“Hey, Jihyun.” I looked up from my place on the white leather armchair beside the front window. Nikolai’s brows were furrowed, creating gentle creases on his perfect face. “Are you okay? You’ve been like this for the past three weeks, you know.” I blinked a few times. Had all that time passed already? I smiled at him gently and brought him close to me for a hug. After a few moments, I stood up and took his hand.

                “Come on, how about I take you to practice today? Let mom rest for a bit.” Nick nodded eagerly and I patted his head before walking down the hall and knocking on my mom’s door. She opened immediately, a little glint in her eyes. I sighed and shook my head lightly. “I’m taking Nikolai to soccer practice today. You stay and rest a bit, okay? I’ll be stealing the truck.” She nodded, the glint vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. Walking back out front, I picked up Nick’s soccer bag, grabbed the keys and my purse, and left the house with my little brother.

------

                Love, naege wa. Neon like this. So love, gidarin neoran girl. True love, da gawa neon like this. One love, neon naege neon naegero.

                I jolted awake from the sudden sound and fumbled for my phone on the nightstand.

                “Hello?” I groaned out in my groggy, morning drawl, pushing my hair back

                “Jihyun, its Chunji. Can we talk?” I rolled my eyes and looked over to see Mom and Nikolai getting ready for the day.

                “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

                “Where are you?”

                “With my mom.” I simply replied and I heard him sigh in relief then repeat my words to someone he was with. “Who are you talking to?” Silence. He wouldn’t say. I heard the voices in the background cease as well. “Chunji.” I growled out, massaging my forehead, and I could just imagine him wincing at my harsh tone on the other line.

                “They came over this morning. Well, not really came, but barged in. Came suggests that they were polite about it.”

                “Chunji!” I snapped, fed up with the avoidance.

                “Exo came over, okay?” He whined lightly and I sighed. “They want to talk to you.” I thought about it for a moment and shook my head.

                “Only give the phone to Lay, nobody else, got it?”

                “Jihyun?” I heard Lay’s soft voice on the other end of the line and sighed. “I’m out in the hallway alone now.”

                “I need time. There are just too many things going on right now that I haven’t sorted out.”

                “This is between you, Chunji, Kris, and the whole Amber ordeal, isn’t it?” I sighed and got out of bed, crossing to the window.

                “There is that, Lay, but my career isn’t want I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys so much. You are very dear to me, but my job strayed from the original guides. I was supposed to train you guys to get you a better route into the business. I was supposed to be your photographer, help you with your voices, your dancing, and your acting. Living with you guys was just a matter of convenience. I ended up being your housemaid. I woke you guys up, made you meals, did your laundry, cleaned the dorm, everything. That’s not how I wanted my life. Now, I love you guys more than anything, but, I have to figure out my life on my own.” I stopped talking, and leaned my head against the window.

                “I understand.” Lay’s answer made my features crease in confusion for a moment before he spoke again. “Your life is photography. Ours is the stage.” He paused and I could hear a change in his voice. It broke a little as he spoke again. “Even though our careers aren’t the same, that doesn’t mean your place isn’t still with us though, Jihyun. We care about you a lot. You’ve taught us so much, and we have much to teach you still.” He sighed heavily, and I felt my heart wrench with guilt. “Don’t take too long, we’ll be waiting for you.” Lay hung up immediately and I let my arm fall.

                “Are you alright, Sweetie?” I turned my gaze over to my mother, who reached out to gently pat my head. Nodding weakly, I looked back out the window at the morning light and sighed.

                “I need to reorient my life, Mom. I became a housewife to the men I learned to love the most. I was supposed to help them with their career, not clean up after their messes. I just need time to think.” I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me, one around my shoulders, and one around my upper legs.

                “We’ll always be here for you Sis!” Nikolai smiled up at me and I patted his head.

                “Your old room is still free; you can stay as long as you need to get everything arranged.” I nodded and hugged the both of them tightly. We let go of each other and I took my bag into the bathroom to clean up and get changed. I picked up my phone, but my hand shook. I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing, and yet, I had to separate myself from my issues in order to fix them. After Lay, I knew that this wasn’t going to be easy on any of us. I knew that even more now that my heart beat irregularly in my chest, screaming at me not to be so stupid. I was stupid. I was naïve. To think that I could handle any of this at such a young age wasn’t logical. Sure, many people were wise beyond their years, and I had been thought to be one of them, until I re-experienced love and its tribulations. Finding that I could desperately love two men at once create a fissure in my heart, but having both of them hurt me, and then both of them fighting for me? It was hard to think about.

