Chapter 15

 

To say that I’d slept would be an overstatement. I’d barely laid down when I had to get up again, but weirdly enough I had gotten so used to the lack of sleep that I didn’t even mind that much.

 

Since I still hadn’t told anyone that Seunghyun was missing, they hadn’t given me new schedules, so I needed to call the office again.

 

It didn’t take as much negotiation as before.

 

But wow, they didn’t waste any time. The boys were already scheduled to start preparations for the next promotion cycle. Not even a day off.

 

One good thing about Seunghyun not being there was that I could use the van to get back to my place and back to theirs, like I’d done the last night.

 

I had driven them home and since I hadn’t gotten any calls from them I was sure that Jaejoong had returned.

 

Not that it made things easier. Yesterday’s confrontation with Jaejoong was still waiting to be dealt with and I wasn’t in the mood for that at all. And, I remembered, Yunho is still not talking to me. Wow, I guess today will be very awkward.

 

When I opened the door to their apartment, I expected them to still be asleep, but au contraire: The apartment was buzzing with activity. There was a shower running, I could hear the coffee machine and the radio in the kitchen and someone was definitely arguing about matching clothes.

 

Thankfully, the person in the kitchen was Changmin. I wasn’t ready to meet Jaejoong yet.

 

“Morning” I greeted.

 

“Oh, morning, noona” he said. “Is Seunghyun hyung still not back?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“I’m starting to get worried… But that’s not your problem. What are you doing?”

 

“I’m just making something to eat. Jaejoong normally fixes something when we have time, but…”

 

“Well, just let me do this and get ready. Tell the others we have to leave in thirty minutes.”

 

He grinned and gave me the knife he was holding.

 

“Thanks, noona.”

 

Somehow, I managed to fix something decent.

 

“Ok, everyone” I called, “if you want something to eat before we leave, it’s in the kitchen. There’s less than twenty minutes.”

 

“What are we doing today?” asked Junsu, as he was filling his plate.

 

“Well, a lot. There’s a meeting for the new concept until noon and then you’ll be in the studio for the rest of the day.”

 

“So we’re doing the new album then. That’s great. I can’t wait to see our Korean fans again.”

 

“Wait, didn’t you see them yesterday?”

 

“That’s not the same. I wonder what songs will be on the new album.”

 

He blabbered on about the album while the others filed into the kitchen and grabbed their share of the food.

 

While Yoochun greeted me with a warm, but tired, smile, Yunho ignored me as he had before. He still ate his plate empty.

 

Then Jaejoong came into the room, wearing a loose shirt and jeans. I had to admit that he looked gorgeous, but that didn’t stop my stomach to drop when he looked at me, in fear of another outbreak.

 

I still couldn’t understand why he suddenly changed his mind about me. I remembered when he’d told me that he’d forgiven me and how he’d acted the days after I’d told him the truth.

 

But he didn’t shout at me or gave me any other kind of reproach. Instead, he nodded and grabbed a plate.

 

I watched him secretly, while he ate. After he was finished he shook his head and smiled.

 

“Next time, use a little more spices. They’re not just for decoration” he said and looked directly at me.

 

His tone was friendly and there was no anger whatsoever in his voice. I was so thankful that he was back to the way he’d been before.

 

“Uh, yeah, sorry if it wasn’t that good. I haven’t found the time to learn how to cook properly.”

 

“Didn’t you’re mother teach you?”

 

I shook my head and looked down at the table.

 

“She… she died when I was twelve.”

 

Silence filled the room.

 

“I’m sorry” said Jaejoong and he really seemed to mean it.

 

I shook my head again.

 

“It’s okay. It’s been so long, I’ve gotten used to it. Don’t worry. Anyways, we got to go!”

 

 

The ride to the company was silent, but in a good way. Everyone was tired from yesterday and the car ride made everyone drowsy.

 

To my surprise, they didn’t let me into the conference room, where the meeting was held.

 

“I’m sorry, miss, but only the ones directly involved can take part in the meeting. Where’s the manager?” asked a man in a suit, who was standing at the door.

 

The boys had already entered and where checking where I was. I shrugged in their direction.

 

“He’s… called in sick. He asked if I could take care of them alone today.”

