I'm Married to a Girl?!
Description
What if you wake up one day and you already have a wife and a daughter that you never met before? Crazy, right? But that's what happened to Jessica. And take note, 'WIFE'. She's just a simple girl craving for love from her parents. But the next thing she know is she had a family of her own! What happened and how will this affect her life full of tragedies? Will it stay the same, or finally give her the happiness she always wanted?
Foreword
Main Characters:
Jessica Jung
-an 'ice princess', in terms of character
-only kind to her younger sister, Krystal Jung
-hates her father because he hates her, so she followed her best friend, Tiffany, to Korea
Kwon Yuri
-the opposite of her soon-to-be wife, Jessica, always bubbly and cheerful
-has a model for a boyfriend so she's always problematic in love life
-an optimist and always seem to be happy
Others:
Kwon Yoona
-the 'daughter' of Jessica and Yuri
-has characteristics of both her moms
-a bit awkward with them due to some reason
Kim Hyoyeon
-the waitress of the place where Yuri and Jessica first met
-has a background that is mysterious
Tiffany Hwang
-Jessica's best friend since childhood
-went back to Korea due to some problem, was followed by the Jung sisters after
-always looking out for Jessi
Kim Taeyeon
-Yuri's best friend since high school
-very protective of her
Kim Jaejoong
-Yuri's model boyfriend
-loves Yuri but prioritizes his job so they'll have a better future
-still loves her even after many years of their break up
Choi Sooyoung -another best friend of Yuri and Taeyeon
-the shikshin of the group
Lee Sunny -is seen to have many different jobs
-met Yuri's group the night before she went missing
Seo Joo-Hyun -Yoona's classmate/best friend
-very kind and innocent
Krystal Jung -protective of her older sister
-more mature than her
Jung Yunho -Jaejoong's friend and fellow model
-also his best friend and confidant
-pretended as his boyfriend so Yuri could be happy with Sica
***************
For the trailer made by Baby Loves, click here.
Credits to Ishwarya and Midnight Memoirs for the helpful review :D
Story Title: I’m Married To A Girl
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/22298/i-m-married-to-a-girl-supernatural-yulsic-yuri
Author: ocsBnaeJ
Reviewer: Ishwarya @ Midnight Memoirs
Title: 5/5
I’m so impressed with your title. You managed to catch me unaware. When I first read your story name, I assumed it to be a stereotypical love story, where the male lead is surprised that he’s suddenly married to a girl. But it turned out to be the female lead. This was a real surprise.
Forewords: 6/10
You disappointed me in this category. I agree that you tried to keep your plot as mysterious as possible, but it is always advisable to give an outline of the main characters. You haven’t mentioned your key characters too. I don’t mean that you should mention the personality of the lead characters, but you can at least mention the roles involved so that your readers don’t get confused.
Plot: 12/15
Even if the start was too fast and confusing, and it was tough to keep up with the various characters, you managed to weave the story very well. It’s different in its own way. Do try to build it up and make it as mysterious as possible. Your readers will be glued to your fiction till you finish it. All the best!
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Even though there are certain clichés involved, I can still understand that you did work hard on your plot. Keep it up! It is very creative and original.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow is balanced. Even if you tend to slack at times, you manage to dilute the slackness by extra exciting incidents. That’s impressive. However, (-2) for a little drag parts.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
Quite impressive. However, you lack in your punctuations. For example-
"Are you sure, oppa? But you promised me" "Yes, I understand, but-" "Okay, bye" she sighed in annoyance after she ended the call. She feels like crying but she can't seeing that she has company. She went to them and laid back at the sofa, catching their attention.
"Was that Jaejoong , Yuri-ah?" Yuri could only nod knowing what her friends are gonna say again "I knew it! I bet he cancelled his date with you again"
"It's not like that Taeyeon. He's busy with work"
"I wonder how many times he used that excuse already" another friend of them added.
"Sooyoung, you know it's true"
"Fine. Maybe he's really busy. But he needs to give you some time too" Taeyeon appealed.
"Guys, I appreciate your concern. But please, try to understand my boyfriend too"
Sooyoung and Taeyeon can only look at each other. They shrugged as if they just had a conversation. Sooyoung started,
"Okay, we believe you. But only if you treat us out"
In this extract, you missed so many punctuations! You didn’t use the commas and the exclamation marks, and the full stops too. Please work on this.
Your vocabulary is good. But do try to ornament your words.
Characterization: 5/10
As you avoided mentioning the characters and their personalities in your forewords, I couldn’t really understand what their behavior was, or how they’re thinking. Quite often, I found the characters acting just opposite to how they should be reacting. So I’ll always advise you to give an outline of your characters, so that your readers are kept away from confusion.
Writing Style: 13/15
Clean and precise. That’s a safe way to keep away from trouble. Try to get a little adventurous, and use your vocabulary to the full extent. Reviewers like me will be so pleased.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I really enjoyed reading your story. Keep it up! Thanks for requesting at Midnight Memoirs.
Total: 76*/100
*One point was deducted for incompletion.
Credits to Timeless Love Graphic Request Shop for the poster ^^
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