                Shaking my head free of the thoughts, I took in a breath and quickly texted a simple sentence to the strong leader. Though, I felt like it was just going to add oil to the fire of his panic and desperation.

我爱你。

Wo ai ni.

------

                Getting to my old elementary school with my little brother, I breathed a sigh in reminiscence. Memories took over my mind like a flood; the first eleven years of my life were spent here. As I parked our maroon Toyota, I hopped out with my purse and grabbed Nick’s soccer bag out of the bed.  With a ruffle of his hair, we walked out to the soccer fields and I let him go get ready.

                “Well look who we have here, Jihyun Park.” I looked over with eyebrows raised and met with one of my childhood friends.

                “Well, Carson, look how you grew up! Not exactly the shrimp you were ten years ago, huh?” I smiled at him and gave him a high-five. “How’s school out here?”

                “Fresno State for Kinesiology is not exactly a big deal Park.” He grinned cheekily and I shrugged. “Has college been going good for you over in Colorado?”

                “I’m not going to college, actually.” Carson’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

                “But you were at the top of our classes here with me. How could you not go to college?”

                “Job offers. I found what I wanted to do with my life. I don’t really need a degree for photography. I can get one, but I don’t need one.” He calmed down slightly, though obviously thrown that I wasn’t getting a higher education.

                “Who are you working for then right now?”

                “Right now, I’m without a job to be honest. I just left my last company for personal reasons.” Carson threw an arm around my shoulder as several of the kids ran out on the field and started practicing on their own.

                “Do you want to help coach the kids for the summer?” I laughed lightly and he joined me. “You’re right; your coordination is that of a dead cat.” I smacked his stomach gently and rolled my eyes. “Are you staying around for a while then?”

                “It’s either that or laze around a lonely, empty apartment. Oh, I moved to Korea by the way.” Carson laughed lightly and shrugged. “What?”

                “You always told me you would get out of here, but I never thought you’d do it, and then come back.” He teased me, taking his arm back and poking my side.

                “Hey! I said it was personal reasons, jerk.” I pouted lightly when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Taking the device out, I groaned and looked up to my best friend from childhood. “I have to take this. I’m sorry.”

                “I have to go be a coach, so have fun.” He winked at me and ran out to the kids, meeting up with another coach I didn’t recognize.

                “Hello?” I answered the phone reluctantly, expecting to be yelled at right away.

                “So I heard you went back home.” Her voice was soft, curious, but not angry. My shoulders fell back in relief at the fact.

                “Funny, it doesn’t feel like home, Eunji. Little Podunk North Fork, California isn’t home anymore.” I sighed, holding on to one of the green posts and swinging around it. “I needed time to think and get back up on my feet. My emotions were getting the better of me and my job.”

                “And you’re not back yet? I know it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, but a damn near month is a long time to just think, Ji.” Knowing she was right, I slumped against the pole.

                “Nothing has sorted itself out. I tried everything. Walks up at Yosemite, writing stories, writing songs, and even sitting down in the pasture to just think, but nothing has worked out yet. I’m still overwhelmed with my feelings, and I don’t know who to believe or what to feel.”

                “Talk it out.” Eunji interrupted me and I hummed back questioningly. “Get one of your friends to listen, your mom, or take a trip back to visit your dad and older brother.” I gulped heavily at her last suggestion. “I know it would be hard, but when they were here, your dad helped you through everything, so was Min Kyung.” I kept silent, knowing she was right, and sighed. “Do you want me to come out?”

                “I can handle it alone. Thank you for offering though.” I bit my bottom lip lightly before thinking. “Eunji, don’t tell anyone where I’m going, okay? Just in case.”

                “Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Ji.” She agreed and I nodded. “You need to comeback soon though; none of them are handling it very well.”

                “I’ll try. Thanks Eunji.” She hummed in response before we both hung up. I looked up to the sky and sighed. “Dad, Min Kyung, can you help me?”