 

“I see. Well, they’ll be fine here without you, so you can pick them up at noon.”

 

And with that, he closed the door.

 

I sighed again. I didn’t feel good leaving them in there alone. Where was Seunghyun? I tried calling him again, for the tenth time that day, but he didn’t pick up.

 

I looked at the closed door in front of me. Well, since I couldn’t be with them, at least I could take care of the Seunghyun thing.

 

Now, where to start? Well, since he didn’t pick up his phone, I might as well just go check on him in his home.

 

I went down to the reception and smiled at the lady. By now, she recognized me. And seemed annoyed too.

 

“What can I do for you? Did you lose your schedule again?”

 

“Ah, no, I have it. Actually, Seunghyun-sshi forgot something at his place and he told me to get it while he was taking care of – “

 

“So, I guess he forgot his own address?”

 

“Eh, no… but I did. He told me, but there was so much going on that…”

 

She shook her head and smiled. It wasn’t a friendly one.

 

“I wonder how long they’ll keep you. You’ve already made more mistakes in a few weeks than most do in a year.”

 

I tried looking guilty until she gave me the address. Only when I was in the van did I let out a small cry of anger. Why did I have to put up with her? And why did I have to take all the blame?

 

Anyways, I checked the address and noticed that Seunghyun lived about twenty minutes from the company. Good, that left me with enough time to check on him.

 

Due to the traffic, it took me about 25 minutes, but I was still in good time. I looked up at the high apartment building. It wasn’t in the best condition, which led me to believe that it wasn’t the most expensive either.

 

He lived on the 4^th floor. I decided to take the stairs to have time to think about what I wanted to tell him. Or ask him.

 

Most of all, I wanted to know why he hadn’t told me anything. I had covered up for him anyways, but the only reason that we weren’t in trouble yet was that, somehow, no one seemed to care.

 

I took a deep breath before I knocked at the door. Nothing. I knocked again, and again. I felt like an idiot, since it seemed like no one was home, but I had a feeling that he was home.

 

“Seunghyun, open up, it’s me, Shinae. Please, I’m worried about you.”

 

When he still didn’t open up, I knocked again.

 

“Come on, open up. I’ve been covering for you for days, can’t you at least let me in?”

 

He still wouldn’t and I began to think that maybe he wasn’t home. I gave it one last try.

 

“Please, I don’t know what’s going on. Jaejoong told me about your daughter and – “

 

The door opened, only a small bit and I could hear footsteps shuffling away.

 

I opened the door and entered. From the entrance area led a short hallway with three doors, one on each side and one at the end. The one to my left was open. I got out of my shoes silently. Somehow, I didn’t want to make a lot of noise.

 

Then I looked through the doorframe. It must be the living room as well as the bedroom. There was a bed at the far end of the room, next to a cupboard. In the middle of the room stood an old sofa in beige and red coloring that was already fading away.

 

On the couch sat Seunghyun. He was hiding his face with his hands, his elbows resting on his legs. He looks like misery put into human form, I thought.

 

“Hi” I said, for lack of knowing what else to say. I hadn’t expected this. And I didn’t know how to deal.

 

“Did you really not tell anyone?” asked Seunghyun, his voice muffled by his hands. He sounded desperate and hopeless.

 

“Of course not. I… didn’t think that you’re the type to let go of your duties like that.”

 

He let his hands fall down into his lap and he shook his head. Now that it was no longer covered, I could see that his was paler than I’d ever seen before and he had more wrinkles. He seemed exhausted to the point that one couldn’t bear it anymore.

 

My heart ached at the sight of him. He’d been so full of energy, I’d never thought he could change that much in a mere few days.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything. I just… couldn’t deal with it. I…”

 

And then he started to sob. I felt so sorry for him but still, I didn’t know how to react. But then I realized that there was someone sobbing in front of me and that needed to comfort him.

 

I sat down next to him and started to pet him on the back.

 

After a few minutes he calmed down.

 

“What you must think of me now. How can someone like me even be responsible for someone? Let alone five boys? I couldn’t even tell anyone what happened…”

 

“Hey” I said in a firm voice, “I don’t think anything of you but that you have a problem and don’t know how to deal with it.”

