Five days.

I've lasted five days without Minjeong.

Recalling the day she left, I thought I'd barely make it past the first day.

I don't think we've ever been separated this long before. Parang hindi ko na alam kung paano ako kikilos pag wala siya. Isipin niyo, simula first year hanggang ngayon, araw-araw kaming nagkakasama sa apartment. If given another chance to be away from her, I won't let it. Next time, sasama ako. Hangga't maaari.

Ngayon, alam ko na yung feeling na kumain magisa. Nakakalungkot manood ng mga nakakatawang palabas and she's nowhere near for me to look at while I laugh. Yung gigising akong gutom na gutom tapos walang breakfast na naka-handa. Hindi lang si Minjeong ang miss ko kundi ang special peanut butter and jelly sandwich na lagi niyang pinaghahandaan para sa akin.

Five days and only two days more.

Sana kayanin pa nung lakers hoodie niyang limang gabi ko nang sinusuot sa pagtulog...pawala na yung amoy eh.

Tapos yung basong pinaginuman niya ng tubig bago umalis hindi ko pa hinuhugasan. Andun pa rin sa kitchen counter.

Dugyot ko ba? Huhu sorry na...

Habang hinihintay si Sir Romy ngayon sa class, napapaisip ako kung ano ang magandang gawin paguwi ni Minjeong. Dahil dadalhin niya ang Jimny, pagod siya most likely pagdating ng Maynila. Gusto ko sana maranasan yung tinatawag nilang late night drive pero next time na 'yun. Mas mahalaga yung pahinga niya. Perhaps we can watch a movie nalang sa room ko ulit. To be honest, catching up with her is enough. Gusto ko siyang kamustahin about sa mga nangyari sa kanila, Lolo niya, and with everything else going on in her life during the week we're apart.

But that isn't my only concern. Iniisip ko din kung paano ako kikilos pag nakasama ko siya ulit. Ever since her confession, I'm aware I've been wary, mindful, awkward, and conscious towards her. Sometimes, the confidence takes over me knowing ako lang ang gusto niya, that's why I can't help but shatter nervously because I am reminded that this person that I like, who happens to feel the same way, is not just anyone but my best friend.

Minjeong isn't just anyone, you hear me? She's beyond everything.

God knows ilang beses kong inoverthink ang scenario na kapag naging kami na. How will that affect our friendship? What if mag-break kami? Kung sila Yunjin at Chaewon hindi nagpapansinan kapag badtrip sa isa't isa, ganun din ba kami? Memedyasan pa rin ba ako ni Minjeong kahit galit siya sa akin? Lumaki lalo ang mata ko—sa isang kama nalang ba kami matutulog kapag kami na? And will our first kiss be awkward?

I sigh.

To have Minjeong as my first kiss...that's always been the plan. 

Curious tuloy ako kung ano ang magiging dynamic namin romantically. Sana talaga compatible kami.

"Apologies, class." Dumating na si Sir, hinihingal at pinagpapawisan. "Grabe yung traffic." 

We greeted him back at hinayaan muna siyang mag-settle.

"Alright," He began. "So, ang agenda ko lang naman for today ay idiscuss ang inyong magiging finals. It's a big one kaya dapat as much as possible, nasisimulan niyo na siya ngayon."

Hmm...

"Bubuo kayo ng isang short story—3k words ang minimum entry," He paused, clearing his throat. "And then I'll have each of you find a pair to work with. Now, keep in mind, 4th year na kayo. This should be your sixteenth year of studying—quality is all I ask."

Noted po.

"Take note, this will be submitted to Austria's Young Pulitzer Conference that will be held in 2024 next year. Kapag napili ang entries niyo...edi wow." Natawa ang buong klase. "Any questions?"

Liz raised her hand. "Sir, english po?" Tumango si Sir Romy. "Kami din po ba bahala sa theme? Bale about kahit saan po?"

"Yes, kayong bahala sa theme. Feel free to write about anything basta maayos yan," He took another pause. "And this is Creative Writing—please lang, be creative—write something no one has ever read before."

Si Jeno naman ang nagtaas ng kamay. "Sir, curious lang po. Kailangan talaga 3k words?"

"Ah, I believe this is the tricky part—yung minimum word count. Nadadamihan ba kayo sa 3k words? Hindi. Minsan kulang pa 'yan. Kung hindi man kayo umabot, sige. I'll still grade it. Pero yung mga sumunod lang ang isusubmit ko sa conference. Understood?"

"Opo, Sir." We all responded. 

"Sige," He said. "Kung wala nang questions, I'll allot the remaining time of our class para makapaghanap na kayo ng mga ka-pair niyo. 'Pag meron na, andito lang ako sa harap. Submit to me your names in a 1/4 sheet of yellow paper and an excerpt of what you and your partner will plan to write. Klaro ba ang lahat?" The class simultaneously affirmed. "Okay, good."

While taking out my envelope case that contains all my yellow papers, pansin kong may mga nakatingin sa akin.

Oh no, wag ako.

"Rina?" I felt a tap on my shoulder as I was about to write my partner's name down. "May partner ka na?"

"Uh, mero-"

"Liz wag ka na," Pagtulak ni Rei dito para makausap ako. "Tayo nalang beh!"

