his anymore and then ended up doing it by herself and the result was a natural one. Her face didn’t change much though. Just like what make up always did to women these days, she only put on a few things which he had no idea what they were and what their functions were which had made her face to glow and a tiny dab of red lipstick on her lips, made it stand out.

               Suffice it to say, she looked amazing like she always did.

               “Why? Don’t be,” he answered.

               “I don’t know anyone here.”

               “Of course you do. What about me and Eunmi?”

               She looked up at him and then she said, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

               “Just take a deep breath,” he stopped and smiled at her, and then he grabbed her hand and hooked it with his. “And trust me.”

               “Would it be okay?”

               “I hope so.”

               After counting to three, they went inside and got welcomed by his boss. And soon later, she found herself standing next to him with her arm still hooked in his arm, being tagged along wherever he went and maintained a smile on her face, but she couldn’t put aside how different his clique was to compare with hers. They’re more serious and professional to compare with her colleagues who were more supporting and happy-go-lucky, the kind of clique she could fit in. And if she wasn’t mistaken, she never had this kind of occasion for the duration she had been working. They usually celebrated things at some other places which it wouldn’t be a mistake to sport casual attire. They’re all okay with that, but this was so different that she actually thought she needed a time to get used to it.

               Currently, she was sitting in a table while he was somewhere else, probably talking to his colleagues. She could tell she was spacing out, or maybe she’s just pretending she was so that she would be able to avoid people from having a conversation with her. It didn’t mean that she wasn’t willing to give it a try, she actually had tried to do it for a couple of times but she didn’t like the idea of getting the conversation stopped awkwardly, not knowing what to say afterwards and having and brain froze to come up with any other lines that could make the conversation keep flowing.           Especially when she saw the kind of expression formed on the others’ faces— anticipating to hear her answers, even though she wasn’t sure whether they’d actually asked her questions or not.

               “Shinah?” Wooyoung called out her name while filling in the seat next to her.

               “Hum?” she answered while still having her eyes fixed on the dance floor, observing how the dances kept on changing— equivalent to the mood of the songs.

               “I asked you if you’re having a good time,” he stated.

               “Oh, good!” she beamed at him happily.

               “You seem a little boring.”

               She remained quiet and guilt quickly rushed over her body. How was she supposed to deal with this? She had no idea how to make herself fit in the situation. It was too different from where she’s always accustomed with. The cliques were too different. And that made her wonder. How come she had never seen Eunmi with her partner until now?

               “Hey, um, I’m wondering— where’s Eunmi and her date?”

               “Oh, I saw them just now, and she’s looking for you too. Wait, let me get them.”

               He got up and half jogged away and she remained having her eyes fixed on his back until he was gone from her sight, drown in the mass of people filling in the floor. She looked around at all the happy guests, chit-chatting, dancing and all, totally different with how she felt.

               “Champagne, miss?” a uniformed young man asked me, holding out a tray of champagne flutes.

               “Ah, no thanks,” she said politely and gave him a smile.

               And even after a half an hour, she was still sitting by herself, and she actually had two glasses of champagnes when she couldn’t fight the temptation whenever she saw the same young man walked past her for a couple of times with the tray. And that made her bladder full. She couldn’t help but cuss to herself for her stupidity. If she didn’t drink them, then she might have not wanted to pee. God, and she knew it’d be hard for her to find a toilet in the huge mansion. She reached for her clutch and set her feet on the floor, stumbled at first because of her numb feet and could feel her head was spinning. She shook her head for a moment, and that’s when she dragged on her feet, walking away from the community, and found out that it was all silent when she walked down the hallway.

               The structure was amazing. Well, of course it had to be because the owner himself owned a big company of architecture. It was so big that she could tell the windows were three times taller than her. It looked like…a palace. The kind of palace she had always wanted to live in when she’s a little girl when she used to believe in fairy tales.

               She thought she could hold the pee and to explore the mansion for awhile because hey, it wasn’t that easy to get this kind of opportunity and she knew the best, when would she get another chance to be brought here again? The party was only being held in the main hall and the rest of it was rooms which she had no idea what they were used for, and she wondered, how many of family members Wooyoung’s boss’s actually had.  And she figured no one would mind if she took a peek a round, without stealing or touching anything, of course. She knew it’s nothing difference than trespassing, but hey, she had a solid reason if someone ever came across her and asked what she was doing. She would answer that she was actually looking for a toilet. That didn’t count as a lie, did it? That’s the truth anyway because well, that’s her real intention in the first place— searching for a toilet.

