Ward 4, Jeonju Hospital

Jeonju, South Korea

          Three weeks passed and Leeteuk’s wound has finally healed despite leaving a scar upon his chest. He wanted to pay for the treatments but Taeyeon had easily forbid it, there was nothing to say. In the same ward, Leeteuk was alone, lying on the bed listening to the murmurs between Nurse Hwang and Taeyeon a few distances away from the room. He didn’t know why but he felt afraid, so afraid thinking of having Taeyeon to live her life on his hands.

Only yesterday he had received a call that a trip for him has been booked back to Incheon. Leeteuk wanted so much to stay, to touch her as he did but she deserves better. She didn’t have to know how much he loves her anymore; she didn’t have to know that he would leave her, for good. He was so confused and unknowingly, felt himself curling himself on the bed, on the same pillow they had shared and cried.

When he opened the door to tell her of his departure, she had left and he decided not to look for her.

Leeteuk’s Villa

Jeonju, South Korea

          Taeyeon hadn’t realized how she had unintentionally slept on his bed the previous night. Leeteuk sat on the armchair across the bedside and looked through his window instead. He expected Taeyeon to be at the Lee residences back in Seoul yet; the moment he came back he found the woman had slept peacefully on his own bed. They had nothing left after his chest injury; she has no more business to spend the night in his Villa. There are no more motives. And now how could he reveal the fact that he is leaving? Could she take it?

Taeyeon opened her eyes and sees Leeteuk sleeping across her. His shirt opened and exposed his midriffs. Unlike the days he slept so peacefully, Taeyeon especially noticed his troubled expression. She wanted to ease him but in her semi-conscious state, her body felt tired to sit up and reach out. So she stayed. And her eyes never left sight of him.

Leeteuk blinked and recalled the way he slept on the chair. His eyes swung over to his bed and found Taeyeon awake. She was… gazing at him. For how long? The time was 3am and he scooted over to lie next to her. He tried not to look, but at the corner of his eyes Taeyeon watched him. She stared as if her heart yearned for it, thoughts were running through her mind and she felt so connected and whole just simply being with him.

He tried to muster a smile but he grew fragile, afraid he might burst into tears at the revelation of his departure. Unknowingly, he felt her, how her warm hands had cautiously slipped into his and gripped it. As they silently held hands on the bed, it was the most intimate thing anyone had done with her. Her actions were only natural, whispering to him with gentle movements that she wants to be with him. He didn’t refuse and closed his eyes.

She had remembered and felt everything that night. Everything.

♦♦♦

         Leeteuk woke up and prepared breakfast for her but as he reached his room, she was nowhere at all. Taeyeon stood onto his garden, touching the snapdragons by the fence and heard him come over. She slipped her hands into his and smiled at him. He held onto her waist as she supported herself and walked along the side pavements placing each foot in a single file. Step by step he followed her lead and made sure her legs was steady.

He never let go of her and cherished their time together. Their conversation seemed quite passionless to him, but he was content that it should be. She never questioned him and felt him brushed the back of her hair, before slowly embracing her. He squeezed her tight and placed his cheeks next to hers.

“Taeyeon, I have to go back tomorrow,” his tone softer and reached out to her face. Like before, she felt his expression and how he struggled to hold her back. I have to leave. She remembered how those words rang over and over her head for these past years. Her tears started pouring at way he made the statement, they way he wanted her to know what he meant. He had never changed upon recognition; his voice still reverberated with meaning and nuances, with emotions. Only moments ago and the night before, she felt so much happiness being together with him only to know he doesn’t want to stay.

“I implore you, Leeteuk. I need you with me. Stay,” she led out a choke, gripping onto his shirt. His eyes, as grey as the storm that whirls outside, search out hers. He had said nothing during her account, she wondered if he understood at all. Taeyeon remembers how she would shed tears for him when he had gone.

“Dong Wook, he is capable of doing more things for you that I could never do. He has the time for you, he could be there when you’re sick, bear and take care of you, and you can have a family with him. He is best for you dear. Please-“ he told her slowly, his heart stinging with pain.

“No,” she shook her head. “No. How could you say that...” she sobbed. He placed her hands onto his face and she caressed him, his chest and neck.

“Taeyeon, don’t cry. Please don’t cry for me.” But how could she not cry. Leeteuk wiped her tears and placed his forehead against hers.

“Please don’t make this over. I waited for so long. You promise you won’t leave me! You promised,” she clutched her heart.

He cried and finally told her, “I have nothing left to offer, Taeng.” Because when he looks at her, all he could see was what he would put her through. He shouldn’t risk her. He said in an undertone, “Leave me.” She sees how his eyes batted away saying that and touched his hands, feeling how his fingers wrapped tightly behind his back.

“How could this be enough? Don’t lie to me. Don’t cross your fingers. Please.”

She repeated over and over again as she cried on his chest.

Please, please, please.

He had nothing left other than his call for duty. His honorable debts he owed to his Godfather and Dong Wook. It is all too burdensome for any future with her. Seeing her in the short moments he had lasted now is enough.

          He brought her to sleep and waited till she woke up. It was now in the late afternoon and she sees his belongings packed. She hugged him tight and followed him to his car. That night he walked with her to the beach in Jeonju, holding tightly against her soft palms as they both held back their cries. He stopped before the sea and walked with her, taking her sandals. It was the first time Taeyeon has been there to see it.

“I like you calling me Leeteuk,” he suddenly confessed, tugging her cold hands into his pocket. She rested her head on his shoulders, “I'd give anything not to have to go back,” he told her again. As they reach the end where the sight overlooked the bridge, he slowly let go of her hands. “Thank you, Leeteuk,” she says with her eyes closed. “For showing me everything, for bringing me here,” her tears fell relentlessly as she remembered his letters. She knew it; she knew this would be their last night. She restrained herself from holding onto him, even though her heart felt like it needed him. It needed his warmth. And for every touch, it calmed her.

They reached back to his house, he wanted to tuck her into bed as he leaves but she declined. She had feared waking up without him since he left.

“I am so sorry Taeyeon,” he said at the door of the villa."I wish you well with my brother." Taeyeon felt unforeseen tears welling up in her eyes.

“Then just do one thing for me before you go,” she pleaded. Her hands came over his chest as she neared him. He felt her strong grip not allowing him to leave. . Just close your eyes. Her eyes closed as she felt his warm breath over her ear, and she could feel they way he hesitates to say those words. His mouth came over towards her face and he slowly leaned in. She felt his lips upon her eyes as tears flood her cheeks. He kissed them again and again, tearfully bidding her goodbye. She hugged him, her face buried in his neck, and she whispered, “Please forgive me. Please come back to me. I will wait for you. I need you, love.” Softly crying, she felt him gently releasing his hands from hers. When she opened her eyes, he was gone.

Goodbye, she whispered.

He could not bear his tears the moment he reached the car. It torments him that he had to leave her, yet again. He dared to look back, to take in every part of her for the last time. After almost a decade, he wanted to remember the changes, to finally catch her tears, the petals of her lips.