"I'm sorry, may partner na a-"

"Rina, ampunin mo naman ako, sige na!" Ngayon si Jaemin naman.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jeno slowly making his way towards Sir Romy along with his yellow sheet of paper. Why do I suddenly feel threatened? Pansin ko rin na patingin-tingin siya sa pwesto ko. Don't tell me he's also going to–

Hindi na ako nagsayang pa ng oras at mabilisang isinulat ang pangalan ng partner ko. Pagkatapos, dumeretso na ako sa harapan, ignoring Rei, Liz, and Jaemin.

"Winter Kim!" Jeno and I simultaneously said, slamming our papers on Sir Romy's desk. The whole scene felt like a race, making the whole class look our way. 

Sir Romy, puzzled by our stormy approach, cleared his throat. Kinuha niya yung papel namin ni Jeno at tinignan. "Mukhang in demand si Miss Kim ah..." He said, surprised. "Unfortunately, she can only end up with one of you. Who's it gonna be?"

"Sir, nauna po ako." Jeno said, making me scoff.

"Sir, ako po ang nauna." I fought back.

"Technically, walang nauna sa inyo," He says. "Hindi ba't nanghihingi din ako ng excerpt? Pangalan niyo lang ni Miss Kim ang nandito. Bumalik kayo sa akin kapag nalagay niyo na-"

"Hope and helplessness," Jeno blurted out. It must be the theme he wants to write about. 

I didn't back down.

"Love," I impulsively pitched—Minjeong came to mind when I said it.

"You guys are going to have to give me more than that, you know." He crossed his arms, hindi natutuwa sa amin. "Return to your seats now-"

"I want to write about the one person we'll always have feelings for no matter what. Yung tipong siya pa rin talaga kahit anong gawin natin—kahit sino pang kausapin o kitain natin," Bakit feel ko may pinanghuhugutan 'tong si Jeno? "Ito yung sinasabi nilang stuck in love with one person and the only thing you can do about it is to hope—na umasa."

Jeno finished pitching his piece on the spot. Ako naman ang tinignan ni Sir.

Napalunok ako. I looked around the class and everyone's looking at me. I hate this. Biglang nawala yung confidence ko. Alam ko naman ang gusto kong i-pitch pero hindi ko masabi. Not like this, and not in front of everyone.

"S-sir...pwede po bang mag-individual nalang?"

-

I am very much dissappointed in myself. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa akin. I buffered. And I'm too mad to even look at Minjeong's messages. For sure nasabihan na siya ni Jeno about the project and is probably wondering kung bakit hindi ko siya kinuha.

Well, I chickened out. That is why I'm here sulking in the bathroom stall like a baby. Kainis, putangina. In my talunan era nanaman.

Anyway, going solo it is—can't do anything about it na.

Tuloy-tuloy ang pag-vibrate ng phone ko: new messages from Bestiebabes 😗 and MJ ❤️

Ayoko muna tignan yung kay Minjeong. Kay Chaewon muna ang titignan ko.

Bestiebabes 😗: Akla san k 

Me: Nakahiga sa riles

Bestiebabes 😗: Teh anong kadramahan yan HAHAHA

I sigh.

Bestiebabes 😗: Hu00y reply naman jan sis

Bestiebabes 😗: Kain tayo

Me: Can't today huhu 

Bestiebabes 😗: Luhh whyKket?? Okei ka lang?

Hindi ako nagreply.

A minute later...

Bestiebabes 😗: Babe ko, where you at? Puntahan ka namin. Have dinner with us! - yunjin

Oh, magkasama sila. 

Me: Not hugry guyss :(( Next time nalang?

Bestiebabes 😗: RINA ISA

Bestiebabes 😗: Hinahanap ka ni win sa amin btw

Me: Wag niyo muna replayan plss later na

Bestiebabes 😗: Ay, LQ kayo??

Me: Just not in the mood :)) Tell win busy lang ako 🙏🏻

Bestiebabes 😗: Then you'll have to tell us where you are 😾 - yunjin

Ugh, these girls. 

Me: Eto na

Me: Kitain ko kayo sa gate 4.

Just as I was about to leave my cubicle, I heard two girls come in. Nanatili ako sa loob nang mabanggit ang pangalan ng roommate ko.

"Grabe, lakas ni Winter," A familiar voice said. "Sila Karina at Jeno na yun ha..."

Oh, mga kaklase ko siguro 'to kanina. Bumalik nanaman ang kahihiyan ko.

Sumilip ako saglit sa maliit na pagitan ng pintuan ng stall ko. Si Liz at Rei lang pala. Sa CR pa talaga nag-chismisan 'tong mga 'to.

"Ano bang meron sa kanya?" Liz wondered. "Parang 'di ko pa siya nakikita."

"Ka-block natin 'yun nung first year, 'di mo maalala?" Rei responded.

"Teka, tinatandaan ko–"

"Yung loner lagi..." Kumunot ang noo ko. Minjeong isn't a loner, she just likes to be alone. "Yung president ng math at chess–"

"Ah, kilala ko na! Yung inaano ni Vicky dati?" Inaano? Anong inaano? And who's Vicky? "Pero in fairness dun kay Win, grabe glow-up niya ha–"

"Kaya siguro patay na patay pa rin si Jeno,"  Rei said, making me buffer, not wa