I stepped back until my back came in contact with the wall and slid down to the floor. Then I lay my head on my knees and sobbed. I broke down for the first time in a whole year.

“Youngie?” I suddenly heard a quiet voice. My head shot up. 

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[Youngjae POV]

Himchan was standing in the doorway, looking shocked. After some seconds he composed himself and came over, crouched down and hugged me. I leaned into him and started to sob again.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”, whispered Himchan. I shook my head.

“It’ll never be okay.” I sobbed out. I lightly pushed him away and stood up while wiping my tears. Then I took some deep breaths to calm down. If the others saw me like this they could become suspicious and that absolutely can’t happen.

It’s not that I’m disgusted by myself but others wouldn’t accept me being gay. It’s bad enough that Himchan now knows that something’s wrong. As soon as my face was dry and I looked relatively presentable again I turned around to look at the second eldest and tried to smile at him.

“I’m okay. Just exhausted I guess. I’m sorry I shouted at you in the practice room.” I said. He continued to look at me worriedly but answered “It’s no problem. But hurry up the others are waiting in the van.” I nodded, wiped my face once again and left the bathroom, followed by Himchan. I still felt his gaze on my back. I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe that I’m just exhausted. Sometimes I’m really grateful for his umma senses but in this case I’m just scared. How will he react once he finds out about my feelings for Daehyun?

When I opened the door of the van every head turned to look at me. I blushed because of all the attention (and because Daehyun was staring at me) and just shook my head, indicating that I didn’t want to talk. I looked at the two remaining seats, one beside Daehyun and one beside Jongup. I quickly took the seat beside the second youngest who somehow had a knowing look. Or at least I thought he had one but I ignored it.

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It’s been a week since Himchan caught me crying and I managed to not break down anymore. From time to time I caught Himchan as well as Jongup looking at me. But their gazes are different. Himchan’s is careful, worried as if checking that I’m still alright. Jongup’s is… knowing. There’s no better word, it’s as if he knows something he shouldn’t and that’s the reason why I tried to avoid him these past few days. The rest of the members didn’t seem to notice anything.

The same day I broke down in the bathroom of our company building I also stopped eating. Not completely but I decided to go on a diet because this awful tummy fat has to disappear. I also started having nightmares. I don’t know why and they aren’t very severe so it’s not something to worry about. I just wake up in the middle of the night, trembling and sweating, and can’t go back to sleep at all.

“You should go to sleep.” I flinched as a sudden voice interrupted my thoughts. It was 11 pm and I was sitting on the couch in the living room. The members already went to sleep because on the next day was our debut. I turned my head and saw Jongup standing in the doorway.

“I can’t. I’ll just have nightmares again.” I answered and shook my head.

“You’re stressed. There’s something on your mind.” It wasn’t a question but a statement. His gaze seemed to be looking deep inside me, to my soul. It was actually creepy to see Jongup with such a look. I was getting very uncomfortable and started to fidget. Without looking at the second youngest I stood up and went to the doorway to leave the room. When I passed Jongup he said “It’s Daehyun, isn’t it?”

Shocked I froze and didn’t dare to look up. The one thing I didn’t want to happen, happened. Someone found out. I was scared. Will Jongup be disgusted and hate me? I wouldn’t survive if my B.A.P family hated me. 

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So you guys didn't think it would be Himchan right? You all thought it was Daehyun right? XD Well, you guessed wrong! Muahahahahaha!! 

Okay, so my exam... didn't go that well... first time I'll have a bad mark in an english exam XD I just stood up on the wrong side of the bed that day

After the exam, I was first like:    and like:   and: 

but when I realized that I can't even fail this subject anymore even if I wanted to I was like:

So now I'll answer comments!!!

ToneHarmonic:  Thanks and I'm really sorry for the cliffhangers. Your guess was wrong :b  But I was being mean, you couldn't have possibly guessed that it was Himchan XD  Sorry!

viridiansparrow: no problem^^ thanks for reading and commenting. I love chubby Youngjae XD He's just soooooo cute, don't you think so too? >-<

95lineyoung: thanks for reading! I promise I'll try to upload more often^^

OoAidanoO: Your guess was wrong too! :b  You're right Daejae is totally real <3 as well as many other pairings XD  thanks for commenting/reading!

Guys, this is important! I have an idea for another story but I don't know which pairing should be the main characters. It won't be a bandfic but....something else^^ Please help me!