               When she came across a hallway with…believe it or not, a numerous of vases with various shapes and designs occupied along the way of the hall. She walked slowly, and stopped at each one, examined one by one with her face positioned so close to the vase in order to examine the message behind the design. Even though she wasn’t born with artistic taste or vision, but she knew what artists always did. There’d always be a story or a message behind every piece they made, and she found it amazing. Where else you could find that, besides stories?

               “Miss—”

               She jumped in surprise, didn’t see it coming when she felt someone draping his hand over her shoulder. It actually had caused her to fumble on her own feet— she couldn’t believe it but it already had happened, the vase which she assumed it’s imported from China which might have caused a fortune fell and scattered into pieces. She had no idea where she was supposed to pay attention to whether looking at the vase making a contact with the marble floor and scattered into pieces, equivalent to how she could imagine her money in her account burned, just like that, or to feel her heart jumping out from her chest when she felt her body being pulled from behind.

               Well, she did both of them, and she regretted it. She knew she should have paid attention to only one of them, and because of her action paying attention to both of them, she made another mistake. When she was being pulled, she tripped over her feet and fell on the floor altogether with whomever the person was whom she had no idea whether to call him as her savior by helping her by pulling her towards his direction (which didn’t really work out) or someone she’d call as an by surprising her and had caused all of these to happen.

               “Offff.”

               She ended up landing on top of him and it had caused her eyes to bulge out in surprise. She blinked her eyes vigorously as she was trying to convince herself that it was real and it wasn’t a dream. She could tell it was real when she felt him shifting under her and she moved away, and that’s when she realized it’s someone whom she had no idea whom he actually was.

               And at that moment, she found herself examining his features. His eyes were small, which made her wonder whether he was having his eyes opened or closed. His jaw was..… almost perfect. Just like the one she had always liked because it was pointy and his lips were small. She saw him scrunching his face, probably in pain and when she was about to ask whether he’s okay or what was he thinking he was doing by surprising him (even though she could tell he didn’t intend to do so by only calling out Miss) her jaw was dropped open and her eyes bulged out, when she saw blood dripping from his palm.

               “Oh my god, are you okay?”she asked even though she’d already gotten her answer by looking at how bad his injury was. And then she leaned forward and reached for his hand, examined how deep the cut was.

               “God, I’m so sorry.”

               She remained holding his hand, even though she didn’t realize she was doing that, while having him looking at her, and that was when she felt he shied his hand away from her grip and got up from marble floor, slowly until he stood firm on the marble floor. She remained sitting on the floor and had her face looking up at him, and saw him smoothing his clothes and dragging on his feet.

               “Wait!”

               But he actually didn’t stop. She slowly got up from the floor and had her palm cut when she was steadying herself earlier before getting up, had her eyes fixed on the guy’s back, who was slowly drifting away from her sight.

               “Eunmi! Are you okay?!”

               And she could tell it was Wooyoung. She recognized his voice. She felt his hand checking all over her body, but her eyes still fixed on the guy.

               “Yeah…I’m okay,” she answered slowly, which almost sounded like a whisper, still having her eyes fixed on the guy.

               “God, you have so many cuts!”

               And that was when she realized, that guy was sporting casual attire.

*     *     *     *

               They sat Indian style across from one another on the floor of one of the rooms they found after wondering around looking for a room with enough light so he could see what he was doing. A fire was burned in a large marble fireplace that they assembled themselves in front of, trying to get warmed because the room was unbelievable cold like ice.

               “About the vase—”

               “Don’t worry, I’ll settle it,” he interrupted.

               “God, I’m so sorry.”

               “It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. And don’t worry, if you’re scared, don’t be because my boss is actually a sweet heart. He’s kind. Really.”

               She gave him a face.

               “What? It wasn’t a lie. I didn’t do that to coax you. Really. He’s really a kind man.”

               She set her eyes on his face, who was so contented at putting the ointment on her cuts, slowly, trying not to cause any pain, but well, the pain was too vulgar that she felt numb and actually didn’t feel him touching even though she saw he did it. And then she felt her hair stood on the back of her neck when he blew gently on her cut, trying to dry the ointment he had recently applied.

               “There you go,” he said while smiling.

               “Thank you.”

               He offered her a smile and gathered the cotton wool he had used earlier to be discharged and wrapped it with a tissue and put the ointment bottle in the emergency kit.