 

He turned around to look at me and what he saw must have satisfied him enough. He looked back at the table.

 

“My daughter… she’s gone. We went looking for her when she didn’t return our calls. Her things are gone from the apartment. We have no idea where she went.”

 

“Who’s ‘we’?” I asked.

 

“My wife” he answered, “or now my ex-wife. She couldn’t handle Beakah’s disappearance and left me.”

 

He shook his head, as if he still couldn’t accept that she’d really left.

 

“I moved here because I couldn’t handle our house. Too many memories. I looked for Beakah everywhere where she normally hung out, but she wasn’t anywhere. Her friends don’t know anything and the police say that it seems like she left on her own free will so they won’t do anything. I… Suddenly everything I had is gone.”

 

He started to cry again. It occurred to me that he probably hadn’t told anyone about this. He’d decided to go through this alone.

 

“I’m sorry” I said, and I really was.

 

“Isn’t there anyone who can help you? I mean…”

 

“Like friends?” he laughed bitterly, “No, there’s no one. With my job I barely had time for my wife. Our daughter was the only thing binding us together, and after she was gone Eunsol left me.”

 

“I’m sorry” I said again. I realized that I wasn’t really helpful.

 

“Is there anything I can do for you? Like anything? When was the last time you ate something actually fresh?”

 

I looked at the table that was filled with ramyun cups.

 

I didn’t let him protest but instead went to inspect the kitchen. It was furnished as scarcely as the living room. The fridge was almost empty.

 

The next hour I spent with grocery shopping and cooking. I decided to cook the same thing as I’d done in the morning, using more spices, of course.

 

When he was done eating, I realized that I needed to get back to the company.

 

“Sorry, I got to go. I’ll come back this evening okay? Will you be here?”

 

He swallowed his last bite and shook his head.

 

“No, I won’t, because I’ll come with you.”

 

“You will? Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. I’ve left you alone for too long anyways. And I won’t help anyone with being such a wreck, will I?”

 

I shook my head, smiling. I felt relieved that he’d decided to come with me. I hoped it would take his thoughts away from his family for some time. He really needed that.

 

I made him change into something else though, because I doubted anyone would let him into the company building in an old jumpsuit.

 

The boys’ surprise was so obvious that I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.

 

“Hyung!” Junsu was honestly happy.

 

We were in one of the empty practice rooms that the boys used from time to time to eat.

 

Everyone else was happy as well, even though Yunho tried to hide the emotion as best as he could.

 

“I’m really sorry for making you all worry about me. I promise I won’t let you down again!”

 

“I hope you won’t.  Shinae is no fun at all when she’s got to boss us around!” said Changmin and everyone laughed, including me.

 

It felt good. I looked at Seunghyun. He smiled and seemed a lot better. I guessed I could believe him that he wouldn’t disappear like that again.

 

“I’m just happy that Shinae took such good care of you. It would have been my fault if something had gone wrong.”

 

“Well, you’re back. That means I don’t have to deal with that annoying desk lady anymore!” I said.

 

We laughed again and sat down to eat. The boys started to tell Seunghyun about everything that happened during the last few days. I just ate and listened and laughed.

 

I was relieved that Seunghyun was back. I was still worried about him, but I knew that there was nothing I could do to help him. Some things just happened.

 

The mood in the studio seemed to be brighter than ever before. I enjoyed sitting on a chair and watching them work. I didn’t understand much about it at all, so I just watched everybody.

 

Yoochun and Junsu seemed to be on a happy spree and were joking around a lot. Changmin was even happier because there were snacks. Jaejoong seemed very pensive and serious and talked a lot with the producer. Yunho was calm and paid a lot of attention, except for when I caught him looking at me from time to time. Then he looked like he was arguing with himself.

 

I was confused but I didn’t want to ruin my good mood by thinking too much about it. Instead I brought everyone lots of snacks and drinks. It felt good returning to this kind of work instead of having the responsibility to make sure everything went fine.

 

When we took a break at around 8 pm I got up to talk to the boys but someone suddenly stood in front of me. Yunho.

 

“Can I talk to you?” he asked. “It’s important.”