Exactly 9 years passed by after he left his previous city. Many changes happened in this long time span that could explain Ryeowook’s drastic change of personality – instead of the bright personality, now he had a secluded one, avoiding the smallest contact with others. People were cruel. He learned that lesson harshly, with a few sore spots on his body. Seemingly, in this small town immediately they would associate girly looks as gay, such a forbidden subject for those narrow minded people. The young boy felt completely immersed in loneliness, there was no one he could entitle as friend.


A particular memory of when he tried to call Kyuhyun invaded his mind, causing him to chuckle sadly. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that contact happened to die, just an unfortunate happening. How could they expect a little kid of only 8 years to remember his own phone number? Ryeowook desperately clung to his past, since only in there he contained sweet memories. Nowadays, he could only remember painful experiences. Obviously not everyone was against him, but the ones that weren’t bullying him, were cowards. It was understandable, because he wouldn’t willingly get involved in those things either, if he ever had an option.


Ah. Kyuhyun. That person could be considered as his first crush, but that information was irrelevant, it isn’t like he would see the other again anytime soon and, even if he did, Kyuhyun probably went through many changes as well. Nobody stays the same as time mercilessly acted on them.


“Ryeowook” His mother solemnly started talking as both were on the living room, none really paying attention to the boring drama being aired on the moment.


“Yes, mother?” Ryeowook politely replied, but he was immersed contemplating an old picture of when he was only a small child placed on the shelf.


“Your father finally established on the job. We are finally able to return to our previous city, because they accepted his request of transferring back. I am sorry for all the consequences you had to suffer because of us.” Mrs. Kim clearly regretted the happenings her son had to go through, they were quite obvious considering the lonely behavior her son constantly expressed, also because of some small bruises that would appear on his skin.


“I am fine, mother.” Ryeowook made a failed attempt to sound sincere, but it was clear in all those years he wasn’t fine. Ever since they moved out everything seemed so wrong. Nothing could cheer him up, neither the fact he would return to the previous city he lived – what was the point? He had no friends there as well, just like in here.


“You aren’t. Stop convincing yourself otherwise. Never once you brought a friend home” Mrs. Kim sadly pointed out as she watched her son trying to assure her of those delusional thoughts, this suffering has extended for too long already. She knew very well he would avoid worrying her, like a good son would do.


“They didn’t want to come here, it’s quite a simple explanation” Ryeowook nonchalantly said, expecting his mother to buy such a pathetic lie. Mrs. Kim affectionately ruffled his hair, messing it up. “Yes, yes.” She feigned to accept those white lies, smiling at her son. “Start packing, we’ll move out by the end of the week.” His mother hastily rushed him to the room, reluctantly Ryeowook nodded.

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His eyes boringly watched the scenario of the city he lived previously: endless amount of buildings that you couldn’t exactly know where they ended. Although his childhood was spent in this place, he had no hopeful expectations related to it.  Childhood was a moment when they were completely innocent and didn’t judge people based on appearances, once puberty arrived all of that innocence somehow managed to fade and be replaced with obscurity.


Actually, he would be lying if there was no hope at all. A tiny hope shined in his heart, but Ryeowook felt like a fool for believing in such things. Attachment to the past wasn’t good, if he happened to meet with his old friends he would probably end up disappointed. Frequently, the boy would wonder how much each one of them changed in those 9 years. Did Donghae and Eunhyuk still bicker about silly reasons? Was Kyuhyun still a game freak? Was Donghae still a crybaby? Was Eunhyuk still addressed as monkey? Would they accept him in the group again? There were so many questions that would probably remain unanswered.


The car movement ceased because the signal was in a bright red color. Ryeowook’s eyes kept staring at the metropolitan city; it felt different from the small town he was living all these years. A certain figure captured the petite boy’s attention, perhaps because the person was wearing a long sleeved red hoodie – such an imposing color. That particular man was running, probably to find shelter from the rain that was about to come. Suddenly, the man happened to look at his direction, causing Ryeowook to immediately frown.


Both froze on their spot – Ryeowook’s mind went completely blank as the other seemed to go through the same effect, as he stopped running to find shelter. What was the probability of finding that person after all those years? Destiny you say, don’t be a fool. Or at least those were the thoughts that they kept thinking. Embarrassed for staring for too long, the petite boy averted his gaze, trying to suppress the hopes that were rising from meeting someone that resembled his friend from years ago and also his first crush. Once the signal turned green, Ryeowook could only watch the figure still frozen turning smaller as the distance between them grew bigger.


“Ryeowook…” Kyuhyun whispered, quite shocked from meeting with someone that resembled his childhood friend. Of course, this was solely based on when they were kids. Probably Ryeowook went through some physical changes, right? 9 years passed by already, no one could have the same face they had years ago. As a thunder made a strident noise, Kyuhyun was reminded about the reason why he was running to begin with, hastily returning to do such action. Soon, the thought was brushed aside from his memory, returning to his home was the main objective now.


His father parked the car in front of the place he would address as home now. Some would point out saying it was a luxurious place, but what was the point of having money without happiness? Ryeowook could buy many things common people wanted, but none would bring what he really needed at the moment. Was it worth leaving this place only to gain more financially? Well, perhaps for his parents it was, but for him it definitely wasn’t.


All of their boxes were already placed on the apartment, all they had to do was unpack and organize. Lazily, Ryeowook started organizing his things properly – it was a good way to prevent his mind from leaning towards the vivid memories that were about to explode inside his head. A tiny box was found amidst the many boxes, which caused Ryeowook to tilt his head: what contained in such a small box? Once he opened it, he regretted: inside was the colorful shell, broken.


Astonished, he sat down on the edge of his bed, evidently trembling. New school again, annoying introductions, why he had to go through again? Perhaps this time he could hope that three specific people would appear to save him from this nightmare? His bitter laugh resounded through the messy room. “Save me? They probably forgot about me a long time ago” Ryeowook muttered feeling lonely again.


The three probably were together, enjoying their lives without him.


He was all by himself, no one to depend on. 

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yeah yeah it's angst

FINE I'LL REWRITE THIS PART VERY FAST BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CONTAINS ANGST (at least that I remember about) 

OTL WHY PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO THINK ANGST IS MY SPECIALITY? -cries-

IT'S LANI'S NOT MINE OTL