               “I..uhm, I want to go sissy,” she said while smiling, and stood up slowly balancing herself on her high heels and actually had a problem with that. It wasn’t because of her high heels. She could balance herself wearing them, but it was because of the cuts and bruises that made her felt awkward and wasn’t prepared to have them interrupting her.

               She toddled forward losing her pose and almost flattened him. And fortunately, he caught her mid air. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, to prove how unexpected he was to see this and it’s just his quick sense of reacting. He was on his knees hugging her to him, his ear flatted against her stomach, her hands clutching onto his shoulders. Both of them swallowed hard, surprised.

               At that time, a second seemed like a minute.

               He tugged on her dress pulling her down to her knees so they were seeing face to face. She stared into his dark brown eyes, which almost looked pure black charcoal in the fire light. Then she realized something, the simple task of exhaling and inhaling became such a hard task for her to do so. And then suddenly, she felt his arms tightened around her, made her hard to breathe, and he pulled her towards him until there’s no space between them. She could feel her heart beats racing altogether with his filled the air along with the crackle and pop of the fireplace.

               His hand traveled up her back, the one that was exposed by the design of her dress, and that made her feel that butterflies started filling in her chest, her hair at the nape of her neck stood at the same time. And then she felt him tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and traced it down to her cheek and moved on to her chin. Those made her eyes closed. She was paralyzed under his touch. She couldn’t remember whether she had this kind of moment with him before, or not. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she had this kind of feeling, ever since the day Taecyeon left.

               She stopped having things running in her mind when she felt his finger tracing her lips, and at that time, she found her difficult time to actually look at his face like she did earlier when she saw he was watching at her lips with so much eagerness, and hesitated whether he should do it, or not.

               But then, of course lust won. Who would’ve ever been able to fight against it?

               He gradually inched his face forward, tilting his face to the side and then she closed her eyes, waiting.

               Finally, it happened.

               She felt his lips brushing over hers. When they had found their perfect rhythm like two persons dancing tango, she could feel he tilted his face to the other side so that their noses wouldn’t touch and felt the presence of his tongue inside . At first, it tasted bitter and then it changed into sweet, probably due to the champagne both of them had consumed just now. The sweet kisses suddenly turned into rough and wet, desperate of wanting more, their hands move on their owns, totally inverse to what their minds were telling them. His hand was reaching for the straps of her satin dress while her hand was trying its best to his shirt.

               They had no idea whether it was because of the alcohol that they had consumed or something else, but all what they knew was how they fit perfectly together that night.

               At first, the was gentle as he didn’t want to hurt her. He tried his best to cooperate at making her to be accustomed with it. When they’d found their rhythm, the speed changed— a resemblance of their needs.

               Moans and groans filled the room. They knew it wasn’t the right time to do considering the fact that they’re in someone else’s property, not theirs. It’s like trespassing—or a vandalism, ruining people’s property. They knew that instead, they could’ve waited until they reach their own place, but they didn’t— because they’re hungry of love.

               He never let his lips escape from hers as he thought it somehow would ease the pain she had had to endure by this making love session. Then, it’s his turn to wince in pain when he felt her nails digging in his skin— clinging. It’s not only that. She forked his hair and gripped, every time she exploded.

               “I love you,” she whispered in between their passionate kisses.

               And just like that, he knew it was wrong. It was a mistake.

               A big mistake.

               He stopped at the position where he’s on top of her, balancing his body by placing his both hands on each side so that he wouldn’t collapse on her. He drew back with a hand brushing over his face after he freed from her opening.

               “I’m sorry,” he apologized.

               “Why are you apologizing?” she asked, confused with the sudden change of atmosphere.

               “We shouldn’t do this.”

               “Wooyoung, I don’t get what are you saying. It wasn’t a mistake, was it?”

               He lifted his face and looked at her eyes and set his eyes back on her cherry lips.

               Those cherry lips. God damn it!

               It felt so good kissing her and making love to her. Why did she suddenly say those words?

               No.

               It wasn’t her fault. It was his, of course. He shouldn’t be doing this. It’s nothing difference than a betrayal. It was him who’d stolen her happy ending with Taecyeon. He wished he wasn’t existed so that there’d be no scar in her life. It should’ve been perfect, like what she deserved the most.

               “I’m sorry.”

               “Wooyoung—” she placed her hand on his arm and he immediately shied his hand away from hers. It did shock the hell out of her. She’d never expected that.

