[ sanctuary - joji ]
Five years is all it takes.
"Have you finally found someone else?" is what you ask every time you see me again, like you're not making it painfully obvious that I should find someone else other than you.
How can you say that, when you're all I want?
For five years, it had been a stern and sure no.
A no of disagreement, a no that says you're still the one.
Five years, that's all it took.
"Yes." I utter, and immediately a smile draws upon your face, your lips curving upwards, and I know that you're smiling because of me—not because of the thought that I'm yours, but the thought that I already found someone else.
That I've already moved on from you.
"That's good." you utter, and the smile never disappears from your lips, those lips that I miss the most, almost being my favorite thing in the world—but those lips are not mine anymore.
"Who's the lucky one?" you ask, but I dare not answer—how can I answer that question when it took me five years to replace you?
No, the lie tastes bitter against my lips—I dare not repeat it again.
"Why..." I ask, not really sure what to say, not really sure how I'm doing, or if I'm already hurting you just for being here.
"Why are you doing this?" I finally ask, and you let out a sigh, one of multiple different expressions and emotions at once.
"I just wanted to make sure you're happy before I make a move for myself, Rina." you say, doing that same habit of you putting your chin upon your hand, staring at me like you're waiting for an answer.
"Even if it took five years?" I ask, and there you smile again.
"Even if it took forever."
If you've been waiting for falling in love
The sentence breaks my heart into little pieces—have I kept you caged like this?
"Baby..." I utter absentmindedly, and a flash of hesitation drifts upon your eyes, but you and I know it's not enough.
No, I beg that it's enough.
That I could come back.
"Karina, I..." You utter, not really sure what to do next, and I make the move.
"What if it really takes forever to replace you? Or what if I can't replace you at all?" I ask, and you just stare at my eyes, hoping that it's all a bluff, hoping that I'm only joking—
No, I'm not joking, Winter.
"Then don't replace me." You say, and one second you're in front of me, and the next I find your familiar lips on mine.
"You don't have to wait on me." I utter, pulling you into that embrace, into that warm feeling you had withheld from me for five years, one that I had been trying to find.
All of it is in you.
"So... did you really find someone else?" you utter, and I let out a chuckle as I shake my head, for it is only a desperate lie I've come up in front of you—my answer once again brings a smile on your lips, one that I want to kiss again.
"It's always been you."
Not anyone, you're the one
More than fun
You're my sanctuary.