               “Wooyoung, what’s the problem?”

               Once more, he brushed his face with his palm, in a way to ease the tension within his body.

               “Wooyoung—”

               “It’s Taec,” finally, he confessed. “I can’t do this to him.”

               “Ohhh.”

               “I can’t Shinah, I can’t. It’s wrong, I don’t even—”

               Before she knew what she was doing, she turned his face by using her hand and then she brushed her lips over his. It took him by surprise. He didn’t see it coming and once more, he felt how pleasure it was kissing those cherry lips. He ran his tongue across the line of , even though he was intended to break away as the guilt still overtaking the whole entire of his body. He was not thinking clearly. While on the other hand, she told herself that if he tensed just the tiniest bit beneath her hands, she would break away.

               She would.

               She wouldn’t push him if he didn’t want to. But all what she knew at that time was she wanted to do it and she enjoyed the pleasure he was giving her. Instead, she felt herself smiling under their kisses when she felt his hand enveloping her from behind and pulled her closer, shortened the distance between them. His teeth caught her lips, and he tasted like sugar— she liked that. After that, she tangled her hands in his hair.

               “I love you,” she whispered.

               Immediately, he’d gotten back to his senses. He drew back, and stared at her face, just to make sure whether what he’d heard was real or not.

               “I love you, Wooyoung.”

               Indeed, it was real.

               She placed her palm on his cheek and caressed it in a way to convince him her feeling for him was real.

               “Wooyoung, it’s real.”

               And then she saw his eyes glittered with tears and felt a drop of tear slid down his cheek and dissolved beneath her palm.

               “Why are you crying?”

               “Because I don’t deserve this.”

               And just like that, she watched him pulling his feet together and turned to the other round, slipping his trousers into his long legs and grabbing his things before he finally walked out from the room left her alone in a deep confusion. Getting to her senses back, she did the same thing as what he had done earlier as soon as she could and she quickly ran towards him before he could be gone from her sight. She was grateful as he was walking in a slow pace as she was convinced well enough that she could catch up. She couldn’t find any reason why he had to act such ways. What had made him feel like that was? Did she just say something she wasn’t supposed to say? Was it a bad thing for her to confess her true feeling?  She couldn’t understand why, when it was such a perfect moment between two of them had to be ruined. This wasn’t the first time. It had always been every single time. Was there never luck for them to find peace?

                Then, she found herself grabbing for his arm from behind and she was grateful it was good enough to make him stop, but at the same time, it saddened her, as he didn’t bother to turn his face around let alone his body, so that it’d make her feel less stupid for ruining their perfect moment by saying those three words.

               “Wooyoung,” she whispered.

               Still having his face bent, he didn’t bother to look up or utter a word that could please her. She didn’t know he was crying so bad at that time, as he thought it was the best way for him to keep his face lowered, as he knew, it was a big humiliation if she saw him doing this. But he didn’t regret, and didn’t have any wish to make the tears stop flowing. They resembled how sorry he was— how guilty he was— how pathetic he was. When she witnessed that, it broke her heart, as she was having no idea what was actually the reason that had him cried this badly. She ducked her head, and slowly turned his body so that they both were facing each other, and framed his face with her hands. She used the pad of her thumbs to wipe those tears away, and soon, she felt both of her palms were silvered by his tears, including his face.

               They didn’t say a word. She’d decided to let the silence overtook both of them as she thought it was the best for this moment than attempting to make things better by saying words that could soothe her. When she heard the sound of hiccups coming from his mouth, that was when she pulled him closer, and let his face buried in her shoulder.

               It remained for awhile, until he finally spoke.

               “It’s all my fault.”

               She had no idea what he was saying but the thing she did at that time was nod.

               “It’s all my fault,” he repeated and drew his body away from her embrace. And then he looked at her, his face was red. “I was the one who did it.”

               She tried to reach out for him once more, but then he refused by taking a couple of steps to the back. She looked at him.

               “Wooyoung, what are you talking about?”

               “I was the one who did it.”

               “Did what?”

               “Taec.”

               “What’s with Taec?”

               “You don’t understand. I’m responsible.”

               “Responsible of what? Wooyoung, I don’t understand!”

               “His death. I’m responsible for his death.”

               At that time, she felt like it was a dejavu. All of those things when she felt the time had stopped and she was the only one who was breathing. When she felt like she couldn’t tell whether she’d misheard or not. When she felt like turning back time so that she wouldn’t have to face what she hated. When Taecyeon died and left her eternally. When she wanted him to come back to her so bad despite the knowledge it wouldn’t happen no matter how bad she wanted. As for a reaction to what Wooyoung’d mentioned, she cracked up.

               Indeed, she did that. She knew he wasn’t playing around. Why would he with those tears still filling his eyes? He wouldn’t go that far to play a prank with her. She did that, just because of, she didn’t want to believe it— because she wished thing to happen on the other way round, definitely not like this.

               “Stop it Wooyoung. What are you? When did you join a gang?” she asked while chuckling.

               “It’s not funny.”

               “I know. That means your prank lames.”

               “This is not a prank!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, his chest rose and fell from breathing hard. When his breathing had finally slowed down a little bit after he took a couple of deep breathes and shut his eyes tightly, he continued, “This is the truth. I’m responsible for his death. I was the one who did it.”

               “Well, how funny. Tell me how you’re responsible.”

               She didn’t want to hear anymore, but yet, she couldn’t help it. Those words came out without her acknowledgement. She felt like bracing her ears with her hands, but her hands kept still on her sides.

               “I did something, very, very, very stupid.” He looked at her and went on. “Eunmi bought me a coffee and then, there’s a fortune cookie for me. I thought it was ridiculous and tried not to bother with it but she insisted and then she made me open it. It said,” he stopped to take a breath and then he went on, “It said that day was my lucky day and whatever I’m wishing would become true.”

               She knew what was going to happen next, even though he hadn’t told her yet.

               “I was too sad, too sad that I don’t even— I don’t know what’d occurred to me at that time. I was probably possessed by some evil spirit or something. But then, when you called me and asked me to be your best man, that’s when it all happened. I hung up and I saw the small piece of paper. And then I wished—”

               “Stop! Just stop!”

               “—I wished there was no happy ending for both of you.”

               And just like that, she fell on her knees with her hair spilled and tears rolling down her cheeks, with her both hands pressed against her ear, hard, not wanting to hear any sound anymore. She wished she was deaf, so that she wouldn’t have to hear what he’d mentioned just now. She wished this didn’t happen. She thought it’d be so much better if he didn’t confront, because now, after he did it, she felt like she was thrown back to the time when she felt heavy— felt like she was caged and terrified by the thought of she and Wooyoung would never be like what she had imagined earlier.

              Like what she wanted.

               Kissing like there was no tomorrow. Kissing until their lips bled. Making love until they’re bored of it, which must have been impossible. Her chance to prove how much she loved him after ages keeping it shut, ever since they were kids.

               God, it’d been over a decade she’d bottled her love for him and now, this was what she got. Couldn’t her life get any worse? It’s enough already losing Taecyeon. She couldn’t lose Wooyoung.

               For God’s sake.

               Even though it’s wrong, but now, she’d started to learn how to hate her life and had lost her faith in God. If He was always by her side both at her best and worse, wouldn’t He at least give her a break? Wasn’t it enough already taking Taecyeon away from her and keeping him by His side eternally? And now, Wooyoung?                

              She remained kneeling on the marble floor, with him still towering him with his clenched fists, not attempting to do anything that could soothe her. She thought it’d be all okay if he lowered down and pulled her into an embrace, so that there’d be a connection between their hearts to become one, so that she’d be able to put herself in his shoes— to have a chance to know his exact reason why he did that.

               She took her moment weeping and then pulled her feet together slowly by herself, set her eyes on his face. He wasn’t looking at her. He didn’t want to because he felt shameful and he didn’t think he actually have the right to do anything to her, not even looking at her.

               She knew he wasn’t responsible for Taecyeon’s death. It was ridiculous. It was fate. There’s never a power given to a small piece of paper to actually change things based on one’s wish.

               It was God.

               But then, she couldn’t understand why he could do such thing to her.— to Taecyeon.— to both of them. Wasn’t he their best friend? Wasn’t he supposed to be happy for them? Why did he do that? Why did he betray them?

               Later, they were drifted apart. She should’ve walked away and settled down until she felt okay, until there was a reason for both of them to let things dissolve as they were destined to— not leaving any affect towards their lives but instead, moving on with their lives for a better one. But it didn’t happen.

               It was him.

               It was him who’d walked away and left her behind with no one else other than her shadow at a place she wasn’t accustomed to when she’d wished so badly he’d actually do something else that could change whatever ought to happen next, which was: she’d grow a new feeling for him.

                Hatred.